![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
It is just occuring to me that I might be bi-polar in some form? The idea has struck me in the past week. It never occured to me I might be bi-polar. But I have again begun to feel a real energized irritability- high energy- high. Like I'm a 120lb. female and I would really pity a 200lb man getting in my way inthis state or pitying a maskedman robbing me - huh! s/he would run crying! I was chalking it up to a zoloft w/drawal,but this feels familiar. I also imagined mania to be euphoria - and that's not what this is. What brought this to my attention was that I noticed my therapist asking those mania questions to me this week. And I kept calling her on it. She kept saying " i'm not saying that's what you're experiencing there are varying degrees and we just need to be aware of andkeep track of your mental state". I'm completely paraphrasing as she's so much more sophisticated and ethical sounding. Yes,I actually have been spending an enormous amt. of money. My justification is "I need it!" "I'm 32, I should havethis!".
anyway,I moved into a new place a month ago simultaneously going off Zoloft. and I'venever really experienced such energy - creative energy. whenever I can create, it makes it feel better. anyway, my room looks amazing. three different colors - "plunderedgold, honeysuckle white, and redclay" ..the redclay is a color wash...anyway all I have been doingis handyman projects; building bookcases, shelves, tables, etc from IKEA. gardening and doing everything I can to make my aesthetics feel good to me. and everyone else I live with hasno taste!
It has been arelief to engage myself in creativity that I feel as though it's been unfair that i've been ****ed up all my life- i could've channeled my creative energy in good ways, rather than self-destructive ones.
ok, i've got tons of creative energy and does anyone think that depression comes from suppressed/repressed creative energy?so there's that. another reason why i'm questioning that I may be manic is coming home from dinner tonight. I had only had two1/2 glasses of wine over the course of four hours,but i was driving like a maniac coming home onthefreeway. goinglike 90mph. and getting highly upset with people for getting inmy way! and wine or no wine, I'vebeen highly irritable like this for a couple of weeks. IRRATIONAL IRRITABLITIY! Even at dinner, I couldn't focus and jumped from one topic to the next. it seemed likefun at the time. but I felt like there was wild energy ruling over me and it was not coming from a centered genuine place. Even that feels familiar. now looking back b-4 numbing Zoloft and theother ADs; I think maybe I've had mixed states? I've always been known by boyfriends and family to have a fierceeeeeee temper. it's this irrational irritability and anger/rage which takes over- this strong willed stubborn wild unchanneled emotions....is that mania or hypo?
God! i feel so unfit for this world. I don't know how people do it! I can never get it together enough to have a career, a husband, a family. it's seems so flippin hopeless. maybe Ishould just accept that I'm one of the defective ones; and I should get used to it!!!!????
Ineedfeedback ..I haven't had a proper pdoc nor a proper diagnosis. I'm in the works with it - the only available competent pdoc can see me in two months for $US250 per hour thank you very much!
any feed-back would be appreciated!
katia
Posted by Squiggles on May 8, 2003, at 8:23:27
In reply to Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
Katia,
Did these same symptoms ever occur before Zoloft,
or after discontinuing it?Squiggles
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 8, 2003, at 9:06:19
In reply to Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
> any feed-back would be appreciated!
----------I've had experiences similar to this upon stopping medications, but they usually only last a few days. Much the same as you've described... racing thoughts, lots of energy, libido, irritability, etc. My best guess is that the med dicontinuation results in rebounding dopamine levels (which had been suppressed by the enhanced serotonin levels), and this extra dopamine (along with a corresponding drop in serotonin) is causing the symptoms. The whole time you're on an AD, your brain is trying to compensate for the changes it causes. Once that drug is gone, the brain still takes a little longer to stop compensating, and without the expected influence from the AD, it overcompensates, and thus gets out of whack.
That's just my theory, as a programmer and not a doctor.
Posted by Ritch on May 8, 2003, at 9:32:17
In reply to Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
".... But I have again begun to feel a real energized irritability....."
If you have experienced this sort of thing before and it *wasn't* associated with starting a med or stopping a med, I would be highly suspicious. In this case you might ask your pdoc if you could take a small dose of Zoloft and see if it cools you out some.
Posted by bookgurl99 on May 8, 2003, at 11:28:35
In reply to Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
Katia,
I actually had mania-type symptoms like this when I got off of a different SSRI. Maybe you want to wait another month -- which it sounds like you'll have to -- to see if it balances out or if it stays.
If you're starting on serzone too, though, I've heard some people say that it makes them feel manic.
books
Posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 15:25:43
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Katia, posted by Squiggles on May 8, 2003, at 8:23:27
> Katia,
>
> Did these same symptoms ever occur before Zoloft,
> or after discontinuing it?
>
> Squiggles
These feelings are familiar, but I hadn't experienced it this full-on in quite awhile. I really cannot remember; only that these feelings feel familiar. The other thing is I started on Serzone almost two weeks ago (9 days). i also still sleep LATE am quite lethargic, but also can be highly energized in a bad way - not bright eyed euphoric way. Even in the midst of depressions in the past (in retrospect) there has been a strong fiery energy that has actually gotten me through w/o help or support or even knowledge that what I was suffering from was depression. Perhaps I have mixed states? I'm 32 and except for a brief period when I was 17/18 (the time of graduation from high school), I've never experienced that euphoric feeling that mania is often described like.
That summer of '88 may have been just about me feeling intensely happy to be alive b/c I was graduating from high school and I instantly moved to a beach for the summer - a string of islands. just after that summer I crashed into a bad depression when I moved back home. It's the first feel depression I remember, apart from the teenage crazies.
anyway, I have gotten such little support around this and this board has given me so much more than any pdoc I've seen so I'm really just trying to stay aware of my emotions instead of ignoring signs and just going with it out of familiarity. A lot of my energy now is pure cynicism and a sneering at the world; an intolerance of people and anger and then, fatigue.
tks.katia
Posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 15:28:08
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Katia, posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 8, 2003, at 9:06:19
Posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 15:32:14
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Katia, posted by Ritch on May 8, 2003, at 9:32:17
> ".... But I have again begun to feel a real energized irritability....."
>
> If you have experienced this sort of thing before and it *wasn't* associated with starting a med or stopping a med, I would be highly suspicious. In this case you might ask your pdoc if you could take a small dose of Zoloft and see if it cools you out some.The problem with that is, I don't really have pdoc anymore. I'm in the process of finding one. The other thing is I still do have Zoloft. I could take it on my own, but the thought of having to prolong this w/drawal makes me feel as if I take one I'll be taking a step backwards; when I've gone already over three weeks w/o.
what do you think? What's a small amt.? 25-50?
tks.
katia
Posted by Squiggles on May 8, 2003, at 15:37:20
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Ritch, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 15:32:14
I agree with Ritch, but of course it's
a delicate matter requiring a doctor's
attention to whether this withdrawal is
really the culprit or an underlying condition
is also there.I am inclined to go clean first, but that
is just a scare layman's view.If you can't get professional help right away,
can you ask the pharmacist - they sometimes know
more than the doctors on what to do in cases
like this.Squiggles
Posted by Ritch on May 8, 2003, at 23:17:14
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Ritch, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 15:32:14
> > ".... But I have again begun to feel a real energized irritability....."
> >
> > If you have experienced this sort of thing before and it *wasn't* associated with starting a med or stopping a med, I would be highly suspicious. In this case you might ask your pdoc if you could take a small dose of Zoloft and see if it cools you out some.
>
> The problem with that is, I don't really have pdoc anymore. I'm in the process of finding one. The other thing is I still do have Zoloft. I could take it on my own, but the thought of having to prolong this w/drawal makes me feel as if I take one I'll be taking a step backwards; when I've gone already over three weeks w/o.
> what do you think? What's a small amt.? 25-50?
> tks.
> katia
>
>Whoops! You didn't answer the question: Have you experienced this sort of thing before and it *wasn't* associated with starting a med or stopping a med?
Posted by Viridis on May 9, 2003, at 1:04:44
In reply to Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
Zoloft, even in tiny doses, causes bizarre mood swings for me. Prozac at any dose has a similar (though milder) effect. My pdoc didn't interpret this as "bipolar" -- he just said that some people can't tolerate SSRIs and left it at that, with the recommendation that I avoid this class of meds. I'm much better off with other drugs, so his advice seems quite sound.
Posted by Katia on May 9, 2003, at 13:12:40
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Katia, posted by Ritch on May 8, 2003, at 23:17:14
I thought I was clear, but maybe I wasn't. No, i haven't experienced this before w/ starting or stopping a med. But this feeling is not unfamiliar = hence nothing to do with meds. In fact Zoloft was only my third. I've been in the med ordeal for less than a year now, even though I've suffered from depression most of my life.
tks.
katia
Posted by Ritch on May 9, 2003, at 21:13:43
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Ritch, posted by Katia on May 9, 2003, at 13:12:40
> I thought I was clear, but maybe I wasn't. No, i haven't experienced this before w/ starting or stopping a med. But this feeling is not unfamiliar = hence nothing to do with meds. In fact Zoloft was only my third. I've been in the med ordeal for less than a year now, even though I've suffered from depression most of my life.
> tks.
> katiaSo, you have had these feelings without meds triggering them before? Wow, that sounds like bipolar for sure then (IMO). I would certainly divulge these details with your pdoc-better late than never. I realize they may likely bomb you with mood stabilizers that you may not tolerate, which may not work well, etc., but that can always get tweaked and changed, just be upfront about side effects and effectiveness, etc., and try not to get stuck taking something that clearly doesn't work or makes you feel crummy for too long a time.
Posted by Katia on May 10, 2003, at 14:06:48
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Katia, posted by Ritch on May 9, 2003, at 21:13:43
> So, you have had these feelings without meds triggering them before? Wow, that sounds like bipolar for sure then (IMO). I would certainly divulge these details with your pdoc-better late than never. I realize they may likely bomb you with mood stabilizers that you may not tolerate, which may not work well, etc., but that can always get tweaked and changed, just be upfront about side effects and effectiveness, etc., and try not to get stuck taking something that clearly doesn't work or makes you feel crummy for too long a time.
Thanks Ritch,
I may hold off b/c the pdoc I see now is at a clinic and he is overworked and doesn't really know my case or cares to at all. HE asked the same questions (?'s which make it obvious that he doesn't know me or my case) every time I see him. i.e. like "are you in therapy?".
I'm in the process of finding a good doc now it could take a couple of months.In the meanwhile, I have begun taking Serzone. I feel pretty "normal" periodically now; but then a mood swing will hit or "manic energy" where i can't concentrate and my mind is racing. I'm still really irritable and sometimes short and rude with people. But I feel somewhat better from when I first posted about this "maybe mania". I don't really know how it works - cycling? cyclical? mine always feels very agitated/mixed. who knows. I'm finding that channeling my energy into "projects" like painting my room starting a garden ,etc. help. I get totally focused. but then at the end of it; I'm racyand a bit lost. as though I went away totally during the project. it's strange.
thanks for your input.
katia
Posted by Ritch on May 10, 2003, at 22:33:50
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Ritch, posted by Katia on May 10, 2003, at 14:06:48
Posted by garylee on May 13, 2003, at 11:43:30
In reply to Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 3:28:25
Hi Katia
It sounds to me like your experiencing 'Hypomania' not full blown Mania. I believe in full blown mania you would probably be becoming psychotic after two weeks of it, also I'd say you would not have be sleeping AT ALL. I have seen Mania, and it is not a pretty sight...
As I read you post I instantly thought Bipolar II, like myself, and most probably SSRI induced!
I was initially constantly depressed, with occasional good days (perhaps very mild Hypomania?). My first proper go at an SSRI was Prozac. After 6 weeks I felt it wasn't doing much so I started to taper off, then BANG! Hypomanic for 3 - 4 weeks. Then came the inevitable crash back down to earth...
From experience (and many other BPII's would agree) SSRI's and Bipolar II do not mix, and there is tons of evidence pointing to this. My older brother was tried on every AD there is, all of which made him worse. They then tried two at once (can't remember what they were), this made him the worst he has ever been, and he has not really improved since. They have definitely messed up his brain for the foreseeable future.
In my opinion try sticking to mood stabilisers, and avoid anything with Serotonin action. Lamictal would be the first to try, it was a life saver for me.
Anyway good luck.
Gary
Posted by katia on May 13, 2003, at 12:43:17
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by garylee on May 13, 2003, at 11:43:30
> Hi Katia
>
> It sounds to me like your experiencing 'Hypomania' not full blown Mania. I believe in full blown mania you would probably be becoming psychotic after two weeks of it, also I'd say you would not have be sleeping AT ALL. I have seen Mania, and it is not a pretty sight...
>
> As I read you post I instantly thought Bipolar II, like myself, and most probably SSRI induced!
>
> I was initially constantly depressed, with occasional good days (perhaps very mild Hypomania?). My first proper go at an SSRI was Prozac. After 6 weeks I felt it wasn't doing much so I started to taper off, then BANG! Hypomanic for 3 - 4 weeks. Then came the inevitable crash back down to earth...
>
> From experience (and many other BPII's would agree) SSRI's and Bipolar II do not mix, and there is tons of evidence pointing to this. My older brother was tried on every AD there is, all of which made him worse. They then tried two at once (can't remember what they were), this made him the worst he has ever been, and he has not really improved since. They have definitely messed up his brain for the foreseeable future.
>
> In my opinion try sticking to mood stabilisers, and avoid anything with Serotonin action. Lamictal would be the first to try, it was a life saver for me.
>
> Anyway good luck.
>
> Gary
>
HI Gary,
Thanks so much for your input! All input is helpful. As I've said in the previous posts on the thread; this feeling has not been unfamiliar, (unrelated to meds), but now that I think about it, maybe I experienced some hypomania after I stopped Celexa and simultaneously transitioned onto Effexor. I didn't experience this coming off of Eff. though. I transitioned straight onto Zoloft while weaning myself from Eff. and almost instantly (in the midst of Eff. horrible w/drawals) became a deer in the headlights type of zombie. I have now started Serzone - exactly two weeks ago. (these are all the meds I've tried). I feel as though I'm getting better, but then I'll have these mood swings of irritability and impatience periodically. I should be in to see a pdoc (a good one) in the next two months. I'll tell him all my experiences and perhaps he can make a clear and knowledgable dx. It's only just occured to me that maybe I am bp2 as when I think of my depressions in the past and in between (mind you this year is the first time I've sought out professional help) ; it's not always - only sometimes been a complete waste case staring at walls and ceiling for hours on end in painful lethargy or crying and crawling on the floor simply for movement, marking my own arms with fingernails, banging head on wall,etc. The other times have been mixed - like a depression,but with highly charged energy of irritation and temper tantrums,etc. rage and aggression. and then crying and sadness - cycling.
It's all good to note and I'm ongoingly discussing this with my therpaist as I dont' have a real pdoc right now. just a clinic to get meds of my recommendation....
thanks.
katia
Posted by Squiggles on May 13, 2003, at 14:17:49
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » garylee, posted by katia on May 13, 2003, at 12:43:17
Hi Katia,
So sorry, you are having problems with your
meds. I can't comment with any real knowledge
on these particular drugs, but i can tell you
that in my experience, you might benefit from
the knowledge of a psychiatrist who specializes
in medicating psychiatric conditions. I am
personally extremely grateful to my doctor
who is not a specialist in the psych. area at all,
but who does have access to some of the biggest
research and academic psychiatrists in Montreal--
infact, when he does not know the answer he
gets it from them i suspect and when i was first
diagnoses it was on request on a psych. dr. team.Also, i have the benefit of the respect of this
doctor to tinker with my drugs and respond with
the positive or negative effects. So, i think
i have been fortunate. Ideally, if that is not
something you can get in your town, finding a
psychiatrist, say from a hospital search -- call
and ask for one -- is in my opinion the safest
foundation to treat these symptoms.Just my opinion but i believe this strongly.
Squiggles
Posted by katia on May 13, 2003, at 22:48:44
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » katia, posted by Squiggles on May 13, 2003, at 14:17:49
> Hi Katia,
>
> So sorry, you are having problems with your
> meds. I can't comment with any real knowledge
> on these particular drugs, but i can tell you
> that in my experience, you might benefit from
> the knowledge of a psychiatrist who specializes
> in medicating psychiatric conditions. I am
> personally extremely grateful to my doctor
> who is not a specialist in the psych. area at all,
> but who does have access to some of the biggest
> research and academic psychiatrists in Montreal--
> infact, when he does not know the answer he
> gets it from them i suspect and when i was first
> diagnoses it was on request on a psych. dr. team.
>
> Also, i have the benefit of the respect of this
> doctor to tinker with my drugs and respond with
> the positive or negative effects. So, i think
> i have been fortunate. Ideally, if that is not
> something you can get in your town, finding a
> psychiatrist, say from a hospital search -- call
> and ask for one -- is in my opinion the safest
> foundation to treat these symptoms.
>
> Just my opinion but i believe this strongly.
>
> SquigglesThanks Squiggles for your info. I actually just decided today to go into "financial debt" over this instead of remaining in "emotional debt". I won't get insurance and will pay out of pocket( well credit card) and see someone well known and respected. I got in in a month; which is good b/c there was a cancellation! anyway, in the interim I'll stay at the clinic. I was actually referred to this pdoc by three different sources. I'm going with it even tho' the initial intake is $325 USD!! but it's for 1 1/2 hours and afterwards 30 min. followups for $120. it's pricey but i need to sort this out!
katia
Posted by Squiggles on May 14, 2003, at 9:05:04
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Squiggles, posted by katia on May 13, 2003, at 22:48:44
Sorry, Katia,
How foolish of me - of course - you guys
don't have medicare; but look at it this
way -- imagine going to a swanky boutique
and seeing the suit of your dreams or a
sweater - (i love Bebe) and blowing $400.00 -
it happens right?So, consider your health, and let me know how
it turns out - it may very well be worth the cost,
esp. if it saves your job.good luck
Squiggles
Posted by worrier on May 14, 2003, at 20:16:18
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by garylee on May 13, 2003, at 11:43:30
> Hi Katia
>
> It sounds to me like your experiencing 'Hypomania' not full blown Mania. I believe in full blown mania you would probably be becoming psychotic after two weeks of it, also I'd say you would not have be sleeping AT ALL. I have seen Mania, and it is not a pretty sight...
>
> As I read you post I instantly thought Bipolar II, like myself, and most probably SSRI induced!
>
> I was initially constantly depressed, with occasional good days (perhaps very mild Hypomania?). My first proper go at an SSRI was Prozac. After 6 weeks I felt it wasn't doing much so I started to taper off, then BANG! Hypomanic for 3 - 4 weeks. Then came the inevitable crash back down to earth...
>
> From experience (and many other BPII's would agree) SSRI's and Bipolar II do not mix, and there is tons of evidence pointing to this. My older brother was tried on every AD there is, all of which made him worse. They then tried two at once (can't remember what they were), this made him the worst he has ever been, and he has not really improved since. They have definitely messed up his brain for the foreseeable future.
>
> In my opinion try sticking to mood stabilisers, and avoid anything with Serotonin action. Lamictal would be the first to try, it was a life saver for me.
>
> Anyway good luck.
>
> Gary
>
>
>
>Just wanted to say AMEN! SSRIs sent me to the ER, literally thought I was dying after a month or so on paxil....and I don't mean the kind of thought I was dying I was familiar with after years of panic attacks. I mean the real deal, I had vomiting,horrible tremors profuse sweating, agitation so severe I literally had to walk miles to stay remotely connected,heart rate way over 100 at rest, you name it. The ER doc gave me xanax and told me to take it to my MD and say "give me this, it works" so I did and she said absolutely not. Said I was having "breakthrough anxiety" and needed a higher dose of paxil ( I had already had bad reactions to prozac, wellbutrin and effexor, maybe she should have seen a pattern here) anyway, like a dope I did what she said, got much worse...didn't sleep for ages, paced the floor constantly worked in the garden for literally hours (until it got to dark to see) then paced the floor until daylight. Never thought about suicide, but definitely understood why people do. Finally ,in a rare moment of clarity got an appointment with a good pdoc who recognized what was going on as a seotonin storm. To make a short story really long, some people just really need to stay away from anything with serotonin effects. Best to all, worrier.
Posted by Kat26 on May 18, 2003, at 6:53:25
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic! » Ritch, posted by Katia on May 8, 2003, at 15:32:14
Hey Katia,
this kind of makes me remember a time when I thought I might be manic... but my therapist at the time thought she didn't think so. I just felt high energy and WANTED to act crazy all the time... like, I wanted people to think I was manic????
PLEASE don't drive when you have been drinking, ok????
Kathrin
Posted by fluffy on May 18, 2003, at 13:53:28
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Kat26 on May 18, 2003, at 6:53:25
Katia--
I know it sounds like you've gotten some good support on this thread. I just wanted to share my story with you. Your story sounds VERY similar to mine. I was extremely reluctant to believe that I was Bipolar until I looked into Bipolar II.
I was OK on SSRI's in the first year that I took them. Initially, I was prescribed Paxil for panic attacks (and then a devistating depression). I didn't know what was going on--just thought I was going insane. It wasn't until I started contemplating suicide while I was trying to do other things...constant intrusive ruminations about wanting to die. THEN I got help!!
But it wasn't until 2 years later that I had my first MARKED hypomanic episode (it was last summer). I had gone off of Paxil thinking that I had my panic attacks under control. A couple of months later, I was planning a move, rebuilding the interior of my studio space, planning huge parties (and not getting to them), feeling amorous, drinking all the time, going out and partying...Then, BOOM, I had this horrible panic attack. Then I had ruminations and started pacing, feeling insecure suddenly, no appetite, chain smoking, then not able to move or sleep at all. I remember just sitting in the same place and chain-smoking--not leaving the house unless it was to buy cigarettes. At about this time, I decided it was time to go back to the doctor.
He prescribed Lexapro, which I assumed would work like Paxil did last time. Instead, I went into a full blown mixed state--didn't sleep for 5 days, felt completely agitated, wanted to hurt myself, contemplated suicide, drove to west Texas crying the whole way there. Then I called my doc...and I got the BPII diagnosis. I had trouble accepting it, but I'm seeing those patterns now with the recurring depressions and flurries of activity before them.
I'm currently taking Lamictal, 125 mg so far and going up. I'm doing so much better!! Someone said their brother's brain is completely fucked up from SSRI's. Can that happen permanently? That scared me a bit.
Sorry for the long post. Please take care. I'm so glad you have decided to get help no matter what the DX.
Katy
Posted by katia on May 18, 2003, at 14:42:36
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by Kat26 on May 18, 2003, at 6:53:25
> Hey Katia,
>
> this kind of makes me remember a time when I thought I might be manic... but my therapist at the time thought she didn't think so. I just felt high energy and WANTED to act crazy all the time... like, I wanted people to think I was manic????
>Are you suggesting that I want people to thinkI'm manic? please......
> Kathrin
Posted by katia on May 18, 2003, at 15:12:04
In reply to Re: Help! I think I may be manic!, posted by fluffy on May 18, 2003, at 13:53:28
Hi Flufs,
thanks for the long e-mail. it helps. My mind opened to the fact that I may have been suffering from depression most of my life a little over a year ago (it was undeniable as I couldn't pull myself off of the floor for months). Now my mind is beginning to open to me poss. being BPII. I never realized this "class" of dx existed. I always figured that mania was high spending, intense feelings of well-being, euphoria, high energy of not needing sleep,etc.
the II dx - god it's really starting to make sense. ADs haven't really being doingit for me. In a wierd way, but a drugged way. But I still feel the high irritable energy still.
to make a long story short, every thing everyone says hits home to me when talking about BPII symptoms.
I think this is even why I took me ages to figure out what i suffered from was depression. It was always somehow mixed; like how could I be depressed when I have this wild energy to cart me across the world? (I did a lot of travelling) The energy takes care of me in wierd way - gets me through mild depressions. It's like a fight within me. A powerful warrior side; not letting people walk over me; lashing out in rages of "self-assertiveness" or so I think. carting me further and further away from the land of the living. then crash; depression; inmobility, staring at walls, no energy; everyone is soooooo cruel to me! and then this fueling energy to pick me up and tote me to yet another country, another job, another lover,etc. all these irrational spontaneous wild decisions/(rather impluses).
god! it's making sense now.
I'm just doing my research now. What seems to resonate the most with me re: dx is bpII dysphoric mixed. (w/ major depressive disorder).
I have an appt. with a good pdoc iin about three weeks. What I'm going to do is try and chronicle all my moods from day one; chronicle all my med history (less than a year) with side effects and so forth. I want to go in there and give him info, but not suggest what I think my dx is. That was the problem at this clinic. For some reason, it sounds like I know what I'm talking about and the pdocs (I've seen about seven in 10 mos.) i've seen just take my word for it when I adamently said "I'm defint. NOT manic; I've never been manic, so let's move on". And I think i should try this new med; what do you think? they always just AGREE!!!!!! How frustrating! This mixed up patient shouldn't be the expert! I agree with being in touch with what works for me even if contradicts what the pdocs say, but I'd like someone else to take the initiative....
anyway, i'll stop.one question;
Do you feel by taking a med for BPII gave the diagnostic results to confirm BPII? In other words, does your lamictal act as a diagnostic?
tks.
Katia
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