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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shadows721 on July 25, 2004, at 15:08:12
1. Lack of Communication Skills
2. They lack close friends and have little contact with their neighbors.
3. Do not communicate thoughts and feelings.
4. Out of touch with feelings
5. Egocentric / Poor Self-Image
6. Reacting to all things from a personal point of view
7. Fear of intimacy - afraid to let another person know them.
8. Blames others for their own problems and feelings.
9. Believe they can control their emotions by
controlling another person.
10. Excessively sensitive
11. Extreme jealousy
12. Unrealistic Expectations
13. Expects all of his/her needs to be met and fulfilled by the "relationship"
14. Was raised in a violent home.
15. Has the idea he has the "right" to control.
16. Rigid sex role stereotypes.
17. Cultural conditioning ex.- men in control - never back down.
18. Society accepts and glorifies physical and verbal abuse
19. They can work in packs with other abusers i.e,
gangsBottom line is that abusers thrive on power and control.
Posted by shadows721 on July 25, 2004, at 16:16:58
In reply to Characteristics of perpetrators, posted by shadows721 on July 25, 2004, at 15:08:12
Posted by AuntieMel on July 26, 2004, at 12:33:07
In reply to Characteristics of perpetrators, posted by shadows721 on July 25, 2004, at 15:08:12
What does it mean if you have more than half of these chararistics? I do, but I wouldn't call myself a 'perpetrator.' In fact, I really don't have a mean bone in me.
Posted by shadows721 on July 26, 2004, at 12:59:40
In reply to Re: Characteristics of perpetrators » shadows721, posted by AuntieMel on July 26, 2004, at 12:33:07
Well, I would think one would tend to lean more toward 85-90% of the characteristics to be perpertrator. I wouldn't think say someone with 1/2 of the characteristics was one.
A lot of perps have been raised in abusive homes and have low self esteem, but so do victims. It's like there is a fine line.
I remember being in a sexual trauma unit and there were perps there. One girl their yelled at the perp and asked one, "Why did you decide to abuse others sexually? I was abused and I never decided to abuse another." The victims tended to blame themselves there and the perps tended to blame the victims.
Another commonality with the perps and the victims was splitting. The perps said it was like they had an "evil twin" that took over to abuse and they felt they had no control. While the victims like myself escaped trauma mentally with dissociation. Similiarly to victims, there were abusers that didn't remember their abuse until they were there, but it didn't stop their urges to hurt again. Some of them remembered what happened to them as a child, but didn't see it as abuse. Some victims felt the same about their childhoods too.
Oh, I feel like I have rambled. What I mean is there is there is a fine line with perps and victims. Victims may have someone perp them or they may perp themselves.
Thanks for reading the post, AuntieMel. I too have some of the characteristics, but it's due to the trauma from a perp. It's not, because I am one. Gees, that's sounds a bit confusing, but's the truth.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 26, 2004, at 13:56:07
In reply to Re: Characteristics of perpetrators, posted by shadows721 on July 26, 2004, at 12:59:40
Well, I just didn't know what percentage it would take.
From what you say, I would be a victim. I had what I used to call a bad childhood. Nothing physical, all mental. Recently when I spent several sessions with my therapist doing nothing but give examples - no 'how I felt' - just cut and dried examples. One after another, no repeats. After about 6 hours of this, and I could still keep listing, it dawned on me (as in my gut for a change, not just in the brain) that what I'd gone through was really abuse.
Could you post the characteristics of a victim? I just don't feel like one.....
Thanks
Mel
Posted by shadows721 on July 26, 2004, at 16:30:53
In reply to Re: Characteristics of perpetrators » shadows721, posted by AuntieMel on July 26, 2004, at 13:56:07
You made a good point in asking for the characteristics of a victim to be listed. But, Auntmel, maybe your in the normal range:). I wish I could say I was.
Characteristics of a Victim
Ohio University Study, 19971. Believe that they cannot control their environment
2. Have ineffective social skills
3. Have poor interpersonal skills
4. Less popular than others
5. Have underlying fears of personal inadequacy
6. Blame themselves for their problems
7. Given labels suggesting inadequacy
8. Isolated socially
9. Afraid of going to school (children)
10. Have limited skills for gaining success and acceptance
11. Run out of communication capabilities during high stress incidents
12. Have a poor self-concept
13. Show physical mannerisms associated with depression
14. Have frequent feelings of personal inadequacy
15. Perform self-destructive actions
16. Believe others are more capable of handling various situations
17. Have difficulty relating to peers
18. Have others who are over-involved in the decisions and activities
19. Perceived progressive failures cause this person to put forth less effort with each presenting opportunity
20. Feel external factors have more of an impact on them than internal controlRichard J. Hazler, Ohio University, Athens, OH
Posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2004, at 8:54:23
In reply to Re: Characteristics of victim, posted by shadows721 on July 26, 2004, at 16:30:53
I had a LOT more of those than the perpetrator. Today I see myself with 16-17 of the traits - and it's a good day so far.
I don't want to be either, but I'd rather be a victim than a perpetrator.
Posted by B2chica on July 27, 2004, at 9:26:47
In reply to Re: I feel better now » shadows721, posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2004, at 8:54:23
i agree, i was a bit concerned myself about the amount of those characteristics i had of the "perpetrator".
however i just checked this list and i too have 17 of these characteristics AuntieMel.
big sigh of relief here.
thanks Shadows!
b2c.
> I had a LOT more of those than the perpetrator. Today I see myself with 16-17 of the traits - and it's a good day so far.
> I don't want to be either, but I'd rather be a victim than a perpetrator.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on July 27, 2004, at 10:55:59
In reply to Re: I feel better now » shadows721, posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2004, at 8:54:23
Hey, this is still shadows721. You can see my message on Admin. about my tech problems. Anyway, yes, I too have more of the characteristics of a victim. Hmmm. I don't want to be either one.
This is the end of the thread.
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