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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:15:49
Sometimes at night, I sit and think about what has happened during the day. My thoughts sometimes get wierd, they get i dont know, but it triggers the depth of fear in my body.
I sometimes wonder if I am going on the edge of insanity, well at night is when i get like this. I almost have an adrenaline exhileration reacting to something, i went crazy the other day. "No No im not not" its ok, everything is ok, dont think about anything. I one night went into a ultra panic attack, smashed my cell phone and pictures. I look at all the shatter and didnt think this is happening.
I pray to god that my thoughts will be normal and stable, i will not have any abnormalties.
Have you ever watched a bathtub when water comes out, then you blast it to the max. That is what happens to nuerons, I go, i sit, i start pacing, i start walking through the house, "this is going to pass". I wonder if adrenaline will save me, from my mind. I sit at the couch and see my reflection in the window, who and why?
When i have gone to mental institutions (United Methodist Mental Hostpital) they have told me i have severe anxiety, i wasnt crazy. When they asked questions, do you have feelings of paranoia? i could awnser becuase i was paranoid that i was crazy. They said that I may have had symptoms of hypomania with panic attacks.
I am sitting here tonight, on my laptop, ready for anything, I dont even want to mention insanity becuase it will start an reaction.
I take Zyprexa 2.5 and may move to 5mg.
They referred me to a Lithium Treatment Center, i almost said you mean Thorazine Treatment Center, i did, they laughed, and told me im not crazy. Belive us we have many here.
Stillness, coldness the sound of silence is around me right now. What is going to happen? I am at the depth of fear now.
Please just tell me what you think?
Posted by Mistermindmasta on October 15, 2005, at 21:54:00
In reply to the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:15:49
> Sometimes at night, I sit and think about what has happened during the day. My thoughts sometimes get wierd, they get i dont know, but it triggers the depth of fear in my body.
>
> I sometimes wonder if I am going on the edge of insanity, well at night is when i get like this. I almost have an adrenaline exhileration reacting to something, i went crazy the other day. "No No im not not" its ok, everything is ok, dont think about anything. I one night went into a ultra panic attack, smashed my cell phone and pictures. I look at all the shatter and didnt think this is happening.
>
> I pray to god that my thoughts will be normal and stable, i will not have any abnormalties.
>
> Have you ever watched a bathtub when water comes out, then you blast it to the max. That is what happens to nuerons, I go, i sit, i start pacing, i start walking through the house, "this is going to pass". I wonder if adrenaline will save me, from my mind. I sit at the couch and see my reflection in the window, who and why?
>
> When i have gone to mental institutions (United Methodist Mental Hostpital) they have told me i have severe anxiety, i wasnt crazy. When they asked questions, do you have feelings of paranoia? i could awnser becuase i was paranoid that i was crazy. They said that I may have had symptoms of hypomania with panic attacks.
>
> I am sitting here tonight, on my laptop, ready for anything, I dont even want to mention insanity becuase it will start an reaction.
>
> I take Zyprexa 2.5 and may move to 5mg.
>
> They referred me to a Lithium Treatment Center, i almost said you mean Thorazine Treatment Center, i did, they laughed, and told me im not crazy. Belive us we have many here.
>
> Stillness, coldness the sound of silence is around me right now. What is going to happen? I am at the depth of fear now.
>
> Please just tell me what you think?The fact that you've mentioned in your past posts that you "almost enjoy" your panic-esque attacks makes me think that you're experiencing a hypomanic reaction, not any sort of extreme anxiety. I don't think anyone who's ever had a panic attack has ever enjoyed it.
Can you describe what you specifically fear, as far as going crazy? You say that you're paranoid you're going crazy, but what specifically do you feel that you can say is "crazy"?
Like, are you scared you're going to have auditory or visual hallucinations?
Are you scared you're going to be so confused that you have no idea what's actually going on? Does your short term memory get so short that you can't remember what happened a few seconds ago?
Are you just plain scared? Free floating fear?
Keep in mind that almost all people who are crazy / psychotic have a definitive lack of awareness that their thoughts are irrational. You don't seem to have that. You have a strong awareness, almost too strong, of your mental state, it seems.
The idea of "hypomania" with panic attacks seems pretty dead on.
Do you still take adderall or ritalin?
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 23:14:44
In reply to Re: the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by Mistermindmasta on October 15, 2005, at 21:54:00
a fight or flight response that releases adrenaline.
I take Dexedrine 30mg. No i take in the morning not at night.
I dont recall you ever posting to my responses in the past, but i take it you browsed at it.
Anyways, i take it you dont understand what kind of fear that i go through MistermindMASTA.
The fear i experience is going insane or losing reality, or control. More dissociation, then a panic attack, then a hypomania reaction after it.
I have went to doctor asking for CAT scans. They refuse.
Thanks for the advice...
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 23:36:04
In reply to Re: the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by Mistermindmasta on October 15, 2005, at 21:54:00
sorry.
I didnt read the part where you mention
"Are you scared you're going to be so confused that you have no idea what's actually going on? Does your short term memory get so short that you can't remember what happened a few seconds ago?
Are you just plain scared? Free floating fear?"
YES, when it starts time seems "distorted", thank you for saying that, i thought you where being cocky, and didnt care. I skiped over some parts, free flouting anxiety is usally normal, at night is when i feel "unreal". I feel im in a frame.
Currently thank god it doesnt happen anymore, i used to go into these confused states where reality was "still" almost like a frame. Time went by slow. I would have these thoughts that would not make sense with eachother, like somekind of wire that gets tied up.
Anyway, sorry i didnt read the whole post, i took it the way.
I take Dexedrine 30mg daily. Helps..with thoughts. Ironic if i was crazy i my pdoc said i would have a reaction.
Anyways, thanks for asking some of the questions, no one ever asked me "confused states" and that was the main issue, thank you.
Good Night...its 11:35PM
Matt
Posted by UgottaHaveHope on October 15, 2005, at 23:38:18
In reply to the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:15:49
man, you describe exactly how i felt 4ever, mind just racing. i tried every med out there, over seven years, and only got relief when i stumbled into seroquel this year. seroquel seems to terminate the dopamine in me. hope you find relief man.
Posted by tecknohed on October 16, 2005, at 17:03:02
In reply to the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:15:49
Hi
Do you think your Dexedrine use might be contributing to this?
Teck.
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 16, 2005, at 18:30:23
In reply to Re: the bottem of fear - dopamine » rjlockhart98, posted by tecknohed on October 16, 2005, at 17:03:02
No, it happens by itself. I have been working on solving what is this problem, and how i can make it stop. Mind over matter.
Dexedrine helps me focus, it doesnt cause it to happen, it dulls some of it out while i take it, and focus more on direct things, not losing control. Even though i have thought that while i have taken it, its not the source, this started over a year ago, and happened when i took nothing but antianxiety meds only (Ativan then Klonopin)
I do take Zyprexa 2.5mg.
This post was a bit to write but then I thought it was riduclous, i babbled to much. Im reading it again, and its like, shut up....
But i wanted to post what i feel, and wanted to tell what my thoughts where to SOMEONE, that i wasnt lost in my mind.
But im sorry. It was a little extreme.
Regards,
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 16, 2005, at 18:33:41
In reply to this post I posted when i was not myself. Sorry, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 16, 2005, at 18:30:23
Posted by shasling on October 17, 2005, at 9:57:04
In reply to dopamine + seroquel = relief, posted by UgottaHaveHope on October 15, 2005, at 23:38:18
> man, you describe exactly how i felt 4ever, mind just racing. i tried every med out there, over seven years, and only got relief when i stumbled into seroquel this year. seroquel seems to terminate the dopamine in me. hope you find relief man.
I second that - attempts at dopamine supplementation (for tx-resistant depression) have made me feel the same way as you describe. Good luck!
Posted by Declan on October 17, 2005, at 14:12:55
In reply to the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:15:49
Matt, I was impressed when you wrote
'Stillness, coldness the sound of silence is around me right now. What is going to happen? I am at the depth of fear now.'
Beautifully put, I thought.
Declan
This is the end of the thread.
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