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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Anyuser on August 8, 2002, at 11:21:58
Philosophically, what do people mean by being safe or feeling safe, and how is a safe board different, if at all, from a civil board? Is safety a product of civility? It seems that civility is a social event that can be influenced by normative rules (and we can and do ruminate over such rules of civility forever), whereas feeling unsafe is purely subjective and private (although perhaps a product of uncivility). Is "safety" a code word? If someone feels unsafe, does that necessarily mean the board is uncivil in some way? Or if someone feels unsafe in a civilized situation, should we care?
Certainly an intent to make someone feel unsafe would not be civil, and that's well-covered in the rules of civility. But if someone is behaving civilly while using these boards for allowed purposes, but someone else feels "unsafe" as a result of that behavior . . . .?
Posted by judy1 on August 8, 2002, at 11:38:40
In reply to Safety vs civility, posted by Anyuser on August 8, 2002, at 11:21:58
And for me they go hand-in-hand. The answer lies in the person reading an 'uncivil' post. While one person may get angry and lash out at the poster, another person may lack those skills and lash out at themselves (like self-injury). This is how I'm using the context of safety. To further clarify civility is Dr. Bob's job- and while there are egregious posts like Dinah mentioned that use profanity, there are some more subtle ones that Dr. Bob may or may not pick up (I think because of the huge volume of posts and multiple boards). I'm directly disobeying my therapist by being here because she told me I'm not safe, but for some reason I feel the need to always explain myself. Take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on August 8, 2002, at 12:27:51
In reply to Safety vs civility, posted by Anyuser on August 8, 2002, at 11:21:58
I think Judy is right. Those of us who take out our anger on ourselves through self injury or other means find safety in civility. But I also think it means a bit more than that.
It also means, to me, having a reasonable expectation that the same results will come from the same actions (which is why some of Dr. Bob's admin actions stir up so much controversy - they sometimes differ from prior expectation), and trust in the person in charge. Both trust that Dr. Bob is here, and trust that he will act fairly. Now I always trust Dr. Bob will act fairly, in his eyes. But I sometimes feel unsafe if an admin action is not what I would expect from prior experience or when I feel that Dr. Bob isn't minding the store. (Even though I rationally realize he can't be here all the time.)
Posted by Anyuser on August 8, 2002, at 12:53:49
In reply to I think that's a great question » Anyuser, posted by judy1 on August 8, 2002, at 11:38:40
What does your therapist mean by saying you are not safe here? Does she mean that you might read comments that upset you, or you might develop ideas that retard your progess?
My mood disorder is characterized by a lot of dread. Pretty much everything scares the hell out of me. My mood disorder is aggravated by a chronic physical illness. Reality for me is scarier than a nightmare. I don't expect to feel safe. The medical pros that treat me don't expect me to feel safe.
It just seems to me that "civility" is a useful rule for discourse that allows discussion of anything, however scary. Maybe life, reality, truth, however you want to say it, isn't "safe," and that perhaps the main purpose of psychological treatment is to deal with unavoidable fact of danger.
I think maybe "safety" is a term of art among counselors, and I'm just not clued into the meaning.
Posted by oracle on August 8, 2002, at 13:15:20
In reply to I guess I still don't understand » judy1, posted by Anyuser on August 8, 2002, at 12:53:49
> I think maybe "safety" is a term of art among counselors, and I'm just not clued into the meaning.
Some people cut themselves when they get upset.
This board upsets some, so they cut.
Posted by judy1 on August 8, 2002, at 14:06:33
In reply to I guess I still don't understand » judy1, posted by Anyuser on August 8, 2002, at 12:53:49
I guess (and I am only speaking for myself) that she is afraid that I will be triggered here. (hopefully trigger isn't a term that confuses you). My past childhood experiences leave me open to being triggered by hostility, controversy, obscenity- many things that unfortunately have become much more common here in the last few months. I'm pretty sure I even made a comment about that back in March- how I felt the board had become a negative place. My life in general is pretty 'safe', I am surrounded by people who love me and I take measures to insulate myself in certain ways. (For example, there is a trial in So. California right now that I won't read or watch TV news about). I do have another recourse, there are boards on about.com that are strictly monitored at all times for victims of child abuse, who because of age actually have their brains wired differently (for example I have a small hippocampus) and are more prone to being triggered. Sorry, this is more detail then you could possibly want, I guess I'm saying that I used to feel safe here but no longer do. Take care, judy
This is the end of the thread.
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