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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by crushedout on January 9, 2005, at 16:50:45
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by fires on January 9, 2005, at 13:17:54
> > Then why do you come at all? That's very confusing to me, that you would not heed such advice.
>
> Knowledge of what these sites are about, allow me to see them in the proper light.That might explain why you read the site, but not so much why you would post on it.
Posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 19:35:25
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? » fires, posted by crushedout on January 9, 2005, at 16:50:45
Setting aside the admin board, my button pushers have more to do with my own insecurities and are purely coincidental to the site. The content of posts doesn't bother me; feeling alone in cyberspace sometimes does.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 9, 2005, at 19:44:15
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:38:39
Mair for me I find I am annoyed and skip over posts by some posters because I am trying to stay within civil here...but how.....because well I don't think I can say..I will say dislike mean, selfish and rude people in life
> I know some of us have to limit our participation here from time to time because participation may create more emotional upheaval than benefits. An obvious one might be the contentious admin battles which might trigger an aversion to contentious discussions. Maybe you hate to see Bob attacked. Maybe you think he's done something to you or another poster which you think is unfair. Maybe you hate to see people you think of as friends fighting with one another. Maybe you feel attacked or are afraid you will be attacked when the atmosphere seems hostile or emotionally charged.
>
> I have my own ideas about what makes me sometimes feel insecure here. I'd be really curious as to what some of the other "button pushers" are for others, particularly on the other boards. Are they only that you're afraid you'll read one of those "triggering" posts?
>
> Mair
Posted by Joslynn on January 10, 2005, at 10:47:13
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:38:39
Things that bother me...
Posts that sound like someone lecturing in an infomercial, e.g., "Just pull yourself up by our bootstraps! I did it, and so can you! Yay!" This makes me feel like some people do not understand depression and think that a quick fix will work. I do think that positive thinking is great by the way, but if someone is severely depressed, I don't think a glib, motivational poster comment is going to help, especially when it sounds blaming.
It also upsets me when people post about getting sexually involved with their Ts as if that is an ok, normal thing, especially when other posters have a congratulatory tone. This has happened with a few posters and I just worry that it may give newbies the impression that it is ok for Ts to use their clientele as a dating base. I also think that those posters are going to get hurt down the line, as good as it may feel at the time. I understand the temptation very much.
I must admit, I also get tired of Dr. Bob saying double double quotes all the time. I think we all know how to use Amazon to find a book! If we can naviagate this site, I'm sure we can figure out how to do that. But I guess it's a $ thing, and since this site is free, I guess I can't blame Dr. Bob for wanting to recoup some funds.
Overall though, this is a good source of honesty and info. I lurk more than I post, but I always learn something.
Posted by Joslynn on January 10, 2005, at 11:41:03
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Joslynn on January 10, 2005, at 10:47:13
I hope the post about getting sexually involved with Ts didn't sound self-righteous. I completely understand the temptation. It is more the Ts who make me sad and mad, not the clients who become involved. I just feel like the Ts should know better, especially when marriage is involved. And that other posters should point this out rather than congratulate someone.
Posted by crushedout on January 10, 2005, at 11:44:06
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Joslynn on January 10, 2005, at 11:41:03
I agree with you, Joslynn, but it makes me feel bad because I've probably been guilty of congratulating. Or maybe I was just envious. I can't remember. I can't help feeling envious, can I?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 10, 2005, at 12:50:28
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Joslynn on January 10, 2005, at 10:47:13
Joslynn,
Thank you for being the first to bring up the inappropriate T behavior and the congratulating. I was too afraid to post that for some reason. But really, that is what really pushes my buttons sometimes around here. It makes me so sad to know that people are being taken advantage of by their Ts, that they are not receiving the care they deserve, but yet think their situation is fine.
Perhaps I tune into this because I have such strict boundaries with my T. And then the congratulating begins and it is so distressing.
Posted by crushedout on January 10, 2005, at 13:09:57
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? » Joslynn, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 10, 2005, at 12:50:28
Wait, I don't think this is completely fair. I think the majority of responders to these sorts of posts have expressed concern. I actually don't think that many people were congratulatory (and if I was one of them, I bow my head in shame).But let's be fair to our community. Most of us (you) have expressed appropriate levels of concern, but also support (sometimes this can seem like they're supporting what's happening when in fact it's just trying not to alienate the "victim" or whatever you want to call her, which certainly wouldn't help matters).
C'mon somebody else help me out here.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 10, 2005, at 13:18:13
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? » Miss Honeychurch, posted by crushedout on January 10, 2005, at 13:09:57
Very true, Crushed. The majority have expressed concern, support, etc. Maybe I sounded too generalized and exagerrated. I just meant to say that when this does happen, however seldom it does happen, that it really pushes my buttons. They distress me so much that they stick out in my mind the most
Sorry if I sounded harsh. This is why I was afraid to post this thought.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 10, 2005, at 17:47:04
In reply to Back on Topic, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 19:35:25
Lol this is a very hard topic to stick to and stay civil that is why ***I spoke in a general way as not to point out and make obvious which posters are guilty of the things that push my buttons***..Thing is if I posted what did bother me that poster or those posters would KNOW that they are the ones that annoy me and what would the point be in making them feel badly be? So again rude, cruel and selfish people annoy me in all walks of life not in here only. The way I look at it we are all adults in here far as I know and well I just ignore posts by those who post what I feel they will never overcome.
But I will say I do agree with the person who said the double quotes thing for Amazon.com..I do not know how to double quote but I like Barnes and Nobel better so it isn't a big bug but annoys me.
Posted by TofuEmmy on January 10, 2005, at 19:50:20
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:38:39
I read this whole thread, and got strssed out. Then I thought, "Why in the world would I WANT to sit here and spend time thinking up a list of the things that annoy me?". It's annoying.
emmy :-)
Posted by crushedout on January 10, 2005, at 19:55:25
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by TofuEmmy on January 10, 2005, at 19:50:20
Posted by alexandra_k on January 10, 2005, at 20:55:36
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by alexandra_k on January 9, 2005, at 14:47:45
I guess it is good to know what people do find triggering...
Posted by annierose on January 10, 2005, at 22:20:09
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? » Miss Honeychurch, posted by crushedout on January 10, 2005, at 13:09:57
Hi Crushed -
Yes, I have expressed concerned for the poster, but I don't hold their choices against them. The poster we are talking about is nothing but supportive to most of the people who post on this and the other boards. She is very nice (just lives a little on the edge). And that's okay with me!!
Posted by judy1 on January 10, 2005, at 23:20:35
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:38:39
ah triggering posts. mostly I think it's some people who deliberately inflame, kind of hit and run. it's why I just tend to read posts that are written by people I know (like you :-), and don't even open ones written by people I don't recognize. which is probably unfair, but having been burned several times and reacting in a self-harming fashion, I finally have learned. we've talked before how some of us are 'exquisitely' sensitive- I know I certainly fit that category.
take care, judy
Posted by TofuEmmy on January 10, 2005, at 23:32:53
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? » crushedout, posted by annierose on January 10, 2005, at 22:20:09
I guess this is the problem with a post about touchy subjects...things get touchy.
Perhaps if we step back and remember that it's not a single poster we are talking about. I can easily think of 3 in the last few months who have posted on this topic. And I'd imagine there are others who post here who were not able to admit T relationships became physical. And yet others with these relationships who are lurkers.
So, it isn't just that one poster who I assume people are talking about, right? It's the general topic of therapists who sleep with their patients. That is a difficult topic for a lot of us, for different reasons.
emmy
Posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 8:30:24
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons? T's and px's, posted by TofuEmmy on January 10, 2005, at 23:32:53
Yes, I wasn't talking about a single poster. I could think of more than one.
Posted by Joslynn on January 11, 2005, at 9:50:23
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons? T's and px's, posted by TofuEmmy on January 10, 2005, at 23:32:53
Yes to answer your question, the cases of violations I remember were not just one individual. And I do not want to gang up on the client, it's the Ts who I want to "gang up" on, if that makes sense.
Now that I think about it, it may not have been just this board, maybe it was another one??? Social? I don't even remember all the names involved.
It is the T's behavior that pushes my buttons, not the clients. And it is the congratulations of other posts that pushed my buttons too. I thought it would give the wrong idea to lurkers or newbies and let the Ts "off the hook," so to speak. I think what the Ts are doing is a form of abuse.
But let me make one thing clear, I totally understand why a person would want to get physically intimate with a T! Completely. But it horrifies me that some Ts take advantage of this. If I didn't understand that temptation, the posts wouldn't upset me so much. It's like, there but for the grace of God go I, except that I was lucky enough to have someome professional who didn't take advantage of me and add a new problem to my existing ones.
I don''t blame the clients, I blame the Ts. And as someone who believes it's wrong (along with all the professional organizations who monitor these things) I feel like I should speak up and say it's wrong, the Ts are acting out terribly.
Posted by judy1 on January 11, 2005, at 17:56:11
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Joslynn on January 10, 2005, at 11:41:03
I've been away from the board for a while and haven't read about recent boundary crossings between therps and clients. as a former victim that took years to recover, I can't imagine that anyone actually thinks that this is acceptable behavior on the part of a pdoc or therp. perhaps I didn't understand your post?
thanks, judy
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 19:16:43
In reply to Did that actually happen? » Joslynn, posted by judy1 on January 11, 2005, at 17:56:11
Posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11
In reply to What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:38:39
My buttons get pushed when I start a thread and only get a few answers. It makes me feel sort of rejected or something like that, or like others belong here and i don't. Or "unpopular," i.e. no one likes me *sniffle sniffle.* (how childish is that?!)
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 12, 2005, at 1:19:35
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11
> My buttons get pushed when I start a thread and only get a few answers. It makes me feel sort of rejected or something like that, or like others belong here and i don't. Or "unpopular," i.e. no one likes me *sniffle sniffle.* (how childish is that?!)
LG, sometimes these are true cases <if you babble cliques you will see it goes way back> but in your case its not true you are well liked on here and I listen to you..sometimes on a subject I do not have an answer or its way out of my area so i just read and pass on..and no it is not childish its very human
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 5:22:39
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11
Chuckle. Well, in your case I can provide an answer about myself if no one else. :)
The topic of losing your therapist is such a button pusher to me that I have to be in a really really stable mood to tackle it in more than a general commiserating short reply. And I usually think my comments would be more unhelpful than helpful.
That's usually the reason for my responses or lack thereof. I've got a big mouth and find the topic of therapy fascinating. So if I don't reply it's usually because a) I'm in a bad place (in which case I usually catch up eventually and reply late) b) By the time I get there, others have replied comprehensively and I don't feel I could add anything c) It's not a topic that I can really relate to or d) It's a topic that I can relate to a bit too well.
:)
I can't think of a single PB Psychology poster that I choose not to reply to based on who they are. No, not a single one. I can, however, think of a few that no matter how bad I'm feeling, I try to read because they've been such a steady and constant source of support in my life.
Posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 7:01:13
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11
I don't think it's childish at all and probably more typical than you might think. I sometimes think that the best way for a thread to end is for me to post on it.
And I don't think that those of us who have insecurities about fitting in, park those at the door when we come to this site.
Mair
Posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 8:01:11
In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11
> My buttons get pushed when I start a thread and only get a few answers. It makes me feel sort of rejected or something like that, or like others belong here and i don't. Or "unpopular," i.e. no one likes me *sniffle sniffle.
Me too, even though intellectually I know it's not true.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
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