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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sedona on February 5, 2005, at 1:47:04
Hi-I've had problems with depression for most of my life, and about 4 years ago I decided to try antidepressants. My first one was Wellbutrin and within 11 days I was obsessed with suicide and considering entering a hospital. It was the lowest I had ever been. I was shocked by having such a strong negative reaction to a drug that was supposed to make me feel better and shocked by how the doctors told me to keep taking it because it hadn't kicked in yet. To try to make a long story short over the years I have now tried 14 drugs including antidepressants, antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, stimulants, and antianxiety drugs. I still have major depressive episodes, I've gained 25 lbs. that wont come off, I still barely function at work and school, and I find that I have stronger thoughts of suicide as the years have gone by. The only positive experiences I have had with AD's is less anger(actually it's more like apathy) and less anxiety. The only drugs I have found helpful are Klonopin and Adderall, but they just keep my anxiety down and allow me to stay awake all day.I have a wonderful psychologist, but unfortunattely my psychiatrist only seems to want me to try more drugs. I am tired and sick of trying new medicines and dealing with all the side-effects. Sometimes I actually think I was better before all these chemicals. Anyone else have a similar experience? I actually think I would rather be dead than continue this seemingly endless cycle.
Thanks for reading.
Posted by SadDoggie on February 5, 2005, at 3:34:05
In reply to Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-round?, posted by sedona on February 5, 2005, at 1:47:04
Hi Sedona,
I am the same. Well not exactly the same but similar. The first medication I ever took was Paxil and it was super great, but it didn't last more than a year. Then later I would find all the rest of the meds would make me feel worse. I also feel I was better before I started taking all these drugs, I am like a zombie now. I've been taking them for 10 years. Of course I had to start taking the first one because I became suicidal, so it's not like I had a choice, but I wish I had stopped after the first one. After the first one stopped working I wasn't suicidal anymore, but I had to go on looking for the next drug that would make me feel great like the first one. If I had stopped it seems like maybe I could've gone back to what I was like before, much better than what I'm like now. Who knows.
Nowadays I have even stronger negative reactions to antidepressants just like you. And the psychiatrists don't like it if I stop, they also want me to keep trying them for a whole month. Sometimes I also wish I were dead. Good luck to you and me, we sure need it.
SadDoggie> Hi-I've had problems with depression for most of my life, and about 4 years ago I decided to try antidepressants. My first one was Wellbutrin and within 11 days I was obsessed with suicide and considering entering a hospital. It was the lowest I had ever been. I was shocked by having such a strong negative reaction to a drug that was supposed to make me feel better and shocked by how the doctors told me to keep taking it because it hadn't kicked in yet. To try to make a long story short over the years I have now tried 14 drugs including antidepressants, antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, stimulants, and antianxiety drugs. I still have major depressive episodes, I've gained 25 lbs. that wont come off, I still barely function at work and school, and I find that I have stronger thoughts of suicide as the years have gone by. The only positive experiences I have had with AD's is less anger(actually it's more like apathy) and less anxiety. The only drugs I have found helpful are Klonopin and Adderall, but they just keep my anxiety down and allow me to stay awake all day.I have a wonderful psychologist, but unfortunattely my psychiatrist only seems to want me to try more drugs. I am tired and sick of trying new medicines and dealing with all the side-effects. Sometimes I actually think I was better before all these chemicals. Anyone else have a similar experience? I actually think I would rather be dead than continue this seemingly endless cycle.
> Thanks for reading.
>
>
Posted by bart on February 5, 2005, at 15:39:02
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by SadDoggie on February 5, 2005, at 3:34:05
thanks for the post. I've noticed my reactions to meds after about 5 years have had poorer results almost as if my brain is tired of processing them. Some days when I don't take anything is when I feel the best
Posted by Phillipa on February 5, 2005, at 17:12:15
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by bart on February 5, 2005, at 15:39:02
The same thing has happened. So, you think your body just gets used to them? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by bart on February 5, 2005, at 18:27:29
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro » bart, posted by Phillipa on February 5, 2005, at 17:12:15
yes. in a way it feels like my serotonin system, or whatever neurochemicals are also involved, have become overly sensitized to any serotonin agonist drugs. So you ultimately have this effect where antidepressants of that nature no longer have a therapeutic effect because of this "burnt out" circuitry in the brain. Kind of like putting high quality high octane gas into a car thinking it's going to improve performance, when in fact the car already has 300,000 miles on it.
Posted by Spriggy on February 5, 2005, at 20:23:21
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by bart on February 5, 2005, at 18:27:29
I am so sorry you feel so helpless sedona. In my opinion, nothing is worse than that.. even depression or anxiety. I've been there (in that hopeless state) and I have also REALLY felt like I would be so much better off dead, because at least than I would have some peace.
Have you ever considered trying the natural route like Sam-E or St. John's wort?? I've known people who were severely depressed that got great relief from those two.
You are probably just at the point that you don't even have the energy to try one more thing.. I can imagine.
I honestly think this "battle over the mind" is one of the hardest battles to fight in this life. It is SOOO overwhelming and tiring to fight 24 hours a day just to try and feel "normal."
I will be praying for you. That some how, some way, God will supernaturally touch you. That He will give you peace, hope, strength, and even JOY.
((((HUGS)))
Posted by medhed on February 6, 2005, at 6:15:54
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by Spriggy on February 5, 2005, at 20:23:21
Yes' it's like the ANTI-PLACEBO EFFECT. You've tried so many times and dealt with so many side effects that you just don't trust anymore. You expect the med will not work or isn't good enough. I'd love to get off this merry go round, I'm afraid though...
Posted by calamityjane on February 6, 2005, at 7:20:07
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by medhed on February 6, 2005, at 6:15:54
Sedona,
I am 24 years old, but way back in the early eighties when I was just a little girl my dad went through this exact scenario.
It began when he had surgery and they got him addicted to pain meds (they kept prescribing them to him way after his surgery b/c he was addicted). Eventually these meds were interfering with his sleep so his doctor started giving him sleeping pills. Well, next b/c of the sleeping pills he became extremely depressed. They tried one antidepressant, and when that wasn't working they added another.
He was now on four meds....
He became suicidal, he wanted to die. He had this wonderful family but he thought we would be so much better off without him. He thought he brought us misery.
My dad, still being on all the meds, was given the suggestion to try electric shock therapy. So they did, and they went to one of the best...Johns Hopkins. Didn't work. They kept him on his meds, and on 1/26/1986 he killed himself by taking all his pills at once. (he had already tried several times).
I never understood but just last year I found out about all these meds he was on. After researching some of these in a 1983 drug guide I discovered that you are not supposed to administer the ADs he was on after having shock therpay. I also found that shock therapy isnt even effective after 6 months.
I feel that they USED my dad. They USED my family and they ruined our lives. If only they had of taken him off all the meds and maybe put him in rehab or something for withdrawals he might of felt better, of course I will never know though b/c he is gone. But I feel the drugs caused all of this.Sedona, try going off everything. It is worth it to try. And I am sure you know this already but just exercising regularly is a natural anti depressant in itself. Try to force yourself to take a walk every day, pretend that walking is your meds and you HAVE to do it. I hope, if you choose to try this, that you have the BEST results ever and that you feel good again.
Posted by Phillipa on February 6, 2005, at 17:23:38
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by medhed on February 6, 2005, at 6:15:54
I know medhead, I feel the same way. In a way I feel that is why taking new meds doesn't help. I don't trust them and I've had so many bad experiences that now I just say Okay and take them and nothing happens. Sedona, I would love to hear what meds your Dad was on, as I have been on meds since the 70's.Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by calamityjane on February 7, 2005, at 20:24:01
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by Phillipa on February 6, 2005, at 17:23:38
My dad was on Darvocet, Halcion, Imaprine (think I spelled that right)....and for now that is all i can remember, he was on a lot more, though, and they tried many different combos...the drugs I just mentioned, though, were in his system at the time of his death, and he had active prescriptions for them.
Were you ever on these?
Posted by Phillipa on February 7, 2005, at 21:16:19
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by calamityjane on February 7, 2005, at 20:24:01
No none those. Start with valium and meprobomate, then ativan, then xanax till 8 years ago and then all SSRI's, effexor, cymbalta wellbutrin now zoloft, detoxing off chloral hydrate, taking klonopin and remeron . I hope that's all.Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by calamityjane on February 8, 2005, at 12:04:24
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro » calamityjane, posted by Phillipa on February 7, 2005, at 21:16:19
The thing that makes me so mad is that I have a 1983 drug guide that specifically warns of the interactions of these ADs with electric shock therapy. I am not the type to sue, but I feel that if I was my dad and had made it through all of that situation, it would be grounds for malpractice.
It is so hurtful today to know that my dad could quite possibly still be here on this earth with me.Have you considered going off the meds, Phillipa? I guess if you feel fine on them and they havent caused you any probs then there is no reason to go off them.
I think meds help a lot, but I also think that there are way too many people who dont evaluate all the options. For instance, my mom was the one who took me to get on meds for ADD when I was 11. She thought a pill should be the magic fix, when in fact she should have been watching the junk I was eating and putting me to bed at a decent hour. But instead I started ritalin and I have become dependent on meds for functioning.She thought she was doing the right thing, though....but like with my dad, maybe they should have sought help from somewhere other than a psychiatrist.
Posted by Phillipa on February 8, 2005, at 16:22:18
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by calamityjane on February 8, 2005, at 12:04:24
Are you kidding? I feel awful, and now am totally nonfunctional. Almost fainted when I tried to get out of bed today. Each pdoc has changed my meds in the last month and my neurotransmitters must be going crazy along with the W/D. I have spent 8 miserable years on AD's that don't work. I just got through reading the side effects of the new AD's and they fit too. What a mess! And I believed in excercise, vitamins, and working. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on February 8, 2005, at 16:24:08
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro » calamityjane, posted by Phillipa on February 7, 2005, at 21:16:19
And yes, I would love to get off all the meds. But, I don't know how! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by calamityjane on February 8, 2005, at 17:27:38
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by Phillipa on February 8, 2005, at 16:24:08
Maybe there is a really good doc in your area....I would suggest, (not that I know anything) but if I were in your shoes I would start by seeing a general physician.....I know mine is more supportive in not taking psych meds than in taking them. If you feel awful maybe you should try. It probably would take awhile, though, to totally stop all of them (as I'm sure you know).
If meds arent making you feel good then I think its worth a shot to stop them.
I was on ritalin, lexapro, and ativan for about a month. That was when I stopped everything cold turkey, and after about a week I felt UNBELIEVEABLY wonderful...full of energy and happiness...
Unfortunately, I also couldnt concentrate...thats why Im back on the ADD meds until I finish college...which is 1and a half years away.
Posted by MM on February 11, 2005, at 0:29:50
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by calamityjane on February 8, 2005, at 17:27:38
Sedona, your story sounds a lot like mine. I was depressed because bad things happened in my life so I was SUPPOSED to feel that way (imagine that?), but at the time it just seemed like the right thing to do...to take me to a psychiatrist (I was 14-15). I didn't know what psychiatrists were about. I thought they were the head honchos or something when it came to mental illness/depression and they would really know what they were doing since they had so much training and education and they would really help me. Anyway....I tried SSRI's and effexor etc., in combination and alone, and all they did was make me agitated and that's when the "suicidal ideation" kicked in. They gave me this enormously strong feeling of wanting to end it...almost a compulsion, like I had to...it was all I could think about a lot of the time. Went to another psychiatrist; am now dx'd bipolar instead of depression and anxiety so I've been on all kinds of meds and still feel like I would have been better off having never tried ANY of them, except maybe Klonopin, which ironically is what I asked if I could try when I first went to the doctor with these problems. I'm scared to go off the meds because being numb and apathetic is better than feeling like I want to end it all the time. I too have gained weight and I know my metabolism is changed, as well as my brain chemistry and that doesn't help depression. I am bitter about all of it and I feel helpless to do anything because I don't have the money to go to the best doctors and pay them to care....anyway...umm, I guess I'm just telling you that I feel the same way. I really wish and hope to get off the meds. Hopefully you find what works for you, meds or no meds. Good luck.
MM
(sorry it's so long)
Posted by sedona on February 11, 2005, at 23:22:22
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by MM on February 11, 2005, at 0:29:50
Yes, I know the feeling. Since starting antidepressants I have never been so suicidal. I have tried things for mood stabilization (7 drugs I think), and they have all made me lathargic to the point of not being able to function, and so apathetic that all I want to do is sleep and stay in my house. Yje only thinks that have helped me so far are Klonopin and Adderall, but once the Adderall wers off in the evening the bad thoughts come back. I am currently trying to wean myself off Cymbalta, but am having a hard time and feel the depression coming back. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I am losing trust in my psychiatrist. He just had me try Amantadine whcih has a huge warning to not give to psychiatric patients because they have been known to become suicidal on it and it is an easy drug to overdose on. I really don't know what he was thinking, and he hasn't returned my calls.
Thanks for writing.Good luck to us both.
Posted by sedona on February 11, 2005, at 23:39:42
In reply to Re: Anyone feel better after getting off med-go-ro, posted by calamityjane on February 8, 2005, at 17:27:38
I have tried several doctors. One of my concerns is that I take Adderall and Klonopin along with my antidepressant and I know many doctors are hesitant to prescribe these. I have been trying to get off Cymbalta for a month now, but the fatigue and headaches are killing me. Now, I just take 15 mg to try to keep the headaches away and am taking twice as much Adderall as I was before I tried to stop Cymbalta just so I can go to work each day. It's not exactly that I feel so bad on them, it's just that something isn't right with me when I take them. I go from completely apathetic to suicidal and the drugs I have tried to stabilize my mood just make me horribly depressed even at very low doses. My doctor even told me I was running out of options unless I would take an MAOI. I know they have helped many people, but at this point I'm so skeptical of psychotropic drugs that the thought of trying yet another pill with many horrible side-effects is out of the question.
This is the end of the thread.
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