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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KrissyP on March 8, 2003, at 22:19:41
Hi, I have been posting on Psycho-Babble, but tonight and lately I think I need more like this board. I am so frustrated. I have been in and out of therapy, on meds, etc., but I have some HUGE issues right now. I moved back to live with my mom for the first time since 18-and I can't stop worrying about her. She does absolutely everything for everyone else-but not for her. She is smoking a lot (something I myself picked up just at 29) and I'm so scared for HER I am crying. I don't know what to do. I do A LOT for her, but I feel like it's not enough.
I am 32,like I said, a HUGE issue for me. My brother, 42, also lives here (he has a criminal history-but we get along good-even though I am allowing him to tell me things I don't want to hear even when I say "so you're gonna tell me anyway" to him and he still tells me-COMPLETELY ignores me) that took a lot of guts for me to just say that (the criminal record part) My mom does a lot for him, he has arthrogroposis and he seems so ungrateful at times. In the meantime, I am worrying and sticking my nose in my family's business simply because I care-but it's making me crazy. We have 2 dogs-1 of which is my puppy when I came back to live here whom we love dearly, but lately, especially the last few days it has been sooooooooooooo stressful. My brother is so angry and he only thinks about himself, but again, I love him and probably am his only friend. (There are reasons he lives in my mom's house at age 42)I hope I don't sound like a lunatic,it is just these feelings that have to stop. Why do I feel responsible for my mother's happiness??? I love her to death, but I can't go on like this. She is a big girl.
I feel as if I am the black sheep. I am so different from both my mom and my bro-and I am allowing myself to get weighed down by all that I feel. This is just a quick post, because I am really upset, I am going to see if a shower helps a little here.
Any feedback would be so much appreciated-I am so worried-I feel sick to my stomach.
I hope to talk with someone here before my night is through.
Thanks, Kristen
Posted by PuraVida on March 9, 2003, at 1:47:24
In reply to A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by KrissyP on March 8, 2003, at 22:19:41
Hi Kristin,
I hope a shower helped. I just posted this afternoon (the post right above yours) and guess I am looking for a bit of wisdom, too. I don't post asking for help often, though I do try to contribute and offer support, so it is even more depressing when no one replies to your post.
I was wondering if you are living at home to help your family out, or if you are there because it is best for you. I can't imagine living at home again as an adult - I had my mother live with me when I was her caregiver and it was very stressful, for sure.
Have you done any cognitive therapy? You mention wanting the feelings to stop - thing is - they just don't - otherwise we'd be robots, wouldn't we. The cognitive therapy really has helped me think through uncomfortable feelings - replacing distorted thoughts with more rational ones.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but you say you are so different from your mom, but it seems like you are doing as she does, in the sense that you are trying to take care of everyone else - feeling responsible for your mom's happiness, etc.
I do know that I need to get back into more regular therapy sessions. I changed healthcare and I don't really like my new guy - and so I haven't been. I miss my old therapist. So, maybe that is on your list of things to try too?
Well, I hope you sleep well and have a better day tomorrow -
PV
Posted by catmint on March 9, 2003, at 4:28:48
In reply to A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by KrissyP on March 8, 2003, at 22:19:41
Hey Kristen,
Sorry I didn't get back to you over at psychobabble. IF my typing sucks right now it's because I am a mess. I am think ing of q uit ing lamictal tomorrow. I am having major problems with stress too. I understand how you feel. I'ts co-dependency I think . I feel responsible for my boyfriends happiness. I can't seem to make our lives happy b/c of my ilness (bipolar) right now, I' dont'want to go on. I am crying sooo much, I need to call my pdoc, but he's kinda clueless. I sometimes don't know what to do. I am having major mood swings for the past three days after I increase the Lamictal to 75 mg. I am having the worst PMS ever! I'ts more like during my period, I'm really bad, not before. Anyway, I'm sick of being so messed up. I'm 36 and I should be better by now. I' m not going to give up but I might not take my meds tomorroww. Screw it, I know they are making me cycle like this. Today I woke up depressed and it got worse as the day went on, I was impatient, irritable, and snapping at my son who didn't deserve it. THen I went rock climbing at Indian Rock in Berkeley and Bam! Mood swing to the max, I'm having fun, meeting cool people, then we go to get some coffee and go to a bookstore, I'm still doing great! I'm talking a lot and loving my son more. I get home and my boyfriend and I are getting a long great, we take a shower and go to bed, I try to have sex but Bam! mood swing the other way, snowballs down, down, until I'm crying my eyes out, doubting my existence, wanting to hurt myself(I won't though don't worry), afraid my boyfriend will break up with me cause I'm so messed up. . I cry so hard that you'd think someone died.
Anyway, I'm writing to you now, not crying anymore, just drained, wondering about tomorrow. I want to be stable so bad, I know you do to.
Kristen, are you bipolar? What meds are you on. What have you taken in the past?
I hope you write back .Agian, if my typing sucks. it's because I''st 2 in the mornign and well, you know.
::Amy
Posted by fayeroe on March 9, 2003, at 9:03:07
In reply to A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by KrissyP on March 8, 2003, at 22:19:41
Kristen: You are not responsible for anyone but yourself!! Make that your mantra every hour! I know how you feel about family. Mine is very dysfunctional and I had to move to get away from that. I wanted to live in my childhood home and do my photography and have my animals and instead I'm back in town now (with all the animals...big stress, on death bed my mom asked me to take her 80 lb hyper, barking, loving, guarding idiot dog and he has never lived in town before..only on ranch...so he's stressed too!!but he has learned to sleep with cats and he used to kill them++):) but am away from all that GUILT>>>> What difference does it make if you are 32 and living back at home? You have to be somewhere and right now that is where you are...so suck it up and play with your puppy alot (reduces stress) and tune the brother out when it gets to be too much. Get alot of exercise. I find that when I think I can't go on....I can if I go for a walk or a bike ride....if this sounds simplistic, sometimes that works best. we can worry about this med and that therapy and so on and so forth and sometime's it's up to us to just put our head down and move forward....even an inch counts! xoxoxoxo pat
Posted by SBOATRN on March 9, 2003, at 12:43:19
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by fayeroe on March 9, 2003, at 9:03:07
I agree with the above post. I have been following your post on P/B. I know things are really tough for you and have been for a while. I know your meds have been an issue, too. I wondering if you can figure out what you think will make you feel better ?? Don't blast me for asking that.. it's something I had to contend with myself !! I know it's SOOOO hard when you are in such pain and things around you are a little messed up, too !! I have found I really do know what I SHOULD do... the doing part is where I can get stuck... once I get moving on it... I do alright !! Do you have anyone that you can really confide in ???? ... not therapist necessarily, but just a really good friend, advisor, etc. someone voice to voice.... I feel for you and hope things get better soon !!!
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 0:04:06
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by fayeroe on March 9, 2003, at 9:03:07
Pat!! Thank you so very, very much. I heard every word. A lot of the time I am very hard on myself and my friends-even my hairstylist today, tell me I make a big deal about some small stuff- I am trying really hard to improve on this way of thinking. Off to kiss and love my puppy:-)
Thanks again so much,
Kristen
==================================================================================================> Kristen: You are not responsible for anyone but yourself!! Make that your mantra every hour! I know how you feel about family. Mine is very dysfunctional and I had to move to get away from that. I wanted to live in my childhood home and do my photography and have my animals and instead I'm back in town now (with all the animals...big stress, on death bed my mom asked me to take her 80 lb hyper, barking, loving, guarding idiot dog and he has never lived in town before..only on ranch...so he's stressed too!!but he has learned to sleep with cats and he used to kill them++):) but am away from all that GUILT>>>> What difference does it make if you are 32 and living back at home? You have to be somewhere and right now that is where you are...so suck it up and play with your puppy alot (reduces stress) and tune the brother out when it gets to be too much. Get alot of exercise. I find that when I think I can't go on....I can if I go for a walk or a bike ride....if this sounds simplistic, sometimes that works best. we can worry about this med and that therapy and so on and so forth and sometime's it's up to us to just put our head down and move forward....even an inch counts! xoxoxoxo pat
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 0:09:44
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by SBOATRN on March 9, 2003, at 12:43:19
Hi, Nope, lol, I'm not going to blast you-of course not. Thanks for your reply. So, you've been seeing my posts on P/B??? Now I'm paranoid-JOKE.
Anyway, I get in some stupid moods-really. I hear you 100% here and I know that things could be a lot worse. I should be grateful that I have a mother who cares and let's me live here (paying rent of course) but still. This is just life. The fact that I am not working, upsets me, and the things I want are not necessarily the things I NEED. I understand that, and am getting better and better everyday.
Thanks again for your input,
Kristen
==================================================================================================> I agree with the above post. I have been following your post on P/B. I know things are really tough for you and have been for a while. I know your meds have been an issue, too. I wondering if you can figure out what you think will make you feel better ?? Don't blast me for asking that.. it's something I had to contend with myself !! I know it's SOOOO hard when you are in such pain and things around you are a little messed up, too !! I have found I really do know what I SHOULD do... the doing part is where I can get stuck... once I get moving on it... I do alright !! Do you have anyone that you can really confide in ???? ... not therapist necessarily, but just a really good friend, advisor, etc. someone voice to voice.... I feel for you and hope things get better soon !!!
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 0:16:18
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW » KrissyP, posted by catmint on March 9, 2003, at 4:28:48
Hey :-)
Please hang in there. I am here for you! I am doing better, just a lot to learn and realize day after day to remind myself.
I am no doc but this >>>"I'm having fun, meeting cool people, then we go to get some coffee and go to a bookstore, I'm still doing great! I'm talking a lot and loving my son more. I get home and my boyfriend and I are getting a long great, we take a shower and go to bed, I try to have sex but Bam! mood swing the other way, snowballs down, down, until I'm crying my eyes out, doubting my existence, wanting to hurt myself(I won't though don't worry), afraid my boyfriend will break up with me cause I'm so messed up. . I cry so hard that you'd think someone died".
sounds like Bipolar to the max plus PMS can and does do that to us women (sux)
*Yep-I'm bipolar II (if there is such a difference)
*I have taken every med in the past-you name it-I tried it.
* I am currently taking 50mg Lamictal, 100mg Seroquel, 75mg Effexor-XR, and 2mg Klonoppin ALL at night.
I hope you got some sleep last night sweetie-I know how it feels when you are exhausted and trying to type
Please write back:-)
Kristen
==================================================================================================> Anyway, I'm writing to you now, not crying anymore, just drained, wondering about tomorrow. I want to be stable so bad, I know you do to.
> Kristen, are you bipolar? What meds are you on. What have you taken in the past?
> I hope you write back .Agian, if my typing sucks. it's because I''st 2 in the mornign and well, you know.
> ::Amy
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 0:37:09
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by PuraVida on March 9, 2003, at 1:47:24
Hi PV-yes it is so nice to get replies, but we all get busy. Thanks so much for the reply.
As far as your question>>"I was wondering if you are living at home to help your family out, or if you are there because it is best for you" BOTH LOL Over the years my mom and I have butt heads so bad at times that I got suicidal. My "nana" is also deteriorating and I wanted to be in the area to help-and I'm happy to say I have. Plus, I missed the weather in CA-I moved to Oregon-mistake-friends who I thought were friends turned out not to be BIG TIME-long story...Also, it is the most feasible for my budget right now.
Anyway, yeah, at times I wonder if it would help to be a robot. LOL I have done a lot of therapy. One on one and group, and I have benefited a lot. BUT, I have to say, that as I've gotten more mature, I, myself have been the one to change my thinking processes, of course with the help from the past therapy. My mom and I actually had a talk today-because she tries to take care of MY business. For example: my credit card bills(which is minimal). I know she wants to help, but I told he that we need to break this cycle of her not trusting me to do the right things and be responsible. My dad seemed to be good with me on that. I told my mom that I loved her and I wanted to try to decrease the stress between us concerning this issue, I then went out and bought her a coffee maker-she'd been needing one for weeks, I also told her I would pay for her to get her hair done by the awesome stylist I go to for her birthday at the end of this month. I did these things because she deserves it:-)
That's the thing-when I have lived away since I was 18, I did a lot better. I am hoping this is a temporary living arrangement-as I have to have my space and she needs hers. I am in school full-time and I plan to look for a place AND my puppy this summer-when school settles down a bit. Yeah, I am a lot like my mom in some ways, but a lot different in other ways. I get some wonderful traits from her:-)
I thought about going back to therapy. My favorite therapist-I got angry at and don't think I could call to ask her for help again. I get angry at therapists that get too close. I am getting better though. If it gets worse, I will most likely seek out therapy again, but today was busy, and better.
How are you???
Hope to hear back,
Kristen
==================================================================================================Hi Kristin,
I hope a shower helped. I just posted this afternoon (the post right above yours) and guess I am looking for a bit of wisdom, too. I don't post asking for help often, though I do try to contribute and offer support, so it is even more depressing when no one replies to your post.
I was wondering if you are living at home to help your family out, or if you are there because it is best for you. I can't imagine living at home again as an adult - I had my mother live with me when I was her caregiver and it was very stressful, for sure.
Have you done any cognitive therapy? You mention wanting the feelings to stop - thing is - they just don't - otherwise we'd be robots, wouldn't we. The cognitive therapy really has helped me think through uncomfortable feelings - replacing distorted thoughts with more rational ones.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but you say you are so different from your mom, but it seems like you are doing as she does, in the sense that you are trying to take care of everyone else - feeling responsible for your mom's happiness, etc.
I do know that I need to get back into more regular therapy sessions. I changed healthcare and I don't really like my new guy - and so I haven't been. I miss my old therapist. So, maybe that is on your list of things to try too?
Well, I hope you sleep well and have a better day tomorrow -
PV
Posted by PuraVida on March 10, 2003, at 0:54:45
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW » PuraVida, posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 0:37:09
Hi Kristen,
I'm better today - in the sense that I am just getting through the day the best way I know how. For some reason I have found it quite comfortable to sit at my computer today and organize my photo album on the web site I am building. It relieves my guilt, because I've been wanting to do it, and I'll have something to "show" for my time, and it keeps me focused. It also helps me get back in touch with who I am.
Still, I am going to call the Dr. tomorrow, and I am going to make a much bigger effort to get back to looking at my thought processes. You probably saw the CBT thread Matt started...
I find, as much as I don't want to see it, I have picked up traits from both of my parents - positive and negative. This can really be bad when mom always says "daddy is bad because he is this way and that way" and then you realize - hey - but I'm that way too! So the CBT helps with that, too.
Its hard to find a good therapist, for sure, but worth it when you do. My last one was just like a big mirror - she always helped me see just what was going on with me - patterns, etc. I always felt like I learned or remembered something about myself when I saw her, and that gave me hope.
Well, I'm going to try to get some better sleep tonight - the extra Effexor I took yesterday drove me bonkers last night -
Take care,
PV
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 1:08:25
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW » KrissyP, posted by PuraVida on March 10, 2003, at 0:54:45
Good for you:-)
I hope I can see your website some time. What a great thing for you! Also, I heard once (actually a few times) that "What you see in others often reflects what you see in yourself" That includes the good:-) Keep the faith.
Take good care,
Kristen
==================================================================================================
Hi Kristen,
I'm better today - in the sense that I am just getting through the day the best way I know how. For some reason I have found it quite comfortable to sit at my computer today and organize my photo album on the web site I am building. It relieves my guilt, because I've been wanting to do it, and I'll have something to "show" for my time, and it keeps me focused. It also helps me get back in touch with who I am. Still, I am going to call the Dr. tomorrow, and I am going to make a much bigger effort to get back to looking at my thought processes. You probably saw the CBT thread Matt started...
I find, as much as I don't want to see it, I have picked up traits from both of my parents - positive and negative. This can really be bad when mom always says "daddy is bad because he is this way and that way" and then you realize - hey - but I'm that way too! So the CBT helps with that, too.
Its hard to find a good therapist, for sure, but worth it when you do. My last one was just like a big mirror - she always helped me see just what was going on with me - patterns, etc. I always felt like I learned or remembered something about myself when I saw her, and that gave me hope.
Well, I'm going to try to get some better sleep tonight - the extra Effexor I took yesterday drove me bonkers last night -
Take care,
PV
Posted by SBOATRN on March 10, 2003, at 6:30:24
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW » SBOATRN, posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 0:09:44
Hi Kristen,
Please don't get *paranoid* ... also, a joke !!! I just could tell that you were having problems and it was a *concern* thing. I am really hoping things will get better for you. I have a problem with being controlled by my moods, too.... common problem for us in this *boat* !!! I can get really negative and not look at ANYTHING positive. I'm working on that. I do wonder what in our nature, as humans, makes us do that ?? Anyway, I still wish you the best. You seem like a person who deserves a good break and things to get straightened out for you. We all deserve that, really !!! Hang in there !!
Good thoughts for you,
SBB> Hi, Nope, lol, I'm not going to blast you-of course not. Thanks for your reply. So, you've been seeing my posts on P/B??? Now I'm paranoid-JOKE.
> Anyway, I get in some stupid moods-really. I hear you 100% here and I know that things could be a lot worse. I should be grateful that I have a mother who cares and let's me live here (paying rent of course) but still. This is just life. The fact that I am not working, upsets me, and the things I want are not necessarily the things I NEED. I understand that, and am getting better and better everyday.
> Thanks again for your input,
> Kristen
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 12:45:24
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by SBOATRN on March 10, 2003, at 6:30:24
Hiya! Thanks for your concern-it is so much appreciated. I was also thinking that it is so good to get out of myself-which I am getting better at. I am trying to help others, but while setting boundaries for what I can take on. I am looking a lot more at what I can do for others rather than getting on a pity-pot LOL
Keep posting k? and *hugs* to you,
Good thoughts for you too, and good "vibes" sent your way! :-)
Kristen
==================================================================================================
Hi Kristen,
Please don't get *paranoid* ... also, a joke !!! I just could tell that you were having problems and it was a *concern* thing. I am really hoping things will get better for you. I have a problem with being controlled by my moods, too.... common problem for us in this *boat* !!! I can get really negative and not look at ANYTHING positive. I'm working on that. I do wonder what in our nature, as humans, makes us do that ?? Anyway, I still wish you the best. You seem like a person who deserves a good break and things to get straightened out for you. We all deserve that, really !!! Hang in there !!
Good thoughts for you,
SBB
Posted by SBOATRN on March 10, 2003, at 13:12:16
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW » SBOATRN, posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 12:45:24
Great to hear from you today. You sound better. Little bit at a time, I say. Hope your trend continues. I would love to encourage you any way I can. You have alot going for you.. to include *the kindness of strangers*, I know it helps me to unload (good stuff and not so good stuff) and know someone is *listening*. Take really good care !!!
Posted by KrissyP on March 10, 2003, at 14:20:53
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by SBOATRN on March 10, 2003, at 13:12:16
Great to hear from you too:-)
Thank you for your encouragement-I appreciate it so much. I am here for you also.
I am listening. Take good care,Kristen
================================================================================================== Great to hear from you today. You sound better. Little bit at a time, I say. Hope your trend continues. I would love to encourage you any way I can. You have alot going for you.. to include *the kindness of strangers*, I know it helps me to unload (good stuff and not so good stuff) and know someone is *listening*. Take really good care !!!
Posted by KrissyP on March 11, 2003, at 1:21:37
In reply to Re: A PLEA-PLEASE ANY ADVICE-I'M NEW, posted by SBOATRN on March 10, 2003, at 13:12:16
Thank you again for this!
Isn't the *kindness of strangers* great???
All the best and keep me posted on ya!
Kristen
================================================================================================== Great to hear from you today. You sound better. Little bit at a time, I say. Hope your trend continues. I would love to encourage you any way I can. You have alot going for you.. to include *the kindness of strangers*, I know it helps me to unload (good stuff and not so good stuff) and know someone is *listening*. Take really good care !!!
This is the end of the thread.
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