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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mellow on September 16, 2010, at 21:27:58
Just stopped:
Celexa 10mg
Currently taking:
Lamictal 100
Topamax 50
Risperdal 0.5Fish Oil
B complex
B 12
Cal/Mag with D3
Vit C
High potency MultiI'm 5 days into a taper. I am totally off Celexa for the first time in 5 years. I was taking 20mg daily and went down to 10mg for two months and have now eliminated it. My Risperdal is as low as it has ever been. I was at 2mg and the doc cut it to 1mg for two months and just cut me down to 0.5mg last week.
As far as the tapering schedule goes I think I am ok. I can get in with my p doc within 2 days usually and can get him on the phone pretty easy too, but I don't think I am at that point of an emergency yet. I feel like there are butterflies in my stomach and I can't maintain my focus for anything. I find my mind racing and sometimes I am so preoccupied with the stupidest things I start to feel embarrassed for even entertaining some of the ideas that run through my brain.
I took some magnesium citrate powder tonight and have calmed down a little bit, but earlier I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. I saw my therapist today and she doesn't understand why I am so hell bent on getting off my SSRI and the anti psychotic. She thinks I may need a large cocktail of drugs to function well, but I just feel like less of a person knowing I have to take all of these drugs year after year. I feel like the answers to my depression (or bipolar according to my official dx) are spiritual in nature. If I could find some acceptance or peace with myself I could get past the anxiety, the low self esteem and the mood volatility.
Right now I just don't know if I should stick with the taper and get down to just my mood stabilizers like my p doc is willing to try (In theory this should work on a bipolar patient) or if I should just submit to the fact that I need a large cocktail to find any peace in this world.
Some days I wish this crap would just stop. Do normal everyday people go through life feeling insecure with their heads running 100 mph like they are going to explode?
I just wish I could find the middle and stay there...I don't mean to come on here and just unload b/c I would like to have some intelligent discourse on my options. I have yet to try an SNRI so there is hope. Benzos and Stims are out because I'm a recovering addict (clean 4 years)
Anyhow I think I need to get through this taper so I will know what is mood swings/depression and what is just withdrawal/brain zaps etc.
Thanks for listening. You guys always help!
mellow
Posted by morgan miller on September 16, 2010, at 21:44:21
In reply to Haven't posted in a while...frustrated..., posted by mellow on September 16, 2010, at 21:27:58
You may want to consider upping your D3 to 1000 iu. I would also go over to the alternative board, there has been some good suggestions on natural alternatives lately.
Sorry you are going through this. Stay strong and hopefully you get through this withdrawal and taper and feel better soon.
What was the main reason for stopping Celexa again? Is it just that you want to take less drugs? Were you experiencing side effects on Celexa?
Hang in there!
Morgan
Posted by huxley on September 16, 2010, at 21:46:41
In reply to Re: Haven't posted in a while...frustrated..., posted by morgan miller on September 16, 2010, at 21:44:21
Hi Mellow. Don't underestimate SSRI withdrawal. Can be delayed, protracted and nasty.
Posted by jef1022 on September 16, 2010, at 22:03:10
In reply to Haven't posted in a while...frustrated..., posted by mellow on September 16, 2010, at 21:27:58
know what you mean by feeling dependent on all the medication!
if we got shipwrecked like gilligan we'd be in trouble! :)
i try to limit the meds as much as possible, but think it's something only you can decide.
trying to get back in decent physical shape and feel like the meds are not allowing me to succeed.
wish you the best!
Posted by Phillipa on September 17, 2010, at 0:25:13
In reply to Re: large cocktail, posted by jef1022 on September 16, 2010, at 22:03:10
Good point what would happen if no meds available? Guess is less is best. Phillipa
Posted by mellow on September 17, 2010, at 16:19:48
In reply to Haven't posted in a while...frustrated..., posted by mellow on September 16, 2010, at 21:27:58
Well thanks for the responses, for some reason my account isn't posting right because I need to update my registration and give informed consent. So after I typed a great response it got lost in babble world when I got redirected to register. Ughhh!
Anyhow I slept ok last night and I made an appointment with the pdoc on Monday to talk things over. Even if I don't make any meds changes it always feels good to talk about options.
I will definitely up my D3, I am surely deficient there as I am a shift worker.
As for not wanting to take so many meds I just feel like a robot. I have lost the ability to cry in therapy when talking about sad things and music I use to love just doesn't effect me anymore. Up until cutting down on meds if I didn't have to work I might sleep 14 or 16 hours and do nothing productive. But I don't feel depressed just kind of numb and irritable. Sometimes I feel rejected and lonely.
Anyhow I feel like less meds, better food, more jogging and getting back in school is where I need to be. I've lost 35 pounds this year and I know i can keep fighting the good fight.
Sorry to babble but that's what we come here for.
mellow
Posted by morgan miller on September 17, 2010, at 16:44:58
In reply to Re: Haven't posted in a while...frustrated..., posted by mellow on September 17, 2010, at 16:19:48
Mellow, have you tried Curcumin? It can have a profound effect on mood. You may have to play around a bit with dosage and give it a while before you notice positive effects. Life Extension's BioCurcumin and Meriva are two of the best curcumin products available.
Morgan
Posted by Maxime on September 19, 2010, at 0:15:03
In reply to Re: large cocktail, posted by Phillipa on September 17, 2010, at 0:25:13
Sometimes I wish I had never started taking meds. But being BP II made it hard to avoid them. I pray that someday I will be med free!
Posted by mellow on September 19, 2010, at 5:33:12
In reply to Re: large cocktail, posted by Maxime on September 19, 2010, at 0:15:03
Well I'm doing a little better today. Not so foggy. I actually got a blog written.
http://www.thethoughtgame.blogspot.com/
I have the same feelings. I really wish I wouldn't have ever started taking meds, but I was in such terrible shape in 2005 I had to be medicated in a hospital or I think I would have taken my own life. I was in total psychosis. I think I was in a mixed episode, but I didn't get dx bipolar for another year. My drinking and drug use made it difficult to tell what was a symptom and what was just me being a drunk, but finally a social worker figured me out.
I was reading Huxley's thread the other day about brain damage and I can't decide if I'll do more damage by not being medicated and putting myself through more episodes and at least feel human (no matter how painful that is on some days) or if I should just take the pills for the sake of my sanity and that of my family.
I shouldn't be so cut and dry about it though. I'm taking less meds than ever and even if I take a step backwards I've still made some progress. I've got to cling to that hope that there is a really good quality of life out there for me where I can be at a reasonable weight and episode free...filled with energy and love.
Unfortunately I'm just not experiencing that this week...
I will say this though. I'm writing better off Celexa...so I don't know what that means...I'm paranoid and ruminating on negative stuff and neurotic and scared...but at least I'm creative.
mellow
This is the end of the thread.
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