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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 20:53:38
Lately, I have had a really hard time getting anything done. It started near the end of last semester and has continued this semester. Last semester was when I started in therapy. Now, I'm not going to be quick to say that the therapy has CAUSED this problem, especially because the whole reason I started in the first place was because I had gotten into trouble. The incident that started all the trouble is something that really, deeply affected me in a negative way, so maybe that's what started it. I don't know.
But regardless of the cause, I have been really preoccupied lately with my psychologist. He is all I can think about. I go once a week, and the whole rest of the week seems to drag on so slowly before I can see him again. Now I am visiting this message board all the time and reading books about therapy, and I can't concentrate on much else.
My schoolwork is suffering, and I am on the verge of failing a class I need to graduate because I did not finish a project that's worth 40% of the grade. I have a bunch of homework and projects coming due soon that I either haven't started or am behind on. Spring break was last week and I wasted the whole week without doing any homework. I used to be able to buckle down and pull an all-nighter if I had to (last semester, I once wrote two 15-page lab reports and a 10-page paper over a period of 2 days), but I just can't do it any more.
I am supposed to be searching for jobs for after I graduate, and I haven't done much along those lines, either. My mother has a friend whose husband is in an industry that hires people with my degree, and she advised me to e-mail him. This was about 3 weeks ago, and I haven't done it.
I am on several e-mail discussion groups. I used to keep up with them faithfully, but right now, I have more than 1,200 (that is not a typo) unread e-mails that have piled up.
I am in charge of a student organization, and we should be having a meeting this week, but I couldn't even bring myself to schedule a meeting. I am the only one who cares about this organization, and I have worked so hard on it for the past few years, and now I am letting it go down the toilet because I can't bring myself to work on it.
I never really finished unpacking my suitcase from when I was home for winter break. I returned in mid-January, and my suitcase is still on the floor with various odds and ends and clothes I rarely wear still inside.
My room is generally a mess. I have a lot of stuff that I have been meaning to organize, some since last semester, and I haven't gotten around to it.
I usually keep my calendar very up-to-date, and always enter the dates I have tests and projects or homework assignments due, and make sure Outlook reminds me in advance, but I have not entered any of that in my calendar this semester.
There's even more, but I think you get the picture... It's just all so overwhelming, and I don't know how I am ever going to get it done. I know that the smart, logical, effective thing to do would be to pick something and just do it, but I just can't face it. There is also nobody to help me with any of it.
The worst part is that I sort of brought this up with my psychologist last week, and he was not very helpful. He had me list some of the things I should be doing and some of the things I do to waste time, and then he went through and had me list the advantages and disadvantages for each. Then he said that there are advantages even to the things that waste my time (like playing computer games or watching movies), so I am making decisions that these are the best choices I have at the time.
I got mad at him and said that he was not being critical enough, and he said that he can't tell me what to do, and that wasn't his point. He said his point was that he wants me to see myself as an active decision-maker so that when I look back, I can say that I made the decision based on the advantages and disadvantages at the time, so I shouldn't regret it.
I was really upset about this discussion because it just didn't help, and for just about the first time, he seriously seemed like he wasn't "getting it." I got really upset a while after I left and continued to feel horrible for the next few days. Now I am not quite as "upset" any more, but I still feel really overwhelmed and I am still having trouble concentrating on anything but the next time I see him (not until Friday morning). I have a project, a homework assignment, and a take-home test (none of which I have started) due before that. I really wanted him to help me, I don't even know how, but tell me something that will help me be able to do it, and he didn't help. I just don't know what to do, because I am facing some really serious consequences (i.e., failing a class and not graduating) if I don't get this stuff done.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 24, 2004, at 1:21:40
In reply to Preoccupied, posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 20:53:38
Wow...did I write that? Are we sisters? I can't tell you how much I identify with your problem. I go to a school that is on a quarter system, so I'm on spring break now, but before I had a bunch of papers due and I waited until the day before to start almost all of them. I usually do this, but like you I found myself (last week) almost completely unmotivated to begin these tasks. It was because I was depressed. Are you feeling depressed? I had previously quit taking my meds for a lengthy period of time, but I had to start taking them again. So, although I'm still somewhat depressed, I'm feeling better. Do you take any meds now?
Elle
Posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 1:48:35
In reply to Re: Preoccupied » lonelygirl, posted by Elle2021 on March 24, 2004, at 1:21:40
Hi Elle... Thanks for replying. I hope you got your papers done in time. Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you post before. But then again, I'm new here so maybe you were here before I was.
Re: the meds - short answer, no I'm not taking anything. Long answer, see
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/325929.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/326304.html
Posted by Elle2021 on March 24, 2004, at 3:09:26
In reply to Re: Preoccupied » Elle2021, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 1:48:35
No, I'm not new, I've been around here for a while now. I'm not sure if I have posted to you before, but I remember reading through some of your previous posts. Sorry I didn't respond before. This month has been difficult for me and I haven't been in the position to give helpful advice.
I did manage to get my papers done, thankfully. I hope you get yours done too (I think you said you did get them done, right?).
So, you don't take your meds... What are your diagnoses? I don't always take my meds either. For the past six months or so, I have been taking them only when I feel like they are necessary. Right now I'm taking Zoloft and Klonopin. I realize this method of mine probably isn't the best way to take meds, but oh well...
I'm glad you decided to voluntarily see a counselor. I wish that I had been able to see one when I was in highschool. My parents thought about forcing me into seeing one then, but I wasn't keen on the idea back then. I wish I had been. Hope your feeling better.
Elle
Posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 13:03:35
In reply to Re: Preoccupied » lonelygirl, posted by Elle2021 on March 24, 2004, at 3:09:26
Yeah, haha, sorry about that. Right after I posted that, I was reading some old posts and I saw yours about deciding to leave and then changing your mind (I think it was a couple of weeks ago). I feel stupid now :) It's ok if you are not in a position to give helpful advice; in case you haven't noticed, I'm not particularly helpful myself. I just get kind of sad when nobody answers my posts at all.
And um, no, I didn't get the papers done. I still have all day and all night, though... I guess I probably shouldn't be HERE, but oh well. The big project that I didn't do was due right in the middle of the time when I went 2 weeks without seeing him. I kept wanting to call him but I didn't know what to say, and I didn't think he would be very happy to hear from me. He called me in the middle of the 2-week period (2 days before the project was due) to ask if I could move my appointment back one day. It was nice to hear his voice, though. He asked me how things were going and I just gave a vague answer (I didn't have time to talk then, anyway, because I was on my way out the door to go to class, but I didn't want to get into it and impose on him when he thought he was just going to make a quick call).
I have been diagnosed with depression. (I mean, hasn't everyone? As soon as you step through the door, "DEPRESSION! DEPRESSION!") I'm not sure how my current psychologist has diagnosed me (though I have sort of made a self-diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder). I think you're right that your method with the meds is not good, but clearly I am not one to talk. It is supposedly not good to quit "cold-turkey" without tapering off (or maybe that's what you do?). I don't really remember exactly when I quit, but I don't remember having any "withdrawal" problems. Do you? Have you ever discussed this with your doctor? It's amazing to me how doctors differ on the subject of meds. Some, like mine, just keep on writing the prescription, year ofter year, while it seems like others want to prescribe only for a short time and then push to get the patient off meds.
Posted by Elle2021 on March 25, 2004, at 1:55:11
In reply to Re: Preoccupied » Elle2021, posted by lonelygirl on March 24, 2004, at 13:03:35
> I feel stupid now :)
Please don't! I haven't been posting as much lately (I've been "out of it"), so it's no wonder you thought I was new. No big deal. :)
>I just get kind of sad when nobody answers my posts at all.
Me too, but try not to take it personally. Sometimes when I don't respond to someone it's because I just don't know what to say, or I feel like I don't have any helpful advice. But, it is comforting just to get a post that says, "hey, I'm sorry your feeling back, hope things get better."
> And um, no, I didn't get the papers done. I still have all day and all night, though... I guess I probably shouldn't be HERE, but oh well.
Oh yes, this is my distraction! A number of times I have sat down to write a paper, and suddenly I find myself here! hehe :)
>He asked me how things were going and I just gave a vague answer
I do the same thing. One time I called my T cause I had crashed really bad and when she called back I just told her I felt sick... She goes, "and?" I literally couldn't say anything. Ahhh! I don't know why I couldn't say, "hey I crashed."
> It is supposedly not good to quit "cold-turkey" without tapering off (or maybe that's what you do?).
Sometimes I taper, sometimes I don't. It depends on how long I have been taking them.
>I don't really remember exactly when I quit, but I don't remember having any "withdrawal" problems. Do you?
I had withdrawl symptoms from the Klonopin pretty bad, mostly in the form of nightmares and nausea.
>Have you ever discussed this with your doctor?
Yes...One of my dx's is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. At one point I was very obsessed with taking the exact "right" amount of each med and about possible fatal side effects, so I started calling him like once a week to talk about the meds and he got...um...irritated! He finally told me, "They are your meds, and you may take them when you feel necessary and how you want to take them." Hmm...
>Some, like mine, just keep on writing the prescription, year ofter year,
Mine prescribes my scripts like that too.
>while it seems like others want to prescribe only for a short time and then push to get the patient off meds.
Studies show that "talk therapy" has a longer-lasting effect. Meds just do the trick faster, but with the potential for relapse upon discontinuing them. I'm doing both meds and therapy. Let's hope at least one of them works. :)
Elle
Posted by lonelygirl on March 25, 2004, at 3:25:32
In reply to Re: Preoccupied » lonelygirl, posted by Elle2021 on March 25, 2004, at 1:55:11
>He finally told me, "They are your meds, and you may take them when you feel necessary and how you want to take them." Hmm...
He said that?! That doesn't seem very professional to me!
My pdoc, incidentally, is supposedly one of the best in the area. My city has a magazine that's always coming out with "best of" lists, and whenever they rate doctors, she's always on the list of best pdocs in the area. I can't understand what she does to make her so great. Yeah, she's really good at filling out those prescription slips!
Posted by gardenergirl on March 25, 2004, at 8:31:14
In reply to Preoccupied, posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 20:53:38
Lonelygirl,
I am a graduate student and I can really related to your post. I am diagnosed with atypical depression and have been seeing a T since last fall. I had a very similar experience once I really committed to therapy. Ironic that I am studying to become a T and used to cancel or no-show in the beginning :)But I was preoccupied with everything that therapy was stirring up. I also was talking with others, discovered this site and spent way too much time at times, especially if I was actively procrastinating working on my dissertation or some other project. I finally had to decide to limit myself. I really miss being able to respond on every thread that interests me, but right now, I HAVE to focus on my school work if I ever want to be done.
In my experience, the intensity of the preoccupation does pass somewhat. As you settle into therapy and start to make progress, you become less intensely preoccupied with thinking about it between sessions. It has eventually become easier to limit my time here, too (although I REALLY do miss it, and could not stick to my self-imposed break recently).
I hope that you find it easier in time as well. Therapy definitely stirs things up. That's why I have tremendous respect for everyone who goes through it. It's hard work, it can be painful, and it can become the focus of your life at times, but it is also can be so valuable. (Of course I have to think that since I hope to eventually be paid to do it! :)
Take care. It's nice to see new faces here. I was new just this winter!
gg
Posted by lonelygirl on March 25, 2004, at 22:36:12
In reply to Preoccupied, posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 20:53:38
I am such a horrible procrastinator. I have a project that's due today (it's actually due tonight at midnight) that I should have been working on for the last few weeks, but I haven't really even started. I am not going to get it done now, because I have a little over 2 hours. I don't think the professor will accept it late.
I was up late last night doing homework for another class (after having procrastinated until about 3 am). I attended my first class and turned in my homework and cut my next 2 classes (I never missed a single class before last semester) so I could work on my project, but I just ended up sleeping during that time. Then I got up and I was going to work on the project, but I just kept procrastinating and procrastinating, going on this message board, playing games, etc., until it was too late.
The really bad part is that this was an individual project, but it is supposed to be used as the basis for a group project later in the semester, so now I have let my team down too and I'm going to have to tell them and they'll hate me. They didn't even want me in their group but they only had 3 people and I didn't have a group, so the professor assigned me to work with them.
I hate this because I have no self-control! It seems so easy to everyone else, just "buckle down" and do it! Just don't be lazy! But I feel powerless over my own actions! I don't understand why I can't make myself do what I know I should be doing. I am throwing my life away and I can't stop.
This is the end of the thread.
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