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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:19:16
by Alice Miller
My therapist has recommended it several times, and I've read it several times. I still don't understand it or how it applies to me. It seems to me that it blames all parents for something I don't quite understand about being less than totally empathetic. All it does is makes me feel guilty about what errors I must be making with my son.
Does anyone have a cliff notes version they could run down for me?
Posted by Tabitha on August 6, 2003, at 13:09:58
In reply to Anyone read The Drama of the Gifted Child, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:19:16
I read it, and remember thinking it was very melodramatic. It seemed like the whole point it was trying to make was you should take infants needs seriously, and believe that having those needs thwarted was traumatizing. I can see how reading it as a parent would be pretty traumatizing itself!
Maybe it was groundbreaking in its time, before people had come to accept the notion that childhood trauma has lasting effects. Now I think most people start with that belief, so the original work isn't in the right context any more.
Posted by stjames on August 6, 2003, at 17:45:21
In reply to Anyone read The Drama of the Gifted Child, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:19:16
It seems to me that it blames all parents for something I don't quite understand about being less than totally empathetic.
I don't do "blame" so I liked this book. It is a given that parents do many things wrong, kids do not come with instructions. Good people make mistakes, and they need to own these facts and not try to deflect the responsibility of this with "blame" or "guilt"
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 17:52:43
In reply to Re: Anyone read The Drama of the Gifted Child, posted by stjames on August 6, 2003, at 17:45:21
So St James, you liked the book. That must mean you understand it. What is the message I'm supposed to be getting from the book? I'm totally stymied.
And of course, the fact that my therapist smugly understands why I don't understand just makes my frustration worse.
Posted by stjames on August 6, 2003, at 18:33:27
In reply to Anyone read The Drama of the Gifted Child, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 10:19:16
It has been 25 years since I have read it, and much of it is mixed in with my thearpy and how
Millers ideas applied to my situation. So it is fuzzy."Gifted" has nothing to do with talent, I.Q.,
ect. Children take on their parents wants and agendas and numb their own wants and needs. Children become mirrors for their parents needs.
In adulthood folks replay, again and again this issues and get stuck on issues that really are not their own, but thir parents. Children do not attend to their need and never get in touch with them. Their identy is defined by their parents.Quite a lot of this work is about abuse. The gift children have is to numb all this. So an adult who was abused, reading this book, is not going to get it because they supressed all of this in childhood with Millers "gift".
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 19:01:30
In reply to Re: Anyone read The Drama of the Gifted Child, posted by stjames on August 6, 2003, at 18:33:27
Thanks, St James, for the summary. And especially for explaining the reason my therapist was so unsurprised that I didn't get it.
I'll give it some more thought and hope to get that ah-hah experience.
Posted by fallsfall on August 6, 2003, at 21:59:35
In reply to Re: Anyone read The Drama of the Gifted Child, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2003, at 19:01:30
I read it a couple of months ago. There were a couple of sections where I saw myself, but in general I thought it was extreme. I didn't even finish the book (which is quite unusual for me).
This is the end of the thread.
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