Posted by rjlockhart37 on March 14, 2013, at 22:49:02
i was browsing through some celebrity profiles on facebook....i have a couple on my friend list...but i never talk, and avoid any attention to myself, that's also in real life too. Just when i think of meeting someone, that memory of someone making fun, or start gossip and talk to people to avoid me, and that is the worst fear in my mind. It happened in high school this girl told a good third of the high school to avoid me.
So....everywhere i go i have to wear a charimatic mask....that pain of rejection from the past, it will still happen i know it. there's some quarks and bad weeds of personality that do this....but enough with that....all of this bottled together makes this doom feeling everytime i go into a social event. I might say the wrong thing, someone would give me that look like, ok....bye bye...or just walk away. Ugh its a nightmare...but just for me, not for others.
I get oversensitive, reading too much of people....so i basially made a system to follow by...."im wasting your time, your wasting my time, lets call it quits, and walk away" not hoping for the best, but not bothered by the worst...
still i wished i could have been born to be a social person....not depressed inside despretly wanting someone to take me under their wing....i have do myself....
but anyways...thanks for reading
not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Nuvigil 250mg
encourage you to avoid false beliefs
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1040376
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130223/msgs/1040376.html