Posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 17:32:23
Ugggh.. I want to answer u and tell you all kinds of good things and how great it is but it would all be a lie. There are some things that are alot better but I have so much work to do and don't know how to do it. I would like to fasttrack things too..The only way I know to do that is to attack the issue and keep at it..But life calls us away and pain makes us find other things to talk about.
The thing that has changed for me is the extreme hate I had for my Ikids.. I was disgusted.. They ashamed me with with their neediness I blamed them for letting things happen..I started to think of them as real kids, in the present and realized that I was hating these poor kids who did nothing but try to make their way through the world. How could I blame them for things adults did to them? I also started to realize that they are in every way real kids stuck in time and I couldn't treat them any differently than I would treat any child. There is a part of me that still wants to pick on all the others but she isn't as bad as she was. I am not so far along but at least the hate is gone most of the time. I can't say when things started to change.. It wasn't fast but it happened. I learned to appreciate parts of them.. Like the nasty teenager, who only seems nasty..
NO, my inner kids aren't getting their needs, (gag) met..They aren't as afraid as they were though.. I still have trouble with that part. I am a good mom and raised three sons who are doing great but I can't give my Ikids the care I gave my sons. Something still turns me off..The gag part is real for me. I don't know how to let them play and take care of them the way they need to be taken care of.
I truly believe though that you have to deal with them before you can make much progress in other areas.. Like it or not, they demand to be heard and they will sabotage anything I try to do. I am starting to try to work with them in therapy now. I have no idea what I am doing and don't have control over them so it is slow.. I dont' want to find a new T but mine doesn't have much experience with dissociateive disorders even though he has been a T for 37 years. He said he has only come across 2 or 3 in the entire time.
So.. that is about where I am at.. Not so far along..
poster:star008
thread:800390
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800390.html