![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on March 18, 2004, at 18:35:52
I've been doing really well for the past week or so. Feeling positive, energetic, upbeat, hopeful, *happy* even. And not in a manic way, but in a calm, productive, healthy-feeling way. And I saw my T three times this week -- the first two sessions were very good. Today was rough, though.I don't know what happened. I was in a great mood, went to therapy, and when I left, I felt demoralized and knew I was going to crash. I tried to fight it but I knew I couldn't.
I heard her being really critical of me. She started the session late and her previous client looked upset when leaving. I wondered if she'd just had a rough session and maybe wasn't really completely present for mine. I actually felt like she was hostile to me but I don't know if it was in my head. It felt like she wanted to take me down a few notches because I was feeling too good about myself, and if she did, then she succeeded. But I realize I'm probably being paranoid. Then again, maybe not. Therapists are human, too. She could have some countertransference hate or hostility -- who knows?
Anyway, I don't know what to do. I wish that I could talk to her, but I know if I call her that will only alienate her more. She feels like I put too much pressure on her: I want to see her three times a week (we're officially down to two now but I'm pushing to go back to three), I called her once on the weekend, and I email her occasionally (she said I could). It's not so much all that but I guess I blame her for my being depressed a lot and she feels that. And I want her to fix it, and she feels that, too. And it's a lot of pressure for her, which makes her angry at me.
So, here I am, blaming her for my depression again (well, I went in there happy and left miserable -- so is it her "fault" or how can I think about this productively?) and I wish I could get her help but I don't know if I have the right to ask for it and I'm afraid if I do, I'll suffer because she'll feel overly burdened or suffocated or pressured or something and get mad and/or pull away from me.
They say you're supposed to play out your relationship problems with your T, right, and this is what I do with people, so it seems right that we be doing this. But it also seems messed up because I need her and I feel like I can't need her because she'll get mad.
Does this make any sense? What should I do? How do I deal with this? I can't wait till Monday to see her. I feel so screwed up and alone.
Posted by whisper55 on March 18, 2004, at 19:07:11
In reply to crash after a great week, posted by crushedout on March 18, 2004, at 18:35:52
Yeah I to battle with this but my T said I pay for her services and that is her job. They will set boundries for themselves and my T said it is her problem to take care of herself that she and I were a team helping me with myself. My T yelled at me and I freaked out and slammed the phone down
on her then the anger hit and boy it went way back to age 5 till 43 and it was aimed for her.
I waied for her to call me and apologize, heck buy me a steak dinner lol. Then remembering in a meeting to change the old patterns dont run away from them they'll never chnage. The phone rand it was my T I said I am sorry for slamming the phone down, she replied it was understandable and she address me with the tone she did with her kids, a shortcoming. I didn't hold it against her heck I did so many stupid stuff to her this was pale in comparision, the next session she welcomed me with a hug and said thank you for coming back.
This is about developing better realtionships and learning boundries when none were taught. If I'd run away and quit that would keep me in the same old pattern. It was about working it out together and I am glad I did. Hope you keep doing well you show the desire to get help and healthy.
Posted by DaisyM on March 18, 2004, at 23:03:40
In reply to crash after a great week, posted by crushedout on March 18, 2004, at 18:35:52
>>>It's not so much all that but I guess I blame her for my being depressed a lot and she feels that. And I want her to fix it, and she feels that, too. And it's a lot of pressure for her, which makes her angry at me.
<<<Has she told you she is angy at you? Or, has she complained about the pressure? If she hasn't said so directly, my guess is this is YOUR fear -- that you are causing her stress and worry that results in anger.
This is my totally my problem too -- not that I worry that my Therapist will get angry but that he will just eventually "have enough!" and be done. I can imagine how you are talking to her in your head, apologizing for being such a pain-in-the..., yelling at her for opening you up to the pain again, feeling like a little kid for needing someone else to make it all better.
You said it yourself -- You can't wait until Monday. So your options are: call or email. I'd call, it is quicker. but sometimes email can allow a real clarification of your thoughts. If you email, do it soon, so she can get it and respond. I think telling her what you told us is critical. Maybe she was having a bad day. And maybe she is angry with you, though I really doubt it. But you need to talk about what you are feeling, otherwise you can't get it out of the way of the issues you need to work on.
You can need her and she won't get mad. She is a professional and it is what you are paying her for. She is YOUR therapist...let her help you. She may even be shocked at how you took today.
You will feel better if you call. I always apologize for calling, for bothering my Therapist. He always tells me he is glad I called...that I reached out. I've even called and said, "I'm upset. I'm not sure why but yesterday's session was upsetting and I don't want to go through the weekend like this." He has always been able to help me feel better until we can sort it out together.
Trust your Therapist to do this for you.
Call. I know it is hard. Call anyway.
Let us know how you are.
Daisy.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 19, 2004, at 0:12:44
In reply to Re: crash after a great week, posted by DaisyM on March 18, 2004, at 23:03:40
You mentioned her other client came out looking upset. Your T may have had a very OFF day. I am sorry I have never had a T yell at me or make me feel worse thats sad. You need to talk with her Monday IF you cannot wait call but maybe you may wanna change T's???? You seem so down :(
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 19, 2004, at 8:25:01
In reply to Re: crash after a great week, posted by Fallen4myT on March 19, 2004, at 0:12:44
Crushed,
My worst session ever with my T was right after I KNEW he had a particularily hard session with someone else. In fact, as I was walking into his office, this previous patient was lying face down on the couch in the exit hallway. My T. looked frustrated and we proceeded to have the worst session ever. He went off on tangents. HE was very impatient and negative.
Sometimes they just have off days, like all of us. OUr next seession we were back to normal.
Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 9:15:15
In reply to Re: crash after a great week, posted by DaisyM on March 18, 2004, at 23:03:40
Hi Daisy. She *has* actually told me that she gets angry at me and complained about the pressure. I don't know if "complain" is the right word. She notes that she feels pressure, because she thinks this is a pattern in my life and that it's something I can learn from with her.When I had a family crisis a few weeks ago, I called her on a Saturday and asked if we could "chat" for a few minutes. She emailed me the next day and said I could email her but that she couldn't talk to me on the phone. The next week when I saw her, she admitted to being angry at me for calling her because, as she said, she sometimes gets angry when people need her. She owned that as her own issue and said she told me that so that I can sort out which is my stuff and which is her stuff, but a lot of people have said to me, "Well, what is she doing being a therapist then?" I posed this question to her and she claimed that she knows a lot of therapists who have human, not-so-ideal reactions like this. She said I shouldn't conclude from her saying that that I can't need her, but I don't want her to be mad at me, so what am I supposed to do?
I don't know, Daisy. The whole thing is confusing.
I ended up emailing her yesterday telling her I felt like crap and thought that she hated me. She replied late-ish last night, saying I shouldn't berate myself or think that she hates me and that she looks forward to seeing me next week. I feel somewhat reassured and quite a bit better than I did. I don't think my whole weekend is shot anymore.
But I do have this problem of what do I do when my session makes me feel like crud and I'm all paranoid but I don't feel like I can call her because she'll be mad at me. I guess I need to talk to her about this soon. Because it would be nice not to have to carry that depression and paranoia around with me for days.
It really does seem messed up that she actually *does* feel suffocated by my needs, since that is always my fear. But then maybe you're the type of person who's afraid of suffocating but actually you don't (so your T needs to help you recognize your needs and ask for things), and I'm the type of person who is too needy and actually does suffocate people (so my T needs to teach me to stop doing that and face my own needs by myself)? Is that possible?
Thanks so much for writing to me.
crushedout
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2004, at 10:48:47
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 9:15:15
Crushed, my therapist said something similar to me once. And my response was the same. "Boy, you're in the wrong business." But he got past it, and relatively quickly. I don't think I changed that time. He did. And because he quit fighting my neediness, I quit feeling so needy.
I'm not sure I learned anything to take into the real world from that. First of all, in the real world, I don't cling or need. Second, I think it's a normal human reaction to cling to what you need when you feel it pulling away. If it quits pulling away you quit clinging. I think in the real world, the person wouldn't have quit pulling away and the relationship would have ended.
I think it will be a wonderful thing for you to learn to overcome this pattern in your life, if you recognize it as a pattern. But it might also be helpful to see the other person's part of the pattern too. Do you typically choose people who pull away at signs of neediness? Perhaps it might be helpful for you not only to recognize what you do in a relationship, but also who you choose in a relationship.
Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 14:11:28
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2004, at 10:48:47
That's really interesting, Dinah. Thanks for sharing it. I'm glad to know my therapist is not the only one who has such reactions and you have a good relationship with your T so it does not necessarily mean she's a jerk, which is not what I think (but sometimes I worry about it).So, how did you get your T to get past it? Or do you know?
I actually don't think I act needy, either, outside of therapy. I know that I used to be very clingy in relationships but this was many years ago and I've since learned to be quite independent. Actually, I only cling when someone pulls away fiercely. I don't think I choose people who are particularly scared off by neediness, no, but that's a good question. Maybe I do.
I agree with you that the normal reaction when someone pulls away is to cling more, and of course the normal reaction to clinging more is to pull away more. So hopefully I can talk about this with my T and she can help us break that cycle. I'm afraid to cling now because I don't want her to pull away, but I kind of need to cling and have her not pull away. Does that make sense?
Posted by fallsfall on March 19, 2004, at 15:02:27
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 9:15:15
>But I do have this problem of what do I do when my session makes me feel like crud and I'm all paranoid but I don't feel like I can call her because she'll be mad at me. I guess I need to talk to her about this soon. Because it would be nice not to have to carry that depression and paranoia around with me for days.
It seems like your therapist does admit to countertransference reasonably frequently. I think that it is good when they can admit to it, but I'm a little concerned that she is running into her issues so frequently. Maybe your particular issues happen to bump into her particular issues a lot - maybe other clients don't "push her buttons" as much as you do.
I have been able to work on the issue of surviving until my next session when I think my therapist is mad. For me, it took many times of being miserable until my next session, and then having him reassure me that my fears were unfounded. Over time, I was able to tell myself "Your fears are probably unfounded, so don't freak out until you can check this out". That way I was spending the time between sessions NOT freaked out, instead of freaked out. But if she *is* getting mad, then this might not work for you.
Life is so confusing.
Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 15:27:39
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on March 19, 2004, at 15:02:27
Sometimes I wonder if my therapist is just more in touch with or honest about her countertransference than other therapists are, and if that's the case, I respect that a lot, I think. I value honesty and openness a great deal (who doesn't?).Anyway, perhaps I need to learn to say to myself, "Even if she *is* mad at me, it doesn't mean she doesn't care about me, and it certainly isn't the end of the world." That's also true and an important lesson to learn. It's just that I feel so dependent on her that I'm *extremely* vulnerable, and afraid of losing even a part of her because of her anger.
> >But I do have this problem of what do I do when my session makes me feel like crud and I'm all paranoid but I don't feel like I can call her because she'll be mad at me. I guess I need to talk to her about this soon. Because it would be nice not to have to carry that depression and paranoia around with me for days.
>
> It seems like your therapist does admit to countertransference reasonably frequently. I think that it is good when they can admit to it, but I'm a little concerned that she is running into her issues so frequently. Maybe your particular issues happen to bump into her particular issues a lot - maybe other clients don't "push her buttons" as much as you do.
>
> I have been able to work on the issue of surviving until my next session when I think my therapist is mad. For me, it took many times of being miserable until my next session, and then having him reassure me that my fears were unfounded. Over time, I was able to tell myself "Your fears are probably unfounded, so don't freak out until you can check this out". That way I was spending the time between sessions NOT freaked out, instead of freaked out. But if she *is* getting mad, then this might not work for you.
>
> Life is so confusing.
Posted by Dinah on March 19, 2004, at 16:10:38
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » Dinah, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 14:11:28
He meets with a peer supervisory group. I'm guessing when he blurted out his countertransference, he realized that it was affecting therapy and sought help. He got over it pretty quickly and the dynamic changed a lot.
I also worked hard at showing him the ways in which I was *not* like other people in his life, and confronting his distorted perceptions of me whenever I saw them, while admitting to those parts that were true.
But mainly I think it was the supervision.
Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 16:20:38
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2004, at 16:10:38
Posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 16:27:59
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 9:15:15
Geez, I wish we could have this discussion in real time because there are so many ways to go with it.
First -- Honestly, do you think you are suffocating and this is the issue you are working on in therapy? You don't have to answer if here if you don't want to, obviously.
But if the answer is no, and I see in your post to Dinah that you don't see yourself as "needy" in the real world, then I have to wonder what it is in therapy that has been activated. For me, it is the little kid who wants a safe base, someone that won't fail her. If you need your therapist to be that for you, she should. To know your Therapist will be angry at you for showing you need her, I don't think that this makes it safe for you to be honest. Even if you need to work on the fact that someone being angry isn't the end of the world. Justifiable anger...like you call her 12 times a week and do generally intrusive behavioral stuff. Doesn't sound like that is what you are doing.
I find it really amazing that she gets angry at people who need her and yet she is a Therapist. How do you rectify those two things? This is one of those rhetorical questions I'm sending out to the universe. I'm not criticizing, it just seems incongruous to me. I don't think you WANT to need her, you just do. So your sense of self is tied up with her right now, she needs to help you find your own strength by showing you it is OK to need people. She could even say, "I'm sorry, I'm really not available on weekends. Let's work together to figure out what will work for you to get the support you need to not be miserable between sessions." Then you could have a list of friends to call, Babble, write in your journal, bake, etc. I've worked on these things with my Therapist so that while it is OK to call him, he knows I feel immensely guilty about doing this, so we have alternatives in place. Also, when I do call, he knows things to suggest that will work for me, if I need distractions or other supports.
I don't remember if I said it before, so I'll say it again. Checking in before you leave the session can be really useful to clear up some of your feelings about her being upset with you. That way you don't suffer with your own worries. Ask her to stop 5 minutes early and check in with you: "how do you feel about what we've done today? or "do you have any questions or concerns before you leave?" This will only work if you can stick to ending, not bringing in a new issue at the end. My staff calls these door knob bombs...the parents drop something really important as their home visitor is leaving.
I wish it wasn't so hard for you. Therapy is suppose to help. It isn't always suppose to feel good or be easy but I think knowing our Therapist's want to be working with us is important.
I hope you can find peace this weekend and not spend too much time worrying. I'm glad you took the chance and sent the email. I do think you need to talk more about it Monday.
Daisy
Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 18:17:37
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 16:27:59
I wish we could have this in real time, too. I'm so confused that my head is spinning.
Now that you point it out, I realize I *don't* think I have an issue with needing or suffocating people. I might have had that problem a long time ago, but I seem to have sorted it out. It's *not* one of the things I'm working on in therapy.
I do, on the other hand, seem to have the problem of blaming or putting the responsibility for my decisions onto other people, either before- or after-the-fact, and I do that with her and it makes her feel "pressure." Which makes her want to pull away and see me less often, for example. I don't think it's the wanting to see her that makes her feel the pressure, but the blaming and wanting her to fix things. And that makes her want to see me less often. Does that make sense?
But I'm so confused right now. I'm not sure I'm getting this right. And maybe the reason I don't have this problem right now in the real world is because she sort of *is* my world, so I'm not vulnerable, clingy, or needy with other people, because she's the only one I feel like doing that with. (And yeah, I would think it's something like this for me, too: >>For me, it is the little kid who wants a safe base, someone that won't fail her.)
>>>If you need your therapist to be that for you, she should. To know your Therapist will be angry at you for showing you need her, I don't think that this makes it safe for you to be honest.
I agree. It puts me in a really bad situation where I end up being kind of passive aggressive (?) -- rather than asking for what I need, I send her a sort of coded request for what I need. That's what I did yesterday. I wanted her to reassure me, and I wanted to just ask for that, but I was afraid that would be putting too much "pressure" on her. So, instead I emailed her and said I felt terrible and thought she hated me and wished we could rewind and redo that session and talk about something else. And she ended up understanding the code (it's probably not that subtle and she's perceptive) and reassuring me, but I think it would be better if I felt like I could be more direct about what I need.
Your idea about checking up at the end of the session is a good one. I also think I should get her to clarify her weekend "policy" if she has one, just so I *know* what the boundaries are. I have a feeling she doesn't have one.
I'm also thinking of bringing in some of the posts on this thread and showing them to her on Monday, but I'm kind of scared to do that (I've told her about Babble but I haven't ever shown her a post -- it makes me feel very exposed, the idea of doing that). Also, I'm afraid it would just take too long for her to read the whole thread, and I feel like it's important for her to read the whole thing. Ugh. I'm silly, aren't I?
Thanks, Daisy. Your posts are extremely thoughtful and helpful.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 19, 2004, at 19:30:08
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 18:17:37
Crushed I don't think youre silly at all....I think it is a great idea
>>I'm also thinking of bringing in some of the posts on this thread and showing them to her on Monday, but I'm kind of scared to do that (I've told her about Babble but I haven't ever shown her a post -- it makes me feel very exposed, the idea of doing that). Also, I'm afraid it would just take too long for her to read the whole thread, and I feel like it's important for her to read the whole thing. Ugh. I'm silly, aren't I?>
Posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 19:51:16
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 18:17:37
Next time we'll use Babble Open. I should have thought of it before.
I don't think you are silly at all! I don't bring in threads because I feel exposed too. But I might talk about "a friend" if I need to clarify something that was said to me here.
My Therapist says "your needs are your needs, just like your feelings are your feelings. You don't always get your needs met, and that is OK. But it doesn't make you bad for having them in the first place." Which is reassuring because I'm aghast that I have this dependency thing going on at all. You should believe the same thing about your self and your needs. You are allowed to have needs and wants. You shouldn't have to worry about her reaction to your truths. It sounds like you are trying to find a way to own what is clearly her stuff. You've switch from "needing" her to "blaming" her in your descriptions. I'm not criticizing, just pointing out that this may truly be all about her. And that makes it hard for you but not your fault. Blaming her actually would be something you would expect her to be able to handle. It is transference in its purest form. *sigh* I wish it wasn't so hard for you.
Maybe it might be time to stop trying to figure it out, have a rest, go to happy hour, dinner or the movies. Taking your mind off of therapy for awhile and live your life. Come back to it fresh. Enjoy the weekend.
D
Posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 20:05:23
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 19:51:16
I never heard of Babble Open. Is that a real thing?Thanks, Daisy. You are so sweet and kind and helpful. You're right, I'm going to try to stop thinking about tx for at least a few hours, if I can (that's a big "if").
> Next time we'll use Babble Open. I should have thought of it before.
>
> I don't think you are silly at all! I don't bring in threads because I feel exposed too. But I might talk about "a friend" if I need to clarify something that was said to me here.
>
> My Therapist says "your needs are your needs, just like your feelings are your feelings. You don't always get your needs met, and that is OK. But it doesn't make you bad for having them in the first place." Which is reassuring because I'm aghast that I have this dependency thing going on at all. You should believe the same thing about your self and your needs. You are allowed to have needs and wants. You shouldn't have to worry about her reaction to your truths. It sounds like you are trying to find a way to own what is clearly her stuff. You've switch from "needing" her to "blaming" her in your descriptions. I'm not criticizing, just pointing out that this may truly be all about her. And that makes it hard for you but not your fault. Blaming her actually would be something you would expect her to be able to handle. It is transference in its purest form. *sigh* I wish it wasn't so hard for you.
>
> Maybe it might be time to stop trying to figure it out, have a rest, go to happy hour, dinner or the movies. Taking your mind off of therapy for awhile and live your life. Come back to it fresh. Enjoy the weekend.
> D
Posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 23:53:01
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 19, 2004, at 20:05:23
babble open is a chat room on Yahoo. You can get to it from a link at the bottom of this page. I check in and out over there some days between 5 and 7 West Coast time. I hope I run into you sometime.
D
Posted by crushedout on March 20, 2004, at 0:03:31
In reply to Babble Open, posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 23:53:01
that's really cool. i had no idea it existed.
Posted by crushedout on March 20, 2004, at 15:51:42
In reply to Re: Babble Open » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 20, 2004, at 0:03:31
I feel so much better. I'm coping really well and Monday doesn't seem like it's an eternity away anymore.Just wanted to let y'all know. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback and support as always.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 21, 2004, at 13:18:46
In reply to Re: Babble Open » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 20, 2004, at 0:03:31
Ok, I was going to try out the "babble-open" chat thing, so I joined the group, clicked the chat link, and waited...
The chat window opened up and said, "Logging lonelygirl_12345 into the chat system..." but then NOTHING HAPPENS! The window just stays blank, and the "chatters" list remains empty. If I type something in and click send, what I typed disappears from the input box, but it doesn't appear in the chat window.
This happened yesterday afternoon, last night, and again today... I have a good connection... Why isn't it working???
Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2004, at 15:11:01
In reply to Anyone else having problems with the chat?, posted by lonelygirl on March 21, 2004, at 13:18:46
Yahoo likes to have fun with users, I think. It often takes me a few tries (over and over all in a row) before it works. :(
Posted by terrics on March 22, 2004, at 7:57:17
In reply to crash after a great week, posted by crushedout on March 18, 2004, at 18:35:52
Well now it's Monday and you can hash this out with your T. It really a shame that you had so many days ruined. I didn't read all the posts. Did you call her? Good luck today. I hope you plan on discussing her behavior with her. terrics
Posted by crushedout on March 22, 2004, at 8:01:59
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » crushedout, posted by terrics on March 22, 2004, at 7:57:17
yes, i get to see her in a couple hours. actually, thanks to you guys, my weekend was pretty good. i managed to get myself out of the depression i fell into. isn't that amazing? i think it is. also, i didn't call her, but i emailed her and she replied. that helped also. but i am going to "confront" her today on the stuff she said to me, which i don't think was very helpful, and i'm inclined to think was even hostile. hmm. i dunno.> Well now it's Monday and you can hash this out with your T. It really a shame that you had so many days ruined. I didn't read all the posts. Did you call her? Good luck today. I hope you plan on discussing her behavior with her. terrics
Posted by crushedout on March 25, 2004, at 23:41:22
In reply to Re: crash after a great week » terrics, posted by crushedout on March 22, 2004, at 8:01:59
Well, I saw my T three times again this week. On Monday when I went in we talked about my crash and I told her that I thought she must have been mad at me because I experienced her as hostile and contemptuous. She said she hadn't been mad at all and can't remember ever feeling contempt for me. I told her about how her email helped and especially the support I got from you guys here. And I tried to explain my confusion from this thread to her (although I didn't show her the posts, even though I'd printed them out -- I chickened out -- besides, they were too long).
Anyway, she said that I definitely wasn't "too needy," that I was as needy as I was, but that there would be times she wouldn't be able to fill my needs. I explained that the problem for me was that I was always fretting over how much I dare ask for because I don't want to make her mad at me the way she was that weekend I called her during a crisis. Not only because I don't want her to be mad at me (which of course I don't) but also because then *I* suffered because she would meet even *fewer* of my needs the way she did the week after that phone call.
She definitely seemed to realize the difficulty of the situation I'm in, of being very scared to ask for things and not knowing where the line is, but we haven't figured out how to resolve this problem yet.
I'm still pretty confused but I'm glad she sees the bind I'm in.
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