Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 5053

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Re: I don't know if it will work » stressed

Posted by iris2 on October 8, 2004, at 13:14:42

In reply to I don't know if it will work, posted by stressed on October 8, 2004, at 11:44:30

> Hey everyone, I am not intending to sound obsessive, but M is at 100 mg of topamax and she is still hungry. I'm not sure about the binging, I try not to pry, don't want to make matters worse. She's not experiencing many symptoms other than the tingling feet, dry mouth, and occasional light-headedness. She will not go back to Dr. unti next week. What do you think? You know how much I value oppions on here. Have a good day. -L

How long has she been on the Topimax? It takes a while for some of these meds to kick in and remember it is different for everyone. 100mg is not a large dose so she probably is still titrating up?

I think it is much more important to get the mood and binge eating problems under control and if the weight comes off at the same time great. But if she gets these under control she should have little problem loosing the extra pounds she has gained due to medication. I find it easier to loose pounds I gained from a medication than just from me eating!

Her emotional and mental well being is much more important than a few extra pounds.

Here are a few links I found that you might be intereted in reading about Topimax and binge eating.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=14728106&dopt=Abstract

http://remedyfind.com/rem.asp?ID=5536

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/eating_disorders/site/story_edtreatment_2.htm

http://psychcentral.com/library/bingeeat_tx.htm


Hope they help.

irene


 

Re: I don't know if it will work » iris2

Posted by stressed on October 8, 2004, at 14:02:20

In reply to Re: I don't know if it will work » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 8, 2004, at 13:14:42

Thanks so much for resonding to my post so quickly. You are so right. The binging must be under control first, and I am concerned that her doc. won't prescribe her anything higher than 100mg. I don't know if the binging has slowed down. I have noticed that she seems to get irritated much easier these days. I hope that goes away......!!! You are such a doll for sending me the links. Thanks a million. -L

 

Re: I don't know if it will work

Posted by headachequeen on October 8, 2004, at 14:18:53

In reply to Re: I don't know if it will work » iris2, posted by stressed on October 8, 2004, at 14:02:20

> Thanks so much for resonding to my post so quickly. You are so right. The binging must be under control first, and I am concerned that her doc. won't prescribe her anything higher than 100mg. I don't know if the binging has slowed down. I have noticed that she seems to get irritated much easier these days. I hope that goes away......!!! You are such a doll for sending me the links. Thanks a million. -L

100 mg is not a high dose actually as long as the time to between increments is slow and steady...
the binging will not come under control at once...
heaven knows, I have the occasional relapse and don't know why... just know that it happens...

there are other issues that have to be dealt with to help her control the binging if it is done to help her escape those issues...
I know what my issues are and I have had help and more help (some of it even useful ) but I still have times when the issues take over...
at the moment I am in flashback mode... something and I do not know what, has triggered a return of memory that is in control... I know and understand the theory of it all... but I have to overcome it all...
I have to deal with the flashback, the memories, and the effects they have on me, the way these things take over and change my life and my feelings about life, about me, about the people around me, about my work... you name it...
I withdraw from the world and from the people who care most for me and even with the therapy and the topomax I have times of binging... why not eat? no one cares anyway and no one loves me...
if anyone loved me would they have let these things happen to me???
Oh I understand the rationale behind the flashback and the binging ALL too well...
so why am unable to simply give it all the boot...
that is the part that really upsets me...
and I am really able to disguise it with other people...
didn't I say this place was therapeutic????
you are the only people to whom I would admit the binging regression or that I binge at all...
when I mention eating disorders I refer only to the anorexia of my teens and early twenties...
of course it is in my past and I have it under control... remember I am a control freak..
and I let the world know it...
nothing is allowed to upset my world as far as the world knows...
I can even hide it from my psychologist a great deal of the time...
he keeps telling me that he is kicking me loose because I don't need him any longer... and often at times when things are blowing apart in my life...
your daughter needs to know that she is loved...
that you care for her as she is and who she is...
not what she is...
no matter what she does or does not achiever...
no matter how well she does anything...
no matter who does it better or worse...
you lover her..
after all, you gave birth to her, not the other cheerleader or the girl with the better mark or the better role in the school play or the one who did anything she did or should do... or didn't get to do...
nothing else matters but that you love her...
and will always love her...

as for the rest, let her know that you want to help her when she wants your help or support...
let her know that you don't want to and will not nag about her weight or eating...
maybe she would like to help with the grocery and menu planning and shopping... what would she like to see in the fridge and cupboards to help her manage her plan...
there has to be a way to involve her loving and supportive mom in this so that she knows you don't care if she loses weight but you don't want to sabotage her either...
and if there is a problem at the root of it, then you would like to help eliminate the problem...

and that you love her more than anything ...

love is a powerful thing... it can do so much and it can cripple if it becomes pity... but we have to use it for our children...

As for Topomax, it will not really start to take effect (control if you will<g>) until she is on morning and evening matched doses based on my experience...
minor weight loss which cheered me on
but the controls set in when I was on 200 in the evening then started the morning dosage too...
checked my seizure book today...
have to do the Readers' Digest version for the new neuro so when I found the notations about that I filed it mentally for you...

Happy thanksgiving everyone
kat

 

Re: I don't know if it will work

Posted by bridgey1128 on October 8, 2004, at 14:26:25

In reply to Re: I don't know if it will work, posted by headachequeen on October 8, 2004, at 14:18:53

Happy Thanksgiving? Was I asleep for 2 months?

 

Redirect: Thanksgiving

Posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2004, at 17:41:23

In reply to Re: I don't know if it will work, posted by bridgey1128 on October 8, 2004, at 14:26:25

> Happy Thanksgiving? Was I asleep for 2 months?

Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups not about medication to Psycho-Babble Social. Here's a link:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041001/msgs/400517.html

Thanks,

Bob

 

Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving

Posted by bridgey1128 on October 8, 2004, at 21:05:52

In reply to Redirect: Thanksgiving, posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2004, at 17:41:23

Sorry..didn't meant to miff anyone...Oh turkey has triptophan in it..is that medication enough :) Chocolate also has it, as well as milk(so that means ice cream!) and bananas...it produces a feel good relaxed feeling. Hmmm maybe we should ditch our medications and EAT BANANA SPLITS WITH CHOCOLATE SYRUP!!!! WOO HOO!! Hmmm then again..there's the weight gain...I guess I'll have to stick to my Topomax after all :)

 

Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving » bridgey1128

Posted by stressed on October 8, 2004, at 22:54:27

In reply to Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving, posted by bridgey1128 on October 8, 2004, at 21:05:52

Maybe I don't understand how to use this board, because that last post went right by me. Did I miss something that was meant for me? -L

 

Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving

Posted by bridgey1128 on October 9, 2004, at 16:14:26

In reply to Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving » bridgey1128, posted by stressed on October 8, 2004, at 22:54:27

No, I asked about Thanksgiving and apparently we aren't supposed to talk about anything not pertaining to medicine so we were redirected to a social page. That is what that was about.

 

Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving

Posted by stressed on October 9, 2004, at 20:11:36

In reply to Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving, posted by bridgey1128 on October 9, 2004, at 16:14:26

Oops!! I really don't know the proper conduct here. I guess I will have to flip on over to the social page, and leave you a message there. Live and Learn. -L

 

Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving » bridgey1128

Posted by headachequeen on October 10, 2004, at 17:56:47

In reply to Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving, posted by bridgey1128 on October 8, 2004, at 21:05:52

> Sorry..didn't meant to miff anyone...Oh turkey has triptophan in it..is that medication enough :) Chocolate also has it, as well as milk(so that means ice cream!) and bananas...it produces a feel good relaxed feeling. Hmmm maybe we should ditch our medications and EAT BANANA SPLITS WITH CHOCOLATE SYRUP!!!! WOO HOO!! Hmmm then again..there's the weight gain...I guess I'll have to stick to my Topomax after all :)
I didn't know that bananas and milk have trptophan in them...
dear heavenly day the things I learn here...
chocolate and turkey skin are lethal to dogs because of tripto... and milk is not a good thing to give them because it causes diarrhoea.... but bananas.... I often include them in their food...
never again...
thanks Bridgey... you have probably saved me acres of depression....
and my vocal cords really can't take any more ....
kat

 

chocolate meds

Posted by bridgey1128 on October 10, 2004, at 18:32:45

In reply to Re: Redirect: Thanksgiving » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 10, 2004, at 17:56:47

I didn't know that chocolate had triptophan in it until I looked it up. Your dogs like bananas? I don't think my vocal chords can take much more. This weekend we had a choral festival and I had to..well I VOLUNTEERED to hit a high D. WEE! Don't get to do that well..ever! So I did. That was a lot of singing in two days. I am starting to have weird weird dreams again so I am thinking it's time to move up on my Topomax again. That and I am starting to be edgy and hyper again. Wee! Next come the hallucinations. Have any of you who have been taking Topomax for quite some time noticed your hair getting darker? Just since I have been taking it my hair has darkened considerably. It's very odd. I don't know if it's an age thing or what. All these years and suddenly my hair gets darker at 27 1/2. That seems kinda strange when it hasn't changed colors in years. I dunno. I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed that. Then again, I have weird side effects that no else else seems to have either...just wondering!

 

Re: chocolate meds

Posted by stressed on October 10, 2004, at 19:14:32

In reply to chocolate meds, posted by bridgey1128 on October 10, 2004, at 18:32:45

It may be the age thing, because I'm not on Topomax, and my hair is getting darker and darker. I will have to watch M's hair for the darkening effect. She is not really having many side-effects, and I hope that means she won't have trouble addapting to it. I can't decide if it is making her moods more leveled out at all. She is a MOODY girl, (like me)and we haven't had any "Freak Outs" for several weeks. Is it suppose to help that type of behavior? She says it still makes her hungry. I'm wondering if she would be hungry anyway. She's really trying to eat healthfully these days, and it helps the rest of us eat that way also. So who is the one with the dogs? I am an avid animal lover and have a Corgi, which I adopted from the Animal Rescue. (He at an entire pan of brownies, and was sick for an entire day----all over my great room.) Chocolate does make the deathly sick. If they eat too much, you must induce vomiting. Have done that also with another pet.....lovely time. Love dogs, but can't have many because of our location. (and husband) Thanks for the therapy!!!-L

 

Re: chocolate meds

Posted by bridgey1128 on October 10, 2004, at 19:47:01

In reply to Re: chocolate meds, posted by stressed on October 10, 2004, at 19:14:32

It shouldn't MAKE her hungry. But her dosage probably isn't high enough to take away her appetite. It affects everyone differently. Has she ever been tested for bipolar? I was "moody" as a teenager too and prone to bouts of depression. What I didn't know was that my talkativeness and irritation was my "mania". It's called hypomania. It's not as severe as what we think as manic depression. I have more bouts of depression but less so now. The topomax helps even my irritability out although I must say it does nothing for monthly moodiness. That is a hormonal thing, not a bipolar thing. I have noticed it does not help with PMS. Looking back, I had a lot of ups and downs that were not just merely "moodiness" of a teenage girl. I wish that I had known then what I do now. I could have sought help years ago and spared friends and family years of dealing with me :P Maybe that is an avenue to pursue. Maybe it is just teenage moodiness. I just wish that I had known the symptoms when I was in high school. If you want, go check out some sites on bipolar. Just put in bipolar in your browser. There is a wealth of info out there.

 

Re: chocolate meds

Posted by stressed on October 10, 2004, at 19:58:55

In reply to Re: chocolate meds, posted by bridgey1128 on October 10, 2004, at 19:47:01

Thanks, I will check out some of the sights, and also talk a little more with her Therapist about this. Geeezzz, maybe I'm more like that than she is. -L

 

Re: chocolate meds » stressed

Posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 10:21:45

In reply to Re: chocolate meds, posted by stressed on October 10, 2004, at 19:14:32

> It may be the age thing, because I'm not on Topomax, and my hair is getting darker and darker. I will have to watch M's hair for the darkening effect. She is not really having many side-effects, and I hope that means she won't have trouble addapting to it. I can't decide if it is making her moods more leveled out at all. She is a MOODY girl, (like me)and we haven't had any "Freak Outs" for several weeks. Is it suppose to help that type of behavior? She says it still makes her hungry. I'm wondering if she would be hungry anyway. She's really trying to eat healthfully these days, and it helps the rest of us eat that way also. So who is the one with the dogs? I am an avid animal lover and have a Corgi, which I adopted from the Animal Rescue. (He at an entire pan of brownies, and was sick for an entire day----all over my great room.) Chocolate does make the deathly sick.

Actually chocolate can kill them...although I think it has to be baking chocolate.. a friend who raises and shows german shorthaired pointers lost an incredibly great one... almost a year old... had just cleaned up at one of the top shows for her group against older more experienced dogs... ate a Belgian chocolate bar and her heart exploded when she saw a cat and started barking...
the same chemical is in turkey skin I knew but I did not know it is in milk or bananas and I often throw bananas into the dogs' veg and fruit mix...

I also learned the hard way that turkey is not as lean as I thought when I was in my let's get thin mode as it caused pancreatitis in one of my dogs... learned it is high in fats and sodium then...

the things I learn about health through them...

as for the still hungry and eating...
one can be hungry but not want to eat the same junk stuff.. hard to understand but I found that I wanted to eat other foods than the junk that I had been drawn to before Topomax...
as for the hair darkening... mine used to be such a dark red and has been lightening... and breaking my heart; nothing to do with topomax... it is age but thank heaven it is not going that horrible peroxide yellow shade red hair so often goes...
yet

I have heard many people say that topomax has a calming effect too, stressed so it may be helping there too along with the therapy...

kat

 

Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » headachequeen

Posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 10:52:32

In reply to Re: chocolate meds » stressed, posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 10:21:45

> Actually chocolate can kill them...although I think it has to be baking chocolate.. a friend who raises and shows german shorthaired pointers lost an incredibly great one... almost a year old... had just cleaned up at one of the top shows for her group against older more experienced dogs... ate a Belgian chocolate bar and her heart exploded when she saw a cat and started barking...
> the same chemical is in turkey skin I knew but I did not know it is in milk or bananas and I often throw bananas into the dogs' veg and fruit mix...

<timidly entering the discussion>

The toxic compound in chocolate is theobromine. There really aren't any other common sources for this alkaloid. The Latin name for the chocolate plant is Theobroma cacao. Theobromine is "the alkaloid in chocolate". The links below give some detailed information. On an ounce per ounce basis, baker's chocolate is about ten times more toxic (for dogs) than milk chocolate. Theobromine is a stimulant in humans.

http://www.talktothevet.com/ARTICLES/DOGS/chocolatetoxic.HTM

http://www.dogs4sale.com.au/Health_Nutrition.htm

Turkey skin *may* induce pancreatitis in some dogs. It's far from being the only trigger, and different breeds have very different susceptibility to it. Ham is probably worse than any food. Not just turkey skin.

http://www.vetinfo4dogs.com/dpancrea.html

Milk and bananas are not contraindicated for dogs to eat.

http://www.kavishi.freeserve.co.uk/poisonplants.htm


> I also learned the hard way that turkey is not as lean as I thought when I was in my let's get thin mode as it caused pancreatitis in one of my dogs... learned it is high in fats and sodium then...

Lar

 

Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam

Posted by stressed on October 11, 2004, at 12:37:17

In reply to Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » headachequeen, posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 10:52:32

Here's one for you, my dog is on clomipramine/Calmiclam for anxiety and OCD (licking people uncontrollably, spinning, barking) and am wondering if any or you are familiar with it? He is just like the rest of us here, fobias, and whatnot. It does not seem to be working all that well, and our vet is looking into something else. It needs to be approved for animals, because we don't have insurance for our dog!!! -L

 

Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » Larry Hoover

Posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 12:49:26

In reply to Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » headachequeen, posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 10:52:32


> <timidly entering the discussion>
>
Lar,
NEVER be timid to join us and THAT IS AN ORDER
not a suggestion...
we need your input in our mutual therapy group...
ask anyone...
it is amazing how much help we find from the input from each of the people who jumps bravely in with his or her ideas and thoughts and help...
sometimes it seems off topic to Dr Bob but is amazing how comforting or thought provoking it can be... and how it can lead us to some sort of idea based self-help...
trust me, I know... I have found out so often...

theobromine is the word I was looking for earlier... these wretched seizures have wiped out part of my memory, that which is responsible for vocabulary... once I regain a word it stays thank goodness...
wish that topomax could do that for me...


The other though can have damaging effects... and the theobromine has been found in the skin of the turkey... I think that is why it is called turkey and why it is hard to fly with eagles when one works with turkeys..

meanwhile tomorrow is D-Day 2004.. as in new Doctor Day...
cross your fingers for me folks... that this new neurologist can get to the source of the problem and not just solve the headaches...
I do know that he is not taking away my topomax...
I guarantee him one massive temper tantrum if he even suggests it LOL
kat

 

Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » headachequeen

Posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 13:10:34

In reply to Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » Larry Hoover, posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 12:49:26

>
> > <timidly entering the discussion>
> >
> Lar,
> NEVER be timid to join us and THAT IS AN ORDER
> not a suggestion...

I wasn't part of what was being talked about....

> The other though can have damaging effects... and the theobromine has been found in the skin of the turkey... I think that is why it is called turkey and why it is hard to fly with eagles when one works with turkeys..

Was that a funny?

I'm thinking very literally when I say there are no xanthine alkaloids in turkey or turkey skin (unless the bird was fed them just before its demise).

Lar

 

Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs

Posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 13:21:42

In reply to Re: chocolate, etc. and dogs » headachequeen, posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 13:10:34

> >
> > > <timidly entering the discussion>
> > >
> > Lar,
> > NEVER be timid to join us and THAT IS AN ORDER
> > not a suggestion...
>
> I wasn't part of what was being talked about....
>
> > The other though can have damaging effects... and the theobromine has been found in the skin of the turkey... I think that is why it is called turkey and why it is hard to fly with eagles when one works with turkeys..
>
> Was that a funny?
>
> I'm thinking very literally when I say there are no xanthine alkaloids in turkey or turkey skin (unless the bird was fed them just before its demise).
>
> Lar


Lar if we all wait until we are part of what is being talked about, we are never going to learn from the others in this group and believe me we need the help of all of this group... at least I know I do... and I think Stressed and Bridgey and a number of others would agree...
support needed here <g>

as a long time breeder and exhibitor and nutrition researcher and leaner-the-hard-way, I have learned that turkey skin is lethal...

as for the fly with eagles work with turkeys.. it was a funny and a serious mixed... been one of those week...

and welcome to the discussion part of the group...
we are so glad to hear from you....
must mention this new info to Ian and my other vets...
because I have felt so guilty about the turkey skin tidbits I have popped to my 'kids' over the years and I have enough psych problems without the added guilt...
kat

 

Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » stressed

Posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 13:25:14

In reply to Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam, posted by stressed on October 11, 2004, at 12:37:17

> Here's one for you, my dog is on clomipramine/Calmiclam for anxiety and OCD (licking people uncontrollably, spinning, barking) and am wondering if any or you are familiar with it? He is just like the rest of us here, fobias, and whatnot. It does not seem to be working all that well, and our vet is looking into something else. It needs to be approved for animals, because we don't have insurance for our dog!!! -L

As far as approval in dogs go, only two drugs are approved for canine use: Clomicalm (clomipramine) and Anipryl (selegeline). That said, other drugs are fairly commonly used, like Prozac, Ativan, and so on.

http://www.dermapet.com/articles/art-18.html

For example, I've seen really inexpensive veterinary fluoxetine (generic prozac) at:

http://www.lambriarvet.com/Prescription-F.htm

100 X 10 mg caps for $6.50 is a pretty good deal.

Lar

 

Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » Larry Hoover

Posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 13:28:13

In reply to Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » stressed, posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 13:25:14

> > Here's one for you, my dog is on clomipramine/Calmiclam for anxiety and OCD (licking people uncontrollably, spinning, barking) and am wondering if any or you are familiar with it? He is just like the rest of us here, fobias, and whatnot. It does not seem to be working all that well, and our vet is looking into something else. It needs to be approved for animals, because we don't have insurance for our dog!!! -L
>
> As far as approval in dogs go, only two drugs are approved for canine use: Clomicalm (clomipramine) and Anipryl (selegeline). That said, other drugs are fairly commonly used, like Prozac, Ativan, and so on.
>
> http://www.dermapet.com/articles/art-18.html
>
> For example, I've seen really inexpensive veterinary fluoxetine (generic prozac) at:
>
> http://www.lambriarvet.com/Prescription-F.htm
>
> 100 X 10 mg caps for $6.50 is a pretty good deal.
>
> Lar

Also for what it's worth Prozan seems to have the same negative effects on dogs as on people and the same bad press ....
kat

 

Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » Larry Hoover

Posted by stressed on October 11, 2004, at 13:31:44

In reply to Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » stressed, posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 13:25:14

I agree with Kat, PLEASE enter our discussion. We're all here to help one another, and heavens knows several people on here keep me going. The experiences and advice from everyone here keeps me sane. Thanks very much for the web sites, do you know anything about giving dogs generic prozac? I don't think my vet does, and I wouldn't know how much to give him. He's my baby.....the king of the house. Can't have anything happen to him. Lost a dog three years ago (14), and cannot go through that again for a lonnnngggg time. -L

 

Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » stressed

Posted by Larry Hoover on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:01

In reply to Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » Larry Hoover, posted by stressed on October 11, 2004, at 13:31:44

> I agree with Kat, PLEASE enter our discussion. We're all here to help one another, and heavens knows several people on here keep me going. The experiences and advice from everyone here keeps me sane. Thanks very much for the web sites, do you know anything about giving dogs generic prozac? I don't think my vet does, and I wouldn't know how much to give him. He's my baby.....the king of the house. Can't have anything happen to him. Lost a dog three years ago (14), and cannot go through that again for a lonnnngggg time. -L


The first article I linked to, when I mentioned Prozac, discusses the whole thing, and in the context of licking spinning behaviour. Yes, there are risks from Prozac, the same as you might have. Of course, a dog cannot vocalize just what he's experiencing, but I'm sure he'd be more comfortable if his compulsive behaviour was curtailed. The same "long half-life makes for easier withdrawal" thing that applies to humans applies to dogs, so if you were planning to try an SSRI, prozac is probably your first choice.

Lar

 

Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam

Posted by headachequeen on October 11, 2004, at 13:53:28

In reply to Re:dogs and Clomipramine/Calmiclam » Larry Hoover, posted by stressed on October 11, 2004, at 13:31:44

> I agree with Kat, PLEASE enter our discussion. We're all here to help one another, and heavens knows several people on here keep me going.


Oh, Stressed, you were meant to be here ... and I don't know whether to add a smile, a bitter grin or simply to frown...
as I mentioned earlier I breed dogs... I show them, I train them for other people, actually I train people to better work with their dogs and to understand them; I do agility and tracking with my dogs, and I simply enjoy life because my dogs are in it.
To anyone observing me from moment to moment or day to day I am the most self-controlled strong-willed assertive whatever individual ever.. and that could not be further from the truth...
I never do anything unless I can do it better than anyone else... if there is a possibility that I can not do it well or will look foolish or be laughed at, forget it. I will not risk it. I cannot stand to fail... or even appear to fail, even in my own mind.
My psychologist was amazed and thrilled to bits when my husband talked me into trying to learn to shoot pool.. even more excited when I decided I liked the game... this is something at which I am not the best... and when I am in a cycle of depression or seizures I am not even close to being the worst, but still it is an obsession.
He saw this as a huge break-through for me and thought this was such a major step forward...
having to be the best at whatever I do is such an obsession...
if I can't be the best I do not do it... and that is that. As a result people see only the strong side of me. they do not see the weak parts ... of which there are so many... you people see the weak parts all the time and help to shore up the weaknesses so often...
if only you knew how often..
but that would be to let someone know that I am not the strong successful person I pretend to be...
in this place I have learned more about allowing myself to learn than I have learned from my shrink...
so Lar, we do need your input... we need everyone's input.. it is how we grow...
and you will be surprised how you grow too... trust me... I figured it out...

as for losing a dog, Stressed... oh it is hard...
and no one knows that more than I...
I am a trained singer... one of those things I do better than most people <GGG>
when my favourite 'kid' died two years, three months, eight days, fifteen hours and 46 minutes ago, it was more than I could bear.
The strain on my emotions was disastrous... I had a breakdown and ended up under a psychiatrist's care in a hospital for a month... worse, the stress on my vocal cords is still requiring treatment...

things are improving... I cry for him only a couple of times a week now... although when I am leaving the orthopaedist's office I still expect to see him walking up the drive to meet me...
not sure when I will remember that he is not going to be there excited to have found me...
happy to greet me and show me how clever he is to have tracked me from home and show my husband that he was able to find me...
when that time comes then it will be time for one of the others to come and meet me... but that time has not yet come...
I play with and work with the others and I love them more than life... but while they are loved equally, he was more equal than others...
and that was when the really heavy duty anti-depressants entered my life...
and when I discovered, thanks to the shrinks, the memories of childhood trauma that I had buried, and now I have to come to terms with all that...
life is so much fun...
but at least I know why I have eating disorders...
it is just a matter of overcoming them....

and people here seem to help a lot
kat


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[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, [email protected]

Script revised: February 4, 2008
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