Posted by gardenergirl on February 6, 2007, at 13:15:15
In reply to Re: I feel upset, *******triggers*********, posted by Deneb on February 6, 2007, at 12:25:26
Deneb,
If you're feeling so bad and upset that you have suicidal ideation, but no intent, no plan, and no access to a plan, then the issue is to deal with the upset feelings to soothe them in whatever way works best. Again, those in real life will be more immediately and long-term effective than this board can be. And if you're reading this and you're in danger of hurting yourself, again, stop reading and go tell someone.
If not, below are the associations and reactions I had to your post.
> > > I don't know how to act so people won't think I'm manipulative. I always write the wrong things.
Deneb, you have no control over what others might think. There is no specific thing you could write that could guarantee that no one ever could think you're manipulative or not manipulative. It's not within your control. It's not within my control. It's only within the control of the person doing the thinking. Wouldn't it seem a lot easier for you if you didn't work so hard to effect something that is not at all within your control?
> I don't know how to be a better person.
You can only be you, Deneb. I don't know how you define being a "better person", but that sounds like some end goal that doesn't allow for any credit for the present and for progress to date. Are you being the best Deneb you can be today, given all that you are today? That's all we have and all we can do. I don't believe it matters one whit what anyone else says would be "better" for you. If it's not what you want, and you are okay with what you do want and all that may accompany it, that's what's important.
> I think I need to die. Babble is better off without me.
Those are two statements which are not connected. If you are connecting them, i.e. "Babble would be better off, [therefore] I need to die, that's a faulty assumption. There's no way to measure "better off". Also, I think you might be giving more weight to the feelings and thoughts you perceive from some versus the entire community, which would not be objective.
> I'm not changing fast enough for people.
There's no timetable or deadline. You can only go at your pace. Are you changing fast enough for you? Are you changing in the direction you wish to? Do you have a plan for this change, and if so, is it working the way you want it to?
I'm not saying that others might not feel frustrated or angry. But those are *their* feelings. Even if someone were to directly connect those feelings to your behavior, they are *their* feelings, and thus, not your responsibility. Others feelings are not within your control. There is nothing you could write or do which could guarantee that someone might feel differently than they do or they way you wish they would feel. It's not within your control. Again, wouldn't interpersonal interaction be a lot easier knowing what is and what is not within your control?
> As long as I'm alive I will continue to hurt others. I'm sad. I know Babble will be a better place if I were dead. I can't leave Babble as long as I'm alive. If I want to do the right thing I should kill myself. I will never become a good person. I will continue to hurt others as long as I'm alive.
Those are all faulty assumptions and/or examples of black/white thinking. Taking action based on faulty assumptions usually leads to negative outcomes. Think scientifically, Deneb. What is the evidence for and against each of those statements. Where do those hypotheses come from, anyway? Do they come from something objective and real or from an assumption or subjective interpretation? Which would be the better scientific process to determine any action?
> The most unselfish thing I can do would be to kill myself
I strongly disagree. I view suicide as the most selfish act.
> and spare others from my manipulations.
Whether you manipulate someone else or not, it's their responsibility to handle their response to any interpersonal interaction. We all face all kinds of interpersonal challenges in communicating with others, and it's up to us how we handle them and any affective response we might have. So again, whether or not you do act in a way which maniuplates others, the only thing you can take responsibility for being able to affect is your own behavior--NOT their feelings or responses.
> I'm hopeless.
There's always hope. If you can't feel it right now, hang onto mine.
> I don't want to hurt others.
I believe you.
> If I kill myself it will prove my good intentions.
No. It would prove nothing meaningful. It might suggest you gave up. But it would have nothing to do with what you said and did in the past, so proving any intention would have nothing to do with it. And there would be no future, so any intentions for the future would mean nothing, as well.
> I can't change fast enough.
There's no deadline.
> I need to stop thinking of myself. I need to think of others.
Thinking about suicide is not thinking of others. It's about the most personal thing there can be.
From what I can see, your upset is rooted in faulty thinking. That's one approach to soothing upset. There are many others, and gobs of them have been posted on these boards throughout the years. I encourage you to explore and to try out a new technique to see if it helps a little.
(((Deneb)))
namaste
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:730248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/730436.html