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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by messadivoce on April 22, 2005, at 19:04:48
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
My first T was pretty stringent about touching. For a long time I wanted to be as far away as possible from him, and under NO circumstances did I want to be touched. Then I started having feelings for him, and I did have the desire to be held, and I was able to express that desire. He told me that he was sorry he couldn't physically hold me, but that he could hold me in other ways. And he did, with his eyes and his voice and his body language.
I asked him for a hug near the end of therapy, and he said he was happy to hug me. I know it was not something he wanted to engage in regularly. But if he had refused me I would have been crushed. It would have damaged our relationship.
My "current" T seems a bit more lax. I think that if I wanted to hug her she would be okay with that. She is a mother-type person, and I don't really have issues with mother-types, so a benign hug would probably be okay. I wish that I would have hugged her at the "last" session we had, even though neither of us knew it was our last, because of circumstances beyond our control.
Posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 19:22:13
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by messadivoce on April 22, 2005, at 19:04:48
>. He told me that he was sorry he couldn't physically hold me, but that he could hold me in other ways. And he did, with his eyes and his voice and his body language.
Can you explain more about this, my T said he had other ways to hold me, but I didn't know what he meant. I am new to therapy so I am interested in how they hold you with their eyes, voice and body lauguage without touching you physically. Thanks!
>
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 19:52:31
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort? » messadivoce, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 19:22:13
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050329/msgs/481668.html
Hope this helps. :)
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 19:56:00
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
If I need comfort or contact or wish to offer comfort, I hold out my hand for a handshake.
I've gotten a handful of hand clasped on the upper arm as I leave over ten years. And one double arm clasp.
He said recently that sometimes he wants to give me a hug, but my formidable personal boundaries stop him. :) I don't know if he really means that or if he's just trying to make the relationship feel less unequal.
Any physical contact really doesn't seem to mean all that much to me. It's almost undetectible even when it's going on.
Posted by JLynn on April 22, 2005, at 20:08:45
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort? » happyflower, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 19:56:00
I received a pat on the back once because my T was proud of me that I shared something difficult. I've never had anything else, not even a handshake. I wish my T would at least offer to sit next to me, but she doesn't and I dare not ask. I crave the physical contact I lacked as a child.
Posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 20:12:48
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort? » happyflower, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 19:52:31
Oh yeah, I remember that thread! lol I guess I like talking about it! lol Ohhh I wish these transference issues would stop. When I think I am over it, it comes back! I guess I am one love sick puppy!
Posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 20:40:41
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort? » Dinah, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 20:12:48
My t from uni has given me a couple of hugs now. She came to see me at home 'cause she was worried about me (I just live across campus) and she came to see me in hospital. She asked me if I wanted a hug both times. And I did. It was a really wonderful hug. But I think it is ok. I don't have much feeling for her. I know she is gay but she doesn't know I know and I know that she doesn't have any feeling for me in that way so it is ok.
I wouldn't like to if there was any feeling from either side - I think that could be dangerous. And I don't think I'd hug a male t.
Posted by messadivoce on April 23, 2005, at 2:32:43
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort? » messadivoce, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 19:22:13
I didn't really contribute to the thread on psychological holding--it was a trigger--but then again everything is these days. But since you are new to therapy you might experience it sooner or later. For me, it felt like the world had shrunk down to just me and him, and that whatever memory or thought I was struggling with, he was there, in it with me, helping to draw it out and holding it with me. My T was very quiet in himself, and radiated calm. I felt like he was shelter from the storm at times, because of his quietness, by his leaning forward to catch every word, and by his voice, which he would match to mine. Usually very soft. I liked Daisy's analogy, so I'm going to use it. It's like one soul hugging another.
Posted by cricket on April 23, 2005, at 7:50:54
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
I spent all of my adolescence and young adulthood seeking physical comfort from men (perhaps fairly typical of csa survivors?).
Even though I can't deny a certain sexual attraction to my T, the last thing I want is any kind of physical contact with him. Been there, done that with far too many men, far too many times and it never helped one bit.
So the occasional handshake, the very rare light touch on the upper back is more than enough for me.
Now as far as a kind word goes, that I long for and would eat up like candy.
Posted by rubenstein on April 23, 2005, at 9:55:27
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by cricket on April 23, 2005, at 7:50:54
No physical contact from mine
at times it has bothered me but then I don't know how I would react to a hug and he probably feels that
But I am so thankful for the psychological holding he gave me yesterday...it is rare to say someone saved your life, but yesterday he saved my life
rubenstein
Posted by Augustina on April 23, 2005, at 11:53:56
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
The only times my T and I have had physical contact was during our initial meeting (a handshake) and I believe he patted me on the upper back (very lightly) during Christmas 2003 as I left session b/c this was my first Christmas w/out my mom. Otherwise, definitely no physical contact whatsoever. I'm quite fine with this as I think I'd freeze up (and freak out) if he did attempt to do something else.
Posted by Poet on April 23, 2005, at 12:36:43
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
Posted by thewrite1 on April 23, 2005, at 14:23:29
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
My T has never offered, but she will give me a hug at the end of a session if I need it.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2005, at 0:22:58
In reply to Re: Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort? » happyflower, posted by thewrite1 on April 23, 2005, at 14:23:29
Posted by shrinking violet on April 24, 2005, at 13:14:18
In reply to Never ever (nm), posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2005, at 0:22:58
gg,
Just wondering,
is it that your T never offers physical comfort, or YOU don't (as a T yourself)....or both?
Posted by Shortelise on April 24, 2005, at 14:39:46
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
Posted by Shy_Girl on April 24, 2005, at 17:40:04
In reply to Poll- How many T's offers physical comfort?, posted by happyflower on April 22, 2005, at 16:11:52
Posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2005, at 21:43:22
In reply to Re: Never ever » gardenergirl, posted by shrinking violet on April 24, 2005, at 13:14:18
My T would never offer me a hug.
I've hugged a client or two in the past, but I don't do it often.
gg
Posted by mair on April 25, 2005, at 22:40:51
In reply to Re: Never ever » shrinking violet, posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2005, at 21:43:22
my last T used to offer me an occasional handshake. I honestly think my current T might like to reach out but is probably restrained by all of my protective body language. Then again, maybe she doesn't touch anyone and it's just my imagination.
mair
Posted by Pfinstegg on April 25, 2005, at 22:58:56
In reply to Re: Never ever, posted by mair on April 25, 2005, at 22:40:51
He's a great one for handshakes, especially when vacations begin. He once asked me if it would help me feel more connected and contained to have a handshake at the end of each session. We got laughing, because I told him it sounded too European. (The real reason, though, was that little pfinstegg was afraid of any kind of touch from him). I've already decided that when I terminate, years and years from now, I am going to give him a kiss on the cheek.
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 23:07:15
In reply to Re:handshakes, posted by Pfinstegg on April 25, 2005, at 22:58:56
Hmmm... I'm still planning to coil around his legs like a boa constrictor at termination, so I figure thare will be a fair amount of physical contact as he peels me off. And more as the cops peel my fingers off the door jamb.
Posted by messadivoce on April 26, 2005, at 0:08:31
In reply to Re:handshakes, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 23:07:15
Posted by alexandra_k on April 26, 2005, at 0:27:00
In reply to Re:handshakes, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 23:07:15
Ha! Oh I wish I had tried that. Really. What a good idea ;-)
Posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2005, at 4:46:18
In reply to Re:handshakes, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2005, at 23:07:15
Oh lordy, Dinah, that image always cracks me up. But then it certainly speaks to the way you value your therapy.
Note to self, when terminating with a long-term client, where protective boots so I don't break another toe! :)
gg
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2005, at 7:47:29
In reply to Re:handshakes » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2005, at 4:46:18
It's actually my more self protective plan.
How's that toe, gg? Was it the big toe? Surprising how much work that toe gets. Even my mother is slowed down without it. And the big question, did any of your clients not notice? I always read about that phenomenon.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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