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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 1:21:02
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going? » morgan miller, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 0:17:05
My parents love me very much and there was no obvious trauma or neglect, but there was. If you have a predisposition to mental illness, which you likely have, it doesn't take much to be missing in your childhood to contribute to that mental illness. It is very common for us to remain in a state of denial, thinking our childhood was fine and our parents were great. We stay in denial to protect ourselves from the anger and sadness that we may feel if we faced reality. Unfortunately, staying in denial also prevents us from ever getting better. I'm not saying you are in denial, I'm just saying it's so common that about everyone has been in or is in some state of denial over themselves and/or their past. This is why I'm concerned that your pdoc may not be doing a thorough job as a therapist. Maybe she just fears that if she goes to certain places with you, you may not be able to handle it, further destabilizing you. Or, maybe you don't remember anything obvious-most of us do not, which is why we go to therapy-and your therapist can only suspect that you may not have gotten what you needed from your parents. Look, it's almost part of the human condition, or at least it has been for a long time now, that parents often fall far short of giving their child almost everything they need-proper amount of unconditional love, proper amount of nurture, proper amount of structure, care without criticism, etc. As far as neglect goes, it could be as simple as a mother not being as loving as a child typically needs her to be, parents letting their children get away with too much and not setting the right boundaries, or not teaching a child how to protect and take care of themselves through properly protecting a child from things like the sun or bad food. All of these things can also instill anger in a child, especially a mother not being able to love through physical touch or parents not giving a child the right amount of attention and care that they need.
Posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 1:26:29
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going? » morgan miller, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 0:17:05
My parents love me very much and there was no obvious trauma or neglect, but there was. If you have a predisposition to mental illness, which you likely have, it doesn't take much to be missing in your childhood to contribute to that mental illness. It is very common for us to remain in a state of denial, thinking our childhood was fine and our parents were great. We stay in denial to protect ourselves from the anger and sadness that we may feel if we faced reality. Unfortunately, staying in denial also prevents us from ever getting better. I'm not saying you are in denial, I'm just saying it's so common that about everyone has been in or is in some state of denial over themselves and/or their past. This is why I'm concerned that your pdoc may not be doing a thorough job as a therapist. Maybe she just fears that if she goes to certain places with you, you may not be able to handle it, further destabilizing you. Or, maybe you don't remember anything obvious-most of us do not, which is why we go to therapy-and your therapist can only suspect that you may not have gotten what you needed from your parents. Look, it's almost part of the human condition, or at least it has been for a long time now, that parents often fall far short of giving their child almost everything they need-proper amount of unconditional love, proper amount of nurture, proper amount of structure, care without criticism, etc. As far as neglect goes, it could be as simple as a mother not being as loving as a child typically needs her to be, parents letting their children get away with too much and not setting the right boundaries, or not teaching a child how to protect and take care of themselves through properly protecting a child from things like the sun or bad food. All of these things can also instill anger in a child, especially a mother not being able to love through physical touch or parents not giving a child the right amount of attention and care that they need.
I understand your point of view and frustration. Just try to be open minded to exploring the possibility that you may be carrying some anger left over from something, maybe related to your childhood and your parents maybe not. If you figured out there was something going on or missing in your childhood that you needed, this would empower you to start to let yourself off the hook and stop blaming yourself for your struggles. This process can be difficult, but if you take it on courageously, it really can help you in the long run.
Posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 1:34:07
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going? » morgan miller, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2010, at 0:43:49
>I wasn't abused as a child either. It may have been what Linehan would call an invalidating environment. Deneb's may have been too, even in the absence of abuse. But without the underlying reactivity and slow return to baseline, the childhood environment alone wouldn't have caused harm.
I said neglect or trauma, this doesn't mean abuse in the classic sense that everyone thinks in. I don't think childhood environmental factors alone necessarily cause BPD, but I do think they can make matters much worse and can also be a trigger and contributor to the development of disorders like BPD. And if someone with BPD is carrying around any deeply rooted subconscious anger and/or sadness as a direct result of childhood environmental factors, this is a very good reason to explore and deal with this anger and/or sadness as they may be greatly exacerbating BPD symptoms.
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 2, 2010, at 2:16:07
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going?, posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 1:34:07
Well, I was abused and neglected as a child but I built up this defensive wall and left home at 14. I had "issues" but kept myself together until my daughter entered her teens. Then I fell apart and developed these horrible fears of abandonment, became addicted to drugs and developed all these symptoms of BPD. It's interesting because BPD usually manifests in one's twenties and then resolves itself as one enters middle age. For me, I didn' have any symptoms until my mid-forties.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 2, 2010, at 11:02:56
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going?, posted by Deneb on November 1, 2010, at 17:26:01
Hi Deneb,
I really want to second so much of what Dinah has said to you. To me, you seem like a worthwhile person who is working so diligently on recovery. I, personally, need to take medication daily and on schedule or else I'm easily thrown off. Furthermore, I have, what did Dinah call it, overarousal or hyperarousal of the
nervous system. It really isn't anyone's fault. My siblings don't have it, nor my parents. I find it incredibly inconvenient. However, one day my husband went to meet my pdoc. (I feel like a burden on my husband.) When my doctor asked him why he stayed with me, my husband answered that he had never had a connection with anyone else like he has with me because I was very sensitive and attuned to him. You can imagine I was pretty shocked. Every so often, when I am down on myself, my doctor reminds me and asks me to really take that in.So I say, take what Dinah says to heart. There are some benefits to sensitivity to be had--don't throw everything away. Work with who and what you are. Of course, I do wish I was more 'normal'. Hyperarousal can be painful. And it can
be worked with. Just keep at it, take your meds on time and accept yourself where you are. Like Maxime (I think) said, some conditions improve with time. (I wasn't able to start school until I was 30. That may not be great news for you to hear, but it was amazing for me to accomplish a degree--no, not a doctor, though.)I hope your day turns out to be very good, Deneb.
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 14:20:43
In reply to Re: Deneb, how is today going? » Deneb, posted by floatingbridge on November 2, 2010, at 11:02:56
I woke up today to my Mom handing me the phone. It was a market research place calling for an interview, today! In my half daze I stupidly asked if they could call back and how long this was going to take! I guess they overlooked my lack of euthusiasm because I was very qualified. LOL
Anyways, I went to the interview today and I did some easy math and spelling tests then the interview and the guy hired me on the spot!
I start training tomorrow! Yay! I have a job now! I can probably go to Hawaii now!
It's a part-time job too so it won't be too overwhelming. It is at least 20 hours though, which means more money for me. It's flexible too.
This is what I'm really good at doing. I think after I get settled in I can look for a volunteer job too. That was the original plan.
The guy hiring me suggested that I apply for the supervisor position once it becomes available.
I was really nervous before the interview and almost threw up several times. I took a propranolol and a Gravol.
I can't wait to start saving money again!
Posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 15:26:43
In reply to I got a job!, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 14:20:43
This is AWESOME! I'm really happy for you Deneb. I'm sure you will be great at this job. Maybe this will be the part of a new beginning you needed. When do you start?
You sound like a really good person with tons of potential. I really think you can begin to get everything you are capable of out of life if you keep doing good things for yourself.
Woo Hoo!!!
Morgan
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 15:47:53
In reply to Re: I got a job! » Deneb, posted by morgan miller on November 2, 2010, at 15:26:43
Thanks Morgan!
I start training tomorrow! I'm so happy I have a job now. I hope I learn it fast and that it isn't too stressful.
I can't wait to save money! Yay! It is only a minimum wage job, but minimum wage for 20 hours a week is definitely better than zero dollars a week!
I'm going to Hawaii. LOL
:-)
Posted by jane d on November 2, 2010, at 17:20:19
In reply to I got a job!, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 14:20:43
This should take a lot of the pressure off you.
I hope you'll be able to keep working with the career development people.
Posted by maxime on November 2, 2010, at 18:07:19
In reply to I got a job!, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 14:20:43
That's great! Will you be doing outgoing calls? Where will you be getting the numbers of who you will call? Will you be calling homes?
Sorry for all the questions ...
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 18:44:25
In reply to Re: I got a job! » Deneb, posted by maxime on November 2, 2010, at 18:07:19
I'm guessing that the numbers will be randomly generated by computer, like at the last call centre I worked at. Evening shifts called homes, day shifts called businesses. Or maybe we will call peope who put themselves on a panel who want to be called. Maybe both, I don't know.
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 18:50:36
In reply to Re: I got a job! » maxime, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 18:44:25
I know the job isn't glamourous. Most people hate telephone surveys, but it is better than making zero dollars.
It will be good for me to have a job.
Posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 19:01:07
In reply to Re: I got a job! » Deneb, posted by maxime on November 2, 2010, at 18:07:19
I think I will like this job better than the Tim Horton's one. I hope so anyways. I'm just happy to have a job again.
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 2, 2010, at 19:54:52
In reply to Re: I got a job! » maxime, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 19:01:07
Great news. Now you have a reason to get up and get going during the day. It's hard to find a job in this economy, so you must have some good things going for you.
Posted by maxime on November 2, 2010, at 22:13:24
In reply to Re: I got a job! » maxime, posted by Deneb on November 2, 2010, at 19:01:07
> I think I will like this job better than the Tim Horton's one. I hope so anyways. I'm just happy to have a job again.
>
>Well I have to say that breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that you worked in a call centre before. I was worried about you because there is so much rejection in that type of a job ... but you must know that. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to work with the smell of donuts all the time. :)
Posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 9:38:05
In reply to Re: I got a job! » Deneb, posted by maxime on November 2, 2010, at 22:13:24
I got my B.Sc. in the mail today!
It's official now! Yay!
I've been feeling OK these past couple of days. I can't tell whether if is from taking extra meds or if it is from the change in circumstances, most likely both.
I'm kind of afraid to not take that extra 0.25mg Risperdal at 5:30 PM now. I really don't want to become distressed again. I don't want to push my luck.
I'm going to ask pdoc what I should do now. So much went on. I hope she will be proud of me.
Posted by PartlyCloudy on November 3, 2010, at 10:32:42
In reply to Re: I got my Bachelor's of Science!, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 9:38:05
Congratulations, Deneb!
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2010, at 10:42:58
In reply to Re: I got my Bachelor's of Science!, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 9:38:05
Those are both great things!
I know how much confidence you found in your similar job. I hope that this job will also help you feel good about your abilities.
Asking your pdoc about the Risperdal is a good idea.
Posted by floatingbridge on November 3, 2010, at 11:33:55
In reply to Re: I got my Bachelor's of Science!, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 9:38:05
Congratulations, Deneb, that's super!
And congratulations on landing that job.
Best wishes to you :)
Posted by maxime on November 3, 2010, at 19:44:24
In reply to Re: I got my Bachelor's of Science!, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 9:38:05
> I got my B.Sc. in the mail today!
>
> It's official now! Yay!
>
> I've been feeling OK these past couple of days. I can't tell whether if is from taking extra meds or if it is from the change in circumstances, most likely both.
>
> I'm kind of afraid to not take that extra 0.25mg Risperdal at 5:30 PM now. I really don't want to become distressed again. I don't want to push my luck.
>
> I'm going to ask pdoc what I should do now. So much went on. I hope she will be proud of me.
>
>Congratulations! Have you thought about doing an education degree and then teaching science?
Yeah, don't mess with your. Just take what you are supposed to when you are supposed to. You want to be stable when you start your new job.
Posted by emme on November 3, 2010, at 20:24:14
In reply to Re: I got my Bachelor's of Science!, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 9:38:05
> I got my B.Sc. in the mail today!
>
> It's official now! Yay!
>
> I've been feeling OK these past couple of days. I can't tell whether if is from taking extra meds or if it is from the change in circumstances, most likely both.
>
> I'm kind of afraid to not take that extra 0.25mg Risperdal at 5:30 PM now. I really don't want to become distressed again. I don't want to push my luck.
>
> I'm going to ask pdoc what I should do now. So much went on. I hope she will be proud of me.
>Way to go!! That is just tremendous!
And yes, stick with your meds. They do seem to really help you. You've got a lot of good things happening now - enjoy!emme
Posted by ggggg123 on November 4, 2010, at 8:48:22
In reply to Feeling so depressed about stigma, posted by Deneb on October 30, 2010, at 19:57:00
Deneb my sister is a fully qualified doctor, but doing her last placement before she becomes a gp. she has been studying and training for 11 years. She is currently doing her psychiatry training, she has been doing it for a year. She works on the psychiatric ward, treating many patients. She says all the bipolar patients are very very ill, they Will go for weeks or months in depression then often be ok, then they Will be manic for weeks or months, but are mostly on the ward when severely manic. This might not be true for all, but I think most would have some severe acute episodes. They are very sick and many have to take anti-psychotics in high doses to control the mania.
Many psychiatrists throw out diagnoses like sweets, the ambiguity surrounding psychiatric diagnoses is far too high. But unless you are admitted to a psychiatric ward because the people around you think you need serious help, I would doubt you have BP.
I knew a man who had BP, he used to do very crazy things when he was up, he thought it would be a good idea to jump off the local multi storey car park so he did unfortunately: his crazy girlfriend had persuaded him not to take his meds when he was up and he thought it was a great idea.
I met a another man who receives depot anti-psychotic injections the other week, as my mother knew him, she is a psychiatric social worker. He was speaking so fast, and he wouldn't stop talking and this was on the depot injection! if you go through periods where you are hyper active, probably highly sociable and doing insane things, you should think about being BP, if not I would say its agitation caused by severe anxiety.When you see a person with full blown bipolar, the severity of the illness really hits you. I think if you were rapid cycling this would also be very severe.
My sister sees people who have to be sedated for weeks in hospital till their mood settles down, then they often go back to normal and are maintained on antidepressants and mood stabilizers, it is very serious and the patient is often in grave danger in the manic phase.
Posted by emmanuel98 on November 4, 2010, at 19:10:49
In reply to Re: Feeling so depressed about stigma » Deneb, posted by ggggg123 on November 4, 2010, at 8:48:22
I think Deneb was talking about Borderline Personality Disorder, no Bi-Polar Disorder. Unfortunately, we use the same abbreviations for both, which can be confusing. I know three people who have very severe bipolar and are really out there and a danger to themselves when they are manic, then go through these vegetative depressions that might last weeks or months. It's very disabling.
Posted by Zyprexa on November 4, 2010, at 21:57:12
In reply to Re: I got my Bachelor's of Science!, posted by Deneb on November 3, 2010, at 8:38:05
I think its the meds. You should keep taking them and not change. I instantly work better when I take the right meds. When I go off them, stuff happens like losing my job. I will never go off them again. And probably will never change what meds I take.
Posted by ggggg123 on November 8, 2010, at 5:57:57
In reply to Re: Feeling so depressed about stigma » ggggg123, posted by emmanuel98 on November 4, 2010, at 19:10:49
oh right lol, sorry, but there's my two cents worth on bipolar.
This is the end of the thread.
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