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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
Has anybody asked their T's direct questions such as
Do you like me?
Do I frustrate you?
What do you think is slowing down my progress?
How do I disapoint you?or others of that nature. I am thinking of asking my T some of the above because I can't seem to gage what he actually thinks sometimes. I am not sure if he would answer, but I think he would. And would I want to knwo the answer???
Thoughts??
Rubenstein
Posted by wheeler on October 8, 2004, at 10:08:46
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
Hi Rubenstein,
Yes, I have asked her very direct questions, although it was in a a very indirect manner! I wrote them in my journal.I often give her my journal every few months. Sometimes we talk about what I wrote and sometimes we don't. But there was an entry one day where I had put a list of questions that were roaming around in my head.
To my surprise she thought they were good questions and she answered them all. My questions were similiar in nature to yours:
Are you going to leave me?
How long can I see you?
Do you regret taking me as a client?Her answers were very helpful and I was able to relax about our relationship (atleast for a little while!!)
Wheeler
Posted by Daisym on October 8, 2004, at 10:25:23
In reply to Re: Direct Questions, posted by wheeler on October 8, 2004, at 10:08:46
I ask these kinds of questions all the time! (and feel completely ridiculous, btw. I'm a grown woman and I feel like an adolescent: "do you like me?")
Yesterday, after a very hard session, I called a couple of hours later and said, "this is the panic after call asking if you are OK with what came out. I need to know if you are upset with me." He called back, and we talked for only 2 or 3 minutes but he let me know that he was glad I was able to tell him stuff and he was totally OK with it.
You are not alone in these feelings, so go ahead and ask. But be prepared for the "what are you imagining I'll say?" or "Have I made you feel in some way like I don't?" questions.
Good luck!
Posted by LittleGirlLost on October 8, 2004, at 12:06:08
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
Sorry I can't help you. I don't ask my T any questions at all... not even ones I want to. Guess this is something for me to work on as well.
Posted by shortelise on October 9, 2004, at 0:49:12
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
Absolutely yes.
Er, do I?
Hm.
Maybe I sayt hings like, I think you're angry and frustrated with me. And he says (bless his balding little heart) Are you asking me if I am angry and frustrated with you?
Most of the time that is.
I am sometimes comfortable with asking him this kind of question. It's hard because I feel vulnerable, like, so I ask him if he likes me, what if he does this big long song and dance about WHY do I want to know, HOW would it make me feel to know, ad nauseum, and then I might feel like he HATES me and is just trying to get out of having to LIE to me.
But that's only on bad days.I have had a lot of bad days. Happily, fewer now.
It's so hard to ask these questions, they're sometimes a road map to our pale, tender underbellies. But I think that a need to ask them may be an indication of growing trust.
ShortE
Posted by Annierose on October 9, 2004, at 7:52:30
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
These and other questions are ones I would love to ask. But it is so hard. She has answered some of them just in our conversations. And when I do get brave enough to ask something directly, I make her promise not to answer with another question! But sometimes she does anyway. They can't help themselves.
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 8:24:05
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
I'd burst if I couldn't.
And my therapist takes care to answer honestly while also being careful of my feelings.
Posted by tinydancer on October 9, 2004, at 10:31:53
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
Oh boy....
First off, I think T's appreciate being asked direct questions. That's making their job a whole lot easier. It is also a way of establishing trust. However.....
I've asked my T a whole lot. I love to ask him questions and spend half my time in the therapy room asking him tons of questions, because I find him fascinating. Just read back in time on some of my posts, like the one where I asked him if he had sexual fantasies about me....(cringe)
It just wouldn't be "Tinydancer" if it wasn't contantly pushing to the absolute complete limit of self destruction, right!?!
Posted by thewrite1 on October 14, 2004, at 20:00:38
In reply to Direct Questions, posted by rubenstein on October 8, 2004, at 9:57:10
It's interesting that the title of this thread would come up. I went into my last session kind of angry. The time before I had gotten into some pretty heavy stuff and *at the end* of that session, my T informed me she wouldn't be able to meet with me the next week because of a jewish holiday. I asked her about it and she said it was basically about forgivness. Two weeks passed before I saw her again and the first thing I asked was, "How was your holiday? Did you forgive anyone?"
Granted, I would have never said that if I wasn't so angry with her. She was taken aback, maybe for the first time since I've been seeing her. She said that she did, and I asked her what the look on her face was about. "I'm just wondering about your direct question."
I said, "I find it interesting that you would say it's a direct question rather than just a question."
She said, "I find it interesting that you find it interesting that I said it was a direct question."
I just rolled my eyes at her. I hate how T's always bring everything back to you. We did get around to discussing why I was angry with her, but I thought it was an odd exchange.
This is the end of the thread.
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