Posted by Daisym on September 17, 2008, at 1:36:31
In reply to Re: A blessing, but not unmixed --Dinah, posted by Nadezda on September 16, 2008, at 23:18:00
Sometimes I think we form an image of ourself that centers around our flaws - and it is hard to change because that means changing who we think we are. I often think of Captain Kirk when I think of this, "I want my pain; I need my pain; My pain is who I am."
But sometimes I think we might get (unconsciously even) over-invested in some of the things that are actually holding us back. You often speak of not fitting in because you choose to dress differently or wear you hair in a particular way. Have you figured out why you've chosen to do this and why you continue? If you've determined that it is getting in the way of your social life (which is what you've said) then why not change it? What is the payoff to you for not changing certain behaviors or making different choices? Perhaps this is the role you know - being "odd" -- and if you give it up, you won't know yourself. This is very scary. But it seems to me that it is coming up more often lately and it might be something to talk about with your therapist.
I'm not saying you have to change or compromise your ideals, or anything. I'm just suggesting that you take a look at some of your old organizing principles and decide if they are still serving you well.
And I say all this, knowing how painful it is to have a very realistic idea of how you look, how you are perceived by others and what it feels like to be different. I hope you know how much I care about WHO you are, not what you look like. But there is no denying that out in the real world, presentation carries weight and influences people.
poster:Daisym
thread:852299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852411.html