Posted by DAisym on March 24, 2009, at 19:58:27
In reply to Child neglect, posted by yellowbird01 on March 24, 2009, at 18:52:16
Neglect is a painful subject because being ignored is the most intolerable situation a mammal can face. We are, at our core, "pack" animals - we pretty much need human interaction to survive.
Most of the studies of neglect have been done on Russian Infants but I'll look up some when I get home. Bruce Perry has a bunch of work on "relational poverty" - the lack of human interaction, kindness and caring that a child receives. The brain actually is smaller in these kids. Even kids who are abused are getting some kind of attention, although it has its own negative fallout.
I'm struggling a lot with the minimizing aspects. I think we were taught "it's not that bad" and I think we have control over it if we keep it pushed down. I also think that if we admit it was "that bad" - we have to face who our parents were/are and that can be too much. Plus I don't have to believe it all if I can make you believe it wasn't that bad.
I do this to protect myself alot. After all, what will it mean if I wasn't "enough" to deserve their attention, protection or caring?
And I also fight those urges to make it hurt outside the way it hurts inside. Because I know it will give me something else to focus on.
You ask a really big and important question at the end of your post. Why should you dig it up?Many, many therapists will tell you not to. Many more will say you don't need to in order to heal. And some say you have to so that it doesn't come up again. I think you have to decide for yourself. If you are doing well and it isn't pushing up and into your life with things like depression, bad relationships, self-harm, anxiety, etc. - then I think you could leave it alone. On the other hand, if you were always sort of treading water, but not drowning, you should probably look at why this is - before a storm comes and waves get over your head. That is what happened to me. It is important to do this work when you are not in crisis - because it is hard enough without dealing with a crisis too. But I understand the question all too well - If I'm not in crisis then let's leave everything alone so I can just keep my head above that water.
But don't you want more than that too?
poster:DAisym
thread:886864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/886876.html