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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 16, 2003, at 3:59:50
He stood over my desk, a broken man but still holding together.
Mr. Willie Adams is a truck driver for our company.
He has worked for the company for 17 years.
He has been married for 39 years.
Last month, his wife died.
The death of a spouse is psychologically rated as the toughest thing a person will ever deal with in life.
It was Mr. Adams toughest thing.
"I have no guilt," he said.
"I did all for her that I could do in our 39 years. There was nothing more that I could have done. If she asked for the moon, I tried to reach up and grab it for her."
Those were his words. Those were his feelings.
He is not an academically educated man.
He is not rich by the world's standards.
But Mr. Adams had something that few possess,
an undying, unselfish love.
He said, "We married for love and made a vow 'till death do us
part' and we kept it."
It's the toughest thing that psychologists say we will ever endure. Sooner or later, in all married couples, one must leave
the other behind.Now is the time to begin traveling the path so that if you are the one staying on the earth a little longer you can say,
"I did all that I could do, I did my best."
Posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 9:43:19
In reply to A Broken Man, posted by galkeepinon on October 16, 2003, at 3:59:50
What a beautiful post. What a gift they gave each other.
However, I believe that the scale is wrong. Death of a spouse is not the toughest thing. Watching your spouse die...slowly, fighting each step of the way, knowing you can't stop it, is way worse. Watching them turn bitter and angry is worse still. My husband is not even 45 yet, and has two severe chronic illnesses (not cancer) which are destroying him, a system at a time. I can deal with all of the medical stuff -- I knew it when I married him, at least as much as any 21 year old can comprehend, but the anger, resentment and "why me" is beginning to take its toll. Does he believe in therapy? No. Does he need it? yes.
I think the journey will be harder than the end.
Posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:00:54
In reply to Re: A Broken Man » galkeepinon, posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 9:43:19
Sorry the above post was so negative/downer. Tough night and it struck a nerve. :(
The sentiments expressed in Broken man are beautiful and should be taken as such.
Posted by WakingDreamer on October 16, 2003, at 13:34:43
In reply to A Broken Man, posted by galkeepinon on October 16, 2003, at 3:59:50
thats so beautiful galkeepinon, thank you for sharing with us. i think the message is true whether were married or not, its true for life. i cant say i have no regrets about my marriage, but i accept that i did as much as humanly possible given my constraints, and i pray he knows it from the grave.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 17, 2003, at 3:26:01
In reply to Re: A Broken Man, posted by WakingDreamer on October 16, 2003, at 13:34:43
You are very welcome WakingDreamer.
I'm sure he knows it;-)
Take Care.
> thats so beautiful galkeepinon, thank you for sharing with us. i think the message is true whether were married or not, its true for life. i cant say i have no regrets about my marriage, but i accept that i did as much as humanly possible given my constraints, and i pray he knows it from the grave.
Posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:50:34
In reply to Sorry for the negative post above, posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:00:54
Daisy,
((((Daisy))))
Threads are big enough to hold two thoughts at once. Broken Man's grief coupled with his assurance that he lived his marriage the way he wanted to is inspiration to us all.
Your trial, is equally important. Not only are you watching your husband's body fail, but your hopes and dreams are also slipping away. It doesn't matter how much you knew about his health when you married him. I'm sure you still had dreams that there might be a miracle, or a new treatment, or just better luck that would make things easier. And that lets you dream of your future together. It is hard to see those dreams start to seem impossible.
For you, the process probably will be worse than the end. I hope that you can let the unrealistic dreams slip away (try Penny's teflon suit?) so that they won't give you pain, and enjoy holding each other in this moment.
Posted by DaisyM on October 19, 2003, at 18:16:29
In reply to Re: Sorry for the negative post above » DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:50:34
I hadn't heard of the teflon suit before but it sounds like made to order...
Thanks for understanding. Sometimes grief and frustration get through my fingertips before I realize it. It's funny because I am so good at watching what I say or how I present things. Stuff just comes pouring out when I write. Hazard of being a wordsmith I guess. Maybe we should have lap tops in therapy sessions so we could email or IM back and forth. Think how much we could get done! :)
-D
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