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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shrinking violet on October 12, 2004, at 17:31:26
Hi everyone,
Forgive me if this comes off as ignorant, but I've read a lot of posts that refer to clients working with their "inner child" in therapy. The therapists talks to this little person, and sometimes the client "lets her out."
Could someone clarify what this technique is all about? Does a certain kind of T or therapy focus on this aspect, or can any therapy infuse it? What, exactly, is it supposed to address/help?
I've pretty much known for a long time that I'm emotionally younger than most people my age. My T confirmed it. Part of me sort of likes feeling/appearing younger, but some of me I guess is self-conscious/shameful about it, and I often wonder if I'll ever "catch up." I just wondered if there was a connection between emotionally-arrested people and the "inner child" type of therapy, or if it's something else all together.
Any thoughts, opinions, experiences, etc would help.
Thanks,
-SV
Posted by Aphrodite on October 12, 2004, at 18:35:16
In reply to So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;), posted by shrinking violet on October 12, 2004, at 17:31:26
I wondered the same thing when my T first mentioned it. Basically, my inner child is the one who carries the pain from the past and reacts from those primitive places. New threats feel like old threats , and my inner child reacts by crying and wanting primal sorts of comfort. Everyone has an inner child. A healthy one comes out when we act silly, play, live in the moment, etc. Often those young parts of ourselves are the ones who need healing. I learned a lot by reading and doing the exercises in "Recovery of Your Inner Child : The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self"
Lots of people on this board will be able to speak more authoritatively on the subject. This is just my experience. I've found it to be very eye-opening to connect to my inner child.
Posted by daisym on October 12, 2004, at 19:24:15
In reply to So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;), posted by shrinking violet on October 12, 2004, at 17:31:26
Sometimes inner child work is also referred to as regression and it is mostly done by therapists who are psychodynamically oriented, vs. CBT. The idea here is to go back and try to heal what happened at a particular point in the past.
Other folks, like me, find that they have disassociated parts at different age states. These ego-states actually are "stuck" in the age where they were shunted off. They often hold the memories and the feelings of trauma and neglect. They can be accessed at times, with voices completely of their own. Typically these are younger parts of yourself that had to be dissociated because the emotional impact of what was happening was too huge to understand or cope with.
This is different from more extreme cases of DID, where personalities actually take over the body or are experienced as very separate entities. This use to be called multi-personality disorder and happens when the abuse is severe and happens when a child is very young, and/or over a long period of time and there are no redeeming factors in the child's life.
Some people have separated their emotional state (which could be younger) and their more practical sides. And other people experience trauma and never have this happen to them.
You didn't ask this but I want to throw in here that I was absolutely shocked to find this out about myself. I resisted admitting to feeling younger for months, even though my therapist would notice and ask questions or label the emotions for me. In a particularly emotional session, he asked to talk to her. And she talked back! I was aware of what was happening but I felt her need to talk and couldn't stop her. I have to tell you I was really upset that he "did this to me." I asked him why he started talking to her and his answer was that he could feel her in the room with us, that she was right there and needed to have her say. It has taken me months to get use to this concept but I'm trying to not resist it too much. It is still hard for me to talk about her, me, us, and our's. :)
Not all therapist believe in this or want to work this way. One of the best exercises we did was the two-voice writing. You let your adult talk to your child. And you just free flow write, don't edit yourself. See what comes up. It might surprise you.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 12, 2004, at 20:04:15
In reply to Re: So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;) » shrinking violet, posted by Aphrodite on October 12, 2004, at 18:35:16
Aphrodite,
That book sounds so cool I just had to order it! Thanks for posting about it.
gg
Posted by 64bowtie on October 12, 2004, at 22:28:51
In reply to Re: So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;), posted by daisym on October 12, 2004, at 19:24:15
1. Id = that essence of self centered in childhood and/or adults with childlike behaviors, feelings, and motives, created theoretically by Sigmund Freud. Note: childlike characteristics lack responsibility and self-respect.
2. Jackie Schiff, "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden", pioneered regression therapy, taking clients back as far as age six months.
3. Eric Berne, in "Games People Play", and "What Do You After You Say Hello", pioneered archtype of the "child" ego state, sometimes malighned as a rehash of the "id" created by Freud. Eric Berne was a USA military shrink during WW2 in Europe. By the time he started writing books in the 60's, he had modelled many therapy styles, and dismissed many as useless. "Transactional Analysis" worked on personality in the here-and-now; no hiding out till the next therapy session, and the next, and the next, and the next. The clients attention was held by the group and interactions were fair game for analysis diagrams by any member of the group. Having the immediate responses by the (equals) group members, allows the client to see and recognize the behaviors that messed up their interactions in relationships. When a client sees themselves acting out inappropriately, the feedback being immediate, the message would be clear. This is discovering the inner child, that had continually sabotaged the client in all their adult interactions.
See? I do get myself in trouble about this topic. I don't provide "feel-goods" to placate.
Rod
Posted by daisym on October 12, 2004, at 22:36:53
In reply to Boy do I get in trouble talking about inner-child, posted by 64bowtie on October 12, 2004, at 22:28:51
You were doing fine presenting "the other side" until that last sentence. I don't need to be placated. My experience is my own. You have yours. I respect that. You would probably hate my therapist. He is perfect for me.
sigh. So close...
Posted by 64bowtie on October 12, 2004, at 22:44:15
In reply to Re: Boy do I get in trouble talking about inner-child, posted by daisym on October 12, 2004, at 22:36:53
Daisy,
I wasn't singling out anybody, nor their therapists....
Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on October 12, 2004, at 22:45:52
In reply to Re: Re: Boy do I get in trouble » daisym, posted by 64bowtie on October 12, 2004, at 22:44:15
Posted by daisym on October 12, 2004, at 23:25:40
In reply to Re: So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;) » shrinking violet, posted by Aphrodite on October 12, 2004, at 18:35:16
I'll have to revisit this with my therapist but it is my impression that he really doesn't go for the generic "inner child" stuff. He believes in dissociated states, etc. and works with it very closely, as you know. Integration is our goal, though not everyone's.
I'll make a note to ask him tomorrow.
Posted by shortelise on October 13, 2004, at 9:54:23
In reply to So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;), posted by shrinking violet on October 12, 2004, at 17:31:26
Violet, I can't tell you any theory, only how it felt and feels to me.
When talking about feelings, I would find that I'd sort of go to a place where I was not exactly the present day me, but a place where those feelings seemed to live in me - maybe the genesis of the feelings.
My therapist made it clear that it was ok to go there and feel those feelings.
It was confusing often because I would feel things in different terms than I do usually - when they were really early things, and there is a very strong, terribly influential core feeling that comes from then, I am pre-verbal, so it's hard to do anything but just sit in the feeling as I have no words to express it. Other times, I am in myself at other ages, looking at feelings I had at other times, and I express them in a vocabulary that is appropriate to that time and age.
It isn't only bad feelings. There are lots of wonderful feelings, feelings of joy, as well as sorrow, fear, etc.
I think what happens to some of us, it sure did to me, is that we are not allowed to feel these feelings at the time, we can't handle them for whatever reason, we don't get the feedback from our caregivers that we need to feel them, so they remain in us, sort of like a lump in the gravy.
In therapy I would find one of them and I'd go there, feel it, stand in it, be - what maybe eight years old? And talk. My T saw and helped me through whatever it was. Because I was eight, and could not really understand what was going on. For me, it takes a witness, someone to listen, to makes sense of it, and help me look at it from my present emotional age.
This may be nonsense to anyone else, but maybe it could help.
ShortE
Posted by Aphrodite on October 13, 2004, at 11:38:13
In reply to Re: So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;) » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on October 12, 2004, at 20:04:15
The exercises were both tough to do and enlightening. I think you'll like it. Let me know, OK?
Posted by Aphrodite on October 13, 2004, at 11:40:14
In reply to Re: So what's all this 'inner child' stuff? ;) » Aphrodite, posted by daisym on October 12, 2004, at 23:25:40
It all gets confusing to me. I guess I'm using inner child and ego states interchangably but probably shouldn't. From the book I mentioned, you can have "inner children" who are at different ages and stages which sounds like what you and I do a lot of. I'll be interested in your T's response.
Posted by 64bowtie on October 13, 2004, at 14:28:42
In reply to my experience » shrinking violet, posted by shortelise on October 13, 2004, at 9:54:23
SE,
> I would find that I'd sort of go to a place where I was not exactly the present day me, but a place where those feelings seemed to live in me - maybe the genesis of the feelings.
> ...
> It was confusing often because I would feel things in different terms than I do usually - when they were really early things, and there is a very strong, terribly influential core feeling that comes from then, I am pre-verbal, so it's hard to do anything but just sit in the feeling as I have no words to express it.
> ...<<< ...the trick is for us to always come back from that place you describe. What happens if we don't? Perhaps internal-conflictedness continues? Without our therapist's guidance, can we escape from the trap of internal-conflict? When we begin to escape, a light opens up at the end of a long tunnel, and we become aware of "freedom" from the torment and the torture. "Freedom" then draws us toward itself, urging us to overcome our habits and proclivities of dysfunction. We might loose a "friend" or two, but we are after a life of our own, finally, as adults.
Rod
Posted by shortelise on October 13, 2004, at 17:46:12
In reply to Re: your experience » shortelise, posted by 64bowtie on October 13, 2004, at 14:28:42
Rod
What if we don't come back? Hm. I guess that's where the trust in the therapist comes in? I'm willing to go there because I trust he'll help me through it and back?
The idea of "not coming back from there" doesn't really register with me. Or does it. Let me think ...
I think it would mean that the feelings just don't get resolved and I go on as before. And I think I must have done that on lots of levels.I do not think that without a therapist I can "escape the trap of internal conflictedness". I think that the conflict that remains within will be there after I have terminated with this therapist (which we are in the process of after six years), that I am not able to resolve it on my own because it's just another leaf among those fallen - I don't recognize it.
I wish I could look at the therapy I've done as clearly as some of you seem to, lain out behind you neatly analysed and understood. For me it's so ... what? Just felt? It's as though I've tumbled through it, head over heels, coaxed on by gravity, trying all the while to get through it without too many bruises. At very few points have I said, ah, I'm going through the blah blah phase.
Yes, change in one's self does engender change in the people around one - and some are not up for it, so, off they go, sometimes with a boot in the behind.
Hope this makes sense. Thanks for the response. It means a lot.
ShortE
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