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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
When I was severely depressed, I developed a strange sort of coping mechanism. I would watch TV and sort of glean comfort off of TV shows, commercials, graphics, music, etc.. I would yearn for winter and the holidays, snow and christmas lights, chopping wood and making a fire...all sorts of burrowing and nesting behavior. What's more I would appreciate SUV's and want to visit places like North Dakota.
These weird thoughts last only seconds, but they are deeply pleasurable for me. But they are out of place. I go years without feeling these strange sensations which are very obviously some sort of neuro pathways that have been laid down previously. From what I can surmise, they stem from two competing desires that occur in depression: to be alone and to be part of a community.
Over the last month or so, they have been occuring and they are occurring more frequently. What was once a reminder of something from my past has been rolling around in my head to the point of annoyance lately. I can't help but wonder if there is something going on in my brain, and my meds are behaving like aspirin or tylenol. I have always hoped that the meds, especially lithium, would be disease-modifying agents rather than analgesics.
And, I wonder, would these seductive splashes of comfort morph into mania (ie: rolling around in my head uncontrollably) or if they are the entrance to the trail which will eventually lead to my suicide (ie: growing isolation and delusion) OR if I just need to relax (but these feeling are very well-defined and recognizable).
I've never tried to put this phenomenon into words, and I can see I've done a poor job, but I'm wondering if someone else has a word/description?
Posted by Phillipa on July 23, 2010, at 10:52:39
In reply to What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
I'm truly not sure by what you mean. Only word that comes to mind is daydreaming about good times? Phillipa
Posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 12:38:22
In reply to Re: What's going on under my meds? » Dan_MI, posted by Phillipa on July 23, 2010, at 10:52:39
It's so hard to describe, I'm going to think on it and write a better description.
> I'm truly not sure by what you mean. Only word that comes to mind is daydreaming about good times? Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on July 23, 2010, at 13:11:49
In reply to Re: What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 12:38:22
Writing what you feel can be extremly hard. Phillipa
Posted by jade k on July 23, 2010, at 14:02:17
In reply to What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
Hi Dan, not sure if we've posted before, so nice to meet you :-)
> When I was severely depressed, I developed a strange sort of coping mechanism. I would watch TV and sort of glean comfort off of TV shows, commercials, graphics, music, etc.. I would yearn for winter and the holidays, snow and christmas lights, chopping wood and making a fire...all sorts of burrowing and nesting behavior. What's more I would appreciate SUV's and want to visit places like North Dakota.
I think lots of people are that way when they're down. Maybe wanting to feel safe? At home, and in their community? And nesting with family! I think that would sound good to anyone.
> From what I can surmise, they stem from two competing desires that occur in depression: to be alone and to be part of a community.
I can understand this easily enough. I have those same competing desires. I'm not sure what the answer to that is though. Maybe both?
> Over the last month or so, they have been occuring and they are occurring more frequently. What was once a reminder of something from my past has been rolling around in my head to the point of annoyance lately. I can't help but wonder if there is something going on in my brain, and my meds are behaving like aspirin or tylenol. I have always hoped that the meds, especially lithium, would be disease-modifying agents rather than analgesics.Not sure what you mean but I sure hope you feel better soon. What do you think that would take? Sounds like your meds are making you uncomfortable, maybe a reevaluation?
>
> And, I wonder, would these seductive splashes of comfort morph into mania (ie: rolling around in my head uncontrollably) or if they are the entrance to the trail which will eventually lead to my suicide (ie: growing isolation and delusion)I hope not! Is there someone to talk to that can help you understand things better? Sounds like that would help a lot.
>OR if I just need to relax (but these feeling are very well-defined and recognizable).
I think this sounds like what you need. Me too!
I feel very in control of myself lately, I geuss it comes from feeling better to some degree. I would think that would give one a calming feeling, to know how to relax, even when things are rolling around in your head as you described.
> I've never tried to put this phenomenon into words, and I can see I've done a poor job, but I'm wondering if someone else has a word/description?I wish I could help with that, I'm not sure I understand enough to clarify it further. Sorry!
Maybe another poster will chime in, Good Luck!
"Writing what you feel can be extremly hard." Phillipa
I agree with that though:-)
~Jade
Posted by linkadge on July 23, 2010, at 15:53:19
In reply to What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
The same thing happens with me. I cycle between the need to be part of a community and the need to be alone.
Many times I like being alone. I hate being around others, and I just like the silence and my green tea. Although this cycle changes and I begin to feel like a loser for spending so much time alone.
I think the SSRI's work as social sensitizers. Like Ecstacy, they seem to enhance social bonding, yet this often just leads me down the wrong path. Friends are great so that you don't feel alone, but theres a lot of wasting time caring what others think and conforming.
I don't know of too many meds that are truly disease modifying. I'm back in a med rejection stint.
Lets put it this way, I almost like being miserable and bitter - yet myself. I'm better able to see the whole picture, to reflect. When I'm on AD's I can't reflect about anything, I can't see the whole picture.
Most of these meds are not limbic selective. They shut down the limbic system as well as cortex. I think SSRI's probably lead to cortical atrophy. I just can't see the big picture when I'm numbed out on TCA.
Part of me, is defined by my ability to feel pain. You take that away, and its very unidimentional. Its like watching a movie where nothing bad, risky, scarry, interesting or beautiful happens. Who would watch that?
Linkadge
Posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 19:47:48
In reply to Re: What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 12:38:22
Through all phases of my mental illness, I have always had some tell-tale things which go on in my head during the different phases of my mental illness. Like the feeling I get at the bottom of my spine after I've gone a night without sleep. Or the way I toss and turn the night before I turn manic.
When I was depressed, I used to analyze and analyze. And I remember thinking that in the grand scheme of things, Walmart really is an amazing thing. I found myself drawn to large buildings like Home Depot and Loews, comforted by the man-made-ness of it all. I loved the lack of natural light. This was all before lithium.
And increasingly often, I am getting the warm-fuzzy Walmart feeling again.
Posted by Phillipa on July 23, 2010, at 20:33:10
In reply to Re: What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 19:47:48
Dan so you feel your depression could be returning? Phillipa
Posted by alchemy on July 27, 2010, at 19:52:54
In reply to Re: What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 19:47:48
How long do your "splashes" last?
Can you explain the feeling you get from the bottom of your spine?
So when you were depressed before lithium, Walmart was kind of a psycho thought but it somehow was positive? And then the thoughts went away, and now they are returning?I'm curious to see if there are some things I can identify with.
What meds are you on beside lithium?
Posted by Dan_MI on July 28, 2010, at 21:09:07
In reply to Re: What's going on under my meds?, posted by alchemy on July 27, 2010, at 19:52:54
> How long do your "splashes" last?
They're just like butterflies in your stomach. As transient and hard to define, and occurring for the same amount of time.
> Can you explain the feeling you get from the bottom of your spine?
The feeling I get at the bottom of my spine a deep muscle and "bone" pain, but characteristic. That type of pain only occurs when I've gone without sleep.
> So when you were depressed before lithium, Walmart was kind of a psycho thought but it
somehow was positive?I was so depressed, I searched for a cure in everything. I really enjoyed the huge Walmart buildings and other huge stores. I liked the man-made aspect of it, the lack of natural lighting. When I am out living my life, I would never dwell on anything remotely close to that.
>And then the thoughts went away, and now they are returning?
Yeah, it's weird. I don't feel depressed. I am worried something is brewing.
> I'm curious to see if there are some things I can identify with.
> What meds are you on beside lithium?prozac, lamictal, trazodone
Posted by violette on July 28, 2010, at 23:38:50
In reply to What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
It sounds to me you are experiencing the simple concept of fantasy-which can be expressions of unconscious wishes. And the fact you are conscious of the wishes as you interpreted them-is in my view, a positive thing and a way to get in touch with your inner state.
It sort of like dreams-expressions that you don't or can't put into words that manifest in ways you can deal with. You can learn alot about yourself from analyzing/interpreting your dreams and fantasies.
The other possibility could be that you use fantasy as a defense mechanism to avoid feelings-or addressing those feelings. I don't think its necessary unhealthy being that you are able to attribute some underlying feelings to them. I don't think it's anything to worry about; instead, I'd continue to do what you are doing-focusing on the underlying feelings of those fantasies to further explore what is going on unconsciously. :)
http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/counseling/defenses.html
"Fantasy -- Fantasy can be a good or a pathological defense. Fantasizing involves creating an inner world when the real world becomes too painful, difficult, or stressful. Thinking about your upcoming vacation when work gets stressful is a healthy use of fantasy. However, if you don't solve problems, but only daydream about them being solved for you, if you avoid potentially problematic responsibilities and only fantasize about having rewarding challenges and experiences, fantasy becomes too much."
Posted by violette on July 28, 2010, at 23:54:41
In reply to What's going on under my meds?, posted by Dan_MI on July 23, 2010, at 10:21:31
Dan,
I found the Wiki summary to be more informative; thus, it might lead you to more accurate conclusions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_mechanism
There's some conflict there..I think fantasy can be viewed in postive ways, then again, this theorizes fantasy to be a lower level defense, though not within the lowest category.
"Fantasy: Tendency to retreat into fantasy in order to resolve inner and outer conflicts."
Anyway, much to think about!!
This is the end of the thread.
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