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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 11:35:23
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. » Daphnis, posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 11:13:24
mercedes, Daphnis, and all..
mercedes, you crack me up!! your "Self..." talk and borrowing toes ;))
plus i do relate. And my beer now sits in my fridge too, undrunk for ages. Last time i had one - just before starting Effexor - it had too weird an effect on me anyway - part of what made me realize my biochemistry had gone haywire and part of what made me realize it was time to try Effexor.
Twice, i've gone to dinner with friends and had one sip of their drink and that was all i wanted. I hadn't thought about it, but now that you mention, i think my 'taste' for drinking has diminished too. Or when it pops up, it also goes away rather easily.
I want to at to Daphnis too (welcome!) that i also am so sensitive to such drugs that i'm the one here who took it super slowly... I split the 37.5 in half and started at 19 for 2 wks, then 37.5, then 56, then 75, then 100 -- taking 2 months until just last night i finally took a 150. I've had some side effects at each level but they've been manageable.
I totally agree with mercedes' advice to you. I would add that i do think even if you're going to take only part of a capsule, you need to be consistent or you won't know and you'll possibly have MORE ups and downs as your body goes in and out of adjusting. If you read the posts about dosage levels i've written in the past week with mercedes and noa, you'll see some of what i've learned now too about an additional problem i hadn't thought of -- assuming you have the XR (time release) capsules rather than the regular ones.
hugs to you both,
zinya
Posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 11:43:27
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. » Daphnis, posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 11:13:24
I mostly gave up alcohol a few years back. I noticed I was starting to drink more, and didn't like the way it made me tired and unmotivated (I am pretty driven). So now I will drink half a glass of wine maybe two or three times a year, when I go visit my mom. Still don't like the way it makes me feel, but I noticed on my vacation this time I drank a tiny bit two nights with dinner and then wanted more. and my mom gave me a whole bottle (what's THAT about??) and I drank some of it. Still have it, though, so I'm not TOO concerned. Al-anon is for friends and families of alcoholics, and really, what it has helped me with is the co-dependency. And tools to get up and do something instead of staying stuck in depression. "Do the next right thing" has been a helpful idea, even if it just means washing the dishes. Because later the feelings will have changed some. Anyway, I guess my feelings about drugs and the body apply as well to alcohol. Even to sugar! food has always been my drug of choice, unfortunately. In fact, gotta go take a walk before work. Exercise is one thing that really HAS helped me with depression over the years, so I try really hard to get out and walk a LOT. I sure appreciate the chance to talk about how to manage depression. I've read so much on it, but dialogue is something else again... thanks
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 11:44:19
In reply to Re: Hi All... catch-up esp. to mercedes and » CherC68, posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 11:05:00
Hi Zinya, I was starting to wonder what happened to you? Sorry that your back gave out, I know the feeling so when I plan to do heavy yard work or even lifting something heavy, I have to put my back brace on. I've hurt my back several times, the last being on my birthday this past May 4th when I fell on my ass.
As far as TV taste's. I wonder if it's dep. related. Oh, I watched "Analyse That" cause I also watch psycological stuff. It's with Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro? (I'm not good with names.) Anyway I was laughing so much that I could feel the seratonine level rising in my brain. I too, don't watch sit coms, only when my son was living with me. He liked E L Raymond, and I watched it with him, but he's gone now and I don't watch it anymore. I like Funniest Video's but don't make it a point to watch it.
Well, hope your back feels better soon & thanks for thinking of me.mercedes
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 11:46:57
In reply to anyone had weight gain?, posted by nocalmaggie on July 23, 2003, at 10:39:59
What dose are you on?
Mercedes**************************************
> Has anyone gained significant (over 20 pounds) after being on effexor for 1+ years.
>
Posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 11:57:57
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. borrowing a toe :)) Daphnis and » mercedes, posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 11:35:23
This is amazing! No, I have old (samples) 37.5 mg tabs, and when I DO get so down that I feel like trying again, I break one in like fifths! So I feel like an imposter here cause I hear people dealing with issues over 150 mg, but where else am I going to deal with these issues?? And anyway, I feel like an imposter everywhere and always.
Posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 12:13:43
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. borrowing a toe :)) Daphnis and » zinya, posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 11:57:57
this is new language for me...
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 12:19:22
In reply to Re: mercedes, posted by Scooter1 on July 23, 2003, at 11:01:57
Scooter, my anxiety and panic attacks are mostly under control, say about 95%. In addition to effexor xr, I also take xanex so the combination must be working. My bad attacks, which I'm just learning about thru the help of people on this site, may be a form of migranes. I have to confirm this with a new neurologist - my 6th! in the past 7-9 years. I wrote about my bad attack back on 07/11. It's called "Had bad attack, any 1 have one of these?"
It's good to discuss your fears here, cuz so many people can relate. I too, was far from my immediate family till I moved last Sept. Should have done that long ago but you know, the job, etc. I lost one job after 19 yrs thru a merger and my last job, I lost in 6 yrs, also due to a merger. So much for dedication. That's when I said, the hell with it, I'm going home.
Suggestion: when you up your med to the next level, why not go on-line on pbabble and update how you are feeling every hour or so. That's if you have no one elso to be with you. We're here to listen and offer support. Been there/done that/felt that/cried over that/been under that black cloud/ etc, etc.
Mercedes
**************************************
> Thanks for the bit of encouragement to go to the next level. I know that I am scared, but I will eventually do it. You mentioned you still have severe anxiety attacks, my doc put me on this medication to help with that as well as panic attacks. Do you find that you still have them reguardless and have to learn how to cope, or does the medication seem to make them better. Please let me know. I finally realized a lot of what brought my attacks on this time were visiting my mom in Ar, after not seeing her for about 6 years. I finally realized how much that I missed not having my extended family around. Any advice.
> scooter1
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 23, 2003, at 12:34:54
In reply to Are you still taking 75mg? (nm) » KimberlyDi, posted by theo on July 23, 2003, at 9:37:34
I'm currently at 100mg, 2x daily. It took me 4 weeks for my body to adjust to taking the higher dosage. I went from 75mg to 150mg to 200mg rather quickly.
KDi in Texas
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 23, 2003, at 12:51:37
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. » Daphnis, posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 11:13:24
That's another reason why Effexor is such a lifesaver for me, the absence of the craving to drink. I didn't like the taste of Whiskey. But I would be frantic to *shut up* all those fears and anxieties racing through my head. I almost ran out of Effexor because the area Pharmacy's didn't stock the non-XR version. I had 2 days were I was taking half-dosages to string my remaining supply out without going completely off. Those old fears and apprehensions, I could feel them coming back. Not a nice feeling. I am NOT stopping Effexor anytime soon, not willingly. i wish Effexor would help me with anger though.
KDi in Texas> Thanks for the follow-up note. I just wanted to add that during the past 7 - 9 yrs, I would read the warning on the A.D.'s "DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL". I have always drank sociably...yea right! I drank to self medicate often having no recall. I was so afraid of mixing AD's with alcohol and chose alcohol instead of the AD's. I wasn't helping myself at all but worst of all, I used to lie to the pdoc about my drinking. Big mistake I know. This was a few years back.
>
> Since I started taking the 75 mgs of Effexor, I realized that I had lost my craving for alcohol. I'm not a beer drinker but used to drink one once in a while especially if I was washing my car or mowing the lawn (with my music on). I don't crave alcohol like I used to. I'm not saying that I haven't drank in the past 8 months, yes I have but can count them on "2" hands, I think, maybe I have to borrow a toe or 2 :)
>
> But in reality, giving up alcolhol, or not craving it, is one thing I am sure is related to Effexor. I always have beer in my frig but that's for my brother's or my nephew's when they come around. Otherwise it just sits there.
>
> I was on pbabble last Sat night and did crave a drink 'shot of whisky' just here, by myself. However, I said to myself, "self, why do you want to feel bad in the morning?" so I fought the urge. If I drink whisky, I don't know when to stop and usually do something stupid like calling people in the middle of the night.
>
> This was a long p.s. huh?
> mercedes
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 13:15:49
In reply to Shorthand? What's BAM and pdoc?, posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 12:13:43
Daphnis (spelling?)
Don't feel bad, I went HUH? when I first started reading posts. Pdoc is your psychiatrist.BAM stands for Basilar Artery Migrane which is not related to this thread or effexor. For the last 7-9 years I happen to have severe attacks where I get dble vision, slurred speach, make no sense, short term memory loss and then I sleep or pass out. No neurologist has ever had an answer for my attacks, so have been misdiagnosed and given seizure meds and epileptic meds. BAD, bad. After many tests, my tests come out negative for seizures yet I've been given meds for seizures - go figure. I don't take those meds anymore.
I'm treated for anx, ptsd (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) & depression which I DO have.
Through the help of people on this site, I discovered that I may have this BAM, but have to confirm with a new neurologist. Hope this doesnt' confuse you and keep on asking if you don't understand something. You show more courage than I have. I've seen things that I don't quite understand but don't ask. See, you've already helped me, I'll ask next time I don't understand something.
Thanks,
mercedes> this is new language for me...
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 14:00:54
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. borrowing a toe :)) Daphnis and » zinya, posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 11:57:57
Daph, what do you mean that you feel like an imposter here? If you are reaching out for help through this site, you are not alone. Do you want to talk about why you feel like an "imposter here and everywhere". I used to refer to myself as a robot, going thru each day like a robot, get up, get dressed, go to work, pretend to be happy, go home and do the same thing the next day. Please stay with us and let us help you out if we can.
p.s. another shorthand, SE-side effects.
Mercedes> This is amazing! No, I have old (samples) 37.5 mg tabs, and when I DO get so down that I feel like trying again, I break one in like fifths! So I feel like an imposter here cause I hear people dealing with issues over 150 mg, but where else am I going to deal with these issues?? And anyway, I feel like an imposter everywhere and always.
Posted by midgie1007 on July 23, 2003, at 14:17:51
In reply to Re: anyone had weight gain?, posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 11:46:57
I just started Effexor XR, and I'll be interested to see if my weight creeps up. I gained 25 lbs on paxil then switched to prozac and wasn't able to shake it off for the longest time.
I finally figured out that eating a lower carb diet worked for me and lost it all. I certainly don't want it coming back!
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 14:49:37
In reply to music, romance, and missing in depression, esp. to » Susy, posted by zinya on July 21, 2003, at 13:21:02
Zinya, I had to look back for your post. I had read it and for some reason, I think there were just sooooo many posts that day, I personaly didn't respond. But yes, I think we sorta, somehow did get into the subject of music due to your post.
I can remember when nothing I used to enjoy including music was no longer part of my life. Although I've always had my car radio on music. That's cuz if it were on talk, I probably wouldn't "hear" it. I'm not sure I even listened to the car radio music cuz I was in this "other world". Meaning that my body was there but my mind was out in nowhere land. I think it's called "disassociation". Sorta like watching TV and not knowing what the program or movie is about. Or someone talking to me and in the middle of the conv., my mind would go off somewhere else, then I would feel so embarrased when the person would ask, "what do you think?" and I'd have to say something stupid..like "yea" or "uh huh", yet I had no idea what the conversation was about. I was in my own world of depression & misery and subconciously, disassociated. Learned this from going to therapy.
Anyway, right now I'm listening to my country music station as I write. "I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll" I luv all kinds of music, cumbia's, zamba's corridos even hip-hop. I also have a taste for classical, Bethoven, Bach. It depends on my mood. However I remember listening to some music so that I could cry, can't remember what it was now.... that's a good thing, huh?.
Anyway Z, I hope you can soon enjoy your music again, you will, I know it. Got to write you another note, ok.
mercedes
Posted by catachrest on July 23, 2003, at 14:50:41
In reply to To Theresa Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by tina on May 8, 2000, at 8:03:14
Hi there,
I'm pretty new to Effexor; started at 37.5 mg about 5 days ago. Overall I'm not minding it, and I haven't had a panic attack or really really low mood since I started. But I'm finding the drowsiness and the problems sleeping hard to deal with. From reading what others have put here it looks like this will most likely stop eventually as my body gets used to it, and I'm okay with that, but as it stands, I've been at work all day and haven't gotten anything done. I feel drowsy and absolutely uninterested and unmotivated in my work. For three nights I've had trouble getting to sleep, and I wake up often at night and don't seem to dream. Can anyone recommend to me a safe, non-medicinal way of dealing with these side effects for the meantime? I'm committed to getting better - can't handle the depression any more - but I also really need to be able to work.
By the way, thanks for all the information and support I've gotten just from reading old posts. I'm pleasantly surprised at the general standard of articulateness in peoples' writing here - it makes me feel like you guys are intelligent, thinking people, and if you can be depressed and get help for it too, then no shame for me!
Thanks,
Susan
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 15:04:14
In reply to Re: anyone had weight gain?, posted by midgie1007 on July 23, 2003, at 14:17:51
On the contrary, I personnaly have lost about 11 lbs. But this drug works differently for everyone. I have lots more to lose but not really worried about it. My mental health is more important. I've also gained weight with some other AD's. I think some meds make us lathargic, no energy, so we tend to gain weight. One of the SE (side effects) of Effexor is dry mouth, so I drink lots of water now and maybe that attributes to losing. Also loss of appetite, don't really know but I'm glad. Speaking of appetite, I HAVE to eat now so I can take my effexor.
Mercedes
**********************************
> I just started Effexor XR, and I'll be interested to see if my weight creeps up. I gained 25 lbs on paxil then switched to prozac and wasn't able to shake it off for the longest time.
>
> I finally figured out that eating a lower carb diet worked for me and lost it all. I certainly don't want it coming back!
Posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 15:19:44
In reply to Re: Hi All... catch-up esp. to mercedes and » CherC68, posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 11:05:00
Zinya, just wanted you write you a separate note on your courage in taking the 150mgs at one time. Congratulations. How do you feel on it? Since you tend to have the SE's on the second day, keep us posted. I hope you don't have any. Give it a chance. Lack of sleep was the worst reaction I felt, I think. And of course the sweating but gosh, it's been over 100 degrees here in central CA.
Glad you enjoyed my "Self" talk. That's my humor, and I sure missed it when I was in that dark hole some time ago. I'm so glad to be out of it and to enjoy laughing again.
Also, thanks for your comments on my TV issue.
Anyway, I've got to get off this site and try to get something accomplished around here.
<<<<Lots of Hugs>>>>
mercedes
Posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 15:29:35
In reply to Ways to fight initial drowsiness/sleep problems?, posted by catachrest on July 23, 2003, at 14:50:41
hi Susan,
welcome! I was a newcomer not so long ago myself...
What time of day are you taking your Effexor? (It's the XR time-release, right?)
It could be that you might benefit from changing from night to morning or morning to night ... I take mine at night after dinner (initially out of concern for nausea which did me in with other a-d's i've tried) to be on fullest stomach of the day and so far i haven't had trouble sleeping although i do find myself having a third coffee many days even though i usually tried to keep myself to one or two. But otherwise, i've been fine with taking it night.
However, as you've surely read, others here had to do the opposite and switch to mornings ... If you have enough 37.5s you might try making the switch before you move up to 75 so there's less of an adjustment to your body as you gradually shift time of day.
???
just my 2c,
zinya
Posted by CherC68 on July 23, 2003, at 15:38:19
In reply to Shorthand? What's BAM and pdoc?, posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 12:13:43
Dear Daphnis,
There are no imposters here, and if so that would be me! I do not have a PDoc (Shrink) or do I see a therapist. I went to my doctor who was an internist and he put me on Zoloft. I told him I had anxiety attacks that's it. He was a new doctor for me cause I haven't seen one in about 2 years. Zoloft made me nauseaus so I quit. He then put me on Effexor XR which I only lasted SIX DAYS ON. He is no longer at my clinic - so I see nobody yet - but am looking for a pdoc & therapist.
Right now I have a prescription for Xanax (which is not mine a friend gave me hers!)
While on Zoloft & Effexor I had support from Zinya, Mercedes and Kimberly and then more support recently from Susy, Willie & Nyia and several others and I continue posting (which I probably shouldn't because this posting section is for Effexor), but to have people actually understand sort of what you are going through with depression, anxiety, bi-polar, personality disturbances and thoughts of suicide and just feeling plain miserable has helped me tremendously.
I have a friend who is bi-polar and she's really quite manic right now so I don't have her to even talk to. Everyone on here is very supportive because we are all going through similar things - mostly personal crisis. Depression is very debilitating as well as anxiety attacks - the difference is some of us have other problems like personality disturbances, mania, etc.
Many of us on here are not in therapy and those that are in therapy are helping with things they learned.
You are welcome here and I could guarantee that you reaching out looking for any sort of help on here is actually helping someone.
It's quite unbelievable to me that everyone on here is in personal turmoil and has the strength to reach out and help another or even has the strength to reach out and ask for help. That in itself is being on the road to recovery.
Hugs,
Cher
Posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 15:52:27
In reply to Re: Effexor...p.s. borrowing a toe :)) Daphnis and » zinya, posted by Daphnis on July 23, 2003, at 11:57:57
i just saw your post, Daph (can i call you Daph? :)) and i can only second what Cher has said and urge you to post whenever and whatever... That's what we all do, and we all started somewhere. And i first came on this site last November and then decided to postpone taking Effexor and only started in late May ... So believe me, we're each on a unique path and none of them are imposters -- we're only posters :)) [get it? :)) ha ha - my pun for the day...
oh dear...
hugs and more welcome!
zinya
Posted by theo on July 23, 2003, at 15:58:46
In reply to Re: Theoscooter1::theo, posted by Scooter1 on July 23, 2003, at 10:00:37
This morning, 7/23/03. I feel great, actually more leveled off. At 37.5mg I felt like it was trying to kick in but just scratching the surface. Today is just the first day at 75mg but I actually feel more at ease and not as moody. I'll keep you posted.
Posted by catachrest on July 23, 2003, at 15:58:57
In reply to Re: Ways to fight initial drowsiness/sleep problem » catachrest, posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 15:29:35
Thanks Zinya,
I think I will try that. I've been taking it with supper - which is often later in the evening due to my decreased appetite lately - and maybe I would benefit from taking it in the morning, or even at lunch. My doctor didn't recommend a time of day, only that I should eat something with it, which is why I chose suppertime.
Susan
> hi Susan,
>
> welcome! I was a newcomer not so long ago myself...
>
> What time of day are you taking your Effexor? (It's the XR time-release, right?)
>
> It could be that you might benefit from changing from night to morning or morning to night ... I take mine at night after dinner (initially out of concern for nausea which did me in with other a-d's i've tried) to be on fullest stomach of the day and so far i haven't had trouble sleeping although i do find myself having a third coffee many days even though i usually tried to keep myself to one or two. But otherwise, i've been fine with taking it night.
>
> However, as you've surely read, others here had to do the opposite and switch to mornings ... If you have enough 37.5s you might try making the switch before you move up to 75 so there's less of an adjustment to your body as you gradually shift time of day.
>
> ???
>
> just my 2c,
>
> zinya
Posted by CherC68 on July 23, 2003, at 16:23:04
In reply to Re: music, romance, missing in depression... » zinya, posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 14:49:37
Dear Mercedes and Zinya,
Zinya - I too am sorry that I have not responded to your posting on music.
I watch mostly discovery & tlc and mostly about the medical detectives. I do not watch anything to do with babies and I don't like too many comedies, well okay - I don't like hardly any comedies. I am more your Planes, Trains & Automobile kind of person - dark comedies.
Zinya, I'm sorry about your back. You told me you've been icing it, but I didn't realize it was that bad - I'm so very sorry. I hope that in a few days since you had your adjustment it will be feeling better.
Sweats are still there too and that is doubly horrible. I've been sweating more lately but I'm thinking its the dampness here.
I would definitely like to hear what you have to say and any advise or help would be greatly appreciated.
As always, I hope everyone is having panic attack free day and happy day. One day at a time, I suppose. Thanks again for listening.
Hugs and lots of love,
Cher
Posted by KimberlyDi on July 23, 2003, at 17:00:51
In reply to Re: Effexor - what do u mean by imposter?, posted by mercedes on July 23, 2003, at 14:00:54
Daph, if you feel like a failure or an imposter, realize that it's your inner negative voice trying to break you down again. I know the "imposter" feeling. I was sent to an "eating disorders" group therapy session. I saw all those pencil thin girls and almost cried, thinking I was a failure at even having an eating disorder. I wasn't overweight, by all means. But my inner voice always tells me that I am, and I have an unhealty envy of those girls who have the total willpower to starve themselves. I personally am glad you are here, regardless of your Effexor dosage.
KDi in TexasP.S. I always feel like I'm barely "faking" it through life. That someday everybody is going to see how worthless I really am, and not like me anymore. It's hard to fight those feelings.
> Daph, what do you mean that you feel like an imposter here? If you are reaching out for help through this site, you are not alone. Do you want to talk about why you feel like an "imposter here and everywhere". I used to refer to myself as a robot, going thru each day like a robot, get up, get dressed, go to work, pretend to be happy, go home and do the same thing the next day. Please stay with us and let us help you out if we can.
>
> p.s. another shorthand, SE-side effects.
> Mercedes
>
>
>
> > This is amazing! No, I have old (samples) 37.5 mg tabs, and when I DO get so down that I feel like trying again, I break one in like fifths! So I feel like an imposter here cause I hear people dealing with issues over 150 mg, but where else am I going to deal with these issues?? And anyway, I feel like an imposter everywhere and always.
>
>
Posted by zinya on July 23, 2003, at 17:55:30
In reply to Re: music etc. Zinya » mercedes, posted by CherC68 on July 23, 2003, at 16:23:04
hi Cher,
please -- and to mercedes too -- i wasn't meaning for anybody to feel they 'should' have responded to that music post ... It just started being relevant to so many people talking about music but i wasn't sure if people already had read my thoughts on the topic.
Heaven knows, i get lost in the posts here and sometimes miss some posts i onlyrealize later i didn't even see ... I'd swear sometimes in fact, that they weren't even there previously, as if they "snuck in" belatedly into my list :))
hmmmm
Well, Cher, what i was referring to is a sense i've been getting increasingly lately from your posts of the avalanche of things you're dealing with and i debated mentioning here (in part so anyone else, like mercedes for example, who disagrees with my interpretation could chime in -- as well as obviously you yourself) and i feel a bit funny giving an unsolicited "diagnosis" cuz also, heaven knows, i'm no diagnostician... But several recent posts of yours have increasingly led me to think that with what you are dealing with in your life just even in terms of your hands, but then with so much else, of managing your whole house amid floods and storms and so many other things you've gradually shared bit by bit plus just even the "usual" wifely and motherly and employee stresses that come with the territory, you've had an avalanche of things beyond the norm... And it has made me think that maybe what you're dealing with is "normal depression/anxiety/stress" rather than a "clinical" one which is due to biochemical imbalance that requires or would benefit from these a-d's. It made me begin to think that maybe your inner instinct that made you quit the Effexor was a totally right instinct, and with others having not worked either, maybe it's telling you that your biochemistry doesn't need an a-d. Maybe the problem is that you've been totally overloaded with too much-- starting with, most basically, the pains of your hands which would make anyone in pain, which always makes a person constantly irritated and zapping your strength etc etc...
For years, I kept coming back to a sense that maybe for me too it wasn't really a biochemical thing each time i tried one and had a bad reaaction and quit -- and i could still wind up coming to that conclusion with Effexor too, but so far it's been something i could stick with longer and give it a "real try" and maybe it's telling me that there is some biochemical thing it's "fixing."
Now, heaven knows, i'm in no position to be doing this long-distance "analysis" of what you're dealing with. But the more i would hear you describe BOTH all the ENORMOUS hassles (which is an understatement) that you've been coping with AND on the other hand how i hear signs that say to me you are still able to do things (as odd as it sounds) like laugh hysterically or vibrate with music and talk with such delight about your cousin's band ... Things that -- and maybe here it's just me whose experience is too unrepresentative -- but i feel like if mine is "clinical depression" as I finally decided maybe it is, i can't even imagine (even yet) having the energy to laugh hysterically -- which I wish i could do again (but, please understand, i'm not minimizing how crazed you were feeling then)... Maybe that's a bad basis for seeing a contrast, which is why i'm giving an example for you to see what it is i'm basing this on, but even in your "breakdown" on Monday, you struck me as having the kind of breakdown that any sane person SHOULD have had in that situation. You "deserved" to have a "breakdown" in the midst of all that - and as you described how you started laughing on the phone with your husband about it ... I don't know, maybe i'm totally wrong, but it just didn't sound like what i'm coming to think this "clinical depression" thing is.
Unfortunately, i think most doctors prescribe way too readily without really plumbing the depths to figure out what kind of depression we are feeling when we say we're depressed. Cuz more than ever, i feel like i'm realizing there's "depressed" and then there's "depressed" -- and i don't want to make one with a capital "D" more than the other cuz each one is surely just as daunting as the other, but i think one of them can benefit from drug therapy cuz there's a biochemical component and the other one can't. And at least one of these "other" kinds of depression would seem to be from an accumulation of life circumstances that leads to depression and anxiety.
I feel like i'm babbling and you might totally disagree with me - I hope only that i'm making clear what i mean to say, which i'm not at all sure about. Does this make sense to you? If it does, it would make sense of your stopping the a-d's and maybe mean that if you see a pdoc, you might want to pose this question first of whether an a-d is even appropriate for you rather than just assuming one is and trying to find a different one that would work. Maybe with xanax or whatever, the reason you like it is because it's the one thing your body's biochemistry is missing and so maybe that's enough to help and then hopefully if your hands can find relief and all this avalanche of crises can abate... Or do you sense that there's a whole other kind of depression that i'm forgetting about in your situation that does feel like something biochemical to you?
Well, now i *really* feel like i'm babbling, so i'm gonna quit and hope i haven't said anything that comes across as 'invasive' or presumptuousness but if i have and you want to tell me to "mind my own business" i'll understand, though of course i hope not :)) And, again, of course, it does feel presumptuous of me that i'm saying any of this cuz i don't even know myself whether what i have is "clinical depression" or what it looks or feels like, not to mention that there must be a lot of variation across people ...
anyway, these were thoughts that had started to occur to me, and it seemed like if i just kept them to myself that -- even if you disagree with my interpretation -- maybe it would be helpful to you to hear it and know whether it sounds reasonable to you or not... That is, if i've even been clear :)
okay, enough!!
love and hugs,
zinya
Posted by Susy on July 23, 2003, at 18:03:44
In reply to Re: No imposters here » Daphnis, posted by CherC68 on July 23, 2003, at 15:38:19
I completely agree with what Cher said.
It's not easy to know who is in the worst position, I was feeling like that in the beginning when I started sharing in the babble because maybe I am the only one not american here, so I thought "maybe there are going to think I don't belong here eitherw" thanks God everybody have been so sweet with me and suprisily sharing their own problems and fears with each other in the Babble, Mercedes said something today that because of our anxiety must of us are kind of Drug Phobic, which is my case, I only take Xanex, less than Mercedes, more than Cher; and that's it I can't stand the AD's, now going along with Mercedes maybe the word imposter is not the right one, but yes, sometimes everybody look so normal and we are dealing with a panic attack inside, like Freddie Mercury just to say, my make up maybe melting, my hart can be shaking but my body still stays on......show must go on......we understand you perfectly Daphne.Sorry, again, I have to go when I was must inspired =)
I'll come back later on to night.......
Susy
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