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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 27, 2004, at 14:22:01
I have a friend who I'm pretty sure is severly depressed. She had been taking care of terminally ill parents for the last year and they both died last spring. She cannot sleep, she tells me she thinks she has PTSD and she also says she knows she is depressed. She no longer takes pleasure in anything she used to love to do. And she totally overschedules herself. I have advised her plenty of times to get help, even offering her my T's number. She has seen how well I have done, wouldn't she want the same for herself?
So yesterday out of the blue she emails me a very bizarre question, something which she has been feeling about me lately. It was almost an accusation. I of course reassured her that her observation was not true. I then emailed back and asked if she was still depressed, that I had sensed she was not her usual self. She never responded and has been acting as if I never asked the question.
The girl needs help. But all she thinks she needs is a week at the beach. The situation is so frustrating since it is obvious to me and others that she is really depressed (and has been I would say for over a year).
Can I do any more than I have????
Posted by Susan47 on August 27, 2004, at 15:26:05
In reply to How do I give help?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 27, 2004, at 14:22:01
Miss Honey,
Your friend's avoiding your question really well isn't she. That speaks volumes. I mean, she didn't even reply in the negative; she's trying to pretend you never asked, right?
How can you possibly do more than her? It's her life, so don't feel responsible. Just my take on it. (((((Miss H))))
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 27, 2004, at 15:47:14
In reply to Re: How do I give help?, posted by Susan47 on August 27, 2004, at 15:26:05
She's totally pretending I never asked. It is so frustrating to see her like this when I was in her shoes a year ago! My T says no one really seeks help until they hit rock bottom and I suppose I really want to save her the pain of hitting rock bottom. I don't think this will happen.
Thanks for the hug!
Posted by DaisyM on August 27, 2004, at 16:02:28
In reply to Re: How do I give help? » Susan47, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 27, 2004, at 15:47:14
I think the only thing you can do is listen and listen some more. Not knowing your friend, I don't know why she isn't seeking help but sometimes fear and pride are powerful things. So many of us were raised to believe we should just get over it and move on. Losing both parents is terribly hard.
Maybe you could frame the discussion around her grief. It is more acceptable to grieve than be depressed. Something along the lines of, "you had a tough year and now your grief is almost tangible. I'm hurting for you and wish I could help. Maybe talking about your parents would help some? What do you miss most?"
Another thought: caring for people you love who are ill is rough and there are so many conflicting feelings...some of which seem mean and selfish. She might not want to share with you that she resented some of what she had to do or that she was angry about it at times. This doesn't make her a bad person. But these are hard things to admit, especially since they don't fit with the selfless love we want to be able to give.
You are a good friend to worry about her. Give her time. Something will make her ready. Often the anniversary of the death is the time people enter therapy. In the meantime, take care of yourself too.
Posted by shortelise on August 27, 2004, at 17:43:09
In reply to How do I give help?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 27, 2004, at 14:22:01
It all depends on how close a friend she is.
If this were someone close to me, sister close, good friend close, someone I love, I would say to her face to face: you may not want to hear this from me, but I love you and I think you are depressed.
I would tell her all the things I see about her that make me feel she may be depresssed, tell her the changes I've seen, and express my concern in a loving way.
I would let her know that I can put her in touch with resources that could help her through it.
At times it has been because of the honesty of friends that I have been able to see truths that were otherwise obscured.
If she works with the terminally ill, isn't there some kind of program available to her through her job? It seems inconceivable to me that any agency working with terminally ill patiens could be without counselling services for their employees!
If she is not a close friend, maybe you could talk with a close friend of hers, or maybe a sister. It would be very difficult for me to hear anything like this from someone to whom I am not very close.
Hope this helps. She's lucky to have such caring friends as you.
ShortE
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