Posted by alexandra_k on March 2, 2013, at 11:03:24
In reply to Re: PT » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2013, at 11:28:38
sorry - the above post was for dinah.
i've been having a hard time sorting out my living situation.
my ideal living situation is self catered accommodation in a grad student hall of residence. because of the zero tolerance to noise policy and the deadbolt lock on the door. i can work whenever the urge strikes me without interruption. because of the close proximity of people for if / when i do feel like some company. it is a luxury for the rich in my current part of the woods, however. and... i'm enrolled in an undergraduate degree so i'm not actually considered a graduate student anymore (even though I may be concurrently enrolled in a PhD at a different institution).
so i have to live with others.
my ideal living situation would be one where people are quiet (so i can work whenever the urge strikes me without interruption). the trouble is that people say they are quiet - but that turns out to mean that instead of getting out of the house and going to that bar / party they sit round the house all the time with the TV blaring. which is of course not quiet for me at all.
my ideal living situation is also one where i handle my own food. i eat what i want when i want and i don't have to answer to anybody else. i can be thrifty (very thrifty indeed) when i'm on a budget. i can binge on protein for the moments when i'm convinced that that is the holy grail... i don't cope at all well with any kind of pooling situation because the math (and lack of receipts) makes it next to impossible for me to accurately judge any kind of reciprocity... and i end up eating differently from what i otherwise would out of concern for others (including not making food when i'm hungry and busy because i don't have the time to make food for everyone and have a shared meal so i simply steer clear of the kitchen). so then i feel that i need to get convenience food to tide me over and end up eating sh*t i otherwise wouldn't.
of course if i'd have been better socialised i'm sure there would be way of dealing with all of that that aren't terribly cognitively demanding. but i wasn't. and it is a stress i can really do without...
i'm realising that most people are extroverts. they fly into an absolute panic at the thought of solitude. they need people around them all the time and / or they need to have TV's or radios or (worst case cheesy song lyrics) blaring peoples voices at them 24/7. i guess (horror of horrors) if they didn't get external voices blaring at them they might actually find themselves thinking and reflecting. And if they didn't blare their noises at me I might actually find myself thinking and reflecting. Horror of horrors.
Other people can't handle it when I shut my door. They think knocking before barging into the room is respecting another's privacy. They think it is okay to throw the random thing in with every freaking single load of washing / drying I do (because even washing gets lonely didn't ya know?) and / or hiding items like a single sock or underwear or just something personal of theirs someplace in my room.
It feels... Invasive to me. LIke an assault. People seem to long to get in under my skin and crawl around there. Don't they see me cringe with disgust and withdraw? It just seems to make them worse. More frantic in their efforts to engage my attention. Why can't people just leave me alone? There are so freaking many people in the world. Other people like them. People with no f*ck*ng boundaries. Or people who will enlarge their boundaries so much as to let them in. Oh I see the problem. People who are louder then them so that THEIR random ramblings are heard mostest. People who need to spend even MORE time with others so that they feel barged in on. Whereas me with my fairly constant and predictable need for silence... I'm the easiest target of all for the random blatherer.
Why can't people back the f*ck off when it is obvious that the other person needs that? Shouldn't the need for solitude take priority over the need for company??
And of course money is power and the reason people with money decide to share their house with someone else (which is the only financially feasible way for me to live) is for the company. F*ck*ng yay.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1038152
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130223/msgs/1039254.html