Posted by sunnydays on May 27, 2007, at 10:02:23
I'm so freaked out the past couple weeks that my T is going to leave. It's based on absolutely nothing real, since he just told me a little while ago I can talk to him on the phone even after I graduate as long as I want/need to or until he retires, which is a ways off.
We've drawn some really good connections with my past about how my parents were really inconsistend in their availability to me, and that part of my fear comes from being so close to him and being afraid he'll be inconsistent as well. I was always so afraid as a child that my parents would actually physically leave if I wasn't careful. I think a lot of that has been stirred up.
I also feel like a little kid a lot in session lately. I'm 21, and I feel that age when I'm at my job and most other times, but sometimes, especially at night, I really feel like a little kid. When I heard myself saying in my head when I was remembering something, "I runned away," I got a little bit freaked out because I felt really young then. I don't know what to do when I feel young like that. I'm supposed to try to focus on more adult things to ground myself, but I don't know how, really.
And this fear is really serious fear that my T will leave. I almost had a panic attack yesterday because I remembered that my T hadn't been sitting in his usual chair in session yesterday (it was the same spot, but a different chair, and the usual chair was in the rooom) and I got so scared that that means he's getting ready to leave. It's not based on anything except my own fear, but it's real fear. And I feel like such a little kid for being worried about stuff like that. I didn't ask him in session because I was too embarrassed to, but maybe I'll have to bring it up, if just to quiet this fear. My guess is it was because he was wearing shorts and that chair wasn't as comfortable with shorts on, but I don't know for sure.
Anyway, this is long and rambling. Any suggestions for getting over this fear?
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:759767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/759767.html