Posted by trouble on February 27, 2002, at 2:43:44
In reply to The bipolar artist, posted by Gracie2 on February 27, 2002, at 0:14:38
Hey Gracie,
Your post was very creative, you still got it in you girl. But yeah, what you describe is one of the main reason artists remain leery of psychiatry, and I think it's justified.
I'm scared it will happen to me, so I won't touch lithium or even depakote, since I've heard people say it drained them of their wonder and imagination. My pdoc understands the connection btwn creativity and mental illness, but I'm not sure he sees MY creativity worth salvaging, I'm not Van Gogh or Beaudelaire, but neither were they in their day. The point being is I have a gift and no one can say whether or not it is a great gift, so let us err on the side of caution. Of course he has a hard time taking all this seriously but f*ck him if he can't take a yoke.
It took me 7 years to agree to go on any mood stabilizer at all due to these fears, and am just now starting Gabitril. So far, so good, but the instant I start talking like other people is the instant I flush those babies. The big worry is that I'll turn into June Cleaver w/out noticing it, live the rest of my life like some conventional, pallid American producer/consumer and thereby deny the world the benefit of my creative potential ha. There are plenty of pdocs out there who'd consider that a successful treatment outcome.
It's hard. I notice that the older I get the more severe the hypomania gets, the more outlandish and self-defeating the behaviors are, and the harder it is to bounce back after the crash. What seems to work for me is this unrelenting indoctrination of my pdoc to take my concerns seriously, and he'd never admit to it but I think he does. It really helps to trust that your doctor will notice if you turn into a drone, and modify the treatment accordingly. Also, my guy gives me the tiniest doses possible, a drug trial can go on for 2 months 'til I peak. The downside there is that the disorder is in full flower during the trial, but it's a price I'm willing to pay in order to keep my medication intake as conservative as possible.
In essence, I think once you, yes you honor this part of yourself sufficiently you will protect it more savagely, if that means hashing it out w/ your doc, so be it. Let me know if this proves useful, I too am interested in how people handle this problem.
trouble
poster:trouble
thread:18957
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/18967.html