![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 12:15:38
Although the I loathe the term "abandoned", I do have "abandonment issues". After working five years with therapist, when I went to a residential treatment program after a long battle, she told me she couldn't see me anymore - over the phone. It is devastating but luckily when I got out, my psychiatrist moved in to grab the reins. But I live in a constant state of fear of having the same exact thing happen again. I'm doing better than I have ever done, but I cannot put this painful episode behind me.
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:44:44
In reply to therapist left, posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 12:15:38
You should try speaking with your new therapist about your fear. I'm sure this therapist will do everything s/he can to put your mind at ease about your abandonment issues. It is unfortunate to lose a therapist. I lost one in the past, as our time ran out, but I found an even better one! My first one didn't really even help me (not that it wasn't my fault as well).
Good luck
Karen
Posted by mair on November 20, 2003, at 13:47:52
In reply to therapist left, posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 12:15:38
What reason did she give you? I've never been in the hospital, but it was discussed pretty seriously once, and my therapist made it very clear that while she couldn't treat me while I was there, she would be waiting for me when I got out. I would have felt equally as "abandoned" as you did.
Mair
Posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:00:11
In reply to Re: therapist left » zenn4, posted by mair on November 20, 2003, at 13:47:52
Unfortunately, she let me go after five long, hard years because I was "too suicidal". She said "suicide is here (drawing a line) and you are right here (drawing another line next to it.) Many things happened, many deaths and many losses - in my life that we went through - and finally I guess, she just got fed up and scared. I want to desperately give her the benefit of the doubt but she left after she swore she wouldn't. Those long years of therapy was difficult, because I had stayed with something I was uncomfortable with (people) - and then to have someone just summarily drop me is very hard to deal with.
Posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:05:54
In reply to Re: therapist left, posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:00:11
Jeez...I'm so sorry. That sucks.
I find it so hard to imagine a therapist dropping you because you are suicidal or because you end up in the hospital. I've seen other people here on the board say that similar things have happened to them. Which makes me want to say - maybe the therapist is in the wrong business? I dunno.
I was in the hospital over the summer, and my T called me almost every day to check on me, as did my pdoc. Though I do find myself getting nervous, sometimes, that maybe if I'm not getting 'better' fast enough I'll get referred on. Did she refer you to someone else?
P
Posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:13:42
In reply to Re: therapist left » zenn4, posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:05:54
No, she didn't even give me a referral. I guess she figured it wasn't her problem anymore. It was so weird and so hurtful. But I am very lucky that my psychiatrist stepped in and took over the therapy. I don't know what I would've done without her, because I was so attached to this therapist. But I fear getting too attached again, if I take a down turn.
Posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:42:48
In reply to Re: therapist left, posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:13:42
She didn't give you a referral? I think that is extremely unethical, and I can completely understand how you would be wary of getting attached like that to someone again.
It is very weird, and thank goodness for your pdoc. I really hope she can help you gain some closure.
I don't know...I would feel like reporting her to the licensing board. I had a pdoc (the one right before the one I have now) who stopped returning my calls when I told him that I wanted to see another doc, and he left me on 80mgs of Paxil with no refills and feeling suicidal. I had to go to my internist for a refill while I was trying to find a new pdoc. In retrospect, I really wish I had reported him to the board of medicine in my state. It scares me to think that he might do the same thing to someone else. I truly could have died...
P
Posted by mair on November 21, 2003, at 9:50:48
In reply to Re: therapist left, posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:00:11
This is all pretty frightening. Several years ago I was referred to my current therapist for some short term stress management. It didn't take her long to figure out that I needed much more than that. Because of the circumstances of my becoming her patient, I've always had this feeling that I arrived under false pretenses, and that my therapist doesn't want to deal with someone who's problems are as well-entrenched as mine are. I've frequently thought that she would love to find a way out but can't because of my abandonment issues.
When we've talked about this, she's taken great pains to convince me that none of this is the case. But still, when things are going badly and I'm feeling particularly unlikeable/unloveable I firmly believe that I am more trouble than I'm worth to her. I've even thought sometimes that I should quit therapy to take her off the hook and spare her the aggravation of treating me and the pain of being the treating therapist of a patient who's committed suicide.
Because of that, it's a little horrifying to hear that in spite of her protestations to the contrary, some therapists will drop patients who have become too troublesome.
Mair
Posted by zenn4 on November 21, 2003, at 9:59:31
In reply to Re: therapist left » zenn4, posted by mair on November 21, 2003, at 9:50:48
Yes, we must also realize that our therapists have their own baggage regarding suicide or death and sometimes it just gets to be too much. Even though I know this intellectually, it is extremely disconcerting emotionally. I find that there is no such thing as a promise. because she promised, no swore, repeatedly not to let me go - that she knew all my issues and pithy problems - and then went ahead anyway and did it. I do not think, it is because I was too troublesome but because of her issues with my then imminent suicide. Which to me, is inexcusable because you are a therapist, you just don't work with the "worried well" but the truly sick also. She knew what she was getting into. And you just don't sever a relationship of five years and turn tail and run. This is a little harsh, I know. but I am having trouble with the loss.
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2003, at 10:53:50
In reply to Re: therapist left » mair, posted by zenn4 on November 21, 2003, at 9:59:31
I agree with you. And I feel so strongly about it that I can't even really post about it. :(((
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Posted by mair on November 21, 2003, at 11:56:40
In reply to Re: therapist left » zenn4, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2003, at 10:53:50
Zenn - I'm with Dinah. You have every right to be angry and upset and your experience has touched a nerve with all of us who occasionally feel on some level that our therapists would love to get rid of us. I hope this is something you can hash out with your much more responsible pdoc.
Mair
Posted by zenn4 on November 21, 2003, at 12:00:15
In reply to Re: therapist left, posted by mair on November 21, 2003, at 11:56:40
Thanks for all the encouraging responses. It's appreciated.
Posted by judy1 on November 21, 2003, at 16:50:30
In reply to Re: therapist left, posted by zenn4 on November 21, 2003, at 12:00:15
The same thing happened to me for the very same reason- a suicide attempt. My therp called the hospital and said he could no longer work with me. To be fair, I think some of them have lost patients before and simply can't go through the pain again. Not that I didn't feel completely abandoned and despite having a great pdoc and therp now, I doubt I'll ever reach that level of trust I had with him. It took about a year for me to get over the pain. You're very fortunate to have a shrink that took over, I had no one. I would discuss your feelings of abandonment, lack of trust. etc. for as long as you need to.
Take care, judy
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.