Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2005, at 3:59:45
In reply to One for when you're ready - re leaving kids » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on September 19, 2005, at 1:03:12
Hey. I'm sorry I haven't been able to answer this before now... I have been thinking about it... And I have been struggling with trying to figure out what to say.
> I carry an enormous sense of guilt and shame over it all. Which isn't helped when he says stuff like "I always knew you loved me". I've told him how I feel and he says it's okay cause he understands, but it doesn't change anything about how I feel or what happened in the years I wasn't there - much of which probably doesn't bear thinking about.
I'm sorry Damos.
I'm really really sorry.
And I'm really sorry that I don't know what to say.
I really can't think of what to say...Thats a different situation from mine.
You weren't the kids biological father
You didn't leave the kid in a situation where you knew the mother was emotionally and physically abusing them
I went to stay with him and my step mother briefly when I was 13.
I was seeing a school councellor.
Things weren't good between me and my mother
I told the councellor that I'd much rather live with my father but I knew that he didn't want me and I was okay with that
(well... I wasn't really... But I had to accept the truth)
And so that f*cking pratt phoned my father and told him what I had said
And managed to convince him around
Grudgingly(and i hid in my room and became as invisible as possible because i didn't want to be a bother and i just really really didn't want to get sent back to my mother)
And my step mother called me out for a meeting one day
Said that I obviously wasn't happy
And I had to go back to my motherI was there about a week...
Then I ran away
And the whole time I was in the home he never called
He never offered to buy me books for school
Clothes
Any f*cking thing at all
And when I was staying with them
My birthday was completely ignoredIt is a different situation Damos
And it is hard to talk about
Hard to think about
Because it is not just that we are coming from different sides
We are coming from different situations
He f*cking stood by and let her beat me
over and overand he didn't love me
i just thought he did because he didn't actively persecute me
i can't do this
please
poster:alexandra_k
thread:554076
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562226.html