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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 23:41:55
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Shanti on March 14, 2002, at 23:22:24
>
> hi angel girl,
>
> great to see your note, lots of people have been thinkig about you.
>
> can i ask you a few questions? what does your name mean? mine means peace and i have it on my license plate to remind me always to think of peace constantly and it is the hardest when my depression sets in but i keep coming back and so will you!
>
> what type of weather are you in right now? remember that if your city is experiencing cold or damp rain that will play a part in how you feel and if that is the case, remember spring is almost here - where i live we had a very mild winter and now it is really getting warm 57 degrees today - for me this helped during winter because i had a baby in october, we took possesion of our home we bought and moved in that weekend - during my pregnancy i opted to stop my paxil but after my daughter was born i experienced post partum with my depression so i gave up breast feeding and went back on my pills/ go figure - i thought moving into my first home would prevent me from depression/post partum / ha ha!! paxil didn't seem to work any more so now i am on this drug - i go through the twitches/jerks too / that is also a fear of life. Try saying this when you experience it - " I am approved by all of life. All is well, I am safe."
>
> You talk about being single, i was a single mom when i experienced the worst of my depression. that is when i finally sought help. Ask for help through different agencies - ie. church for food donations or a food bank, etc. for me it was going on mother's allowance (welfare) while working at low paying jobs trying to support myself and my son. I learned then that swallowing my pride and seeking/accepting help is also a way to help your depression.
>
> good luck to you, i hope to hear from you,
>
> remember - it starts with you - like yourself even though all you can see right now are your faults, ugliness, etc. you found the light and are still here right - keep looking and you will find yourself - i know you can do it!!
>
> peace,
>
> shantiHi Shanti
My name Angel Girl is actually a derivitive of a name I use on another message board. I live in Canada. We basically have not had a winter per se this year and currently it is very mild with sunny skies. Congrats on the new baby and new home. How exciting for you!!! How bad are your muscle twitches and jerks??? Are they only your legs or what parts of your body are affected? Mine are my entire body. :( How bad are yours and what do you do for them? And what dosage of Effexor are you on? What does this mean "that is also a fear of life. Try saying this when you experience it - " I am approved by all of life. All is well, I am safe." "??? I'm a little confused and that's not hard for me to do lately. I 'did' see the light when I was on 225mg before but so far not yet this time on the same dosage. I'm just struggling to get through each day alive.
Thanks for your kind words.And thanks to everybody else who has replied my post. I'm really sorry for any trouble I caused.
Angel Girl
Posted by Sue Doe on March 15, 2002, at 5:43:25
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 23:41:55
Posted by beardedlady on March 15, 2002, at 6:14:12
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 23:41:55
Posted by beardedlady on March 15, 2002, at 6:19:15
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Shanti on March 14, 2002, at 23:22:24
Posted by Shanti on March 15, 2002, at 7:58:37
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 23:41:55
good morning angel girl and everyone else!
a beautiful day here today (Windsor, ON, CANADA) it may rain but my spirits are good so i can do it!(although when i just woke up i could feel some anger building but instead of letting it get to me i came here to my computer and saw all the replies and feel great (ps beardedlady - thanks for the compliment - that was nice - but remember it's our interacting with others that makes a "great" because if i didn't post i wouldn't have gotten the compliment!!
now angel girl - will you share the meaning of your name i bet it is beautiful
where in canada do you live?
i started these pills about 1 month ago - i was reading about all the side effects and got scared but remember (i live by this motto)THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF!
i take 75 mg so far so good i will know by next week however how effective they are because you see, i am so in tuned to my body that i can tell when my "demons" as i call them come a calling - my therapist pointed out somethng though - i try and and say it is not me because i am always happy and willing to help others until the time arrives ! then look out - every man/woman/child for themselves! but she pointed out something to me - it is still me so instead of trying to denying that part of me and push it away i need to accept that the anger, etc. as a part of me and i tell you that is very hard but i keep trying and working at it because i know one day i will actually be able to as one would say intergreate the what i call the good/thebad/the ugly!as for the twitches/jerks a lot at first not so bad now - that is why i say that affirmation - to help me along - as for the affirmation - but first remember this is my thoughts and you may totally disagree but as i like to look at life - why not try it you will never know if something works until you try and let me tell you i have tried gizzlion (as in many million) things to help me along and if you keep trying and don't give up you can do it to.
the book i got the affirmation from is by Louise L. Hay - You can heal your life - angel girl - go ckeck your library for it - if it's not there i would like to somehow get you a copy - this is my third copy the other two i lent out and never got back but that's ok if these people eventually read it wonderful if not i think it is their loss my book is so tattered but to me that means it is well read and well used - when my daughter was born she started with breathing problems i looked up asthma in children and guess what - it is a fear of life - therefore, i say that affermation and low and behold her breathing is better and i found out (to me) that it was because she was afraid of life and think about it coming out of a safe warm place into my world of chaos (moving/depression, etc) funny because whenever i say it to her before her naps she falls asleep contently!
do you like to read angel girl, if so go to the library or book store stand in front of the self help section for a little bit and before you know it you will be drawn to some book that will help you - this is what i do and i always seem to find the right book at the right time of my life!
For me to get through this i do a lot of mental work (i believe that is actually one of my problems (or is it one of my strengths? - i think too much (just look at how much i write and trust me i could go on and on!!!!)anyway, for me once again, i do a lot of mental work and that really helps - i found that you truly have to look deep inside your self first (it's quite a ride when you do this because you will bring up a lot of past hurts, behaviours etc but you know what you have to do this to get better and remember when you bring them up a lot will be due to your upbringing but don't blame whomever because they probably didn't know what to do) and also, the first 5 years of your life is what shapes the basis of your being or foundation for me it was a mother who selpt with men when her husband was away (would bring men into the house and lock us in our room while she had sex)/ then left her family for booze, drugs, rock and roll (i'm being kind!) we then went to live in foster homes, etc. so as you can see my upbringing sucked but after 28 years i sought help and i am here today to write about it and enjoy my life - i refuse to repeat the same experiences with my children as i experienced - and that is very hard to overcome when you are talking about chaning your very foundation but it can be done trust me!
while my son wants the computer so i have to leave but i will leave you with one thought/request.
my goal is not to return to work in Oct. but instead to stay home and raise my children you see i am not afraid anymore (going back to when i was a child) and i can do it so instead of going to work to get away from the responsibility of raising them/ with the birth of my daughter i discouvered that i can be a good mom and raise my children even though i don't have the "tools" like most other people (my foundation) soooo, dear friends like i said last night about 1 person represnts 10-100 for those out there who want to cheer me on please think good thoughts so that i may stay home and raise my children the way i believe life should be.
peace,
shanti
Posted by beardedlady on March 15, 2002, at 8:46:02
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! - Shanti, posted by Shanti on March 15, 2002, at 7:58:37
I've been feeling pretty good anyway, but your posts always hit such a happy note. I woke up to birds singing outside my window. This mourning dove nests in my window air conditioner every spring, and today she returned. There was a time I thought those birds unbearably noisy, but over the past few years, I have learned that they are singing my song. And I am elated each time they return to nest. The cardinals have already reclaimed their place in the juniper bush.
Regarding those twitches and spasms: I took three daily doses of a nasty antibiotic (Tequin, similar to Cipro) and got muscle spasms and arthritis-like pain in my whole body. It took two months for the arthralgia to go away. So I am extra-sensitive to any meds. I recently started Gabitril, and the spasms started--at just 4 mgs! (The epilepsy dose is 48!) I stopped it right away, but I know that some of those twitches are fear.
Think, everybody, about how anxious you are when trying a new med. It's different from being eager. We're eager for it to work, but we're anxious about taking it. We hold our bodies more tensely and tightly. And we pay lots of attention to our bodies, especially when we don't work. So sometimes it's the med, and sometimes it's us, and sometimes it's a combination. Just remember, though, that it will go away--either with time or with stopping the med.
I became something of a hypochondriac since I quit my job a few years ago. When I'm not busy freelancing, I am soooooo aware of everything that hurts or twitches or moves. Keep busy. Do things you enjoy (or used to enjoy). And pamper yourself--take some quiet time to sing with those birds. A lot of relaxation can work miracles when it comes to pain--both physical and spiritual.
beardy : )>
Posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 15, 2002, at 16:57:29
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 22:27:45
Effexor doesn't need to be tapered up as slowly as other anti-depressants because it has such a short half-life. Effexor is not an SSRI or a tricyclic, it is in a class by itself. You did the right thing to insist your doc bump you up immediately. I went from 150 to 300 within 5 days and it made a world of difference.
Are you on any additional anti-depressants? Sounds like you could use a booster. You could stay on your Effexor at a relatively low dose (e.g. 150mg) but add a "booster rocket" like trazedone, which amplifies the anti-depressant effect of the Effexor, but also help you sleep and relax at night
I finally reached this combination after several years of experimentation and it has been good. On the other hand, I never had the twitching problem.
> Hi! I'm here and I'm ok, well sorta. I'm sorry I worried anybody. I've been through 3 med changes in the last 2 weeks. I was on Effexor XR 150mg 2 weeks ago and wasn't feeling any better about my depression at all. I was extremely suicidal then and just wanted to give up. Nothing was working for me. I told my dr to either try something else or drastically increase the dosage, no more increases of just 37.5mg at a time, that was not doing anything for me and I couldn't go on feeling that way anymore. So, he increased it from 150mg to 225mg. Immediately on the first day I FINALLY felt my mood drastically change for the better. It's not like I was happy, I'm not even sure I even know what that is anymore, I don't know that I have ever been happy my entire life but at least I was seeing there actually was a light at the end of the tunnel. But with the relief from my depression came severe muscle twitches/jerks so unbearable that I made another appt with my dr and he decreased me back to 150mg to try and get rid of the twitches. That worked but I went back into deep depression. After 3 days of that and fighting to stay alive I went back to the dr and he increased it by 37.5mg hoping that a slower increase would hinder the twitches from returning, which it did but still no relief from the depression. So, back to the dr again a few days ago and now I'm back up to 225mg as of today. No twitches yet but still no change in my depression either. :( I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with people. I come away from every conversation with feeling very hurt or full of anger. I've had major fights with friends, family and management at work. My job is hanging on by a thread and they are now only paying me for hours worked instead of full pay because I've missed so many days due to the depression. I can't pay my bills anymore, hench my desperation post. I saw no resolution to my problem. I had no interest in calling a crisis hotline. I didn't want anybody to talk me out of it, I just wanted to die. There was nothing anybody could say to me to fix my problem short of handing me over money to pay my bills. I am living alone so it's a single income and I have nobody to help me. But as you can see I didn't do it. Some of my friends got concerned and called the police who searched for me. They called every hospital in my city and searched my apartment but I wasn't at home. I'm just not coping with life at all anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm desperatly waiting for the Effexor to kick in again. I'm not in therapy yet, it starts next Friday. I've had major problems finding anybody to take me on because I have multiple traumas and too many problems. Nobody has felt qualified to deal with me. Makes me feel real good. NOT!!!! I've been told I'm untreatable. Can you imagine a psychatrist telling a suicidal person they are untreatable????? :( Anyway, like I said I'm still here at least physically, hanging on by a bare thread and very anxious for the Effexor to work again and to start my therapy next week. I'm just so tired of all of this. Sorry to leave y'all hanging so long. I've been struggling just to stay alive the last few days.
>
> Angel Girl
Posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 15, 2002, at 17:06:41
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 22:27:45
P.S. I am a lawyer - be aware of your rights to disability leave - if you have many absences from work due to depression, your job is protected - they cannot fire you for your disablility because the Americans with Disabilities Act protects you. Also, most employwers have a disability insurance policy as part of their employee benefits so check into that. I had to go on disability for two months last year, and I learned that there are excellent job protections for people with severe depression. So channel some of that anger constructively! best web site I think is the Bazelon center on mental health law (search for "Bazelon mental health")
Hang tough. Your life matters.
> Hi! I'm here and I'm ok, well sorta. I'm sorry I worried anybody. I've been through 3 med changes in the last 2 weeks. I was on Effexor XR 150mg 2 weeks ago and wasn't feeling any better about my depression at all. I was extremely suicidal then and just wanted to give up. Nothing was working for me. I told my dr to either try something else or drastically increase the dosage, no more increases of just 37.5mg at a time, that was not doing anything for me and I couldn't go on feeling that way anymore. So, he increased it from 150mg to 225mg. Immediately on the first day I FINALLY felt my mood drastically change for the better. It's not like I was happy, I'm not even sure I even know what that is anymore, I don't know that I have ever been happy my entire life but at least I was seeing there actually was a light at the end of the tunnel. But with the relief from my depression came severe muscle twitches/jerks so unbearable that I made another appt with my dr and he decreased me back to 150mg to try and get rid of the twitches. That worked but I went back into deep depression. After 3 days of that and fighting to stay alive I went back to the dr and he increased it by 37.5mg hoping that a slower increase would hinder the twitches from returning, which it did but still no relief from the depression. So, back to the dr again a few days ago and now I'm back up to 225mg as of today. No twitches yet but still no change in my depression either. :( I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with people. I come away from every conversation with feeling very hurt or full of anger. I've had major fights with friends, family and management at work. My job is hanging on by a thread and they are now only paying me for hours worked instead of full pay because I've missed so many days due to the depression. I can't pay my bills anymore, hench my desperation post. I saw no resolution to my problem. I had no interest in calling a crisis hotline. I didn't want anybody to talk me out of it, I just wanted to die. There was nothing anybody could say to me to fix my problem short of handing me over money to pay my bills. I am living alone so it's a single income and I have nobody to help me. But as you can see I didn't do it. Some of my friends got concerned and called the police who searched for me. They called every hospital in my city and searched my apartment but I wasn't at home. I'm just not coping with life at all anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm desperatly waiting for the Effexor to kick in again. I'm not in therapy yet, it starts next Friday. I've had major problems finding anybody to take me on because I have multiple traumas and too many problems. Nobody has felt qualified to deal with me. Makes me feel real good. NOT!!!! I've been told I'm untreatable. Can you imagine a psychatrist telling a suicidal person they are untreatable????? :( Anyway, like I said I'm still here at least physically, hanging on by a bare thread and very anxious for the Effexor to work again and to start my therapy next week. I'm just so tired of all of this. Sorry to leave y'all hanging so long. I've been struggling just to stay alive the last few days.
>
> Angel Girl
Posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 15, 2002, at 17:12:17
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 14, 2002, at 23:41:55
P.P.S. by the way, dr bob has a tips page on effexor twitching! it's at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-tips/links/Effexor_and_Effexor__000963295972/
Posted by Sue Doe on March 15, 2002, at 21:26:23
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 15, 2002, at 17:06:41
> P.S. I am a lawyer - be aware of your rights to disability leave - if you have many absences from work due to depression, your job is protected - they cannot fire you for your disablility because the Americans with Disabilities Act protects you. ....... best web site I think is the Bazelon center on mental health law (search for "Bazelon mental health")
>
> Hang tough. Your life matters.Such great help you have provided here. We need more proactive individuals who are willing to ramrod "mental illness awareness" into mainstream society. I, for one, experience extremely productive and creative days and then I'm exhausted and depressed. Why shouldn't I be? During my manic sessions I have probably accomplished 3 times the average "work output". Hey employers, give us a chance to rest. Learn to move with our method, that is the method behind the madness!!!
And Angel Girl, I am so happy that you are posting here again. I won't attempt to "teach how to be happy." But I will say, BE YOURSELF. And if people don't understand you, how can they? It takes being there to know it.
We all love you here, or atleast those who have been waiting for your return.I repeat Nevergiveup's Advice...
"Hang tough. Your life matters."
Sue Doe (Nym)..........Keep searching!
Posted by Shanti on March 15, 2002, at 21:45:16
In reply to Angel, Shanti, posted by beardedlady on March 15, 2002, at 8:46:02
hey bearded lady
isn't great to find something that lifts up your spirit! now you just got to find something through those winter months! have a great weekend!
peace,
shanti
Posted by Shanti on March 15, 2002, at 21:58:44
In reply to Nevergiveup: You're awesome!! » nevergiveup1962, posted by Sue Doe on March 15, 2002, at 21:26:23
> > P.S. I am a lawyer - be aware of your rights to disability leave - if you have many absences from work due to depression, your job is protected - they cannot fire you for your disablility because the Americans with Disabilities Act protects you. ....... best web site I think is the Bazelon center on mental health law (search for "Bazelon mental health")
> >
> > Hang tough. Your life matters.
>
> Such great help you have provided here. We need more proactive individuals who are willing to ramrod "mental illness awareness" into mainstream society. I, for one, experience extremely productive and creative days and then I'm exhausted and depressed. Why shouldn't I be? During my manic sessions I have probably accomplished 3 times the average "work output". Hey employers, give us a chance to rest. Learn to move with our method, that is the method behind the madness!!!
>
> And Angel Girl, I am so happy that you are posting here again. I won't attempt to "teach how to be happy." But I will say, BE YOURSELF. And if people don't understand you, how can they? It takes being there to know it.
> We all love you here, or atleast those who have been waiting for your return.
>
> I repeat Nevergiveup's Advice...
> "Hang tough. Your life matters."
> Sue Doe (Nym)..........Keep searching!i agree sue doe about how you work 3x as much and then go into depression, that is what i too expierience. so the good thing i found out about that is i sure get things accomplished that i would otherwise procrastinate about!
As for employers, i agree!
one last thing, i would like to comment about "teach how to be happy" believe it or not there are those of us out here who need to be taught this and i for one can say i learned how to be happy and continue to work on it everyday because some days it just ain't there so i try and try again!
peace
shanti
Posted by curly on March 15, 2002, at 22:18:01
In reply to starting effexor... keep posting.. success/dosage?, posted by jp on October 25, 1999, at 12:01:53
> so I went to see my GP today (psychiatrist appointment
> is only in 2-3 weeks)... and got a prescription
> for effexor. the gp advised that I start on the
> normal version, at 37.5mg twice a day, and then,
> if I tolerate it, move to the XR version.
>
> Will such a low dose have any effect at all? what am
> I to expect. how soon does it produce a noticable
> and favourable effect? Anyone on such a low dose?MY dose is 225 MG a day and it is working wonderfully for me. Just stay on it and your doctor will up your dosage.
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 0:01:45
In reply to Re: Nevergiveup: You're awesome!!, posted by Shanti on March 15, 2002, at 21:58:44
.....one last thing, i would like to comment about "teach how to be happy" believe it or not there are those of us out here who need to be taught this and i for one can say i learned how to be happy and continue to work on it everyday because some days it just ain't there so i try and try again!
>
> peace
>
> shantiYour writing does hold a feeling of peace. Finding peace, I suppose is akin to finding happiness.
But when it comes to emotions, I have learned to love the great diversity of emotions. Suffering can be rich and fulfilling. Does anyone agree, or is this more evidence of "mental illness"?
Posted by LisaDiann on March 16, 2002, at 0:13:04
In reply to Re: weird symptom » LisaDiann, posted by Reneeb on March 6, 2002, at 17:07:15
Hi everybody.....
Thought I would update everybody on my effexor withdrawals. I'm FINALLY getting over the brain zaps from going cold turkey about 5 weeks ago. I'm taking alot of vitamins now and exercising and trying to stay off all antidrepressants. I want to see if I can cope on my own...so far I'm doing great. I even plan to stop smoking after 25 years!!! I figure if I can make it thru the withdrawals cold turkey I should be able to stop smoking. I'm tired of relying on meds and nicotine....time to try to take charge of my life. I'm very lucky that I have a supportive husband and my own business here at home or I know I would have neverrrr made it going off the effexor cold turkey....I do still take xanax twice a day for anxiety (not giving that up) lol.
I want to tell you people how thankful I am for all the posts...its really great to know you're not alone.
You will all be in my prayers....I know what you all are going thru....it will get better, just try to be patient and hang in there.
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 0:28:43
In reply to Re: weird symptom, posted by LisaDiann on March 16, 2002, at 0:13:04
> Hi everybody.....
> Thought I would update everybody on my effexor withdrawals. I'm FINALLY getting over the brain zaps from going cold turkey about 5 weeks ago.I, too, have thrown out the bottle [medicine bottle that is], so to speak. I dropped effexor on March 3. I wouldn't call my withdrawal symptoms severe. At least not yet. I have had some bad days, but I have been working on my little farm again. I haven't been able to face it for maybe two years now.
I am sorry to say that my husband is not supportive. He doesn't believe depression is real. He sees it as a character fault. Luckily he drives truck overroad and I only need to cope with his criticisms for a few days out of the month. We've been married 24 years in April, and I've born 9 of his children. Yet he lectured me on his last trip home on my incompetance as a mother, household manager, wife, etc.
Effexor had numbed my feelings. Now I can cry again. But you know, I think the suffering is better than the numbing down. Christ suffered for us. Let us suffer for him!
Excuse me if that last comment affended anyone.
Stand behind me, guys.
Love,
Sue Doe (Nym) [You know, pseudonym]
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 2:45:09
In reply to I'm right behind you » LisaDiann, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 0:28:43
I'm sorry your husband is not supportive. That makes it so much harder. My family doesn't understand depression either and I've had the same comments thrown at me. Makes me want to scream, hmmmmm, think I've done that. ;) More than I should probably lately. I wish you the best of luck coming off the Effexor. Unfortunately I'm still trying to work my way up to a dosage that works. The one I'm on now used to work when I was on it before but I had to decrease and now that I'm back up to it again it's not working yet. It's been 3 days. Maybe it'll take longer. What did you mean about your comment 'let us suffer for him'???? I'm not offended, I just don't understand. My brain ain't what it used to be. :(
Angel Girl
>
> I, too, have thrown out the bottle [medicine bottle that is], so to speak. I dropped effexor on March 3. I wouldn't call my withdrawal symptoms severe. At least not yet. I have had some bad days, but I have been working on my little farm again. I haven't been able to face it for maybe two years now.
> I am sorry to say that my husband is not supportive. He doesn't believe depression is real. He sees it as a character fault. Luckily he drives truck overroad and I only need to cope with his criticisms for a few days out of the month. We've been married 24 years in April, and I've born 9 of his children. Yet he lectured me on his last trip home on my incompetance as a mother, household manager, wife, etc.
> Effexor had numbed my feelings. Now I can cry again. But you know, I think the suffering is better than the numbing down. Christ suffered for us. Let us suffer for him!
> Excuse me if that last comment affended anyone.
> Stand behind me, guys.
> Love,
> Sue Doe (Nym) [You know, pseudonym]
Posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 7:32:40
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 2:45:09
good morning everyone!
i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well, yes i too am learning to intergrate them so to speak into my life as well, i tend to forget that those feelings are also a part of me as well and instead of denying them, i should be celebrating them so to speak, i will certainly find that out now, because once again i am starting to enter "the demon zone" (ha ha) i did ok yesterday now i have to work on today but i can do it especially when i come to my computer and read the posts of some "new friends" i have found.
as for the withdrawls when i was on paxil i found that when i went off them i experienced kind of the same feelings as going on them - i thought they were severe during the withdrawals but never thought about it when beginning them. the weirdest thing i experienced and the best way to describe it is i felt "surreal" at times. when i do decided to stop this medicine i will just tell myself that just like the saying goes "if it comes up it must come down!"
as for husbands, mine is 50/50. at times he is supportive and at other times not. sue doe i wish you the best because i believe you need support especially those closest to you - what about 1 of your 9 childlren are they there for you? as for friends/family the same thing for me. my family thinks i'm weird - funny thing though if you compare "successes" out of 9 children i would be considered the successful one but yet i'm weird with the problem! i wish i could honestly talk about my feelings with my family and discuss some of the ways i was brought up with my step family (very long story) and how it shall we say contributed to my depression but all i get from my stepmother is i was an unhappy child who always felt cheated and had a chip on my shoulder. never mind that we didn't show love, praise oneother etc. when i had my first child because i felt i didn't receive this as a child i overdid it with him then that would in turn be one of the things that would set off the depression because i overdid it (that manicness once again,) and then when things didn't turn out the way i expected them to be it i would not only experience depression but my young son (2 years at the time actually most of his young life) would be the one who would have to live through mommies next episode. i am happy to say that he is turning 10 at the end of next month and with his mom's help (lots of talking / going to family counselling etc. ) may i prevent my son if possible from experiencing any of this . you see, i can see it in him and it scares the hell out of me (very manic) so what i do is i tell him his energies are "high" and he needs to bring them done a bit, these seems to work and lots of talking helps as well.
As for support thank you Dr. Bob! for these wonderful pepole who unfortunately expierence the same difficulties but remeber everyone with each other's support we can do it and who knows maybe our families will wake up and smell the coffee and offer the support that each of us needs.
ps do you think they are not supportive because 1. it is fear for them to admit that maybe their spouse/friend etc. isn't quite right according to society and also if the one closest to them isn't "quite right" are they maybe not "quite right" either.
or
2. change - it is a proven fact that most people hesitate when it comes to change (for me i knew that i would be taking 1 year mat. leave and prepared my self mentally for it but low and behold on Oct. 15/01 when i started my mat. leave i cried like hell because i didn't know how to "change" even though i knew it was coming. i learned with this because since then my husband lost his job and it was march break this week so since being off i have "changed" my daily routine 3 times but you know what i can do this as long as i am aware of it and don't let myself fight it instead as one would say "i embrace" it. now that i got my tangent out! ha hagoing back to change - when we are experiencing our "changes" especaially when depression strikes or we stop/start new medicine i think our family/friends don't quite know how to cope with it and with depression it is like a yo-yo always up and down. now if you agree with #2 it's just getting your family/friends to talk about it and their feelings when it happens. which is very hard for people to do but it can be done.
angel girl,
great to see your post!
may everyone have an enjoyable day today (you probably won't read this until late tonight!)
peace,
shanti
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:30:46
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 2:45:09
What did you mean about your comment 'let us suffer for him'???? I'm not offended, I just don't understand. My brain ain't what it used to be. :(
>
> Angel GirlI guess that comment was a bit unusual. I am hesitant to mention the "J" word in a public forum (Jesus). But since you asked, Easter season is coming up. Traditional Christian thought believes that since that little apple-eating party in the garden of Eden, (Adam and Eve) we have inherited a "sin nature." We tend to act in un-loving ways, and since God is Love (in Bible-speak), then when we act in unloving ways, we "sin" against Him.
Well, then comes the part where God supposedly sent His son as a "sacrifice" for these "sins". The shed blood of a sacrificial animal is said to act as a "cleanser." Our "sins" can be cleansed by this blood, and we get a new clean slate.
Well the Easter season starts with Good Friday when Christ went to pray, knowing he was about to become that universal sacrifice, his blood would be the sufficient "cleanser" for us all. Well, he cried so hard that some say he cried "tears of blood." Then he was arrested, tried, crucified, buried, spent 3 days in Hell, then rose from the dead as evidence of Victory over Sin.Well, if this is true, he must have suffered. So I guess if we suffer, maybe our suffering may have some worth. So when people spite me, and I suffer, I try to love them. Because I think my love will help them as Jesus's love has helped me.
Oh, well. Again, I hope I didn't say too much.
And thanks for asking.
Sincerely,
Pseudonym (Sue Doe Nym)
Posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:41:52
In reply to Re: I'm right behind you, posted by Shanti on March 16, 2002, at 7:32:40
> good morning everyone!
>
> i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well........Peaceful Shanti: I plan to answer your post a little later, since my time is short this morning. You asked so much, and got me thinking.
In short for now, I think we can surely help each other. It sure feels like family here, doesn't it? Anyway, watch for my post later. I will be cleaning out my little acre of grapes today. This is a great victory for me, since I have ignored it completely for over two years now (not even sure how long.) Wish me luck.
Sincerely,
Pseudonym (Sue Doe Nym)
Posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 16, 2002, at 10:28:55
In reply to Re: Peace, babbling friends, Hope and Kids... » Shanti, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:41:52
I think faith can be a tremendous force in healing depression. But as a Christian, I would strongly caution you against viewing your suffering an unsupportive or cruel husband as redemptive. Jesus suffered so that we do not have to - God doesn't want us to suffer, god wants us to be healed...I know so many women (myself included) who put up with semi to totally awful husbands not realizing that in fact he may be the cause of the depression in the first place - or at least, making it 10 times worse than it needs to be...
But maybe that's the whole male species (I admit I am cynical when it comes to the male capacity for compassion - sorry Dr Bob)
Posted by Reneeb on March 16, 2002, at 11:03:30
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!! » Angel Girl, posted by nevergiveup1962 on March 15, 2002, at 16:57:29
Hi Angel Girl, I am so glad to hear from you!! I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now ,but as you can see there are many people here that want to help you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling. Can I ask you where you live? Maybe one of us is close by and could help.
Take Care,
Renee
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 11:44:24
In reply to Re: Peace, babbling friends, Hope and Kids... » Shanti, posted by Sue Doe on March 16, 2002, at 9:41:52
> > good morning everyone!
> >
> > i agree sue doe about the anger feelings as well........
>
> Peaceful Shanti: I plan to answer your post a little later, since my time is short this morning. You asked so much, and got me thinking.
> In short for now, I think we can surely help each other. It sure feels like family here, doesn't it? Anyway, watch for my post later. I will be cleaning out my little acre of grapes today. This is a great victory for me, since I have ignored it completely for over two years now (not even sure how long.) Wish me luck.
> Sincerely,
> Pseudonym (Sue Doe Nym)
Sue DoeOoooooh, you don't know how I envy you so, to begin to live again. You endured a hard long road to get your victory and I'm so happy that you can see the sunshine in life. I sincerely wish you the best that life has to offer.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 12:04:43
In reply to Re: ANGEL GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!, posted by Reneeb on March 16, 2002, at 11:03:30
> Hi Angel Girl, I am so glad to hear from you!! I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now ,but as you can see there are many people here that want to help you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling. Can I ask you where you live? Maybe one of us is close by and could help.
>
> Take Care,
>
> ReneeHi Renee
I live in Toronto, Canada. I'm glad more than ever after last night that I found this forum Thank you Dr. Bob for giving us a place to help each other. I personally don't know what I would do right now without somewhere I can go where people understand me. I find the lack of understanding very frustrating. Last night I had an extremely rough night. I posted a message here, or at least I thought I had, in extreme anger. Not anger about here or anybody here but expressing my anger towards my life that continues to sprial downwards. When I think there is nothing else that could possibly go wrong, the bottom is kicked out from under me once again. Last night I found out that two of my dear and closest friends have decided to abandon me due to my severe depression. They no longer feel capable of dealing with my extremely low moods and although it is completely devastating to me, I can't really blame them. I don't like being with me either but I don't have any choice. :( I don't make it very easy on everbody. I feel like this is not me, somebody else has taken over my body and my mind. Where did "I" go???? I want "me" back. I'm tired of this new person. I haven't seen the real me since last July. I'm so incredibly sad and I'm crying. I want this all to stop. I'm so sick of this ride. I don't even know how this happened to me when I wasn't looking. And now I have this new mood of anger. This is sooooo not me. I've never been like this before. I HATE this. Why doesn't this dosage of Effexor XR work like it did when I was on it before????? I'm sooooo discouraged. I think about suicide every single day, not to the point of actually wanting to do it, but it is always there like a constant companion. I almost lost my dearest friend last night when I took my frustration out on her but thank God she knows it's not me but my illness. She understands me because her husband has been suffering for 8 years, although he is much better than he was years ago. She is my gift from God. Why can't everybody see that all I need is LOVE????? Why is that so hard for them to understand???? I've told them a million times. But I don't feel it. Maybe I don't even know what love is anymore. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 16, 2002, at 14:01:05
In reply to Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by jp on October 24, 1999, at 14:59:14
If I haven't already said it, I want to now. I'm very sorry for worrying y'all and I'm so shocked to see so many replies to my post. I want to thank y'all for your concern and help. I think I really need this place. I'm not sure my posts are helping anybody else but at least I feel wanted somewhere and have found people who actually do care about me. So, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!!
And a special thank you to Dr. Bob for giving us this forum so that we all can know that we don't have to go through this alone.
THANKS Y'ALL!!!
Angel Girl
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