![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 8:46:22
Hi all,
I know this topic has been discussed before and the overall sense I get is that I'm supposed to talk to him about this. I just can't imagine bringing it up. I have this scene in my head where he'll say, "Well, we're all done here, b'bye!" I know intellectually that isn't true but that's how my mind works. To add to the awkwardness of this is that he's also seeing my husband and I for communication issues. (We alternate appointments) I started seeing him about 3 months ago for anxiety problems and he's helped me a great deal. I started realizing a few weeks ago that I had feelings for him when I was censoring myself because I want to him to see me as likeable. I decided this isn't good and I need to bring it up. My sister (who is a psychiatric nurse) suggested I write him a letter; I can think carefully about what to say and then I'm not springing it on him in therapy. Does this sound like a good idea? Thank you!
Posted by Phil on December 17, 2002, at 12:48:10
In reply to Infatuated with my therapist, posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 8:46:22
Could be a major key to your therapy. Want to know your issues, what are you not wanting to say?
Springing it on him may be more interesting but writing it out will help you not forget anything.
Shrinks constantly run up against transference so he's heard it before. Good looking shrinks must really get a lot of offers. : )
The old SNL episode where Mel Gibson played a gynecologist was hilarious. Showed his waiting room packed with women, dressed to the nines, all putting on makeup. He'd walk out and say next and they acted like they just won Miss America. Nothing to do with your issues but what the heck.Phil
Posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 14:29:04
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist, posted by Phil on December 17, 2002, at 12:48:10
Let us know if you bring up this issue to your therapist. and how he reacts. I am caught up in the same situation and haven't got the guts to bring it up to him for the same reason that you mentioned.
PinkEye
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 14:36:34
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist, posted by Phil on December 17, 2002, at 12:48:10
A few weeks ago, my husband and I weren't getting along very well and I wasn't feeling that great about my marriage and things in general I asked my therapist if my husband and I were all that different from other couples. He starting talking about his own marriage and how well they understand each other, how they don't take things personally if one is in a bad mood, etc. It really pissed me off because at the time it seemed kind of superior and self-righteous. Then about 2 weeks later, I had a bad week, feeling down about my life and what I've accomplished and I started thinking how someone like him could never be interested in me, etc. So when I started to talk about it (the depression) during a session, I held the part about him back. As a result, I felt like I was only telling him half the story. I did write the letter but I haven't sent it, it makes my stomach hurt to read it and think about sending it. I just think if I don't, I'll chicken out and won't say anything in therapy.
And...I remember that SNL skit! Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 14:39:45
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 14:29:04
I've read some of your posts concerning this very thing. That's been going on a for quite awhile, hasn't it? Do you feel like your therapy is still productive while you're having all these feelings but not talking about them? Just curious, because that's how I feel. And I will keep you posted. I just need to print the letter and send it. sigh.
Posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 15:10:06
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist, posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 14:39:45
I have tried to be very honest about myself in all the other issues with my therapist.. and tried to avoid creating a favourable impression. So I don't know if this is interferring with my therapy or not. But I am constantly thinking about him and imagine having conversations with him all the time. Don't know what it is going to lead to.
PinkEye
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 17:10:59
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 15:10:06
It sounds like you're doing pretty well with this and are aware of how you're conducting yourself in sessions. I'm constantly thinking of my therapist too, it makes me feel very adolescent.
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 18:42:49
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist, posted by Mikhail99 on December 17, 2002, at 17:10:59
Hey guys, thinking constantly about your therapist doesn't mean you're in love with him. I think it's a pretty normal phase of therapy that eventually you get past. My therapist says that one way therapy works is that you eventually internalize him. That you say to yourself "What would Harry say about this", then eventually you just internalize Harry. Then you don't need Harry any more.
Now if you fantasize about a romantic relationship with him, that's different. Just remember that he isn't the way he is with you all the time. He leaves that office and becomes a plain old person with all the annoying habits a plain old person has.
Any therapist worth his salt won't be dismayed by hearing your feelings for him, and will be trained to deal with it therapeutically. I did keep one final secret, one elephant in the room, that I didn't tell my therapist about until very recently. And guess what!!! He forgot it by the next session!!!!! Now that's probably worse than anything your therapist will do, and I've gotten over it. :)
Posted by judy1 on December 17, 2002, at 19:00:59
In reply to Re: Infatuated with my therapist » Mikhail99, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 18:42:49
but like everyone else said it's plain old transference, they are all used to it and it actually helps move therapy along. I'm all for being honest, I also like to write things down because it's easier that way. Just get it out in the open and it will lose a lot of it's present power. Now Mel, that's a different story :-) take care, judy
Posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 19:36:36
In reply to Not to downplay your feelings..., posted by judy1 on December 17, 2002, at 19:00:59
Will he have similar feelings for me? Will he be having fantasies about me just as I am having about him? If so, will he admit it if I tell him about my fantasies?
I don't want to experience rejection and humiliation.
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 20:26:25
In reply to Re: Not to downplay your feelings..., posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 19:36:36
Neither will happen. There's a lot of room between the two, and that room is where a therapeutic exchange will take place. He won't reciprocate, but he won't reject or humiliate you either. If he does either of those things, he's a rotten therapist. Let us know how it goes.
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 18, 2002, at 9:25:21
In reply to Re: Not to downplay your feelings..., posted by Dinah on December 17, 2002, at 20:26:25
Dinah, you are so wise! I wanted you to know that I read some previous posts about this subject where you recommended a book about the relationship between women and their therapists (the title escapes me right now). I ordered it last week and I'm anxiously awaiting it so I can figure out to deal with my infatuation. I have a letter written for my therapist but I want to consult with the book first.
Thanks for all your encouragement, I really appreciate it.
Posted by judy1 on December 18, 2002, at 19:53:09
In reply to Re: Not to downplay your feelings..., posted by pinkeye on December 17, 2002, at 19:36:36
no and no- he'll lose his license. I can't emphasize how incredibly common this is- look at his female patients and put it at 75% (if he's cute) and you'll probably get an accurate count. I agree with Dinah, he'll handle this with gentleness and no humiliation, I guarantee he has lots of experience. If anything other than that occurs let us know and I get to share my horror story again (and until I read the book Dinah recommended, I thought I was the only one going down the slippery slope) take care, judy
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.