Posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2006, at 22:17:34
In reply to Re: Oh, Dear » alexandra_k, posted by susan47 on September 25, 2006, at 21:03:44
> I did feel horribly dependent on this therapist, I wanted his approval so much it actually almost hurt
Yeah, I understand. And that... Is giving a person a lot of power. And that is scary when power has been abused before...
> like the family I grew up in, the marriage was just as destructive.
Yeah. Cycles Susan... Round and round...
> I didn't want to feel dependent on this TSure, I understand.
I think the notion is that sometimes feeling sexually attracted can be... A defence. A way of gaining back some of the power that you lose in caring about them so much. Especially... When one has been sexually abused. I don't know if you have or not... But sometimes we can come to think that our value lies in our ability to do sex stuff. And so the sexual feelings come because that is safer than the dependency feelings because the only way our dependency needs have ever come even close to being met was when the sex stuff was there. I'm just saying... I know that some people just *are* attractive... But usually... Especially in a therapy setting... It isn't really about that so much as it is about defending against feeling dependent and clingy and stuff because it is just too scarey. I guess I'm wondering if the obsession (sorry, hope you don't mind my saying that...) if it is about stuff that you never really got to talk to him about... Because it isn't about him so much as it is about the past...
> I was so frightened that when he found out how inadequate I really was, he would find me disgusting and shameful. I guess when I caught him staring at part of my anatomy that is typically considered sexual, and staring quite bluntly and fascinatedly, I found a coup I could use that would keep me invulnerable. Only, it didn't quite work that way. My past is riddled with bad choices because of my feelings of inadequacy.Yeah. I understand. Don't know what is to be done... But I understand.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:688763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/689250.html