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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2002, at 9:24:01
I've been on Risperdal for 10 days now in addition to my usual Klonopin and Depakote (ok, I took two days off to contrast and compare). I like it. I really really like it. I feel energized, I'm losing weight, and I'm feeling less agitated. It obviously has tranquilizing properties. There is no affect on orgasm (except maybe to enhance it a bit due to the energizing effects). And my biggest fear, that it would "normalize" my thinking, hasn't materialized. I still have the slightly off kilter, obsessing thoughts I always have.
The only little problem is that it seems to pull me away from my emotions quite a bit. Now that is a comfortable feeling in a way. But I already have a personal defense system that separates my emotions, and the risperdal causes the separation to be rather complete and extreme. It's comfortable, but I would like to feel things a bit more. If this is as good as it gets, I guess I can live with it, but I'd like to be more.
We were just starting some intense work in therapy aimed at getting in touch with and integrating my feelings. While it caused me some distress, I also think it was good useful work, and for the first time in a very long time I was learning how I felt about things as well as what I thought about them. Obviously, with the Risperdal added to my normal feelings of detachment, that work cannot continue. If my tharapist is still going to be around, I'd like to continue that work, and become a more integrated person than I have been.
The work is not smooth, and has to be interrupted often to deal with the effects of my cyclothymia, since I've always used therapy as an adjunct to medication in treating that. So I would have to stay off the Risperdal for a while, or maybe as was suggested to me, only take it when in meltdown.
So do I stay with the easy comfortable feeling, or decide to work a while longer at being something more than I currently am, an integrated "whole" person. That's my dilemma. Any thoughts?
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 15, 2002, at 10:27:36
In reply to Medication or therapy?, posted by Dinah on November 15, 2002, at 9:24:01
> So do I stay with the easy comfortable feeling, or decide to work a while longer at being something more than I currently am, an integrated "whole" person. That's my dilemma. Any thoughts?
----------------------I always employ the simple rule of "what makes me happiest?" It's easy to forget how miserable you felt off meds when you've been on them for a while. For me, being off meds means having a sex drive, the ability to use it, deep emotions, spontaneity, and a certain familiarity with myself. These are all nice things, but are also accompanied by crying fits, sporadic lethargy and derealization, and an ever present undercurrent of melancholy.
Like you seem to be, I've always been pretty well divorced from my emotions. When I first became depressed, I was describing the emotional turmoil of it to my counselor. He asked if I preferred the current emotions to the previous non-emotional state, and I said "yeah." It was nice to finally feel things, even if they weren't good. That said, the novelty wore off relatively soon, and I was happy to find something that put me on a more even keel. I didn't want to think about killing myself.
Since then, I've been pretty neutral emotionally. I don't get as excited as I used to. There's sort of a cap on how extremely I can feel anything. Still, I'm not sad. Most of the time I'm just neutral, or maybe even kind of pleasant. It's not as exciting or interesting as roiling emotions, but it's certainly more functional for me. I also think that I can eventually have both if I just learn to allow myself. I know that I have the potential. I just need to stop gating everything; analyzing it before it can effect me. Maybe therapy can help you do something like that, even with the meds. Being emotionally whole isn't much good if you don't appreciate your life, look forward to things, and enjoy the present.
I don't know your particulars, but that's just my take.
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2002, at 10:46:57
In reply to Re: Medication or therapy? » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 15, 2002, at 10:27:36
I guess that part of my dilemma, is that off the risperdal I'm mostly fine. A bit anxious but not in turmoil.
Every couple of months I have a melt down that lasts about one week. Can't quite figure out if it's medical or psychological. During that time I'm pretty uncomfortable. So I sort of hate taking a drug always that I only need, what, 1 week in 10 maybe. 10% of the time.
I have been feeling unsettled lately but I think that was the therapy. Perhaps therapy won't be able to help much, and perhaps I would be better off comfortable on the Risperdal. I'm just not quite ready to give up yet. But then I think, that's not a good enough reason to give up something that works.
Round and round again. Sigh.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 15, 2002, at 11:55:06
In reply to Re: Medication or therapy? » Eddie Sylvano, posted by Dinah on November 15, 2002, at 10:46:57
> I guess that part of my dilemma, is that off the risperdal I'm mostly fine. A bit anxious but not in turmoil.
So I sort of hate taking a drug always that I only need, what, 1 week in 10 maybe. 10% of the time.
-------------------------Well, when you put it that way, why not try taking the risperdal prophylacticly? If it works, you'd be saving money, preserving your body's sensitivity to the drug, and enjoying your non-drugged self to boot. If it's effective for you that quickly, it makes sense. I doubt that you could make anything signifcantly worse by trying it.
Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2002, at 12:38:01
In reply to Re: Medication or therapy? » Dinah, posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 15, 2002, at 11:55:06
Pdoc has ok'd using Risperdal on an as needed basis. So I'll work a bit more on therapy, and see what happens. Isn't it a happy circumstance that in this case it might not have to be an either/or?
Posted by Alara on December 5, 2002, at 2:42:35
In reply to Medication or therapy?, posted by Dinah on November 15, 2002, at 9:24:01
Hi Dinah,
I was in a similar situation once, going through the `integration phase' of therapy while on Effexor XR. At the time I worried that the medication would make me less responsive to the therapy and that the extra money that I was paying to talk to somebody would go to waste.
I needn't have worried! While the Effexor made me slightly less emotionally aware during the therapy, the right changes were still taking place: They just lay dormant. When I finally came off Effexor almost two years later, I suddenly became conscious of all the loose ends that I had tried to tie up in therapy. To my amazement, I had come full circle. I now have that sense of inner security and complete integration that was missing way in the first place - which means that the objectives of the therapy were met. Today I am not perfect but I am a much healthier human being than was the mess who started therapy back in those days.
Dinah, while you may not feel that you are reaping the full benefits of therapy while under the influence of medication, be assured that there is a part of yourself that is working away, making sure that you continue to work out the issues that need to be resolved. When you finally come off medication, these changes will be apparent.
Hope this helps.Regards,
Alara
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