Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 339272

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First of two homework questions

Posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:13:20

I think I told someone that my therapist waited for me to make the move in wanting to try out changes. Well, today I told him that we had talked about several topics recently where we decided that I would agree that I could conceive that change was possible, even if I hadn't managed to change yet. But that we then moved on and didn't go from talking about change to initiating change.
That led to a long conversation about all change involving the desire to change and the desire for stability, no matter how rotten stable is. And he wanted to know if I really wanted to change or if I wanted to stay the same while wishing things were different. He was in a really good mood today, and framed things in the way I respond to best. If he had told me that I really didn't want to change, I'd have just gotten mad. But he made it all seem very reasonable whichever choice I made (smart man when he's at his best). Anyway, we settled on one topic to attempt change on. And that is my reluctance to perform the social niceties for fear of foisting something unacceptable on others. My desire to be accepted among the parents of my son's classmates and friends so that his social opportunities aren't limited by me is greater than my fear of rejection, I think. So this is a good area for change.
I have several homework assignments. I've been trying to make eye contact with my therapist for the last two sessions, and I let him know that today. He provided ample positive reinforcement for my efforts. He also wants me to try it with other people. He's leaving it up to me whether I choose people I feel close to or perfect strangers.
I might also, and without prompting, try to contact the friend I haven't spoken to for a couple of years and try to arrange a family outing. Would it be cheating to try to reach her when I know she's out?
Ok, so homework assignment number one that I could use some help with is that I'm supposed to come up with one positive affirmation to stick on my mirror. I'm allowed to put the Stuart Smalley one up too, so I can get the laugh over with.
He wanted it to be something like "I'm beautiful inside and I'm beautiful outside too." I wanted it to be something I could actually believe. Like he told me today that he never noticed my skin tags, which I assume are visible at a hundred yards. So I thought something like "My skin tags are not as noticeable as I think." would be a good affirmation, but he says no. He also vetoed a variant on my favorite Weird Al song "I'm almost everything I ever wanted. I'm not perfect, but I love me anyhow." He says it can't be posed as a negative, like "I'm not as ugly as I think I am." or "People don't flee at the sight of me."
He wants me to use the most positive thought that I can even conceive might possibly be true or that I might one day believe is possibly true and kick it up a notch into unbelievability. I think that's stupid.
Since the topic is social acceptability, I don't suppose the fact that I'm smart and good at my work (when I'm functional) can be the topic. I suspect he wants me to include my looks, but maybe I can get some leeway on that one.
I'm thinking something like "I'm smart and interesting and quirky. People would enjoy meeting and getting to know me."
Do you think that's sufficiently positive? How can I kick it up a notch without gagging?
He was really terrific today. I like it when he's relaxed and in a good mood. And he made even me feel like he valued me, by apologizing profusely for getting out of the habit of holding a space for me on Tuesdays and telling me that if I saw him this one Monday, he'd make sure he cleared space on Tuesdays to see me. :) Another of those silly little things that make me feel good.

Re: First of two homework questions

Posted by DaisyM on April 23, 2004, at 22:07:03

In reply to First of two homework questions, posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:13:20

I like those relaxed sessions too. (Haven't had too many in awhile, but still...)
One way to try to get a believable physical affirmation is to look at your son and notice which parts of him he "got" from you, physically speaking. Is he a clone of his dad, or do you see yourself? If so, pick these features, and write:
My son's eyes look like mine. My son's eye's are beautiful, so are mine.
Otherwise, I think sometimes things like:
My spirit is so beautiful that it encompasses me and people take note of this beauty.
For me personally, my best feature is my feet. I have small feet and cute toes. And really, really green eyes. The work in between is so much tougher that isolating feature by feature works for me.
It is soooo much more fun doing your homework than mine!

Re: First of two homework questions

Posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 23:21:55

In reply to First of two homework questions, posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:13:20

Dinah,
I liked your affirmation: "I'm smart and interesting and quirky. People would enjoy meeting and getting to know me."
Maybe kicking up a notch would be something like: "I'm smart and interesting and quirky. People *already* enjoy meeting and getting to know me."
It's true in babble world. I bet it's true IRL.
pegasus

I was gonna say what pegasus said. (nm)

Posted by crushedout on April 24, 2004, at 0:38:46

In reply to Re: First of two homework questions, posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 23:21:55

Thanks Pegasus and » crushedout

Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 3:17:22

In reply to I was gonna say what pegasus said. (nm), posted by crushedout on April 24, 2004, at 0:38:46

It's astonishing that that change never occurred to me. I'll present it to my therapist that way. :)

Re: First of two homework questions » DaisyM

Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 3:25:48

In reply to Re: First of two homework questions, posted by DaisyM on April 23, 2004, at 22:07:03

I don't remember too many of them lately either. :) But I love sessions where he seems relaxed and happy. And he was sort of gently laughing at me, which is the approach I respond to best. Maybe because my dad used humor a lot? Anyway...
You are a genius, Daisy. Of course I think that my son is just perfect the way he is. Most of his features are purely his dad's (lucky boy, his dad is gorgeous with wavy thick blonde hair, deep blue grey eyes, and a crooked grin), but I think he has my chin and maybe my nose. I do love that determined and asymmetrical little chin. He's more like me in character, and maybe I can work that in too.
Hmmm, come to think of it, I'm quite fond of the pictures of the young me. Maybe I can study those for something that hasn't totally changed, too. Or find the features I like somewhere on my current self.

Re: First of two homework questions » Dinah

Posted by spoc on April 24, 2004, at 15:49:44

In reply to First of two homework questions, posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:13:20

Dinah, I'm fighting like heck to make myself step away from the PC for a spell. So I'll try for now to resist the temptation of your very interesting subjects; and what I know I'd do to them and myself in terms of word count, and typing all that at about 10 wpm. BUT!!! The point to me popping my head in is to say that you ABSOLUTELY CRACK ME UP with the way you phrase things, and the visuals I get. So many extremely creative types make a huge contribution, all the while never being entirely comfortable with humanity or with being noticed. People may assume that someone so talented -- and wise -- is surely just humble if they keep to themselves, whereas in reality they may genuinely not know how to navigate the three dimensional world. So anyway, no matter which way you ultimately go, you will still have made a contribution!

Re: First of two homework questions » spoc

Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 20:12:07

In reply to Re: First of two homework questions » Dinah, posted by spoc on April 24, 2004, at 15:49:44

You are sooo sweet! It's so much fun to find others who get my sense of humor. It always seemed like only my husband ever did. Which is a pretty convenient person, when you come to think of it. But it's nice to find others too. :)

Re: First of two homework questions

Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 20:15:29

In reply to Re: First of two homework questions » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 3:25:48

Unpleasant insight.
I don't really want to say positive things about this creature looking back at me in the mirror. It looks nothing like that little girl I'm so fond of. I think it ate her. :( Double chins obscure the jaw. The nice brows are hidden by glasses. And the skin tags detract from that direct gaze. Even my *&%$@* eye color changed. My eyes used to be blue and now they're grey-green like Spanish moss. Am I sure I'm the same person?
Maybe I need to lose weight before I'm ready for positive affirmations about my looks.

Resistance is futile

Posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2004, at 15:13:09

In reply to Re: First of two homework questions, posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 20:15:29

Dinah,
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I had thought that looking at your childhood picture would be helpful, but perhaps not just yet. I think the statement you came up with is perfect. You are quirky, but that's one of the things I absolutely love about you.
Perhaps if you find the geekiest childhood picture you can find. I have one from when I was three. It's truly horrifying if I think of showing it to anyone. Serious geekdom. But I think of that little girl in the picture as my "inner geek." She's part of what drives my goofy sense of humor and perhaps it is she who is always stumbling into things like a clutz. It's much easier to love that little girl at those times than to love myself at those times without her. Does that make sense at all? Love your inner self as you do your son. You both deserve it!
gg

I'm ready. IIIIII'M READY! :)

Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2004, at 19:34:12

In reply to Resistance is futile, posted by gardenergirl on April 25, 2004, at 15:13:09

Ok, I called my friend that I haven't spoken to in a couple of years and we have tentative plans for next weekend. She sounded glad to see me.
I went to church, worked on eye contact, and greeted the guest speaker.
I have contemplated my dress and grooming and will continue to do so.
I have prepared an affirmation. Several of them really. And will print them out and put them on my mirror tonight.
My therapist should be delighted with me. :)
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." (I have my therapist's permission to do the Stuart Smalley affirmation first.)
"I'm smart, interesting, and quirky and people are delighted to meet and get to know me."
"My pigtails are cute." (I know this one is true. My husband just came up, hugged me, and volunteered that information.)
"My affirmations are just fine and I've done a darn good job on my therapy homework. I will not listen to anyone, including my therapist, who says otherwise."