Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2006, at 17:02:31
In reply to I’m going to tie my therapist to his chair, posted by Tamar on August 10, 2006, at 18:56:04
> and then he won’t be able to go away anywhere ever again.
>
> It’s only been two days. That means 19 days until I see him again. Why are they allowed to have vacations? Why can’t they just live in their offices? Is it me? Am I being unreasonable?It's not just you. :) Or they could bring us with them. Or they could at least say they'll miss us too.
> Two days ago we talked for almost an hour about sex. He’s the only person in the world that I feel *uncomfortable* talking about sex with. I’d rather talk about sex with my father-in-law, or my mother, than with my therapist. I’d rather go on TV and describe precisely what I was doing last Thursday night than talk to my therapist about general sexual activities.
I wouldn't say I'm most uncomfortable talking to my therapist. I remember watching The Contest episode of Seinfeld with my parents. That was worse. But we were discussing just today how I was reluctant because I saw him as proper and maybe uptight. At first he laughed and said I didn't know him well, but then he said he wasn't necessarily embarassed just because he blushed, and then admitted he was somewhere between loose and uptight. Maybe tightly loose or loosely tight.
>
> He was good, though. He was utterly unflustered, even when I had to explain precisely the difficulties that Prozac is causing for me. And I’d decided it was a good time for me to talk about it, because I’m certain he’ll have put it out of his head by now and he won’t have a chance to think about it or remember anything I said.I do that! I tell him things when I know there's some reason he'll be more likely than usual to forget. And once I've said it once, it's easier to say it the next time. I hope it will be for you too, whether or not he forgets - especially since he was unflappable.
>
> I want him back. Three weeks without him is too long.Yes, it is. :( Isn't part of that your own vacation?
>
> I still want to tell him how attached my 18 year-old is feeling. I don’t know why it’s so important to me. I think I want his permission to love him. I’m too disgusting to be allowed to love people. And yet I do love people, and that’s fine when they don’t mind me loving them. But I’m certain my therapist doesn’t want my love, and I wish it were different. I wish my love for him could be something good. Instead it feels immoral and inappropriate. And if I’m so sure he doesn’t want me to love him, why would I tell him I love him? I know I shouldn’t tell him because he doesn’t want my love. It’s strange how powerful it is: the longing to be allowed to love him.
>I think I understand that. I think I understand it very much.
poster:Dinah
thread:675486
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675680.html