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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by nikita on December 18, 2002, at 8:59:41
I couldn’t wait to get to my computer to post this morning. You are all strangers but I feel you are the only ones who would understand. I’m having a lot of trouble getting past something. I’m 31, divorced, and dating a man with three kids. I have a 4 year old daughter. I haven’t meant his kids yet and we’ve been dating since the spring. He remarked at one time that he was “concerned” about me being around the kids because of my cutting. Well, that made me feel horrible, like a monster. I’m on Risperdal for it which is really helping and feel I’m doing better with it, but still cut sometimes. I told him I have made a pact to myself never to do it when my daughter is home, and that I was really hurt, like I was too crazy to be around children (his are older, teens). Now all of a sudden he wants me to spend Christmas with them to get to know them. I haven’t even met them. On the one hand, of course I want him to be honest with me about how he feels, I know my problem is hard on him too. He caught me once and was really freaked. It was one of those small cuts but lots of blood episodes and it really shoot him, understandably. And I really can’t say how I would feel if I were in his shoes. I just can’t get past the fact that he has concerns about me around his kids. Despite the depression and cutting, I am confident I am a great mom and knowing what he thinks just makes me feel 10 times worse. Just makes me want to cut more. I’m so sad today, and can’t stop thinking about what HE thinks about me. He’s been very supportive and understanding but when he starts talking about what is in the best interest of his children, it makes me feel like a monster.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 18, 2002, at 16:59:27
In reply to Cutting affecting relationship, posted by nikita on December 18, 2002, at 8:59:41
niki
thats a tough one.
you should print off the si page for him.
i understand your pain.
my hubby hurts me more with his "snap out of it"attitude about depression-other than my obsession with sharp shiny things.
thanks to me i wont be wearing shorts anytime soon.
i think we punish ourselves enough with our guilt.
we dont need those outsiders to add to it.
be strong(i know you are)-
atleat we dont beat our kids!lol
jyl
Posted by judy1 on December 18, 2002, at 19:56:21
In reply to Cutting affecting relationship, posted by nikita on December 18, 2002, at 8:59:41
The best thing I ever did for my relationship and my SI was bring my spouse in with me to my therapist for a joint session. she explained everything in such a logical way that he completely understood and has been really supportive since. If this is an important relationship you are in, please do the same- it's just too loaded for you to deal with by yourself. take care, judy
Posted by Nikita on December 19, 2002, at 13:31:09
In reply to Re: Cutting affecting relationship » nikita, posted by judy1 on December 18, 2002, at 19:56:21
Thanks guys for the support, it made me feel better. Part of my problem is that I take anything slightly negative about myself and multiply it a million times, and never let it go or get over it (borderline personality disorder part of the problem). You’re right I think others just don’t understand SI. To a “normal” person they probably can’t fathom why someone would hurt themselves on purpose. But we definitely don’t need to be made to feel worse than we already do about ourselves. That’s one thing I’ve finally gotten through my head…while SI gives me instant relief from emotional pain, I only end up feeling worse in the long run, ashamed and mad at myself. I try to remember that when I feel like cutting. I told the bf that what he said made me feel horrible and he said he thinks I’m a great mom and of course isn’t scared to bring his kids around me, but that he just didn’t know the rules of the game when it comes to my cutting, and what might trigger it. Although I was certainly mad when I said do you know how that makes me feel when you say you’re concerned to have your kids around me and he said well I hope it makes you feel crappy enough to stop. That was not helpful.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2002, at 15:54:29
In reply to Re: Cutting affecting relationship, posted by Nikita on December 19, 2002, at 13:31:09
Hi Nikita,
I have to confess that this is something I generally have to hide from my husband. It scares him and therefore makes him angry. My therapist is the only person I talk to about this.
I haven't cut much lately due to a promise to my therapist, but even that promise can't completely keep me from doing it. But I don't tell my husband and he doesn't ask. That's why we pay a professional I guess.
Have you shown him the secret shame self injury website? It's got a section for family and friends, and probably reading through the entire site will give him some understanding.
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