Posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 16:56:16
In reply to Curiosity About Therapist/Ending Therapy, posted by Rigby on December 14, 2005, at 11:21:17
Hi Rigby,
> Wondering what people had to say about the topic of curiousity--not transference--about your therapist.
Hmmm… I see why you’re making that distinction, although I suspect some therapists might argue that curiosity is part of the transference. Perhaps the reason why we want to know things about them is something to do with how we’re processing old feelings…
> I've made a ton of headway in therapy over the past four years and beginning next year we will discuss new goals or termination. No pressure but clearly I'm coming to an end in terms of what I originally came in for. Great stuff for the most part.
That sounds like an interesting place to be! Good for you!
> The thing that still bugs me though is that I almost feel like I've got a mystery to solve about my therapist. Like I feel like I need to "find out" what her deal is.
>
> One thing that I think plagues me is this: I was referred to this therapist by a friend who told me that she was roomate's with my therapist a long time back. She said she was gay for a long time and then ended up marrying a guy.
>
> Over the past years my path has taken me in a similar direction. It came from left field--I was gay, was with a woman and then fell head over heels with a guy. It's genuine--I do not feel I was pushed into this at all.
>
> But I don't know. Maybe part of me wants to know if I'll know what happens to me if I know what happened to her?I wonder if I’ve understood you correctly. Are you curious about how it came to be that she seemed to switch from gay to straight? And you’re curious if it’s the same kind of thing that happened to you?
> She and I have talked about the similarities and how I feel about them.
>
> But I don't want to leave therapy curious. I want to leave therapy DONE.
>
> Any advise? Is this just a "thing" I need to process with her?It does sound as if you need to process it with her. I don’t know if I’ve understood you correctly…
Are you struggling to understand your own sexuality? Sexuality can be pretty mysterious. Or do you sometimes wonder what kinds of feelings could have arisen between you and your therapist if you’d both remained gay?
She might ask you what sort of answer you’re expecting. Are you expecting her to say she just happened to fall in love with a man? Or that she was always a little bit interested in men but usually preferred women until she met her current partner? Or that her interest in men increased gradually over a number of years until she met one she fell in love with?
I suspect there isn’t a definitive answer. As far as I can tell, people’s sexuality isn’t fixed; it changes over time. One of my close friends has always been a lesbian. A couple of years ago she happened to mention that she’d never kissed a man. My husband said he’d kiss her, she dared him to, and they kissed. Recently she’s been talking about a new interest in men. I’d like to think it’s because of my husband’s incredible kissing technique, but I suspect it’s more likely that she’s been gradually becoming more aware of the delights of the male form. I’m expecting her to find a man fairly soon (probably not my husband…).
I dunno. I have plenty of trouble trying to understand my own relationship; I can never figure out how other people’s relationships work!
Sorry, I think I’m just rambling now. Anyway… I think if you want to hear her story, you should ask her. I don’t know if she’ll tell you. But even if she doesn’t, I think you’ll find out something about yourself in the process.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:589002
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/589075.html