Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 26, 2009, at 22:58:05
Past few weeks, well 1(1/2) weeks, I wake up, and i'm still, not awake. For at least 4-5hours. Then, i come to full function, which in the past I woke up with in 30min (5-8hours) of adequeate sleep.
Reasons: maybe
1)Reoccuring indepth depression
2)Going to bed at certain time, the mind has a eternal when it "wakes" it self. Yet i do, wake up, but mental function is as i'm sort of..in a daze.
3)Current Home Situation - it's not i would say abuse, but you know, it suprisises that my parents talk "deceitful" mumblings, then when i come in the room there quiet, or make a direct insult. In the past, they stoped because they had spoke lies, gossip, i would confrount them, and it usally ended up in fierce pyschical attacks. I'm not stating what, but intense threats to "antagonze" as almost a game, of control, manipulation, locking me my room, or throwing me out of the house, yet my mom "controlled" every aspect of life, till now. She act's does not know who I am. Caused drenlaine, mainly to released because i (lived) in "hostile" enviorment. Currently right now, i hear them chatting as the usual decietful fiends as usual, there in the living room. It's my stepdad, and then my mom agree's. Lied to the insurance companies. Don't who, but a lie that far, and cruel, that has to be reported. There is alot that, has been hidden, yet she "accuses" me, when i'm aware of something, so she's "blameless"First, i'm going to make a statement, that was never said. There are loans, my mother forced my grandmother to sign power of attorney over her, while she "mentally was gone" "Alighmers(misspelled) which that is why she got her money from her retirement. That is said, and done. I do not know other's she keep's my social security card, i found it because i was going trying look my bank card, she hid also.
This "Evil" "Dirty" feeling, just in general from the house itself. You know, belief in goodness, but in distress i called a prayer line, and left a message all about what was happening. I got a call back, message back (i lose my phone all the time). She stated, "there is an evil spirit that taken hold, spirtual attack manifesting itself" You know, reading the KJV of the bible. I tried to call her back, but, that's all she's telling me. I don't know what number i called "Prespiterian in Dallas prayer" i'll have to retrive this number.
Well, that's nothing new...i walk into this house, and think it's cold, the room Linda Blair was in (don't take this to an offence, this is the only example i can give)
You know, Satan [darkforce], is a dark, wicked, force, and yes he does have power when we lose our faith. I've seen just the "enviorment" feel dead. Cause terror, unless you have firm faith "get out". Yes, he will he give pleasure, thank you, pat you on the back, but you are given over to his law, and judgement. Seriously, 666 St. you can spell it.
_______________________________________Anyways, but besides that. What psychical causes are just not causing, full function when i get up, I take Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine) and that has no effect almost at all...one thing, If you take Seroquel at night it stays in the system, and still leave's residual effects. I cannot stand it, causes a "thorized, stoned, stare" feeling.
Prozac does work, Lamicital i've been on for about 3 weeks, and on 50mg. I've never had siezures, nor do i think, i do. But, this "aura" feeling comes, i cannot move..it's as if all the nueron's are on, so active, they don't allow peace. Xanax works, and thank god...because this is the main time to have it, frequent panic feeling (i dont show people when, an panic is bursting, i just sit there) It's usally triggered from a thought that comes up over and over, and the adrenaline glan's think danger is around. There is danger around, the trash can hit's the cieling, slam things "that's slam that door! keep slammin it, brat!" "Well, danm the trash can hit the fan, keep slammin ya brat!" That's why my mother slammed the door, part of a finger was chopped off in the frount door (stepdad). Not mine, but this has to come out.Suggestions?
Posted by Phillipa on March 27, 2009, at 0:14:41
In reply to Not waking up functionally..., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 26, 2009, at 22:58:05
Does your doctor know? Phillipa
Posted by desolationrower on March 27, 2009, at 3:57:31
In reply to Re: Not waking up functionally... » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Phillipa on March 27, 2009, at 0:14:41
huh.... well how much seroquel? you might need to either take more, or try something like risperidone. really, i can't imagine that dexedrine is going to be doing much except worsening your anxiety. hope you're doing ok.
-d/r
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 27, 2009, at 12:39:25
In reply to Re: Not waking up functionally..., posted by desolationrower on March 27, 2009, at 3:57:31
Hi....
I posted this, and no reason...and is this, trying to show, third parties what's going on. You know after i read it, it is the truth, but i regret posting. This has to come out, this has been going on for years, and i just didnt say anything about this.
You see, i woke up this morning, and i said "oh gosh, i posted this", yet, there is nothing that needs to be not told. I was doing this, in a ventation, because i never told anyone, never had anyone to tell this to. Or, some people, just are ignorant to the fact of reality, "you live, in a war zone" get out.
I understand, since 2005-now, people in various posts, did tell me get out. And i read it, but i didnt take action because my mother would "control", every aspect. Please...could i just, have some freedom? I know the Household things that need to be done, Vacuum, Clean, and it's done. But, i do it, it's not appriated, they come home and just find something to gossip about. Hello? why don't they get out of their fake reality, and live how life is. Right now, i'm very angry, i mean, in the past it's came out in "rage", "Are you a not aware of what your doing, or just a idiot" "It's transparent what you say, with your mouth, "do what's right", yet then, you gossip, talk trash, complain, scream the wall over the neigboor hood hear's it!"
I can't react to dyphunctional situation, because it's not going to change, from my view.Alot of days, i am so depressed, i write letter's to god, "this is an illness, not a condition". Yet, i dont act depressed, it's usally shown through Irrtible sarcastic comments, right back to people who....insult, get on my nerves, (not here, reality), because i'm discusted of how i feel, and in turn who i am.
Now, getting a Job, various applications, no calls back. And it just put's me in the dump's, yet i know somedays, i do just lay in the bed, and want to die. Then a thought pops up "lazy! didnt get out the house! failure..."
And this, usally i ignore, because i condem myself in thoughts, so people won't put me down.I've found paper(s), there is alot of stuff, maybe they take the blame, out on me. "kick the cat?" ever heard that term, angry so you just take it out on someone....yet if "blow up" they play it as a game, now "M***" you need to go to your room. Take the keys away, lock up stuff, through manipulation.
This is n_o_t right.... but what of the inner issues is getting out, and getting a Job, stop thinking about!
Well......
____________________________________________
The Dexedrine does work, but it provides just a "wake up", Caffine makes causes bad effects, yet dexamphetamine actually is the opposite, i take 2 spansules (30mg), which is released half, so 15mg is released, then 3 hours later the other 15mg is slowly released in the GI plasma. Spansules are not like the tablet, there slow on onset. But, it does provide
1)Awareness, get's my thought's to reality.
2)Orginization, espeically with Speech.
3)It somewhat act's like an antidepressant, but only sometimes. Because it gives "postive" "I have to get this done, then this"But, yet at night, i still write articles, and don't reremember it. But, Seroquel...it's good sometimes for a "irrtible bad mood", but then it just "throzine's" you out. Yuk....
So, and can you understand, why these posts are long because i have explain every aspect, of what, is going on, because in the past, people just, "don't understand, more info?"
So....thanks for the response.
Any help, advice, on this situation would be good.
rj
Posted by Zana on March 27, 2009, at 13:29:09
In reply to Re: Not waking up functionally..., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 27, 2009, at 12:39:25
Boy, it sounds like there's an awful lot going on and that it is too much to contend with at times. I agree with Phillipa about talking to your docs both about the meds and about your living situation. Sounds like you need some help from someone who can look at the whole picture and then make recommendations.
I hope things get easier. It sounds like a really hard time.
Zana
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 28, 2009, at 6:23:51
In reply to Re: Not waking up functionally..., posted by Zana on March 27, 2009, at 13:29:09
Well, first things firsts, I thought they loved me, it turns out, all they did was (my mother) said "i love my mother" yet she yelled, slapped her, and got retirement check.
Do you think this woman would do the same thing to her son?
the only thing is, she knowns, or my stepfather knows, if they lay a hand on me, in the past there's been intense psychical attacks, don't won't do describe, but....they antagonize "emotions", playing games, their immature, both of them. Yet i know i'm, got alot of problems such as responsiblities, in the past that I didnt follow up to, but these people are like living with "high school gossip".You know, my stepfather has held me, down, you know what is self defense? just letting a person choke you? .... and they say "this is normal"
No... grabbed his hand, you know their been furniture been knocked over, yet in the past the police didnt even hear it. So, i'm just sick of these two, there not parents, their liar's, they lied to the banks, and lied the insurance companies, that i know. What else....I can't say, because I dont know it for it for a fact.
You know, saying this, does not feel good, because at sometimes my mom will, "change" and say she loves me, and i feel bad for posting this. But, she changes, and the moral thing, they get up, today is Saturday, and start gossip, lies, in the living room. I just walk right in, stare them down, "what are you talking about"
"We Are The Parents, Do Not Question What We Talk About""truth their liar's, abusive people, and you need to be reported"
It's a sick, game, setomasicist, get pleasure from seeing someone suffer. Discusting people.
And i know, and fully admit, i should got out, but i trusted, they loved me, they don't, they love money.
Anyways, that's why really....even this is online site, there is moral people here.
And thank you for all the advice, in the past, or you know in the future. Because this had to come out, i was afraid in the past, they would lock the laptop up, keys.
just thank you for all the poster's that knew what going on even before I told this.
rj
This is the end of the thread.
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