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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by scatterbrained on June 11, 2004, at 20:30:45
This is my story. I'm 21, have tried many many meds for depression-welbutrin,celexa,lamictal,geodon,
ritalin,prozac,paxil,zyprexa,risperdal,serequel,
effexor and probably a bunch of other meds that I can't remember.About three years ago I tried Paxil and it worked. Although I had some word finding problems, for the most part it seemed to clear up my head so I could think and It got rid of my anhedonia. In fact, in was such a remission that I couldn't even feel sadness, which I didn't like so I went off it abruptly, which ended up being a huge mistake. As a rebound effect, I got totally paranoid and decided to go on zyprexa, I was so anxious that I just didn't want to feel anything so I let the doctor keep increasing the dose all the way up to 10mg which he was more than happy to do. Then after two weeks I went off of it because I wanted to feel again. When I was on the zyprexa, the doctor took a blood test to see if I was taking it.He told me that the blood test showed HUGE quanities of zyprexa in my blood stream, to an unhealthy degree. I asked if I might have gotten brain damage from it and his response was "it's possibe, but would you rather be looking in the mirror thinking you might have aids" which was my obssession,too conveluted to explain.Anyway, since then my depression has become treatment resistant with terrible,terrible cognitive problems to the point of not even being able to mantain a train of thought. I'm not saying that it is brain damage, I certainly hope not and don't think so because I've had, even after the zyprexa mistake, breif moments of lucidity, which I guess would be impossible if brain damage was causing this psuedo dementia.....right?Can cognition fluctuate even with brain damage,I certainly hope not cause that would mean that brain damage could be a possibility. Anyway, aside from that, I have these wierd sort of waves of confusion that my doctor has never heard of anybody else having. For example, I'll listen to music and sort of get into it when this brief moment of confusion and dizzyness hits me and I lose total consentration and start to become more and more anhedonic. Sometimes I go to sleep just to get away from it.This also seems to happen when I try to remember something or think of something complex. I just get dizzy and confused and lose total train of thought (which is only a few words at a time before I forget what I'm thinking). Has anybody experienced anything similar?Does anybody have any ideas about what pathology this could be? It also happens when I try to have an emotion in full. I start to get an emotion and then I get confused and totally blunted,I feel very robotic. The meds I'm on right now are Lamictal,300, Paxil 25 and Adderal.I've had some success with the lamictal but nothing anywhere near the point of being able to go to school, work,pursue my creative endeavors,etc.I've gone to numerous doctors so I've pretty much ruled out anything organic, I almost wish I would find something organic so they could take out the tumor or whatever and then this horrific way of living would go away and I could live my life and fulfill my dreams and my potential.
Posted by Racer on June 12, 2004, at 11:47:32
In reply to Extremely Atypical depression,PLEASE HELP!!!, posted by scatterbrained on June 11, 2004, at 20:30:45
That sounds like something that happens to me with depression, and in my case it is psychological, not brain damage (I think -- I could be wrong about that, since I do have a history of head injuries including a fractured skull)
When it happens to me, it's a sort of emotional avoidance -- I'm avoiding thinking, because I won't be able to understand something and that will frustrate me too much; I avoid doing anything that allows me to fail so that I can't fail and beat myself up over it; I avoid feeling anything because I'll be overwhelmed by it and fall apart. It's just avoidance -- as far as I know -- because I'm too depressed to do or process anything successfully.
My guess? Your meds aren't quite there, they're not working for you as well as they could be. Are you in therapy? Therapy is great for that sort of thing, because it provides a safe and supportive environment for you to learn that those really scary things aren't really going to eat you up. But, of course, if you're in that deep a state of distress, you probably do need meds to take enough of an edge off of it to allow you to take those small bites in therapy.
Best luck, and I think it's probably NOT organic brain damage. And I think you probably don't have AIDS. And I think that there are some drugs out there that might help more, but you'd have to talk to your doctor about those.
Best luck.
Posted by Maxime on June 13, 2004, at 20:10:03
In reply to Re: Extremely Atypical depression,PLEASE HELP!!!, posted by Racer on June 12, 2004, at 11:47:32
Has your doctor talked about using an MAOI? MAOIs are often prescribed for atypical depression.
I am sorry you have been through so much at such a young age. It's not fair.
Maxime
Posted by pellmell on June 14, 2004, at 20:47:24
In reply to Extremely Atypical depression,PLEASE HELP!!!, posted by scatterbrained on June 11, 2004, at 20:30:45
My symptoms are primarily cognitive as well... at least they start off that way, until I make myself feel even worse by beating myself for not getting things, not making connections, being half-frozen in social situations...
These symptoms seem to come down on me all at once, often preceded by a week or so of feeling really good. Prozac will resolve most of it for me after three or four months, but often I get cocky and apathetic (a strange -- but I imagine typical around here -- combination) on the stuff, and, forgetting that any amount of stress will hurl me back into depression without it, see if I can do the unmedicated thing...
So yeah. I don't have any answers right now except to say that I identify with your problems (apart from your adventures on antipsychotics), and I'm looking for an answer myself... I felt the best I ever did on my first combo, zoloft + lithium... unfortunately the side effects made me worthless sexually. Anyway. First I have to find a doctor in this new state I've been neglecting my mental health in for months...
I hope I get over my own apathy & stupidity to post again soon.
-pm
Posted by DissTired on June 17, 2004, at 22:44:46
In reply to Extremely Atypical depression,PLEASE HELP!!!, posted by scatterbrained on June 11, 2004, at 20:30:45
Hello,
For what its worth, I agree with the previous posters. It sounds like its psychological and/or medication related. Effexor made me completely unable to think well. Other meds do the same to some of us.
When I was younger I had panic attacks and untreated depression and had some symptoms not exactly like yours, but similar. Now I have more or less garden variety atypical depression, which is an improvement.
When I was in my 20s I started taking parnate (an MAOI) and felt normal for literally the first time in my life. They are not prescribed often, but they work and at least for me did not have cognitive side effects. SSRIs do absolutely nothing for me, or worse. You might want to seriously consider them, if you think you can follow the diet.
The diet is a drag, but in order to get rid of depression I would eat a diet of 100% dirt if I had to.
Hang in there.
This is the end of the thread.
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