![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 26 to 50 of 58. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 6, 2010, at 15:22:49
In reply to Re: please rephrase that, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 9:37:13
> It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world. I know of a few people who don't have any friends but have been in therapy for years.
Keeping in mind that the idea here is not to post anything that could lead others (including those with therapists, but without friends) to feel accused or put down, could you please rephrase that? Thanks,
Bob
Posted by obsidian on April 6, 2010, at 15:53:50
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » BabyToes, posted by Dr. Bob on April 6, 2010, at 15:22:49
> > It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world. I know of a few people who don't have any friends but have been in therapy for years.
you don't mean anyone here right?
I'm going with the idea that you're not referring to anyone here.I think it's kind of hard to say what warrants long term therapy.
I'd be curious to hear what other people think about the issue of long term therapy.
for myself I'd say, I'm just not ready to stop. I think I still need some help. I've got a lot of good relationships, many because of therapy.
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:11:43
In reply to long term therapy, posted by obsidian on April 6, 2010, at 15:53:50
> > > It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world. I know of a few people who don't have any friends but have been in therapy for years.
>
> you don't mean anyone here right?
> I'm going with the idea that you're not referring to anyone here.
>
> I think it's kind of hard to say what warrants long term therapy.
> I'd be curious to hear what other people think about the issue of long term therapy.
> for myself I'd say, I'm just not ready to stop. I think I still need some help. I've got a lot of good relationships, many because of therapy.I am actually talking about myself here since I have been in therapy a long time but with different therapists. I just don't believe in being with one therapist for years because I think the goal of therapy should be to be able to handle life with the support of family and friends more than with just a therapist. A therapist should be encouraging better real world relationships with the client.
Maybe go back for a refresher now and then if needed but to go on and on for years, well I just don't see the value of that for myself. Why not take several months off or a year to see how one would do? Therapy is so expensive and it is very hard work. It is hard to maintain both of those for years. There come a point of diminishing returns.
The richer my life becomes the less I feel I need therapy for support. Isn't that the goal of therapy, to be able to be healthy enough to handle life's up and downs on your own or with the help of friends?
I just feel that it is unethical for T's to charge as much as they do, for just social chit chat for months and months. My first T did that and I barely worked on anything for 2 1/2 years and it just made me too independent on him for social needs.
My current T does not do that, we work hard, but she is always having me working on something, there are goals of being able to be independent. It just seems to me that if a client is working hard in therapy, they won't want to be in therapy for years. It is too exhausting. But by my T not trying to be my friend, it has made me look for that in my real life. I have found that T relationships are really not as fulfilling as real relationships and a good T would not let their clients totally depend on them for their social or supportive needs.I have a friend who is in T and therapy is her highlight of her life. That one hour all week is her life and she has been with him for over 5 years. Life is just too short. I feel that a T should want their client to move on without them, it is a sign of good mental health to be able to live life without the needs of a professional every week. A good T should be teaching a client to handle life and to reach out to friends or family for help for minor things. Life will always have ups and downs, being in therapy won't let anyone escape that, no matter how mentally healthy someone is. But learning to deal with life is a skill that most T's should be teaching.
Now I know there are some cases where some do require a T every week to keep the out of the hospital, but I am not talking about those severe cases.
Another thing I have noticed too is that there is benefit in seeing different T's because one T can't help with everything or will see everything a client needs help on.
I just feel when therapy become too comfortable, or fun, that a client should move on either with a new T or on their own. Or at least try.
Therapy for me is hard work and exhausting mostly (there are some easier sessions especially with trauma work) I don't want to be in therapy forever, and have found that a good friend can help with most of my issues that come up in a week. Plus it is so much more satisfying. But the key is finding someone who is able to be a friend and maintain a friendship.
>
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:18:59
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » BabyToes, posted by Dr. Bob on April 6, 2010, at 15:22:49
Dr. Bob,
I really don't know how to rephrase that to your standards. My comments were not meant to put anyone down or make anyone feel bad, it was just an observation I have made in my real life, including myself. If you can give me tips on how to rephrase this, please offer suggestions. PTSD causes me not to be able to think as clearly cognitively as if I wasn't having PTSD symptoms. It has been years and I still find your rules confusing. So if you have any suggestions, since you are requesting this and I don't know how, can you at least try to help out?> > It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world. I know of a few people who don't have any friends but have been in therapy for years.
>
> Keeping in mind that the idea here is not to post anything that could lead others (including those with therapists, but without friends) to feel accused or put down, could you please rephrase that? Thanks,
>
> Bob
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:38:48
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:18:59
It is weird because I am feeling rather put down because I feel everything I say is wrong and gets warnings. I can't seem to do anything right here. I honestly don't know what I am keep doing wrong so I guess it would be better to not post then.
I wasn't trying to put anyone down or feel bad, if you were, I am sorry for that.
I just don't fit in here because I don't know how to speak the Dr. Bob language. So I guess it is best I don't post anymore.
Posted by obsidian on April 6, 2010, at 19:12:40
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:38:48
> It is weird because I am feeling rather put down because I feel everything I say is wrong and gets warnings. I can't seem to do anything right here. I honestly don't know what I am keep doing wrong so I guess it would be better to not post then.
>
> I wasn't trying to put anyone down or feel bad, if you were, I am sorry for that.I thought you did it very nicely when you spoke about your own experiences, and what it is about you and what you want that makes you feel long term therapy may not be a good idea.
As far as other people go, we can't always know, and what can we do? Their lives are their own.
...not that I don't have my opinion, I've got a lot of them.I didn't think your intention was to hurt or put anyone down, which is why I assumed the best. Of course, and understandably, with so many of us in long term therapy?? I think?
there might be people here with sensitivities about that issuewhat you said is not wrong, just better understood from your own experiences
:-)
thanks for your reply
>
> I just don't fit in here because I don't know how to speak the Dr. Bob language. So I guess it is best I don't post anymore.
Posted by emmanuel98 on April 6, 2010, at 20:49:44
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:38:48
I thought your post was great. I know a lot of people who go to therapy to chat or just check in because they feel dependent on their therapist and can't seem to transfer that feeling of love and dependency and vulnerability to others. Doing that should be a really important goal of therapy. Sometimes therapists will encourage dependent patients to find a group or join a 12-step group and expand their social networks.
Posted by emmanuel98 on April 6, 2010, at 20:57:51
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb, posted by emmanuel98 on April 6, 2010, at 20:49:44
When I quit regular therapy last winter, my T said it was good that I didn't want to hang around and have him be a "fantasy friend" for me.
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 22:03:30
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb » BabyToes, posted by obsidian on April 6, 2010, at 19:12:40
Thank you for not thinking the worst of me and thinking I was trying to hurt someone or put them down and actually trying to understand what I was saying within the context and not assume I was being mean.
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 22:20:58
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb, posted by emmanuel98 on April 6, 2010, at 20:57:51
> When I quit regular therapy last winter, my T said it was good that I didn't want to hang around and have him be a "fantasy friend" for me.
I think that is good that your T sees that sometimes in clients and it is great he acknowledged your independence. A T feels good and knows he has done his job when he can send a client on his way to have good relationships and not have the client be reliant on them to be their only sense of support.When something happens to me through the week that might upset me, I turn to friends first for support and not my T. My T helps me in other areas but she doesn't want me to be clingy on her. Isolation is not a good thing and if a T can't help clients to trust others and form relationships outside of therapy, than that T isn't actually good for a client I feel.
But back to what rnny's T said, that she should try to form relationships with healthier people is actually good advice. I wouldn't want to marry anyone that unstable any more than I would want a close friend. There are some individuals that shouldn't mix with other individuals. Sometimes it is a pattern that needs to be broken. Kinda like abusive relationships, sometimes women will look for a mate that treats them bad because that is familiar to them because that is how they grew up. But getting the client to see that certain people just aren't the healthiest to develop friends with, is a good thing.
I teach my kids (who are teens now) to treat everyone with respect. But do I want them to hang out and be friends with drug dealers and criminals just to appreciate the good in everyone? Of course not! They are too impressionable at that age. So are newly mentally healthy people in a way. They need to learn who is healthy for them and who isn't.Some may feel offended by rnny's T comments, but I feel he gave her good advice in order for her to stay healthier herself.
Posted by rnny on April 6, 2010, at 22:43:54
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:38:48
Baby toes,
I would like you to stay. Dr. Bob has asked me to rephrase something in one thread approximately 2-3 times. At first I though "are you kidding me"? (with the first one). But then I took it as he was actually trying to help ME too in expressing things in a way such that I don't turn the others off. Frankly if the others are turned off that is too bad but when in Rome do as the Roman's do. If there are guidelines for this board and I want to be a member, I have to agree or actualy have agreed upon signing up to go along with them. I like it when bulletin boards can be sort of a free for all but that isn't the way he wants it here. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe he isn't trying to help me too but it does help. I haven't liked being asked to rephrase things because I am not here to win friends and influence people but it is his board and he wants a certain tone, a certain flavor I would suggest. I think because of the nature of the board where intimate things are discussed someone has to keep an eye on things so that the purpose of the board isn't jeopardized and people wind up becoming injured here instead of it being a place where people can come to be free from judgement. I don't think you said anything wrong, you are just saying how you feel. I saw a T who was very insistant that I said things "politely". She said that was part of therapy in and of itself instead of me just letting it all hang out. I thought she was a terrible therapist and didn't stay with her. I don't pay someone to get their approval. but we aren't paying dr bob here so just try to say it a different way. I like you, I would like you to stay around. I think your moniker is cute, "baby toes". Baby toes are very cute. Someone here posted something very rude to something I said and I was waiting for Dr. Bob to ask them to rephrase it but he didn't. Next time I am going to ask them to rephrase if if they start in with that attitude. Please stay!!!!
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 23:07:10
In reply to Re: please rephrase that- baby toes, posted by rnny on April 6, 2010, at 22:43:54
I guess that is why I hate cognitive therapy so much, it feels so controlling to me. My first T was trained in cognitive therapy mostly, not CBT but cognitive. He concentrated on how I said something more than what it was that I was feeling. Kinda like a grade school teacher teaching correct grammar. That is fine as long as the T HEARS what you were feeling and not just concentrate on how it was expressed after it is corrected. I humored him and said things the way he wanted me to, but it didn't change the way I felt and the way I felt totally got ignored.
To me it puts up a barrier with people because my old T wasn't attuned with me as a feeling human, but as a dog he could train to do tricks his way.
You are right, this is Dr. Bob's site and he can do and control whatever and whomever that wants to be a member and make them say things in a certain way. But I just don't understand all the rules and haven't for a long time. It is easy for someone to tell someone to rephrase something, but if that person doesn't understand or don't have the cognitive ability to understand because of a learning disability or mental disability, I don't see blocking them as a punishment is going to help them or the community as a whole.
Maybe teaching others not to take everything so personal would be more helpful because no matter what someone posts and the way the do it, there will always be someone who can feel hurt, even if things are said in the "babble way."
Posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 23:42:23
In reply to Re: please rephrase that- baby toes » rnny, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 23:07:10
With my last two T's who took/takes on a more humanistic psych approached, it helped me to become more tolerant of others and to celebrate that we are all different in our own way. If we learn tolerance of others here and learn to not assume the worst because someone says something not in the perfect "babble way" and actually try to learn that maybe it was their own filters that are making them feel offended or put down.
In the real world we can't control how things are being said to us, so learning the babble way really isn't all that realistic in the real world. But learning acceptance is and not assuming the worst and taking things so personal.
We call come from different backgrounds, language skill levels, different level of intelligence and languages and not everyone is going to be able to understand "the babble way" of writing, as it isn't exactly universal, it is just what the owner wants. As long as someone isn't being blatantly disrespectful, I think teaching tolerance and not being over sensitive would be more beneficial here on a mental health site than punishing people who may not even understand the finite details of speaking "the babble way." In real life you can't control how someone talks to you but you can control how to react to it. To me that would be more educational and would help build real people skills for real life.
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 11:32:11
In reply to Re: please rephrase that) Dr. BOb » emmanuel98, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 22:20:58
> I really don't know how to rephrase that to your standards.
You already did! This was about others and I thought it could lead them to feel accused or put down:
> It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world.
because it suggests they shouldn't be in long-term therapy and aren't able to have real relationships. But this I thought was fine:
> I am actually talking about myself here since I have been in therapy a long time but with different therapists. I just don't believe in being with one therapist for years because I think the goal of therapy should be to be able to handle life with the support of family and friends more than with just a therapist. A therapist should be encouraging better real world relationships with the client.
because it's about yourself and what kind of therapy you want. Do you see the difference?
Here's another example:
> I wouldn't want to marry anyone that unstable any more than I would want a close friend. There are some individuals that shouldn't mix with other individuals.
That could lead others (people who are unstable) to feel put down (no one will want to marry them or be their friend and they shouldn't even mix with others). Could you please rephrase that?
> In real life you can't control how someone talks to you but you can control how to react to it. To me that would be more educational and would help build real people skills for real life.
You can also control how you talk to others, and being civil is a skill that can be applied in "real" life, too.
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 11:32:44
In reply to Re: please rephrase that- baby toes, posted by rnny on April 6, 2010, at 22:43:54
> I think because of the nature of the board where intimate things are discussed someone has to keep an eye on things so that the purpose of the board isn't jeopardized and people wind up becoming injured here instead of it being a place where people can come to be free from judgement.
Thanks for understanding!
> Someone here posted something very rude to something I said and I was waiting for Dr. Bob to ask them to rephrase it but he didn't. Next time I am going to ask them to rephrase if if they start in with that attitude.
I'm sorry I missed that. You can make sure I don't next time by using the "notify administrators" button. Asking them to rephrase yourself (as long as you do it in a friendly way, of course) is fine, too.
Bob
Posted by BabyToes on April 7, 2010, at 12:46:06
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » BabyToes, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 11:32:11
> > I really don't know how to rephrase that to your standards.
>
> You already did! This was about others and I thought it could lead them to feel accused or put down:
>
> > It bothers me to see those in long term therapy who really don't have serious issues to warrant long time therapy, because it seems to me they are using the therapy relationship as a substitute relationship because they are unable to have a real relationship in the real world.
>
> because it suggests they shouldn't be in long-term therapy and aren't able to have real relationships. But this I thought was fine:
>
> > I am actually talking about myself here since I have been in therapy a long time but with different therapists. I just don't believe in being with one therapist for years because I think the goal of therapy should be to be able to handle life with the support of family and friends more than with just a therapist. A therapist should be encouraging better real world relationships with the client.
>
> because it's about yourself and what kind of therapy you want. Do you see the difference?
>
> Here's another example:
>
> > I wouldn't want to marry anyone that unstable any more than I would want a close friend. There are some individuals that shouldn't mix with other individuals.
>
> That could lead others (people who are unstable) to feel put down (no one will want to marry them or be their friend and they shouldn't even mix with others). Could you please rephrase that?
>
> > In real life you can't control how someone talks to you but you can control how to react to it. To me that would be more educational and would help build real people skills for real life.
>
> You can also control how you talk to others, and being civil is a skill that can be applied in "real" life, too.
>
> BobI don't feel I have been uncivil at all at any point in anything I have written on this thread. Those are your perceptions of uncivil behavior.
But taking my comments out of context to point out fault in them and saying they are leading to those to feel put down, well to me that is being not only uncivil but it is putting idea's that were not expressed by me into others heads. I explained what I meant about people mixing with those who are not good for them. Did you even read the whole post? I never said what you implied that I did, those were your own interpretations. Why are you assuming the worst of my words?
I could say I love pepperoni pizza. But this could be offensive to a vegetarian or to someone suffering from paranoid schizophrenia because they believe that the little pepperoni circles are actually lenses of cameras spying on them. My point is that there is nothing that someone can say that wouldn't offend others or make them feel bad. Your rules are not going to prevent that and your rules are YOUR views. True, your site- you can do what you want. But why be so hard on those people who come here to help others?
Even you pointing out fault of my words is rather ironic because you say not to write things that would make people feel put down. How do you think your warnings feel? Can't you see that your very own process of going through my words with a fine tooth comb and criticizing the way I say things is actually doing what you don't want us to do?
Plus these are your standards of civility, the way you view things. Many would not have any problems with what I wrote. Your views of what constituents incivility are not the social norms of society's viewpoints.Maybe acceptance that people mostly have good intentions when they write things here and are not evil people trying to write things to put people down, would be a better way to view posters intents instead.
Posted by antigua3 on April 7, 2010, at 13:20:09
In reply to Re: long term therapy, posted by BabyToes on April 6, 2010, at 17:11:43
Well, I have just discontinued therapy with a T that I had been seeing for many, MANY years, and I'm a slow learner, I guess, because it took me this long to heal. I'm ready to leave my T (but I still have a psychiatrist that i'm working with, but on different issues) and I'm O.K. leaving her. She has been great to me; taught me how to be a good mother; and helped me through understanding a destructive, awful past that I couldn't even remember when I first started.
The best part of all this is that this last year was groundbreaking for me in therapy. I learned more in the last year than I learned in many years before, so I dont' regret the years I spent with this one T at all. She was patient, kind, and willing to stick by me and help me understand. I could write a book about what we've been through together, but the point is that it is only now that I am ready to leave.
It feels great, too, but I'm also lucky in that I can call her if I need to, but now when something painful occurs, I do think of what she would advise and I carry through on my own. Very different from having a friend. My friendships have been solid throughout the years, too.
antigua
Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2010, at 21:07:31
In reply to Re: long term therapy » BabyToes, posted by antigua3 on April 7, 2010, at 13:20:09
> The best part of all this is that this last year was groundbreaking for me in therapy. I learned more in the last year than I learned in many years before, so I dont' regret the years I spent with this one T at all.
It feels like I'm having a similar experience. My therapist says that when a lot of change happens like that, it's got a lot to do with the years of work and preparation that went before it.
I hope that someday I have the same experience with my therapist that you have had with yours.
Posted by floatingbridge on April 7, 2010, at 21:14:37
In reply to Re: long term therapy » BabyToes, posted by antigua3 on April 7, 2010, at 13:20:09
Glad to hear this, Antigua.
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 23:04:57
In reply to Re: please rephrase that, posted by BabyToes on April 7, 2010, at 12:46:06
> > > I wouldn't want to marry anyone that unstable any more than I would want a close friend. There are some individuals that shouldn't mix with other individuals.
> >
> > That could lead others (people who are unstable) to feel put down (no one will want to marry them or be their friend and they shouldn't even mix with others). Could you please rephrase that?
>
> I don't feel I have been uncivil at all at any point in anything I have written on this thread. Those are your perceptions of uncivil behavior.Would anyone like to try to show BabyToes how she might rephrase that? You may have the power to help her avoid being blocked again.
Bob
Posted by BabyToes on April 7, 2010, at 23:54:20
In reply to Re: being blocked again, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 23:04:57
the boards are not working right. I can't seem to to be able to click on links or use chat
Posted by BabyToes on April 8, 2010, at 0:11:48
In reply to Re: being blocked again, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 23:04:57
Don't know what the problem with posting is, but I have been trying.
Dr. Bob,
If you are going to block be because I don't understand your rules and why you think what I wrote is uncivil, than there is little I can do about it. It is your site, your beliefs and your rules.
I am not trying to put anyone down, but if that is what you feel I am doing, then you don't need to block me because I will just leave. I don't want anyone to feel bad and I am saddened that you feel I have ill intentions when all I was trying to be was supportive.
I hope you in time will consider what I asked you in my last post. I have asked you Dr. Bob questions so I can try to understand why you think what you do but you haven't responded to any of those questions,and have only threaten to block me. So if that is the way you want it, than block me please. I guess it isn't important for me to understand your rules or your reasonings if you are going to block me from using your site anyway. Goodbye.
Posted by BabyToes on April 8, 2010, at 0:26:35
In reply to Re: being blocked again, posted by BabyToes on April 8, 2010, at 0:11:48
This was the entire thing I said, not just the one sentence that was taken out of context. So can someone tell me why it seems I am trying to put anyone down here, that I am being uncivil? I thought I was being supportive. I don't understand what Dr. Bob is referring to.
But back to what rnny's T said, that she should try to form relationships with healthier people is actually good advice. I wouldn't want to marry anyone that unstable any more than I would want a close friend. There are some individuals that shouldn't mix with other individuals. Sometimes it is a pattern that needs to be broken. Kinda like abusive relationships, sometimes women will look for a mate that treats them bad because that is familiar to them because that is how they grew up. But getting the client to see that certain people just aren't the healthiest to develop friends with, is a good thing.
I teach my kids (who are teens now) to treat everyone with respect. But do I want them to hang out and be friends with drug dealers and criminals just to appreciate the good in everyone? Of course not! They are too impressionable at that age. So are newly mentally healthy people in a way. They need to learn who is healthy for them and who isn't.Some may feel offended by rnny's T comments, but I feel he gave her good advice in order for her to stay healthier herself.
Posted by wittgensteinz on April 8, 2010, at 5:41:59
In reply to Re: being blocked again, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 23:04:57
I haven't posted in a long while but I still visit Babble.
I don't think it is so much about intentions as to whether what a person writes is civil or not. I don't think a request to rephrase an uncivil post is a statement about a person's intentions. It is possible to write something 'uncivil' while having the best of intentions.
What is important is the way in which words can be read/interpreted by others - the effect those words have on a community.
In your experience, Baby Toes, you've found it best not to stay in therapy long-term if that therapy is simply serving the purpose of a social 'crutch' and that it is better to change therapists rather than stay with one therapy and get too comfortable. This has been your own experience of what is best. I think the problem is that we are all different and that it is likely that there is no one clear-cut way of doing therapy. Some people benefit from the long term support of a therapeutic relationship, while for others maybe it is less necessary. I continue in therapy because it continues to help me in my daily life, in the outside world. It doesn't keep me from living my life or serve as a surrogate relationship. If I'd switched therapists I would never have been able to build any amount of trust; in my case, that takes a lot of time.
As for friendships in the real world. I already was following this thread and something struck me about it which seemed unnatural. You see, in my experience I don't 'choose' friends. Friendships seem to emerge over time - they just 'happen'. We are all people of course with good and bad things - including those with addictions, criminal records, psychotic breaks and so on.
It's not the case that it's 'us' and 'them'. It can be that relationships are unhealthy or abusive but in that case it would be better to analyze why the relationship is abusive and why there is a pattern of entering such relationships, rather than concluding that it is best to avoid certain groups of the population. An adult relationship is a dynamic between two people; it takes two.
You said that for you real friendship is a relationship where you give support and receive support when needed.
You could rephrase what you wrote to something like:
I wouldn't want to be in a marriage where the support was unequal or one-way; where my partner would require more support than he could give to me. There are dynamics between different people that can be unhealthy and it is good to be aware of that, for example in cases where women repeatedly enter violent relationships.
If you write it like this, you are not singling out anyone as being 'a bad person to enter a relationship with'. This way, no-one should feel like they are unsuitable as a friend/partner because of a label they have.
Witti
Posted by rnny on April 8, 2010, at 17:08:03
In reply to Re: being blocked again, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2010, at 23:04:57
I would not want to marry a close friend because I might miss out on the friendship part of the relationship which sometimes happens in marriage. I also wouldn't want to date someone unstable because I have issues of my own and between the both of us, our issues might take precedence over the value of the marriage and I would like the marriage to come first. I am not saying that would happen, only that I wouldn't want to risk our mutual issues becoming front and center. Just because someone is unstable it doesn't speak to their character or ability to be a good friend and loving marriage partner.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Script revised: February 4, 2008
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