![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 916 to 940 of 1838. Go back in thread:
Posted by headachequeen on October 25, 2004, at 16:54:25
In reply to Re: Have not figured g out yet, anyone? » bridgey1128, posted by rainy on October 25, 2004, at 16:12:45
> about <g> thanks. I was thinking maybe giggle.
> I like grin.
> rainy
>It is usually grin and <G> is big grin...
<s> is smile so <S> is big smile
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 25, 2004, at 17:12:00
In reply to Re: topamx » bridgey1128, posted by stresser on October 25, 2004, at 15:43:15
> Is the relaps of your depression because you need to increase your topamax dosage? I hope it takes care of depression, because I am taking M off the anxiety causing Wellbutrin. Slowely. Her eyes are sill burning, but even with the eye gel I thin that may happen for a couple of days. I'm really nervous about it, and also about the fact she may not be able to cont. the topamax if it does not get better. As for the singing....I only wish I could carry a tune. You must be phenomenal. I am really wanting to know where this show will be playing, my daughter LOVES musicals, and I'm already assuming you will be in it. How wonderful the topamax is working, and knowing you have this to look forward too, it may just keep your mind off the food even more so. Those pound might just drop off out of sheer excitement!!!! I hope your weekend was exciting with the reunion and birthday (cake) haaaa. That's my reason to have a birthday party. M is at the pdoc as I type this. WE had a farily bad weekend and I hope she comes home feeling better, because her dad seems to be having a hard time with the fact she can't help herself. I feel sorry for her. Bla bla bla......you know the same song and dance. She says the medication is working "a little", whatever that means. I'm sick of this, so sick of it I took her Xanax on Sat. Oh well......it's a beautiful day and I have to go back to the gym for another class. I'm not in the mood at all. Mondays are my loaded days and I'm ready to give some of these up. Ask me tomorrow and I may not feel the same way. I'm still trying to control the world. -L
L, Mondays are always bad days... so just grab them by the hair and spit in their eyes and tell them they can't get you down... then move on with life...
M will do it... but only if she wants to...
as for her father he has to want to want her to succeed or he will destroy her...
believe me I know. I had a destructive parent...
he was incredibly controlling too, wonder if that has anything genetic in my control problems <g>...
he was used to people following his commands at the drop of his hat and expected me to be the perfect daughter and to follow his orders too... my mother expected me to be the perfect member of her family and to follow her expectations and to fit within her controlled guidelines and both let me know when I did not meet their expectations...
they were never slow to criticize and never interested in praise...
amazing how I became a dog trainer and use the praise method...
I should be using the yelling and screaming at the dog method...
but I insist that the dog be set up for praise method no matter what... I know how it feels to be criticised when one has done one's best to succeed and no one has noticed...
to be in the first year in a new school and try for a role in the chorus in the school musical and come home with the lead instead only to be told that a cousin is dancing in Nutcracker Suite in Massey Hall... well whoopdee doo... all those kids get to do is fill the stage because they need kids on the stage but has anyone noticed???
of course not...
positive reaction will help... I swear it will so make him sit up and take notice... she needs his positive help...
and that may be the problem
she may be doing anything she can to get his notice...
I did anything at all... from shooting to singing to back-packing to rappelling or however it is spelled to photography... and I was a better shot and I was better at rappelling (both part of his job of course) and I toook to camping and hiking and canoeing and back-packing and to survival training, another part of his job like I was meant for it... and he still didn't notice me other than to point out the flaws...
so I became a trainer and ended up training some of HIS men and I was only 16... and he still didn't notice other than to tell me to remember that these men would try to put one over on me because I was just a kid... but they hated him too so they worked hard just to show him...
here I am an old lady still climbing through culverts and up and down hills and loving it and still wondering if my mother ever notices that I am good at what I do... and still working at my music and all that... well I will be when my strained vocal cords heal...
the eating disorder was to show them too apparently....
being a kid is hard... being a parent is harder...LOL (Laughing out Loud for those who want it translated) then they tried to tell me how to be a good parent!!!!!
Oh and I forgot to mention that it will take a day or so for the gel to work to soothe the eyes...
still trying to remember the name of the safe drops
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 25, 2004, at 17:38:56
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 24, 2004, at 19:41:43
I just wrote a long post at "social" most of it ws directed for you.I would check with your daughters eye docter about the contacts bcause sI just went to my eye docter for a new prescription and he told me I was not a good ancicate for contacts because I have dry eyes from my meds. Hes did say it was not to be ruled out.
I do not know if anything I wrote will help because it is impossible to talk to teens. You are not alone! Your husband is not completely off track. I know as her mother you are going to worry but if she will not talk to you about it try not to worry more it won't help either of you.
My experience with my teen years and my own eating disorder was I was angry when my mom asked me about food. Again we are all diferent.
irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 26, 2004, at 0:05:55
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by iris2 on October 25, 2004, at 17:38:56
Cognitive as in..right now I am forgetting simple words. Right now I don't have to worry about lines or entrances and the like. I am not doing any shows. I only do one a year and the music I sing right now is in choirs and my band and I use sheet music so no need to memorize. I just hope that this all passes BEFORE I have to memorize entrances and exits and large amounts of lines and notes. Lines are harder for me to memorize than music. I don't know why. With music, you have to memorize notes and words. I guess that's the way my brain works. With music, it's easier to remember something that has a tune to it, sort of like a mneumonic device. I have always used them to memorize things, like my French vocab in high school. My friend Melanie and I would learn our whole 25 French vocab list 30 minutes before a test and ace it every time. We also were always making up words to familiar tunes in band. As for the Topomax, it does much better for the hypomania than the depression. That is why Dr's sometimes pair it with an antidepressant, although unfortunately a lot of times antidepressants don't work very well for bipolar II. Yes I know I know. many people are on them. But from talking with people, they don't seem to work very well. My Dr had told me, and from my own personal experience, they either don't work at all, cause one to go into a hypomania, work really well and then stop working or have bizarre side effects. I have not found one in all the one's I have tried that works. Which is why I came to the conclusion that something else must be wrong and that I was not just depressed. My Dr also said this was pretty common and the reason that a lot of people come to find out that they are bipolar. You don't go to the Dr because you feel good! This is also the age that a lot of people are diagnosed. (27) I guess because we have been treated for depression for so long and it just hasn't worked. Welbutrin TOTALLY dried me out. I wonder if that is what is making your daughters eyes dry. How long has she been on that? It made my mouth like COTTON!! THat is one reason I stopped taking it. That and it just made me crazy. Prozac made me crazy. Lexapro didn't work. Effexor was HORRID!!!!!!!!! I am just fine with the Topomax as long as I stay away from my depression triggers. well I am off to bed...nighty!
Posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 8:36:28
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by headachequeen on October 25, 2004, at 17:12:00
We did try the Genteal eye gel for M, and she says her eyes feel better this morning after using it last night before bed. That's a relief. She is taking accutane as well a topamax (small dosage of accutane) and that tends to be drying for her eyes also. Thanks so much for the recomendations for the gel. Kat-you don't even realize how much I value your knowledge, and I'm feel very fortunate to have stumbled across this board. My husband and I have really tried many different aproaches to this disorder. We have tried being tough, sympathetic, encouraging, indifferent, etc. and nothing is really working long term. He is really stubborn, and engineer, and with him it's either black or white. Do you know the type? Drives me BONKERS!!! You would think encouragement would help, but it doesn't at all. I do go to talk with her pdoc. tomorrow, and I hope that helps me to know how to react. I also know how it feels to grow up not being noticed. May parents were divorced when I was 12, my dad hardley knew I was alive, but yet my brother got enormous amounts of attention. I have ALWAYS known that I was and still am, not good enough for my mother. Isn't that sad that many of us are in the same situation. I feel that maybe I am passing that off to M, but how do I stop when that's all I know? I have tried to act as if I don't care about many things with her, and that really doesn't seem to work either. I'm either controlling or not caring enough. I'm stuck in a tought spot and cannot get out, so now I'm looking to all of you once again for advice. -L
Posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 11:48:30
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 8:36:28
I relate some to your daughter as I have yet to really grow up and I was anorexic and bulimic as a teen too. For me it did not matter what my folks did or said I was going to hold the past against them forever. Control is definitely not the way to go though I can tell you that. She needs to find her own voice not yours or your husbands. She might hate her own for a while or not find it and you will be tempted to step in but she probably will resent you for it. If she is anything like I was I was impossible to talk to. Although some of that was that my folks kept repeating the same messages. My father was a control freak and cold like a chemist he was. See any similarities. He thought the whole thing was ridiculous I think and that I should quit feeling sorry for myself or whatever and get off my a** and get going. My mother kept crying and obsessing about my food until I could choke her. That is part of what I remember about those years. I do not mean to sound callous that is just the way it was.
irene
Posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 13:22:22
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 11:48:30
this may get directed to the social board, but how did you get out of it? How long have you taken topamax, and do you take it for that? -L
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 13:35:54
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 8:36:28
> We did try the Genteal eye gel for M, and she says her eyes feel better this morning after using it last night before bed. That's a relief. She is taking accutane as well a topamax (small dosage of accutane) and that tends to be drying for her eyes also. Thanks so much for the recomendations for the gel. Kat-you don't even realize how much I value your knowledge, and I'm feel very fortunate to have stumbled across this board. My husband and I have really tried many different aproaches to this disorder. We have tried being tough, sympathetic, encouraging, indifferent, etc. and nothing is really working long term. He is really stubborn, and engineer, and with him it's either black or white. Do you know the type? Drives me BONKERS!!! You would think encouragement would help, but it doesn't at all. I do go to talk with her pdoc. tomorrow, and I hope that helps me to know how to react. I also know how it feels to grow up not being noticed. May parents were divorced when I was 12, my dad hardley knew I was alive, but yet my brother got enormous amounts of attention. I have ALWAYS known that I was and still am, not good enough for my mother. Isn't that sad that many of us are in the same situation. I feel that maybe I am passing that off to M, but how do I stop when that's all I know? I have tried to act as if I don't care about many things with her, and that really doesn't seem to work either. I'm either controlling or not caring enough. I'm stuck in a tought spot and cannot get out, so now I'm looking to all of you once again for advice. -L
Cher ami, I have a doctor's appointment... but will answer when I come back... glad that the genteal gel helped...tell her to keep using it... four times a day according to my opthomalogist...
and it will keep helping
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 14:34:10
In reply to Re: topamx » iris2, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 13:22:22
I don't take Topomax. I tried it and it made my depression worse. I have never gotten out of it. I am still ill. Although with time and therapy it is much better. When I became ill with the eating disorder things were different. Not much was known about them. So do not go by me. I also was very ill with anorexia I weighed 56 pounds before I started to gain any weight back. I have a very severe depression which is perhaps worse than the eating disorder.
I do not know that Topomax will be the answer to your daughters problems. But I do not think even if it does help that it will not be the whole answer. Even when I am at a good weight or underweight I still have the eating disorder. Weight is really not the issue. It feels like it to her now but if she has an eating disorder that is the issue to be dealt with. It will never matter what her weight is if she is still ill. So if Topomax does not help than you will most likely find a med that does but it probably will not have the side effect of weight lose and that does not matter. She needs a medication and therapy to deal with the eating disorder and mood problems not a diet pill. If she feels better and wants to loose weight I am sure she will have no problem doing it.
irene
irene
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 15:51:33
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 14:34:10
> I don't take Topomax. I tried it and it made my depression worse. I have never gotten out of it. I am still ill. Although with time and therapy it is much better. When I became ill with the eating disorder things were different. Not much was known about them. So do not go by me. I also was very ill with anorexia I weighed 56 pounds before I started to gain any weight back. I have a very severe depression which is perhaps worse than the eating disorder.
>
> I do not know that Topomax will be the answer to your daughters problems. But I do not think even if it does help that it will not be the whole answer. Even when I am at a good weight or underweight I still have the eating disorder. Weight is really not the issue. It feels like it to her now but if she has an eating disorder that is the issue to be dealt with. It will never matter what her weight is if she is still ill. So if Topomax does not help than you will most likely find a med that does but it probably will not have the side effect of weight lose and that does not matter. She needs a medication and therapy to deal with the eating disorder and mood problems not a diet pill. If she feels better and wants to loose weight I am sure she will have no problem doing it.
>
> ireneOh I don't think that there is any argument nor has there been any argument that Topomax is the see-all end-all to the problem; L is trying to find the problem and get to the root of it as well as help her daughter deal with the binge-eating (enter Topomax and therapy)
Please, though, could we deal with the issues calmly...it is hard enough to deal with the stress of watching a child go through these things without the heavy stuff...
and I am sure it was not meant to be heavy but let's head it off at the pass before it gets heavy
kat
Posted by rainy on October 26, 2004, at 16:01:57
In reply to Re: topamx » stresser, posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 13:35:54
I'm getting confused here as to who is posting, but I think it's you, stresser, that mentioned you had a mother for whom you could do nothing right, and so you end up swinging between appearing indifferent and too controlling with M.
Our kids are grown now and they both have our values, but I think our son is bipolar II. Everything I say or do seems to irritate him and I often feel like I'm walking on eggs around him. Foot in mouth disease in the bosom of the family. Our daughter and I have come to terms, but she was treated for depression for several years and may still be on meds--we don't talk about it. They change the subject if my bipolar situation comes up, although Marc is becoming more open. Our daughter's husband is a family therapist! Parenting is the harderst thing in the world to do.
When I first began to write again on this board three weeks ago, it was just after that awful confirmation class and I was really afraid I was losing it because of the Topamax. I was considering going off and asking for people's experience in going off the med--taper or cold turkey.
I don't think the original question was answered but now it's settled--I don't want to go off. I've done some rethinking about my own responses to crises, I've had a chance to participate in some conversations here, I'm feeling better about myself, and I can tell when I'm heading into hypomania. Which is now.
I've been concentrating on Topomax as a bulwark against bulimia and I haven't been listening all that well to the rest of you, I' afarid.
I'm beginning a new project tomorrow that I'd like to tell you about and ask for your good wishes. I've got butterflies becaus of the Coming of Age experience and because I'm tearful--I think because I'm on only 200 mgs of desryel, 300 mgs of Top, and as of tomorrow 200 mgs of provigil. I'm depressed, despite the lovely, cloudy fall day and I don't feel fully in charge of myself.
Here's the deal. Our church is starting a "Small Group Ministry." We have 10 groups, mine, I'm the facilitator, went throught the training without mishap, has 9 members. Adults! We meet for two hours and eventually, form into a support group. Not a therapy group, but close friends who can help each other out.
There's stucture, check in, we have to develop a covenant, confidentiality policy etc, topic of discussion, opening and closing words. My job is to keep the meeting moving smoothly and on task, stop any biting and scratching, make sure that everybody has a chance to talk etc, Tactfully.
Given my recent Mouth Adventures, I'm a little worried. Also I forget words. Also there are a couple of "difficult" people in the group.
So, please, keep your fingers crossed for me.
Thanks
Rainy of the well intentioned MOUTH
Posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 17:03:33
In reply to Re: topamx » iris2, posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 15:51:33
I thought that was calm and rational. To be sure I was not sure Stresser would like everything I said but I do not think I was being cold or abrupt or critical. Being supportive does not mean saying only what the other person wants to hear or having the answer to everything the person asks even though we are not specialists here. If I thought you (Stresser) only wanted to hear what made you right and happy I would not bother posting to you, it would be a waste of my time. You seem to want to know other people’s experiences and opinions. Please understand that most of what I post is only my opinion based on my own life’s experience and all what doctors and therapists have been telling me for 30 years. None of us here has the magic answer. I wish we did for you and me.
I am truly sorry if you took anything I said as being "heavy". I have to say I did mean what I posted and was worried about how you were thinking that the Topomax seemed to be "the answer".
Wishing you only the best,
irene
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 18:55:01
In reply to Re: topamx, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 8:36:28
> We did try the Genteal eye gel for M, and she says her eyes feel better this morning after using it last night before bed. That's a relief. She is taking accutane as well a topamax (small dosage of accutane) and that tends to be drying for her eyes also. Thanks so much for the recomendations for the gel. Kat-you don't even realize how much I value your knowledge, and I'm feel very fortunate to have stumbled across this board. My husband and I have really tried many different aproaches to this disorder. We have tried being tough, sympathetic, encouraging, indifferent, etc. and nothing is really working long term. He is really stubborn, and engineer, and with him it's either black or white. Do you know the type? Drives me BONKERS!!! You would think encouragement would help, but it doesn't at all. I do go to talk with her pdoc. tomorrow, and I hope that helps me to know how to react. I also know how it feels to grow up not being noticed. May parents were divorced when I was 12, my dad hardley knew I was alive, but yet my brother got enormous amounts of attention. I have ALWAYS known that I was and still am, not good enough for my mother. Isn't that sad that many of us are in the same situation. I feel that maybe I am passing that off to M, but how do I stop when that's all I know? I have tried to act as if I don't care about many things with her, and that really doesn't seem to work either. I'm either controlling or not caring enough. I'm stuck in a tought spot and cannot get out, so now I'm looking to all of you once again for advice. -L
L, it is easy to relate... I could - and did - bring home 100s in algebra and geometry, only to be asked why the papers weren't tidier or the penmanship better... whereas my grandfather when he saw the marks would ask what I planned to do after that, after all one hundred was hard to beat..
I was a perfectionist even then but it was not enough... my father was an engineering type and my mother a perfectionist in her own way as I have mentioned. My grandfather was an engineer also, but he never let it interfere with his people skills; when I told him that I had accomplished the highest English lit or French lit mark, he was pleased and encouraging to their wondering why the mark was not higher, and never compared me to anyone else... my mother's favourite trick was to compare me with her dead brother... the sainted paragon... he had done no wrong EVER... even when he ran off and enlisted underage...
From my grandfather I learned so much that I have tempered my control freak nature with his people skills. I spent every school holiday with him and my grandmother, lived with them the last two years of high school for that matter -- and they noticed my weight... .. he always had time for me, no matter how demanding his job was of his time and energy. I would meet him at his office around lunch time and we would talk about things that mattered as he finished his rounds of the plant, we would drive together on those summer days as he toured from his headquarters to the other plants he controlled...I remember one day when I was about seven wandering through the plant with him when he discovered a man asleep on the job.
He took his notebook out of his pocket. There was always a notebook in his pocket... and I always carry a notebook with me, something I learned from him... to capture important thoughts and ideas, this time he wrote in the notebook, tore off the page and carefully stuck it in the man's shirt pocket, all the while signalling to me to keep quiet.
We tiptoed away so as not to disturb the man's sleep.
I had heard about courts martial and I had heard about men being put on report and being thrown in the brig and about my father's temper and I knew his temper first hand. I was expecting my grandfather to explode as my father would have in the circumstances.
I was shocked at his response and I learned a lot when I learned that he had written,
' I hope you enjoyed your nap. Your next will be your last here' with his signature at the bottom.
There are better ways of dealing with people than yelling and shouting and demanding things of them...
calm expectations, positive reinforcement...
all these go so far to help ...if M is sure that she has support and loving support from both of you no matter what, then that is the first step...
trust me...I gained weight for two reasons... one was the meds that caused weight gain and the other was because I didn't feel like losing it...
sort of an anti-Barbie thing... accept me for my mind not for my looks...
my husband told me he didn't care how I looked or what I weighed; he loved me for who I am and what I could do and what I had done and weight didn't matter...
it may not have pushed me to the dieting and weight loss or exercise urges but it helped me to accept me as who I am, exactly what I wanted the world to do...
for too long I had been forced to be something to someone who fit the standard that was set for me and now I was fighting back, here was someone who cared who didn't set any standards and who loved me as I was...
it was important...I remember when I first met him... he always tells people that when he met me he felt sorry for me and proposed for me because someone had to take me home and feed me LOL...
wherever I was singing or performing, he and some one or ones from his family (and it is a HUGE family) would be present to encourage me... with my ego I really didn't need encouragement in that way, but it was nice to they cared and that I mattered... if I made a mess of my music, entrance, lines, whatever, they didn't care... they were just there for me...
looking around, it was seldom that one saw my parents there... interesting contrast...
support and no demands...
it helps...Part of the reason I train and use the positive reinforcement as a method of training is because I see the effect it has on dog and on owner... I really like the effect it has on the self esteem of the teen-agers in the family (I insist on the entire family being involved ... no point in one person training the dog and the rest undoing what is done)..
watched one badly overweight girl whose dog was going to be put down work determinedly with her dog, a mixed breed, every day... she got up at five to practise with him and met me at the school every afternoon and lunchtime and the difference in her was phenomenal...
the guidance counsellor had asked me to help either explain about euthanasia or help her with the dog that was totally out of control... what could I do but say yes????
in ten days her head was up and she looked people in the eye; she was a positive person and was losing weight... no wonder as she was doing agility with the dog and it is work believe, so is basic obedience for that matter,...
but she had done wonders with her dog, and she knew it...
her parents were amazed and thrilled with her accomplishments and told the world what she had done and best of all kept telling her...
her head kept getting higher...
it is so exciting and I keep thinking I should give these kids cookies the same as we give the dogs... praise... instance praise and reward for the dogs and I praise the client too...and then there is the unconditional love from the dog... well we have to give unconditional love to the kid involved... no strings attached...
just love with nothing asked in return...
it is sooooo hard...
just love for who she is...
and that means who she is today....
it works for the dog...
and when the dog loves us unconditionally it works for us so I figure it works for the kids...
and I keep using it whenever I can...
with people I mean <g>
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 19:08:07
In reply to Re: topamx » headachequeen, posted by rainy on October 26, 2004, at 16:01:57
> I'm getting confused here as to who is posting, but I think it's you, stresser, that mentioned you had a mother for whom you could do nothing right, and so you end up swinging between appearing indifferent and too controlling with M.
> Our kids are grown now and they both have our values, but I think our son is bipolar II. Everything I say or do seems to irritate him and I often feel like I'm walking on eggs around him. Foot in mouth disease in the bosom of the family. Our daughter and I have come to terms, but she was treated for depression for several years and may still be on meds--we don't talk about it. They change the subject if my bipolar situation comes up, although Marc is becoming more open. Our daughter's husband is a family therapist! Parenting is the harderst thing in the world to do.
> When I first began to write again on this board three weeks ago, it was just after that awful confirmation class and I was really afraid I was losing it because of the Topamax. I was considering going off and asking for people's experience in going off the med--taper or cold turkey.
> I don't think the original question was answered but now it's settled--I don't want to go off. I've done some rethinking about my own responses to crises, I've had a chance to participate in some conversations here, I'm feeling better about myself, and I can tell when I'm heading into hypomania. Which is now.
> I've been concentrating on Topomax as a bulwark against bulimia and I haven't been listening all that well to the rest of you, I' afarid.
> I'm beginning a new project tomorrow that I'd like to tell you about and ask for your good wishes. I've got butterflies becaus of the Coming of Age experience and because I'm tearful--I think because I'm on only 200 mgs of desryel, 300 mgs of Top, and as of tomorrow 200 mgs of provigil. I'm depressed, despite the lovely, cloudy fall day and I don't feel fully in charge of myself.
> Here's the deal. Our church is starting a "Small Group Ministry." We have 10 groups, mine, I'm the facilitator, went throught the training without mishap, has 9 members. Adults! We meet for two hours and eventually, form into a support group. Not a therapy group, but close friends who can help each other out.
> There's stucture, check in, we have to develop a covenant, confidentiality policy etc, topic of discussion, opening and closing words. My job is to keep the meeting moving smoothly and on task, stop any biting and scratching, make sure that everybody has a chance to talk etc, Tactfully.
> Given my recent Mouth Adventures, I'm a little worried. Also I forget words. Also there are a couple of "difficult" people in the group.
> So, please, keep your fingers crossed for me.
> Thanks
> Rainy of the well intentioned MOUTH
>
Rainy to a great extent that group is like this one... here we have a group that has become close friends who help out each other...
so you forget words...
I do too not from Topomax but since the raging seizures... I find that people help me remember them... I just cover with some comment such as oops... that word just sailed through my mind...
someone else must have needed it more... oh, you know the one...
and when someone says the word you never forget it again, believe me...
it is like vocabulary building as a child...Your main function at this point is to guide these people and to ensure that they do not get into arguments and back-biting... so you do not have to worry about your vocabulary... all you really have to do is use phrases such as "Is that sort of comment really helpful here?" or "I don't think we want to be hurtful here" and make up a mental list before you start...
come on, gang, let's create a set of mental cue cards for Rainy before the first session...
You are going to do this with flying colours...
and the Topomax is going to help keep your bulimia under control so it is not a worry and the hypomania... I am told I suffer from that according to the psychiatrist and psychologist at the hospital a couple of years ago and I am ADD according to my later therapist... what the heck let's be all we can be and join the marines or something...
wouldn't that give them something to think about...
there you laughed and you are ready to take on the world...You can do this and we will be here to help and support...
we have our positive reinforcement ready and able for you...
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 19:10:45
In reply to Re: topamx » headachequeen, posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 17:03:33
> I thought that was calm and rational. To be sure I was not sure Stresser would like everything I said but I do not think I was being cold or abrupt or critical. Being supportive does not mean saying only what the other person wants to hear or having the answer to everything the person asks even though we are not specialists here. If I thought you (Stresser) only wanted to hear what made you right and happy I would not bother posting to you, it would be a waste of my time. You seem to want to know other people’s experiences and opinions. Please understand that most of what I post is only my opinion based on my own life’s experience and all what doctors and therapists have been telling me for 30 years. None of us here has the magic answer. I wish we did for you and me.
>
> I am truly sorry if you took anything I said as being "heavy". I have to say I did mean what I posted and was worried about how you were thinking that the Topomax seemed to be "the answer".
>
> Wishing you only the best,
>
> irene
>
>Irene you did mean only the best and when I read that post I was on my way to the doctor's and in dread of the next step....it was my fault....
mea culpa...I read it as being critical and I was expecting him to be critical and I was just seeing the world as being critical...
one of those days...and I am trying to be less controlling...
man is that hard for a control freak...forgive me???
kat
Posted by rainy on October 26, 2004, at 19:50:29
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa » iris2, posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 19:10:45
Hey, Iris2, I say things that I don't mean as critical and they come out as critical and people get all huffy and then I feel awful. My husband, who someimes has good things to says it's about them if they get offended, not us, as long as we didn't call them unspeakable names or disparage their heritages or something. What is true or close to it is so often harad to hear.
I tend to carry guilt around about stuff I've said--if my sense of humor were as well developed as as my sense of guilt, I'd be a healthy person.
Thank's Kat. I just to don't want to say, shut up, you snickerdoodle, and then talk about his/her politics in a way that I'd like too. My mouth is really colorful--our 13 year old son once told me I swear too much and that was a long
time ago.
I also don't want to cry. If I stop thinking about myself and think about my 9 fully adult, friendly, intelligent group members, I'll be OK. And, Iris, I agree with what you're saying. One person's version of the truth often isn't easy to read, but that doesn't mean it was ill meant or cruel.
We perceive stuff as we do.
on that highly philosophical note, more work to be done and thanks for your support.
I could use a good stiff drink. Them were the days.
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 19:55:47
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa » headachequeen, posted by rainy on October 26, 2004, at 19:50:29
> Hey, Iris2, I say things that I don't mean as critical and they come out as critical and people get all huffy and then I feel awful. My husband, who someimes has good things to says it's about them if they get offended, not us, as long as we didn't call them unspeakable names or disparage their heritages or something. What is true or close to it is so often harad to hear.
> I tend to carry guilt around about stuff I've said--if my sense of humor were as well developed as as my sense of guilt, I'd be a healthy person.
> Thank's Kat. I just to don't want to say, shut up, you snickerdoodle, and then talk about his/her politics in a way that I'd like too. My mouth is really colorful--our 13 year old son once told me I swear too much and that was a long
> time ago.
> I also don't want to cry. If I stop thinking about myself and think about my 9 fully adult, friendly, intelligent group members, I'll be OK. And, Iris, I agree with what you're saying. One person's version of the truth often isn't easy to read, but that doesn't mean it was ill meant or cruel.
> We perceive stuff as we do.
> on that highly philosophical note, more work to be done and thanks for your support.
> I could use a good stiff drink. Them were the days.
> rainy
>
>I think all of us have better developed senses of guilt than senses of humour sigh...
now, where are those mental cue cards for Rainy...
we need them by early tomorrow morning so she can start these sessions well prepared to direct (not control <GGGG> this group...
kat (and the rest of us will be keeping a list of the ideas for future reference too I would bet <g>)
Posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 20:43:33
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa » rainy, posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 19:55:47
Woa,.....I sure missed quite a bit this afternoon!! Seriously, I don't take offense at anything anyone has to say. I have a very good friend that I can count on to ALWAYS tell me her view on my "problems". Sometimes I need someone to point out things I overlook, or maybe I'm just having a dense day! Anyway, don't be afraid to give me your point of view...and this is for all of you "pack members". There are so many posting on here that I'm having trouble keeping them straight and I find myself re-reading the posts!
Iris II, (I think I may have this correct, but let me know if I don't) You are safe here, no matter how you feel, ok? I really don't think the topamax is the answer, I'm just hoping it will help along the way. It saddens me to think you are having such a difficult time with depression....that's tough, I know.The organization you all seem to have is very impressive, because you see, I don't have that when it comes to posting on these boards. I just keep reading and thinking "Wow, these girls really have their heads on straight". I'm a wanna be......(CONTROL QUEEN too).
About that siff drink? I will never argue that! -L
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 20:50:59
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 20:43:33
There are so many posting on here that I'm having trouble keeping them straight and I find myself re-reading the posts!
here comes the control freak in me...
that is why it helps to have some sort of nom de plum or nom de guerre or whatever... so we know who we are...
well, I never know who I am, but you know what I mean <G>
> About that siff drink? I will never argue that! -LOh, L, never on Topomax...
alcohol and Topomax for most people, there are a few who can manage to mix them, but for the most part it is a real mess up thing...
hangover multiplies by many times....
the aftermath is truly AWFUL...kat
Posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 20:51:33
In reply to Re: topamx » rainy, posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 19:08:07
I have no doubt that you will be able to control your Ministry group. You have a way with words, you will be able to head off any trouble without "ticking anyone off", so to speak. I think your group is a wonderful idea, and I think I should form one here. You have our Good Wishes.
You are doing just fine listening to the rest of us, we would never have known if you hadn't told us!!! Thanks for that anyway. I know we all get so wrapped up in our problems that we forget the others at times.
I must get off here, M is scratching at the door for the computer!!! -L
Posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 20:54:58
In reply to Re: topamx » headachequeen, posted by stresser on October 26, 2004, at 20:51:33
> I have no doubt that you will be able to control your Ministry group. You have a way with words, you will be able to head off any trouble without "ticking anyone off", so to speak. I think your group is a wonderful idea, and I think I should form one here. You have our Good Wishes.
>
> You are doing just fine listening to the rest of us, we would never have known if you hadn't told us!!! Thanks for that anyway. I know we all get so wrapped up in our problems that we forget the others at times.
>
> I must get off here, M is scratching at the door for the computer!!! -LWOW!!! There it is at its finest... positive reinforcement... see Rainy... you can do it...
and will do it... L just said it...
she said it and I believe it and you will do it...
simple as that ...
and we will be waiting to hear all about it...I am so proud of you both...
kat
Posted by rainy on October 26, 2004, at 21:24:02
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa » stresser, posted by headachequeen on October 26, 2004, at 20:50:59
Thank you for your good wishes and kind words--I'm just learning to really accept compliments and they mean a lot.
I forget what people say bewtween posts which is why I'm sort of uncomfortable with babble mail, which, incidentally, I've done unto you at least three times, Ms. Stresser--are you not getting the messages?
As for me and criticism, it doesn't hurt at first--there's this period of numbness and then the anguish sets in--that goes all the way back to the 6th grade.
I got over it for awhile--did any of you have periods in your lives when you felt really healthy and strong? .
And somebody was writing that she can't remember who is who on this board--I'm just getting you guys figured out but Merry is new, Redscarlet goes back aways, but hasn't been on for awhile, those two guys,the chemist and the man who was so concerned about his weight haven't said a thing for a week or two. I began writing last year but was intimidated.
This time I just decided I wanna be a control freak too, but I have brown hair and four cats and I'll bet I'm the oldest on the board and certainly the only one who writes in stream of consciousness. Do you suppose we sometimes jump in too fast to really remember what's going on?
I do
rainy
Posted by iris2 on October 27, 2004, at 12:10:00
In reply to Re: topamx » headachequeen, posted by iris2 on October 26, 2004, at 17:03:33
I just want everyone to know that "headachqueen" and iris2 are on great terms and not think it was not worked out. "H.." appologized which was very kind and of coure I accepted. Not even sure an oppology was needed but thanks.
irene
Posted by stresser on October 27, 2004, at 17:52:35
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa » headachequeen, posted by rainy on October 26, 2004, at 21:24:02
Rain, you are doing fine on here, and PLEASE don't let us intimidate you because we don't want that to happen. I am really boggled about the babble mail, because I got one from Iris II a few days ago, and that's been all. They are not coming through, but if you will, please try again. I that doesn't work, I will give you my e-mail address. I went to M'm doc today and I guess she told him she was going to move out!! News to me!!!! I wonder if she will ever bring that one up? She also told him her dad has an ad written up to put in the paper to sell her car? I know he told her that is she gets any more C's he will ground her from the car. WE HAVE A DRAMA QUEEN THAT LIVES HERE. It's been that way for years, I guess the doc. just met that personality. Anyway, he increased her dosage to 200mg per day. I still have the 25mg pills, so we can take it slowely. She says her eyes aren't buring anymore, but I'm very causious and really listen to the advice for that medication from everyone.
Rainy, you don't sound like a control freak from your posts, but if you try, I think you should be able to convice us otherwise!!! I really don't think you come close to me, I am the worst....ask my husband. He doesn't even pick out his cloths!!!! When he goes on business trips, I have to match the cloths up for him before he leaves. I think I need to color code the tags.<g> (hey, I used it) Yes, I know I jump too fast, I'm very impatient and I need to CHILL OUT. Easier said than done. -L
Posted by headachequeen on October 27, 2004, at 18:45:41
In reply to Re: topamx mea culpa, posted by stresser on October 27, 2004, at 17:52:35
> Rain, you are doing fine on here, and PLEASE don't let us intimidate you because we don't want that to happen. I am really boggled about the babble mail, because I got one from Iris II a few days ago, and that's been all. They are not coming through, but if you will, please try again. I that doesn't work, I will give you my e-mail address. I went to M'm doc today and I guess she told him she was going to move out!! News to me!!!! I wonder if she will ever bring that one up? She also told him her dad has an ad written up to put in the paper to sell her car? I know he told her that is she gets any more C's he will ground her from the car. WE HAVE A DRAMA QUEEN THAT LIVES HERE. It's been that way for years, I guess the doc. just met that personality. Anyway, he increased her dosage to 200mg per day. I still have the 25mg pills, so we can take it slowely. She says her eyes aren't buring anymore, but I'm very causious and really listen to the advice for that medication from everyone.
>
>
All right, if she is increasing the dose, be sure it happens in the evening at bedtime... I know, you know that but I have to be the worrier and remind you again and again...I am glad the dry eyes are becoming a thing of the past... with continued use of genteal gel and with lots of water to drink it will continue to be a thing of the past...
as for drama queens... been there done that... had four of them in the house at once... two foster daughters (we fostered teenagers) and two teens of our own, all trying to be the drama queen of the century at the same time...
isn't it fun? some days you wonder if you are going to survive until the next moment let alone the next day...
just ignore it is the advice I was always given...
ignore it??? with Desdemone and Lady Macbeth and the Lady of Shallott all vying for attention at the same time while King Lear's daughters are coming through the door? and that is just the one child...
I figure the mother of a teen-aged daughter going through these crises can solve the mid-East crisis as well as the NHL crisis (A serious crisis for Canadians) with one hand tied behind her back, all the while finishing a day's work at the office, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, entertaining unexpected guests her husband brought home, finding her younger child's lost sock in time for football practice, and explaining to the chemistry teacher that blowing up the lab really was a mistake, the child didn't know those chemicals were a lethal combination. In between she can get a manicure, have the car detailed, and run the dog to the vet's for the annual check-up and rabies shot, have the rugs cleaned, and pick up the dry cleaning, get the groceries, stop at the bakery, call at the florist's for fresh flowers for the dinner table to impress those unexpected guests, while signing the labour contracts that get management and players back to an agreement in the NHL and the mid-East to agree to a cease-fire, never confusing the papers she is signing, and put her make-up on for dinner. The unexpected guests are going to be overawed at her ability to deal with any topic that is introduced in conversation, indeed none of them is going to feel able to measure up to her, and is going to wish s/he had gone to McDonald's or Burger King.
Oh, L, You are indeed a woman among women if you can hold you head up with a drama queen...
you are going to survive this... so is the drama queen and one day you are going to share so much and smile and laugh... I promise you... together...
it happens...Rainy, you will manage and direct the events in the team you are leading ... you have the ability... I know it...
you are going to use that ability to control but you are going to use it suggestively...
I fully believe it...
and you are going to tell us here how each session goes and how you have magically and miraculously guided the discussion moulding the happenings...I have confidence in all of you....
kat
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