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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
[email protected]Shown: posts 14 to 38 of 72. Go back in thread:
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 20, 2002, at 1:02:06
In reply to BCat - a question 4 U !! » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 19, 2002, at 23:59:36
Hi Janelle,
Thanks for reminding me of this. I've been thinking about it and it's a very interesting question because my days can change alot depending on how I'm feeling. We talked a bit about how important structure is for us. I can waste alot of time very easily, especially if my energy is low. I might read, if something interests me. I don't watch much TV since we don't have cable. I play the piano and flute, but it takes me being in a very good place to play music, otherwise it just sounds awful and I end up criticising myself. I like to do craft type things. I used to do rubber stamping and paper artsy things, but haven't felt the creative urge in a while. I have alot of craft materials in our garage, but just don't feel like making the effort. Like I mentioned, they become an excuse to get down on myself cause I can't get interested or my mind won't make connections and I forget where I put the scissors and then get frustrated.How can I explain this? It's like I'm stuck in between go and stop. I have alot of fretful energy bound up inside, but don't have the clarity or energy to do anything with it. I get anxious alot about all I should be doing. There seems to always be so much clutter to take care of and I get easily overwhelmed. Lately I've been stressing about taxes and have been trying to file taxes for the past 5 years because I was usually so crazed and depressed during tax time and the whole thing is so stressful anyway. So 'they' caught up with me and I'm pushing myself to get all the old receipts together - ugh - I hate thinking about it. If I'm feeling really good I'll take a walk or work in the garden if it's nice, or play my music. I really have alot of interests and talents when my brain is working. Sometimes even when I feel good , though, I have a hard time with self discipline.
The really bad times are when I can't get out of bed and can't sleep because I'm so wound up and anxious about how I'm going to survive with this disorder. My body hurts and my thoughts are filled with disaster and worry and doom. It's like I have an antenna that only picks up the horror channel. I went through one of these bad times back in early December through early February. I totally isolate myself because I feel so fragile and feel like people will think I'm weird. I'm so sensitive during the hard times. I worry endlessly about my cats getting squashed on our quiet road. No reassurance gets through, my brain is stuck on sad. I just have to wait until it passes, but when I'm in the midst of it I never believe it will pass. I lose faith and trust in everything. And then it passes and I pray it lasts.
>
> Don't know if you noticed my follow-up message to you a bit further above in this thread - sometimes it gets hard to distinguish messages within threads. Anyway, I shared some of my experiences that are similar to yours and asked you what do YOU do during the day since you are not working? Just curious. (I mention what little I do in my note above)
> Thanks!
> -Janelle
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 20, 2002, at 1:22:52
In reply to Re: BCat - a question 4 U !! (a longie), posted by Kar on March 20, 2002, at 0:50:15
Wow, we're getting a good thing going here! Welcome, Kar. Sounds like we all have a lot in common. Regarding the disability, are you talking about work disability, or Social Security? I'm in the SSI process right now. I hear they turn you down 2-3 times but if your doctor will support your medical claims, hiring a lawyer (on a contingency basis) will usually bring success. There is no way on this earth that I can go back to corporate America computer programming stress city burnout ever again. I'm also getting Vocational Rehab retraining but I don't have big hopes for anything too wonderful coming out of it. Don't give up hope on SSI if that's what you feel you need to heal.
You mentioned listening to tapes. I forgot about that. I rent audio tapes from the library. They have some good spiritual, inspirational, motivational ones that help to remind me that there is another way to live and feel. I'm also learning so much about the workings of the brain (I have a vested interest here). On good days I think that some good special thing will come out of all this. On bad days I think 'Yeah, Barbara, you're 50 years old, don't know what you want to do with your life, and have a mental illness. Good luck." Oh well, on that happy note. . . Goodnight.
Posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 19:00:55
In reply to Re: BCat - a question 4 U !! (a longie), posted by Kar on March 20, 2002, at 0:50:15
Hi there and welcome!
It's always good to find others in a similar situation with whom we can share experiences.
So, you're out of work too ... sorry to hear that. I have heard the same basic thing about Disability (SS) - if you are not comatose, you are rejected. I wish you luck and please keep us posted on how it goes.
Thanks for sharing your experiences here.
All the best,
Janelle
Posted by Kelty on March 20, 2002, at 21:54:56
In reply to Re: BCat - a question 4 U !! (a longie), posted by Kar on March 20, 2002, at 0:50:15
Kar:
Nice to hear from you. I am glad we are able to recognize ourselves in others and not feel so alone.
I had a thought about your disability application. I am sorry you were turned down, that is disheartening. But while I do not live in the U.S. myself, I have friends there who receive disability (S.S.), and almost all of them were turned down the first time. Most who got approved, did so on appeal, many with the help of a lawyer on contingency. Just thought I would pass along the information.
I hope we keep in touch.
Kelty
Posted by Kelty on March 20, 2002, at 22:00:27
In reply to Hello and welcome, KAR! » Kar, posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 19:00:55
I saw my GP today, who was willing to experiment with a med change while I am waiting to get into a new pdoc (the old one retired). So next week I will begin to wean off nortriptyline and start a low dose of effexor. If this doesn't work, I may move to topomax or gabapentin, but might wait to see a pdoc and see if I actually get a diagnosis of bipolar II.
I know there are a variety of results with effexor and my GP told me that some of his patients loved it and some couldn't tolerate it, but I believe it is worth a try. I will keep you posted about results.
In the meantime, keep well.
Kelty
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 20, 2002, at 23:01:10
In reply to Trying a med change, posted by Kelty on March 20, 2002, at 22:00:27
Hi Kelty,
Do you have alot of anxiety with your depression? I couldn't tolerate effexor, it made me feel too wired. But maybe it will be one that works for you. What seems to be a growing and popular trend on this board and in psychiatry in general is to use an SSRI with a mood stabiliser. I'm currently on Remeron and it pooped out until lithium was added and now it seems to be working great. Unfortunately, that combo is also a double-whammy fat maker. So I am going to ask my pdoc to add topamax. If we both end up on it, it will be good to keep each other informed on how it's working.You probably already know this, but if you decide not to continue with effexor, go real slow with the taper off. It's one of the nastiest to come off of. Don't want to discourage you to a med that might be great, but just wanted to pass on some items to consider. Good luck with it!
Posted by Kar on March 20, 2002, at 23:39:48
In reply to Trying a med change, posted by Kelty on March 20, 2002, at 22:00:27
Hey Kelty- thanks for the post (BC and Janelle too!)...yeah I've heard that about Social security too. What a crock. I sound so defeatist but I swear to God, the thought of actually having to get a lawyer...! Was bad enough just to apply.
Good luck with the Effexor- try not to be swayed by (the majority of) the posts you read here- but I guess you know that...When I was on it I'd read all these negative posts and think, "Crap- what am I doing?".
All the best-
K
Posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 23:55:16
In reply to Trying a med change, posted by Kelty on March 20, 2002, at 22:00:27
Hi Kelty,
Well, I'm glad to hear that your GP was willing to experiment with a med change while you are waiting to get into a new pdoc (too bad the old one retired).
What a coincidence that you will be starting a low dose of EffexorXR because that is the AD which I've now been on for a year. Bearing in mind that each person is different, I'll share a bit of my experience with you, but again, this is just me - you may (and probably will!) react differently to EffexorXR!
I've had my ups and downs (literally) with this med. When I first started it, I could not tolerate more than 75mg/day - I found anything more than that too activating, I felt jittery and over caffeinated. Back then, my pdoc also had me start Lamictal, a mood stablizer, because I'm mild BiPolarII. When I got to a therapeutic dose of the Lamictal I was doing so well that she and I decided I could go off the EffexorXR, in the hope that the Lamictal would carry me. WRONG. A few weeks after I'd weaned off the EffexorXR, I crashed. Now that I'm back on it, I'm at 150mg/day, which for some reason I can now tolerate.
The EffexorXR DEFINITELY helps me with the depression and I hope it will do the same for you.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you do with the med change. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!
-Janelle
Posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 23:56:41
In reply to Re: Trying a med change + QUESTION 4 U!, posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 23:55:16
You mentioned in a thread here that you live in another country (not U.S.) so I'm just curious where you live (Canada)?
Posted by Kelty on March 21, 2002, at 0:24:13
In reply to Dumbo here forgot the question for KELTY:, posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 23:56:41
Janelle:
Thanks a lot for your input and the encouragement, if I tolerate the effexor I am going to consider asking to have a mood stabilizer added, although I may have to wait to see if I get a bipolar II diagnosis first.
I will let you know how I do with it, but I am not going to start till next week. I have plans for the weekend and if I am going to crash I don't want it to be then.
In answer to your question, I do live in Canada, good guess!
Oh, and I posted a reply to one of your posts above about coping, in case you haven't been back to it. Hang in there!
Kelty
Posted by Kelty on March 21, 2002, at 0:28:12
In reply to Re: Trying a med change » Kelty, posted by BarbaraCat on March 20, 2002, at 23:01:10
BarbaraCat:
Thanks for the info. I do have a lot of anxiety and am going to keep in mind the idea of adding a mood stabilizer after I see how the effexor goes. I did see the posts about going off slowly, so I will be careful.
Good luck with getting your med changed to something that works better for weight. I am pretty self accepting, but I don't want to die from heart disease or something either! Keeping my fingers crossed for both of us.
Kelty
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 0:38:23
In reply to Re: Trying a med change, posted by Kar on March 20, 2002, at 23:39:48
Hi Gang,
I'm in the approval process right now for Social Security. My major condition I'm applying for is fibromyalgia, but the fact that I've got 'severe depression' definitely helps and will probably be the main focus of my disability. I'm fully expecting to have to appeal at least twice and from what I've heard, this is one of the very few times that hiring a lawyer is a good thing. Getting one that's savvy on the process saves alot of frustration. They usually get 25-30% of the accrued benefit amount.From the time of applying to the time that you're finally approved it's usually 1 year. Applicants usually are as long as the medical condition is supported by your med records and doctors' reports saying that you can't do 'significant work'. That doesn't mean vegetable, it means you're honestly not able to sustain very much. During the waiting time the monthly benefit amount is accruing and even with the lawyer's 30% fee you can end up with a sizable chunk of money. You can even earn money while on social security and once in the system, it's fairly flexible about going back to work for a 'trial' and then going back on SSI, off and back on, etc.
If you think working is really not possible at this time in your life, then I encourage you to look at this option. Call up your local Social Security office and get the ball rolling. It's a pain in the butt filling out all the forms, but could be a real relief in the long run. - Barbara
Posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 0:49:04
In reply to Social Security, posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 0:38:23
Hi Barbara,
Good for you that you are in the approval process right now for Social Security! Two friends of mine got it after being rejected at least once. One managed to get it without hiring a lawyer but the other did hire a lawyer and everything I've heard says to hire one if you need to appeal.
I have a few questions for you - you said that lawyers usually get 25-30% of the accrued benefit amount - what do you mean by "accrued benefit amount"? If you do get the SS is it limited to a specified period of time, for example (and these figures are way off I'm sure!) $200/month for 1 year, so the lawyer would get 25-30% of the $2400?.
This leads me to my second question - after you submit all the forms (which I am guessing is the point you are at) what is the next step? Do you have to appear in person or do they send you a notice (most likely a denial)??
I also read in a post somewhere else on here that a person had to go to a pdoc assigned by SS for an evaluation - do you know anything about this?
Thanks a mill.
-Janelle
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 1:44:20
In reply to Re: Social Security » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 0:49:04
Hi Janelle,
The way I understand it, the lawyer works on a contigency basis, so no money upfront from you. By the time the case is appealed and won, it's usually one year from the date of first filing. But the money is acruing all during this time. The clock starts ticking when you apply with the SSI office and you're determined disabled - usually the last day you were able to work. So, for example, if a person is eligible (based on years worked) for $1,000 a month, then at the end of the appeals process, usually 1 year, $12,000 will have added up. This is the accrued monthly benefit that you WOULD have been getting had you been approved and receiving a monthly check from the start. The lawyer takes, say, 25% leaving you with $9,000. If you don't win, the lawyer doesn't get paid. Then your $1,000 monthly benefits take over from there.I haven't heard back from them yet, so I don't know what to expect next - probably a letter saying I don't meet the qualifications. My husband also had to fill out a questionnaire. The questions are definitely black and white (can this person take a shower, talk to store clerks, wipe her ass, that kind of thing) and make it look like if you're not a drooling idiot then you must be fine and dandy. Cases are not won on the basis of these forms. Usually they escalate to a higher court where you appear and present evidence that things really are that bad. That's where the lawyer comes in. He or she does alot of foot work collecting med records and statements from family and friends. I've heard that in some cases they have you see an appointed psych (who is generally not going to be your friend) but by that time you should have a lawyer. The lawyer will fend off such a person, or present enough counter-evidence to sway a judge in your favor. It's not an easy process and you have to be determined, but in my case I'm like a pit bull because I don't have any other recourse. I really can't put in a full 40 hours worth of computer programming work anymore and don't have any other skills that could offer me a reasonable living. If I felt just fine, I'd rather be working than sitting in the house crying and going broke. This is not a process for someone who just wants to coast and take advantage of the system. The main point is that if you're really ill (and from your posts it sounds like you're hurting pretty badly), then by God, we are entitled to this and we must insist upon getting what we paid into and deserve. I'll keep you all posted as my case progresses. Hey, how you doing today? It's been a little better for me - hope for you too.
Posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 1:57:03
In reply to Re: Social Security » Janelle, posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 1:44:20
Hi Barbara,
Thanks for further explaining the SS disability process. I came back on here to post another question for you, but I think you partly answered it in the response you just gave me!
I was going to ask how they (SS) determine how much money they will give a person once they finally approve that person, and you happened to mention that the amount a person is eligible for is based on years worked -- I would also imagine that the person's wages for the period they worked might also factor in to the amount of SS disability money they get?
I am sending positive thoughts your way and keeping my fingers crossed for you (I have a feeling that in the end you WILL get the SS Disability you surely deserve). Definitely keep me posted on your progress.
I'm not sure what I'll do regarding SS disability - right now I'm so bad off I can't even cope with filling out the forms. I had a real bad day today but I'm glad you said yours was a bit better.
-Janelle
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 2:08:01
In reply to BCat: Thanks for the info, more: » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 1:57:03
I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. Here's a big <<<<<cyber-hug>>>>>>> for you! You probably don't feel like putting out much energy at all right now, but when you're feeling a little better, look in your phone book, or call directory assistance and talk to someone at the SSI office. They're pretty nice. You can order a printout sent to you of what you can expect to receive. You can also look in your yellow pages for a lawyer that specializes in disability cases, or search on the internet. The lawyer can take your case on right from the start, do all the paperwork. If you're feeling this poorly, Sweetie, it might be worth the extra hassle - just to see where it can go. It might even give you some hope, or a little fighting zip. My prayers are with you. - Barbara
Posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 15:40:18
In reply to Re: BCat: Thanks for the info, more: » Janelle, posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 2:08:01
Barbara,
Thanks for responding above! I have a few more questions, which I'll number so make it easier to answer them!1. Does the amount of SS disability a person gets take into account both number of years worked and amount of money earned?
2. Once a person is awarded the SS, how long does it last - is it indefinite or for a set period of time? I imagine the person has to be *checked* periodically to make sure they are still disabled?
3. This is off the SS topic, I'm just curious as to where you live - are you in the Western US or Canada (I'm in western US) or do you just have insomnia or something - I ask this because I notice you are up late posting on here like I am! For me, it's a combo of geography and insomnia.
Thanks so much!
-Janelle
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 17:59:40
In reply to BCat: a wee bit more questions (sorry): » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 15:40:18
Janelle,
No problem. I enjoy our chats. I don't know for sure the answers to these questions, but will offer as much info as I can
>
> 1. Does the amount of SS disability a person gets take into account both number of years worked and amount of money earned?I'm not sure about this, but I think both. I don't know if there's a lower cutoff point or not, but the amount you're given seems to mainly depend on the total dollars you earned.
>
> 2. Once a person is awarded the SS, how long does it last - is it indefinite or for a set period of time? I imagine the person has to be *checked* periodically to make sure they are still disabled?I believe it's forever, but again I'm not 100% sure. The thing that normally causes a re-evaluation is if you start earning more than $740 a month. Yes, you can earn money while on SS, but it's either got to be under the table or less than $740. Really, give your local SS office a call. All the folks I talked to were very nice and informative. They're not the ones deciding on if you get it or not, more like an informational source. Also, try the website at www.ssa.gov.
>
> 3. This is off the SS topic, I'm just curious as to where you live - are you in the Western US or Canada (I'm in western US) or do you just have insomnia or something - I ask this because I notice you are up late posting on here like I am! For me, it's a combo of geography and insomnia.I'm in Oregon and normally get to bed by midnight or so. Usually insomnia, but the posts from our group lately have been very interesting so I've been on the computer later than usual. I have a question for you. When you're having a bad spell, do you have any physical symptoms? - Barbara
Posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 18:22:56
In reply to Re: BCat: a wee bit more questions (sorry): » Janelle, posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 17:59:40
Barbara,
I'm glad that you're not bothered by my questions and I also enjoy our chats.
I'm still a bit confused about the SS Disability - based on one of your earlier posts, it sounded like the amount a person gets is based mostly on number of years worked, but in your most recent post you said "the amount you're given seems to mainly depend on the total dollars you earned" so I wonder which one is the main factor in the award money?
As for the geography, I think you may not have caught it but I feel like such a duh - I had asked if you lived in the western US or western Canada, and right after I clicked to post the message I realized you MUST live in the US because you're applying for SS disability! If Canada has the equivalent it is probably called something else! Woops!
You asked me when I'm having a bad spell, do I have any physical symptoms and believe it or not, that's hard to answer because I'm not sure what you mean by "physical symptoms"!
I'll answer as best I can and don't hesitate to ask more specific questions and define what you mean by physical symptoms.
Here goes: when I have a bad spell of depression it is totally DEBILITATING - all I want to do is sleep or lay down (be horizontal!) - I can't get out of bed for most of the day, I lose my appetite (that has the fringe benefit of taking off a few pounds which I can surely afford!). I feel lethargic, apathetic, tired, foggy, feel like I'm in a haze and this inability to think clearly or concentrate makes me feel overwhelmed, like I can't cope with even the simplest things. I always get anxiety on top of the bad depression, which brings racing, obsessive thoughts (worrying, pessimism).
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe, my throat tightens (I find myself breathing very shallow) but I do NOT have full blown panic attacks.
I don't think this is what you're asking for in terms of physical symptoms - could you give me some examples of YOUR physical symptoms from depression (not the fibromyalgia) and then I can get a better feel for what you're asking.
Thanks!
-Janelle
Posted by Kar on March 21, 2002, at 18:52:04
In reply to BCat: answers, more! » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 18:22:56
BC, you're a wealth of information- thank you! Janelle- I just applied for SS two months ago. They told me that I didn't have enough "work credits" to be eligible for disability- I've been out of grad school and working only since 1997. What I was turned down for is "SSI" which is different...so it does depend on how many years you've worked and have been "contributing to the system"...
A question for you guys- more appropo of PSB, but...Do you have significant others/kids? What do you do when you are flat out, face-in-the-dirt rotten? i've been feeling really guilty lately because I feel as if my fiance is taking care of me all the time...
Oh yeah, J- I almost forgot- if you haven't been here already, this site helped me a lot with all of the ?'s I had...I really hope tomorrow is better for you...
http://www.ssa.gov/disability/Karen
Posted by Kar on March 21, 2002, at 19:01:12
In reply to Re: BCat: a wee bit more questions (sorry): » Janelle, posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 17:59:40
D-oh! Sorry BC, didn't see that you already provided the website...
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 19:10:21
In reply to BCat: answers, more! » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 18:22:56
Janelle,
I'm not going to be much help about the years/earned question cause I'm not sure how they figure the amount. I've worked for many years and earned a goodly sum over those years, so I never had to question whether or not I'd qualify. The thing you need to do is to call the SS office and ask for a statement. They usually send you a form to sign and then in about 2 weeks you get a list that details how much you'd qualify for.As for my physical symptoms, when I'm having a fibro flareup I'm totally debilitated. Mainly my muscles ache and I'm very fatigued and feel toxic. It's just like the feeling of having a bad case of the flu with the deep aches and wiped out feeling. It feels like whatever it is affects my brain too, so I get confused and depressed and anxious. Sometimes I'll get stomach problems like cramping or diarreah or won't be able to go at all. Everything feels inflamed and toxic. It's pretty horrible, but it's definitely getting better now that I'm not exposed to the constant stress of my job any more. I also have just garden variety depression without the fibro and what you described as your symptoms sound exactly like mine. - Barbara
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 19:58:30
In reply to Re: BCat: answers, more!, posted by Kar on March 21, 2002, at 18:52:04
Dear Karen,
Whew, what a major question/issue you brought up about feeling guilty and how do significant others relate. I have a very supportive husband. He is a gem. He's been with me through some ghastly episodes over the last 14 years. I asked him just now after reading your post and we had a good talk about it. He said that he knows when I'm having a bad time and understands that I can't do anything about it and his main feeling is concern about me. I usually feel guilty when I'm in bed for weeks. He feels that if bed is the best place, then whatever is going to get me feeling better is good. He's picked up an amazing amount of slack for me. On the other hand, I had a problem in the past medicating with alcohol and it got to be a big problem between us. The days I would spend laying in bed depressed after drinking too much he said disgusted him. He said there's a big difference between my truly being sick and being self-destructive.We both agreed that the main component is love. I was with a guy for 5 years who I had to hide my depression and panic attacks from because it was definitely not OK for me to be 'weak' or 'weird'. It's now clear that he did not love me and considered my high maintenance times a big imposition. I think the big questions that you fear he's thinking are 'Will this person ever get better? Am I going to be saddled with a big problem?' When we're depressed, we naturally think we'll never get over it, but the other person doesn't necessarily see it that way at all. My husband said that my sharing what I've learned about depression and new research, neurochemistry, etc., is fascinating and he feels like we're stalking this mystery together. He's also had a few bad episodes himself so he understands how bad and helpless it feels. I think this is an important part, that he's been in a similar place and can relate.
If you haven't talked about this issue yet with your fiancee then it's probably time to do so. Also, it's important for us to have a sense of dignity and pride in ourselves for being so courageous in the face of a horrendous illness. No tail between the legs skulking off ashamed for feeling bad, but the commitment to do what it takes to heal, and if this person can't deal with it then you don't need the extra bad energy. Talk to him. Good luck. - Barbara
Posted by shelliR on March 21, 2002, at 20:18:40
In reply to BCat: Thanks for the info, more: » BarbaraCat, posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 1:57:03
> I'm not sure what I'll do regarding SS disability - right now I'm so bad off I can't even cope with filling out the forms. I had a real bad day today but I'm glad you said yours was a bit better.
> -Janelle
Janelle,If you can't answer the forms, you can make an appointment with SS and they'll help you. (It might even help you get it to need help doing the forms.)
Also to Barbara: I think if you win an appeal, they aren't allowed to reevaluate you for three years.
Shelli
Posted by BarbaraCat on March 21, 2002, at 20:32:11
In reply to Re: BCat: Thanks for the info, more: BKAT » Janelle, posted by shelliR on March 21, 2002, at 20:18:40
Shelli,
Thanks for the info. I didn't know they re-evaluated you, but it makes sense. Do you know of anyone who has been successful getting SSDI? - Barbara
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