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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:00:52
So much for me finally being free of the transference. I mean, I guess there has been significant, important changes and I should try not to forget that. But I feel like I've been backsliding since I last posted about this stuff.I told my T this today. I told her about the progress I thought I'd made recently and how I feel like I'm losing my grip on that progress (I've started thinking, fantasizing about her more and more, at extremely inopportune times, such as when I'm with my boyfriend), and other stuff that feels unhealthy for me). I said I thought it was really important for us to address this issue.
So, she asked me what's helped me in the past. And I was like, "Nothing, really, except for when you got mad at me and did bad therapy." I told her then I started dreading seeing her, which was on many levels a huge relief, and that I lost a lot of respect for her and it felt like a dose of reality, basically I realized that I probably didn't really want what I thought I wanted with her.
This was all very awkward to discuss with her. I'm not sure it'll do me any good. At the end of it all, I just felt like I was in love with her all over again. She handled it so well. Very professionally. She won some of my respect back. Which sucks. I liked not respecting her better. Now I'm really depressed.
Argh. It's very confusing, this whole mess. I was also feeling like I was in a place where I might be able to terminate with her, and now I feel back where I was -- hopelessly stuck with her no matter how unhelpful she may be. (And it's possible that she is helpful, it's just impossible for me to tell since I am stuck to her like glue. It's all possible she's a complete wretch of a therapist.)
Thoughts? Love? Support? Disappointment? Insults?
Posted by DaisyM on August 26, 2004, at 21:22:17
In reply to Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:00:52
Oh, crushed, only love and support from me. You've agonized over this for so long. I was hoping it would stay better. Is it possible that things with the boyfriend are getting more serious and that might be scaring you into running for cover...back to a relationship that CAN'T work but gets you twisted up? Just a huge guess...
I'm glad she handled what you had to say in a professional way. My therapist always tells me that therapy is a spiral. You have to keep going over and over stuff and eventually you get to the core. There is something here that remains unresolved for you. Letting go is still too hard. You'll figure it out. You've been really working at it. Just let her help you keep your feel on the ground.
Do you have a vacation break coming up from her? Maybe this would be a good testing time, to see how you feel about being away from her?
Whatever happens, I'm glad you can still post about it. I miss you when you disappear.
Posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:33:08
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by DaisyM on August 26, 2004, at 21:22:17
> Is it possible that things with the boyfriend are getting more serious and that might be scaring you into running for cover...back to a relationship that CAN'T work but gets you twisted up? Just a huge guess...
I dunno, Daisy. It's really not a bad guess. That would be kind of nice if that were the reason. I'll have to give that some thought. I hope you're right.
The whole boyfriend thing is pretty weird for me since I've been a lesbian for so long. And I've basically told him I don't think I could ever fall in love with him and the amazing thing is he sort of might be okay with that. Obviously neither of us really can know all the possibilities (i.e., I could be wrong).
> I'm glad she handled what you had to say in a professional way. My therapist always tells me that therapy is a spiral. You have to keep going over and over stuff and eventually you get to the core. There is something here that remains unresolved for you. Letting go is still too hard. You'll figure it out. You've been really working at it. Just let her help you keep your feel on the ground.Yeah, I bet your therapist is right. I just hope she can help me with this. So far, she hasn't proven herself very competent in this area.
> Do you have a vacation break coming up from her? Maybe this would be a good testing time, to see how you feel about being away from her?Yeah, she's gone next week. Not much of a vacation, but you're right -- it might be helpful for me. And I'm not sure it's a coincidence that I'm feeling this way now, right after our last session before she goes away.
> Whatever happens, I'm glad you can still post about it. I miss you when you disappear.Thanks, Daisy. It means a lot to me.
Posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 21:59:53
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:33:08
(((((crushedout))))) I don't know what to say, but you have my support.
Posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 22:09:28
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by Susan47 on August 26, 2004, at 21:59:53
Posted by shortelise on August 26, 2004, at 23:38:50
In reply to Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:00:52
You've been sent thoughts, love and support. I thought maybe someone should fill in the disappointment and insults.
Um... well... my intentions are good but I don't know you well enough to think up any good insults, and well, *that's* sort of disappointing.
Sorry for the pain.
ShortE
Posted by terrics on August 27, 2004, at 12:52:07
In reply to Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:00:52
Hi Crushed, Sorry to here this. It sounded like you were happy when you did not feel the transference. I hope this is not rude of me, cutting into your message. Perhaps you remember I was in a similar situation. I had sexual feelings for my previous T. I left her to do dbt with another T. She said I could still see her for $10.00. Then we decided that was not a good idea. For 2 yrs. she broke every boundry. When I did leave she said we could stay friends. She did have me for coffee once. I called her to see if she wanted to go out for coffee and she did not return my call. I called her yesterday and she did not return my call. That is my last effort and I am soooo sad. I am sad that she lied to me for 2 yrs. and sad that one really cannot trust a T. when they tell you that you are not like their other patients. I hope things work out so that you feel better. terrics
Posted by gardenergirl on August 27, 2004, at 18:29:27
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again » crushedout, posted by terrics on August 27, 2004, at 12:52:07
Crushed,
I'm sorry to hear that things are getting bad again. I heard so much hope in your recent posts. Perhaps that feeling will come back faster and stronger next time? In the meantime, thinking of you...gg
Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 13:35:58
In reply to Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:00:52
Progress is rarely a straight line. Taking steps forward and then back sounds perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. I think I heard statistics on the average number of times a woman left an abusive spouse before she left for good. I don't recall the number, but it was definitely more than one.
Think about how far you *have* come.
Posted by Aphrodite on August 28, 2004, at 15:46:32
In reply to Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by crushedout on August 26, 2004, at 21:00:52
It's good to see you around again, but I wish the news was happier. I admire the fact you can discuss this with her. I hope that helps. Usually, when you're "over" someone IRL, you don't have to see much of them again. But the person you're trying to be over is the person you're sharing intimate things with, so it's no wonder the old feelings will come back. I hope you can work through it.
Posted by crushedout on August 31, 2004, at 16:45:16
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by shortelise on August 26, 2004, at 23:38:50
Well, I appreciate your efforts, ShortE. :)
Posted by crushedout on August 31, 2004, at 16:49:28
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again » crushedout, posted by terrics on August 27, 2004, at 12:52:07
Rude? Of course not, terrics. Sorry, *I've* been rude for not responding to all of you for so long. Been crazy busy of course. And I hardly ever get time alone anymore. Which has
its pros and cons. But I digress...Yes, I remember your situation and I'm terribly sorry to hear how it turned out. It sounds really painful. I guess it should be a lesson to me. I'm really sorry.
Posted by crushedout on August 31, 2004, at 16:51:25
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again, posted by gardenergirl on August 27, 2004, at 18:29:27
Yeah, maybe that's right. Maybe I should think of this as a temporary setback, not a full "relapse." We'll see how it goes.Thanks, gg.
> Crushed,
> I'm sorry to hear that things are getting bad again. I heard so much hope in your recent posts. Perhaps that feeling will come back faster and stronger next time? In the meantime, thinking of you...
>
> gg
Posted by crushedout on August 31, 2004, at 16:55:55
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again » crushedout, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 13:35:58
Right. Excellent points, of course. Especially about focusing on the positive. Funny that you use the abusive spouse analogy. Not funny haha but funny remarkable. I don't think it's entirely inappropriate. And me saying that is either a sign of progress or a sign that my boyfriend has successfully brainwashed me at least partially. :)
(He thinks my T is a total disaster of a T. And I don't think he would be averse to referring to her as "abusive," although that may seem a bit strong even to him. I'll have to ask him.)
> Progress is rarely a straight line. Taking steps forward and then back sounds perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. I think I heard statistics on the average number of times a woman left an abusive spouse before she left for good. I don't recall the number, but it was definitely more than one.
>
> Think about how far you *have* come.
Posted by crushedout on August 31, 2004, at 17:02:09
In reply to Re: Aargh I'm in pain again » crushedout, posted by Aphrodite on August 28, 2004, at 15:46:32
Aphrodite, that's so true. If I could just walk away, I probably would have done that and been over her long ago. But I think good Ts are supposed to help you stick around and get over them. For some reason, mine has not been good at that. I think that's a failing of hers, but it could just be the way it goes. I'm really not sure.
This is the end of the thread.
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