![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 102 to 126 of 495. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on May 7, 2014, at 16:20:20
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on April 21, 2014, at 20:41:49
i spent about 5 hours preparing for todays lab, last night. it's not supposed to be that hard. fairly sure.
i wrote the instructions out again. instead of step one involving several different steps in no particular order I made it sequential. Starting with the first bit we needed to do. E.g., 'Take a 100mL beaker.' I'd feel happiest if I could collect together all the equipment I need at the start. Like how recipes start with a list of ingredients... Collect up everything you need so you aren't rushing about the place bumping and jostling everyone else who is all trying to do the same thing... But if I did that then when I left to fetch the chemicals I'm fairly sure people would view my pile as a convenient heap for them to 'borrow' from. Like how last week the demonstrators set up a couple models at the front so we could refer to that in our set-up. Then people kept taking parts they needed from those and otherwise fiddling about with them so you didn't know if they were reliable sources of information or not...
We are supposed to do 5 trials of titration. I don't see that happening in 1 hour. I find this lab easier because they are a lot more explicit about our instructions. Recording to 4 figures... Checking our readings at eye level... Copying will be detected this time... Saying to hold the pipette against the side to empty it properly. That that last little bit is calibrated into the measurement. Good. That was bugging me.
Then calculations... Which would be better if I was up to date and not behind... But behind I am. I'm getting better at balancing equations to convert one known mass into moles then figuring out the moles of the other and converting that to mass... But we are onto solutions... volume... concentration... I spent about 5 hours last night... And I almost understand what we are up to for the actual titrations. We had an internet exercise that took us through that. ONly took about 2 painful hours of guessing... Brute forcing it... 20 minutes of struggling with the printer... One practice one on our report... Which I worked out okay from the internet one. Thank god. That only took me around 1 hour... But I can't do the one we actually did the titrations for... I mean... My idea was to do everythign I could including setting up the calculations then I'd only need to fill in the values... But it's set the fields up all out of order and our textbook has a method (sort of) that I find simpler so I'm running with that (for the stochiometric coefficient conversion bit)...
Aargh.
Most people will turn up after having spent about 20 minutes randomly throwing things into the internet thing... Smile and laugh and copy their way around the labs... And come out with a far better grade for their lab than me. And have a more enjoyable time.
I could have spent all that time last night... Working through things from where I'm at instead of brute forcing things that are further ahead. But I guess the thought is that people won't prepare unless you give them marks for structured preparation. So... I must spend my time doing that.
Sigh.
I remember why I gave up on science at school. I also remember what it was like getting through that final year of high school just to get entry to uni... This year is sorta kinda like that... Our lecturers are fine, really. It is just... 'Intellectual peers'. That was what the physics guy said to me last summer when I said I wanted to drop - and do it properly later when I was ready. After he showed me I could probably pull a B- if I could sorta kinda do a few unit conversions...
Whenever they try and make everything easy for 'most' others they make things so very much harder for me. I won't be able to do the calculations in the lab because people will be too busy being all 'what did you get?' to each other... Demoralised already... Over it already. Fed up and we haven't even started...
I'm going to remember to take labels thsi week. So I can actually label the beakers as they tell us to do... And as nobody ever does... It will save me a bunch of mental stress anyway...
Maybe I will need to ask for special accommodations for labs. A quiet environment with reduced time stress. Fairly sure that with those accommodations... I'd be done in half the time. Of everyone, I mean. Uh... That makes it unfair to ask for those accommodations - right?
Posted by alexandra_k on May 8, 2014, at 1:56:42
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 7, 2014, at 16:20:20
well... i messed it up at a really early step. i'm still not entirely sure how... but missed a part where you transfer a smaller portion of the larger amount (from which you do repeated trials from, i guess) to a smaller vessel and use that to catch the solution from the burette. so... ruined the larger amount of one of the solutions. i could have just started over, i guess... but... i did my best. really. and i failed at it. basically. had enough... had enough before the lab had even started, really.
i went to the convener after... i basically need someone to supervise me so they can't just put me in with a quieter group or by myself. and it needs to be around that time so i can get solutions from there and they don't need to be prepared separately. apparently the disability office will sometimes fund senior students to do that... basically someone to help me do labs and i do them someplace... quieter. i guess i will. the hope being that i can learn to do them so i don't need that accommodation.
i feel... demoralized. somewhat. i don't really understand why they are so very hard for me when they really aren't supposed to be. why i spent 4 or 5 hours preparing for it last night... and most others just roll up and follow along... i did fine on my last lab... where i did most of it beforehand... even with not having any results this time i'll probably do fine again since i did most of the theory questions before class.... everything i could do without the results.. btu i seem to lack the basic ability to follow instructions in there... i feel.. useless. apparently it is a bit of a discretion issue or somethign something with teh disability office. they have do decide if i'm worth it. or something. ugh. still... there it is. i guess... i shouldn't hold my breath.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 9, 2014, at 0:32:52
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 8, 2014, at 1:56:42
i guess it will all depend on what i can do. i mean, i said i don't have a problem with tests or exams. i find the test / exam room (and people in the room) quiet and focused enough. so i don't need test or exam accommodations.
i will say that i'm contemplating whether it will be better for me to play the scramble all over the other puppy dogs but don't get caught trampling by the security guard next year... to try and get a seat in one of the first few rows of the biggest lecture theatres they have on campus to avoid the figety figets and ponytail flippers... to minimise the whole 'oooh yeah that test for that other class was soooo horrid' chatter before the lecture starts... or whether i'm best to just stay home and catch the online version on class forum.
if i got a 'special seat' it would make me most hated person in the class. obviously. i'm pretty f*ck*ng certain i'm not the only person who is immensely bothered by the overcrowding in first year classes...
even in later year labs... apparently things aren't so bad in second year because there are less students. but i guess that means they just cram those fewer students into a smaller space. so all that happens really is that those who are less focused go do something else so you finally end up with people who are able to focus appropriately. people who... aren't 'integrated'. you know... talking about the gym in the library and food in the gym and class while they are eating...
anyway...
i think the moral i'm supposed to take is that the procedure doesn't f*ck*ng matter. it is only worth a very few marks really. most of the lab is theory that can be done beforehand. so... who cares. who cares if i f*ck up the procedure at step one (like my second lab) or step two or step three. who f*ck*ng cares. fairly sure i'm not supposed to.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 10, 2014, at 17:34:55
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 9, 2014, at 0:32:52
The equations are getting easier. I remember physics guy saying last summer that things typically come together for people a couple weeks in and I was like 'yeah, right'. But things feel like they are coming together for me. It really is about pattern recognition. Here is the form for this sort of equation. Then you plug the values into the relevant places and your answer chugs out. Lots of little traps for the unwary, of course. To round or not to round. And so on. But getting it, I am. Then the next style or type of problem is just a permutation, really. A minor variation. An additional step or so. Keeping track of what you know and what you don't know helps you sort the steps in between. Chemistry really does... Make sense. I hope physics turns out similarly next semester. For now... My biggest worry is whether I can do the calculations in the time allowed - the actual hard bit - within the amount of white space we are given.
I've found a spot in the library that is good for a couple hours study on the weekend. It is nice... Pleasant view of the road etc. It really is good for me to get out...
Realising just how... Unfocused... A lot of people are. People throwing tantrums in libraries of all places that I won't acknowledge their presence despite their rustling and fidgeting and tapping. Realising how... It really is because I'm female. Last lecture a couple guys blocked me in by blocking isles to my row and the one before (you really do get caught by ponytail flippers with how close the rows are). And I realised... Both of them... Other people just leave them alone. They don't try and get them interested in conversations about inter-hall residence games people are playing which involves them turning up to class in fancy dress or whatever... The difference? One of them is a big guy. Gym big. Nobody bothers him trying to make smalltalk. He isn't even glaring at people. The other one is... Just a regular looking guy. Slightly geeky / shy. In an almost artsy way. It is just that I'm a girl so I'm supposed to be tuned in to stopping whatever it is that I'm doing on call and focusing in on paying attention to others and making them feel okay. And the fact that I'm not... Induces tantrums. Of the... And now I'm going to escalate and not let her get any work done at all variety. Or of the... Lets have conversations with other people in a big loud voice about that anti-social girl over there. I mean what is wrong with her and what is her problem? Ugh. People... Ugh.
There is a Jacob's ladder in the gym. In a corner. Nobody uses it. Because it is really very hard work indeed. It seems to... Gas you. Completely. As in... Total systems failure. Not breathing particularly hard, that isn't it. Not the muscular burn you get from something like spin. But a... muscular ache. Hard to explain... It just... Total fatigue. So... When I can't get a barbell... Or when a bunch of jerks arrive yapping about their protein powder... Progressively crowding me in their efforts for me to pay attention to them and be impressed... If I don't feel inclined to start mock staggering around with the barbell overhead fairly obviously threatening to drop it on them if they get too close and I just give up that they have ruined things for me since I can't properly commit to the lift because I can't safely fail / drop the bar without fear of it rebounding off of them back onto me... For the days when the cardio room is nearly empty and the first person to race in takes the machine right next to me so my sweat literally flings on them (I know - right??? What do I need to do??? Shower less???) I have that little corner of the world.
It isn't most people... Only some. Only one. One or two. Persistently. Wherever it is that I put myself. I really do... Think murderous thoughts about them. Why can't someone teach them to f*ck*ng well leave someone alone when that person obviously isn't f*ck*ng interested in paying attention to them. I just don't get it.
It makes me feel very cross that big guys are treated differently. But notice it, I do... Notice it in busy unfocused gyms. How people give the big guys their personal space... Or the Very Strong guys. Not always... But often... People will give a wide berth to people who are squatting or deadlifting or benching a Really Very Large amount of weight. Even if those guys are smaller. And these people are given more space without their glaring or growling for it. Some of these guys can be fairly smily and friendly even but that doesn't result in the puppies falling over their feet... But because I'm a girl people think nothing of setting up within a few feet of me or walking within a few feet of me before I make a lift or whatever. And even usual rules of ettiqutte don't seem to apply (e.g., guys that I would think would be guys to hold a door politely for anyone - especially a girl) are really very impolite about barging into whatever equipment they want and hogging it. And a bunch of bigger guys... Just honestly walk about totally oblivious to others need / desire for personal space. Just expecting everyone will get out of their way...
The gym has made me bolder when it comes to person-person collisions. I remember being panicked on the streets of sydney before that I had to defer to everyone because the cost to me of being nudged and falling was so much greater. Now... I can throw my body about into the ground... And it's okay. However big that person is... They aren't harder than the round. If we collide so be it. Won't even hurt. I can accommodate the deflection. So I can play convincing chicken. Becuase ready for the impact / collision I am. And I know it will occur only once. Bring it on. And then you have groups of guys... Set up in the rack just behind me (there are other racks) then set up their yappy tea party between sets in the bench just in front of me (there are other benches). Sit themselves around 1 1/2 meters in front of me just before I'm about to make a lift. Disrespectful. That is what it is. I pretend to nearly lose it on them and they get me looming over. That usually gets them out the way quick-smart. People... Gross... Gross... Gross...
And all this is because... People simply can't handle the fact that yes, I'm a girl. ANd yet my purpose on earth is f*ck*ng well not to pay attention to you on demand.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 11, 2014, at 8:24:06
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 10, 2014, at 17:34:55
> The equations are getting easier. I remember physics guy saying last summer that things typically come together for people a couple weeks in and I was like 'yeah, right'. But things feel like they are coming together for me. It really is about pattern recognition. Here is the form for this sort of equation. Then you plug the values into the relevant places and your answer chugs out. Lots of little traps for the unwary, of course. To round or not to round. And so on. But getting it, I am. Then the next style or type of problem is just a permutation, really. A minor variation. An additional step or so. Keeping track of what you know and what you don't know helps you sort the steps in between. Chemistry really does... Make sense.
Good work! And good luck with your next steps,
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2014, at 2:35:43
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by Dr. Bob on May 11, 2014, at 8:24:06
Thanks. Back to it not making sense, again. Enthalpy... Hess' Law... Kinetics... Rates of reaction... Something about... Coefficients and exponents...
I think I need to split my time a bit between trying to understand the concepts and working through calculations. Even if I don't understand the concepts.
I just need... Practice, I guess. Time with them. Work...
___
I really don't get why they won't make their lecture notes accessible to students before the lectures. Why they won't actively encourage students to prepare for class by working through them at least a little.
Best story I've got out of them is that they think students won't come to class if the notes are available before the lecture. They seem to think that that means the students will do worse.
I've said... I won't come to the lecture if I can't get the powerpoints before class. For the hard stuff that we are doing now at any rate. Not being able to keep up during the class is... Demoralizing. It isn't motivating or inspiring it is just... Demoralizing. People are just getting up and walking out... Eyes are dull... I don't understand why they don't go 'oh, hey! y'all aren't stupid (necessarily) just not prepared. HERES STUFF TO DO TO PREPARE!! IF YOU DON"T DO YOUR PREPARATION THEN IT IS ON YOUR HEAD!!'. I just... Don't get it.
They have lectures up... Lecture recordings. They seem to think that students won't come because of that. That, again, students will do worse if they don't come to class.
They cant' seem to separate out the 'aren't in class because off doing other things' from 'aren't in class because my own study techniques are more f*ck*ng effective than the way you choose to teach' people. Students have been telling them... Over and f*ck*ng over... Gimme your powerpoint notes before class. Gimme gimme and no... I guesstimate you are a lazy little sh*t and so no.
This really can't be it?? Can it??
Then what is up with overflow rooms? Apparently it is common in science. Other universities as well...
Why not pay a TA $5,000 to lecture the overflow? It isn't that much in the grand scheme of things. If you can take their enrollment money... If you can invest billions into building brand new buildings (mausoleums) to f*ck*ng house them the least you can do is provide one lecturer for each and every f*ck*ng big *ss lecture hall.
How do you decide who gets 'proper lecturers' rather than TA's? Here's a novel idea... Lecturers get to work you harder. Since they are less garbeled they can expect more out of you. They are also capable of writing you meaningful references so... 'general edders' flock to the TA's... people looking for a cruisy ride... TA's get to practice / learn on them. Fair's fair. you waste my time... i get to learn on you... you can't be bothered doing your pre-reading i can't be bothered giving you properly prepared lectures (actually just don't have them yet since i'm all new at this).
why is this so hard?
Posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2014, at 2:49:52
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2014, at 2:35:43
it is just...
i guess i'm starting to see why people are... horrified? at the thought of 'starting over' (at my age) with science.
it seems to be... it does it's thing at the pace that it does. and it doesn't give a sh*t about whether it is in your best learning interests for it to move a bit faster or slower or whatever. it is impervious. it just does what it does. and if you don't just keep your yap shut and follow along as best you can then you are stupid. basically. it is your fault and there is something wrong with you.
i see that there is a bit of fear, actually, when it comes to the kids who get things right right right right right. because... after a while doing the same f*ck*ng thing without an increase in difficulty and... anyone who isn't an idiot gets to the point of feeling like caving in their head with a baseball bat would be preferable to doing yet a f*ck*ng nother one of those equations. or whatever. so... what to do...
the arts.
that's why people go there. sometimes people go there first because they aren't prepared to work. there's a bunch of them, for sure. but often people go there because... well... for the humanity. ffs.
going the other way round... tis just wrong.
meh. i'm just grumpy because... i don't suppose i'll be going to lectures next year. i suppose i'll be staying home checking the online forum incessantly for when the lecturers get round to putting their powerpoints up... at which point i can actually begin my study.
i feel... sad.
but still... open entry... giving people the *opportunity*. that's... what university is all about. yes?
Posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2014, at 2:53:48
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by Dr. Bob on May 11, 2014, at 8:24:06
i f*ck*ng hate being a first year! and i have a whole other year of it next year wah!!!!
Posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2014, at 1:49:51
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2014, at 2:53:48
well... i had an amble around the book store and the prize for the clearest course books goes to... engineering. lmfao.
i had a... very informal lunch with some people today... very nice... to chat about politics and university politics and... stuff... there is a bunch of university politics going on behind the lecture notes thing. everyones fearing for loss of jobs... trying to justify the existence of in person lecturing etc etc etc... i think... given the climate... the thing might be to approach the lecturers more discretely and ask for them to help me out, yeah. to... trust in their... love of their field... which is probably lurking in there somewhere even if university politics gets in the way sometimes... as to the significant majority of first years who are only there as the line of least resistance, or in order to get industry job, or they are (probably through no fault of their own) just dumb as dirt, really.
i'm going to try and get to at least one of the lecturers i'm meant to take next year... see how it is for myself. i've been... going off stuff i've heard students say because i had nothing else to go off... but i should know better... they're probably magnifying their story as they see me react to what they are saying... it could be that they never even made it past the first week and the attendance is more sparse now... who knows...
anyway... only 2 more lectures to get through and then it is back to what will hopefully be some lighter going stuff. less equations / novel symbols and a bit more story. hopefully. learning about species of particles and the evolution of heat lmfao. about how reactions are driven (all aristotelian like) by their desire to reach a state of lower energy. aaaaaaaaah, chemistry. not theoretically driven - just theory rationalized, apparently. i've never heard of a theoretical chemist...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2014, at 2:06:55
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2014, at 1:49:51
i was obsessed with the idea of a 'system' before. thinking that sorting that out... was really important. lots of work in phil of science has focused on that... systemic capacity view of function / dysfunction where such things are relative to some idealized norms for systems... instead of an historical (evolutionary) view... anyway... systems seem a lot less mysterious to me now... but this idea of 'work'. that seems important. 'organization'. electricity... that is f*ck*ng amazing. that you can make a battery from ionic solutions. f*ck*ng wow. that you can do that... makes no sense to me at all. and how you would even begin to build something like a computer... or... circuits. what the hell are they? what are they doing? how does that work? so much to learn...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 15, 2014, at 17:25:03
In reply to Re: focus..., posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2014, at 2:06:55
got my *ss to 8am chemistry lecture for next year...
it was okay. got there about 15 minutes early and while there were loads of people there, there were lots of free seats. i think the situation is more about bus times than about people arriving early especially for a seat. it was cold. may as well sit in the theater rather than wait outside. even once the lecture started... free seats.
filled up more for the next class... still free seats, though. i think the issue with the overflow room is that people would prefer to sit with their friends rather than add to the end of a row of a group(?) of people they don't know.
managed to sit behind the most annoying people in the whole room... more of a mild annoyance than a true distraction. i can probably get front row reliably... then i don't have to see people fidget... once things have settled down, anyway... maybe before...
i actually heard other people make ssssh noises... can't remember the last time i heard that...
organic chemistry reactions are all pink and purple, the way they are supposed to be... heh. someone else giving the lecture but, still, more of what i've done. rather a lot more haha.
and some bio-chem. 6 steps in chlorine regulation in cells. i see... if you can talk through / draw through the schematic (with some ability to form inference) you are set... handy to have the ppt slide ideal... but good study technique to draw in the schemeatic, yeah. over and f*ck*ng over haha.
people were... calmer. i was a bit of an oddity in sitting by myself - but only a few chatty groups who seemed a little unnerved and (the crucial bit) they seemed to be the tolerated exceptions rather than the rule. and i could see their coursebooks and, uh, they aren't going to be there the following year most probably.
so...
it was okay.
the pace is a bit all over the show. lots of repetition, yeah, but then lots of new content, too. varied... keeps things interesting, i guess.
the room accoustics really are wonderful... and comfortable seats. i mean... really, very. just as well since it is 3 hours in a row 4 days per week... wish i could remember what time they started in the evening to suss those out, too...
but yeah, i have to go to the lecture. it really is... like theatre. listening to the online is nothing like the same thing. i think there is something about the... environment... arousing... all the people. alerting. that's what makes the lecture traumatic. uh, i mean, memorable. easy to recall later. in the same setting, of course...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 17, 2014, at 20:10:02
In reply to Re: lectures, posted by alexandra_k on May 15, 2014, at 17:25:03
over physical chemistry. even if there was this brief window where i thought it was kinda sorta somewhat interesting...
the disconnect between the conceptual and the... the solving of the problems. put a minus there because otherwise you get a minus in your answer and rates can't be negative. uh huh.
i feel like... they blindfold me by not giving me access to the powerpoints prior to class. then they get to say 'see, you can't do it, we told you so!' the kinetics stuff we are doing now... isn't in our textbook... but there is stuff online. that's what i need... worked through examples... the ones we have are full of typo's... last thing i need right now is to be worrying about whether something doesn't make sense because i'm not following along vs it actually just doesn't make sense.
not that making sense means a damn... our next lab is... recording the temperature of water cooling. no joke. over a period of about half an hour. a tedious something that could be done in the quiet... that is of course only going to get f*ck*d up in a room full of chatterers chattering about their numbers...
only three more weeks of classes... equilibrium... acids... bases... i hate solutions... equations... lets write things up this notationally different way that means the same thing (that you must have done years of maths to know - just for the sake of being complicated and making things harder!) i've had enough.
test not this monday but next... i'll try and print off some of past years... see about the time pressure... i suspect it will go better than i thought... like how i over-prepared for organic before and the actual test was straightforward. i think this will be like that with pattern recognition for most of the questions...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 17, 2014, at 20:16:36
In reply to Re: lectures, posted by alexandra_k on May 17, 2014, at 20:10:02
i suspect i won't do math for summer school after all. not much point, really. i'm not going to continue with math which makes me fairly uninteresting to teach and the spirit of things seems to be to put us in teams and let us teach each other, anyway. and i don't do so well with the whole social learning thing. and they won't give me access to the stuff i need to learn the way i know i learn best because... they think they know how i learn better than i do - go figure. well... i guess the idea is that must be true. otherwise i wouldn't be doing remedial. whatever it was i've been doing before... it must not have been working. mmm hmm. i see. let me waste a semester trying to learn things your way. please. can i...
?
not sure what it is with lecturers that they think they are better teachers than textbooks... that have panels of authors and editors... that they feel the need to make things harder than they really are. more complicated than they need to be. to junk up space and time with busywork... i don't know what it is.
do i think the health system is going to be any better?
no.
focus... go print off these tests... work through the problems... become just what they want me to be -- a student who can solve problems but who has no conceptual understanding. the way they... train me to be...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 19, 2014, at 1:50:51
In reply to Re: lectures, posted by alexandra_k on May 17, 2014, at 20:16:36
I suppose it is mostly fear. That I won't do well. Or that... I do mediocre. Which is... Which would actually be worse, somehow.
Test coming up real soon...
Then about a month before the exam. I suspect it will come together in time for the latter... I'm not sure about the former. Just do the best I can, I guess.
I... I have worked through the concepts about as best I can. Time for the calculations / equations. Pattern recognition. Setting the solutions up like the model answers. Learning how to enter things into my calculator and interpreting the display. I... I'm not 'cheating' or whatever by focusing on the tests / exams... I... Have done the hard yards of working through the text (when available) and the powerpoints and listening to the lectures several times over...
On the one hand... I think I may have been being unfair about the whole powerpoint thing... On the other hand... No, I don't think so, actually. I did an evaluation for the last lecturer and I was fairly nice because... Well... I'm not entirely sure. Relief that I didn't have her anymore? Not sure what it is... In some sense she does seem to try... But in another sense she doesn't. Giving us practice exercises full of typos... It isn't her first year teaching ffs... She didn't fix them up from last year because...
?
Anyway... That's that and that's over now... Back to a lecturer whose style of teaching suits me a whole heap better. Lots of... Concepts. Inferences. Visual presentation. I even follow his explanation of the math better... It probably helps that it is different... Another way of explaining. Which is what we don't get when she doesn't give us a textbook or anything other than her slides full of typos or half filled out lecture notes. Anyway... That's over now.
Working through the tests... I should get marks for drawing out the equation I'm supposed to use... Whether or not I get all the substitutions... And / or the final calculation.
I think... This is as hard as the math will get for me. ? I think so... I'll have to ask the physics people...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2014, at 16:13:27
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 19, 2014, at 1:50:51
i have a crush. which is... silly, really. if my emotions were less intense i could probably just enjoy it. it is a feeling of... being alive. and it isn't painful, exactly. only it almost is painful to me. it makes me feel... inadequate. very much. i can't... be light and playful. it isn't in my vocabulary. even if he was interested (which he probably isn't), available (again, probably not) and so on and so forth... he would never know it from the way i behave... or... he'd just be scared off from this freak... or... he'd tire of it fairly rapidly over time. best to... stay away. hang back. this too shall pass :(
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 23, 2014, at 2:16:34
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2014, at 16:13:27
> best to... stay away. hang back. this too shall pass :(
Or, test your hypotheses? :-)
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:33:27
In reply to Re: fear, posted by Dr. Bob on May 23, 2014, at 2:16:34
with my past experience... i think i've discovered a constant.
haha.
just kidding. maybe. needs some time, anyway... so that's okay. i didn't run away. i won't. i think... we do have some kind of dynamic, actually. some kind of understanding. misunderstandings, too, but some kind of understanding as well. i guess i wouldn't feel anything if there wasn't anything there. whatever comes of it. just try not to get too attached. to feel too... devastated.
i failed another lab. 2/15. but only worth 2.5% of the overall grade... test on monday. i really don't have a sense of things... i suspect... things will go really rather badly... for around 1/2 of it. i simply can't get the calculator to co-operate for a good quarter of it... and the time pressure...
i should be studying but i can't face it, rather. two days later and i'm still decompressing from last lab... all... 15 minutes of it before i managed to bail the hell out... only one more to go. i won't. i need to find my focus for the exam. test only worth 15%... last test was only worth 15%... i hope... i get through this okay.
i'm scared... that i'm more disabled than i admit. that i... really can't handle more than a part time workload. that i'll never be able to. still reeling from lab... it's awful. chemistry is just equations now. not much concepts. just equations. calculations. tables and constants. and a crap calculator whose screen i can barely read and it's too late now to be learning to use a calculator... and we aren't allowed... natural display? anyway. this country won't let us. to keep things cheaper, i suppose... and none of it makes any sense.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:38:39
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:33:27
well, actually, they do reccommend a graphics display calculator for the maths course - but the chemistry people won't let us have CAS ? algebra display ? something like that... because people put whole equations into them apparently... and we are supposed to remember them... and put them on the paper. then sub in the numbers / units. then enter things into our calculator and get the actual proper answer out the other end. and i can't do that last bit. even if the other bits work alright. even if i can get the units out. i can't get the actual number.
and there are brackets and exponents and negative powers and... i don't know what i'm doing wrong except that there is f*ck all relation between how it looks on the page and what i'm supposed to type in and... i'm having enough trouble with learning the equations and putting the numbers into the right places in them... that latter bit... what does it matter? what's it for? what's it testing? why does it matter? i don't understand.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:44:27
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:38:39
and bits and pieces... throwing in a unit conversion here then changing it back out the other end (the actual equation won't take those other units)... rounding at this step okay but not at that other step over there. converting into scientific notation sometimes... but not othertimes. rounding to this many decimal places or... maybe this other amount instead. i suppose we're supposed to know this from... spending however many years of high school hearing it over and over and over and over and over... otherwise.. one simply *can't*. how many times do i need to hear people say it before i understand?
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 17:30:56
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 0:44:27
http://education.ti.com/en-GB/aus-nz/products/secondary-calculators/ti-30xb-multiview/tabs/overview
well, it only comes in battery only hideous green for the nz market. and costs, like, thirty bucks. i suppose i could get a solar powered grey one at some point... but it will take a while to ship...
i like the key layout with the contrast colors. the fact that the numbers are centered on the keypad. that there aren't lots of buttons i don't need. that there are useful things that i do like the natural display. and i guess it will lead in well to the entry level graphics one which i'll need for that math class...
i didn't properly realize that learning to use a calculator was going to be a huge part of math / science. but of course it is. i need to see whether we can use one for the UMAT...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 17:33:23
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 17:30:56
oh... i guess people put the equations in memory and then edit them. so... store the equilibrium expression then just edit in the values they need for the particular equation they are doing. etc.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 18:20:46
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 17:33:23
pretty sure i'm allowed this one, though. we just got this thing 'you aren't allowed one with CAS' and then like 'xxx' and 'xxx' models (which were graphics ones, not even CAS ones). pretty sure we are allowed natural display whatever that is called...
i probably shouldn't have spent most of yesterday watching calculator reviews on youtube :( but it really is as i expected... once you go a way... you get to be locked in. kinda like cellphones... you get used to a layout, certain quirks of functionality, and everything else just seems just odd...
NZ is mostly casio. but I like TI... i sort of think there is something a bit dodgey about cornering the school market... online GED... but the standardisation means there are lots of youtube vids on how to use. and it is fairly curriculum focused with respect to not cr*pp*ng up the display with things that aren't needed. it seems... simple... which is important. the display... with the contrast colors... seems organized. like... it is trying to help me cognitively. genuinely. instead of trying to make things hard because it wants to feel better about its own lack of understanding / or whatever it is that drives that...
i know why. it is because i'm learning maths via that online website and it is american. so... i'm learning american maths. i mean, it says i'm doing the nz version but all that means is i got nz dollars for the currency stuff and (perhaps) it cr*ps on a little less assuming that things like inches and feet are intuitive to me (they are not). but... i'll be learning american... and this calculator... makes intuitive sense / organization of what i've been learning, yeah.
watching the how to use clips helped things make more sense to me, anyway. starting to have more of an overview of were things are headed... with the function tables. the TI 30 is just perfect for me for where I am now. Once I get to integration / differentiation I need a graphics calculator anyway. So... I don't think the... whatever the standard entry graphics one... I don't think that does natural display for equations. I guess it is something you outgrow. What becomes important is expressions / function tables / graph equivalencies.
For now... I'm just trying to get a hang of moving parts... E.g., I was getting upset because a question from last year was to name an intrinsic property (one that doesn't depend on the amount of matter present). one example was 'density'. And I was upset because I've just learned that density is equal to amount of matter (g) over or into area (v). so i thought that density did indeed depend on amount of matter. that half of the freaking concept (well, maybe i wasn't thinking half exactly but, uh...)
But then... The point is that we wiggle the volume in order to vary the concentration while the amount in moles remains fixed.
and i'm confused already... density... concentration... ha... hahaha.
not getting the right answer because hitting EXPx102 isn't the right way to enter that in really isn't helping me.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 20:54:32
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 18:20:46
intensive not intrinsic. a graphics calculator would be cool. but i do need to do more algebra... but i should get one as soon as i can afford. start using the calculator for the math website, now. check that i can use it properly / get the right answer out of it.
i... am surprised that there is still a market for calculators. why can't i-pads do the same thing? i didn't realize graphics calculators were programmable... BASIC... the origins of gaming haha. 84 plus... soon as i can afford... allowed it for that math class... not allowed it for chemistry... don't suppose it will help me arrow push for chem next year... i'll ask the physics people what is / is not allowed for that...
i think it will help me learn.
i think that the whole thing about kids not being able to do math anymore because of relying on calculators... is a bit silly. extended mind and all that. division of labor. concepts... that's what it is supposed to be about... i mean... that is the actual hard bit (that machines can't do) so why not focus on developing that? math does seem to be... a lot about substitutions. symbollic, i guess. not just about learning a single language but about learning lots. lots and lots. lots of different ways... like using latex to display equations. or a graph. or an expression. different ways...
i'm just starting out. giving me a sh*tty one line display calculator that needs things to be entered in differently from how they are represented in class is... a recipe for failure. like they told me. you can't do it. course i can't. not if you aren't going to give me a heads up about getting an appropriate level calculator... sheesh...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 21:01:24
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 20:54:32
and i need to wait for my new toy to arrive and i'm... balking. until then. which is a cutting off my nose kinda thing to do...
uh...
i can practice writing the equation we are supposed to use from memory. i can practice putting the numbers from the question into the right places with the right units. i can identify the units of the answer.
but most of my calculated answers will be wrong wrong wrong.
and so while i can probably learn what Q being greater than K means... i can't tell you whether Q is greater than K in this particular case. so I can't tell you what happened / what needs to be done in this particular case.
i suspect i can pick up quite a lot of marks just for... putting down what i do know.
basically...
everything that can be done without a calculator...
without a calculator that can take the equation copied in it... that produces for me the right answer.
because i haven't done years and years of math to learn to use my particularly (old fashioned cheap) calculator. or (actually more the situation) i didn't know there was any such thing as different calculators with anything like natural or textbook display... nobody suggested that maybe i get something like that...
why not?
i don't understand people sometimes. people will smirk a little and tell me how to enter the little numbers in on my particular calculator... but they won't just say 'oh, hey, why don't you just get natural display??'
?
at least i figured this out in time for the exam.
me and oscar. high school equivalancy. here we come. f*ck yeah.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 25, 2014, at 18:43:45
In reply to Re: fear, posted by alexandra_k on May 24, 2014, at 21:01:24
So, apparently there are 'safety issues' with my working in a quieter space for labs. Last lab we were meant to record the temp of water cooling every 30 or 60 seconds. For 40 minutes.
They need to pay someone in particular to mind me. Which I probably do need, actually. Given that the lab instructions (e.g for titration) are incoherant to a person who doesn't already know how. Or sheeple along. And there's nothing wrong with my verbal comp. But thanks for questioning that. Important, always. To blame the learner. Don't, whatever you do, try and figure why a lot of people struggle, and figure how to help them learn better.
Of course I'm a real freak in my calculator preferences. I mean the market hasn't gone in the graphical interface direction, at all...
I did want... For a time... Something Ministry of Ed. To do with University teaching Learning. We are just... So very far behind in so very many respects... I guess a lot of people are incapable of assisting learners who have more ability than they. That is a huge part of it. Drill and mindless repetition. Lots of time devoted to learning arbitrary calculator entry conventions. Because... One doesn't have conceptual understanding. Doesn't know how to facilitate that.
Perhaps those drawn to teaching... Well... Dictator. Co-learner. Mmmhmm...
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