Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 15:53:35
In reply to Re: Reinstating Innocence, posted by Daisym on August 9, 2005, at 15:23:08
> For most of my life I have thought that I turned out OK "despite" what happened to me when I was a child. I transcended it. Boy, was I wrong. It has controlled me and influenced me in ways I've never acknowledged or even was aware of. To say, "none of these matters much" is going back to that place of denial and isolation.This is so true! This is what I always thought, but I have just recently acknowledged that yeah, my past did affect my present and they way I have lived my life. It was just as hard to admit this as it was to accept that I was abused by my parents. There were my major turning points in therapy for me.
I was very angry a couple of weeks ago at my mother. My T said this was a very good sign. I was grieveing my childhood because now that I am living life so much fuller, I realized that I wasted years being affected by the abuse. Now I know my life is worth so much more than that. Living feel so good! Not just surviving, but thriving! :)> What happened to us, all of us, abuse or not, DOES matter. Being loved and cared for is a great gift and this matters more than anything. I think some of us must learn how to trust within the context of a safe theraputic relationship.
Learning to trust me T was the first thing I had to do in therapy because I didn't trust anyone expect my DH. Because of my relentless support of my T, I learned to trust him little by little, and now I feel more safe to try it out on other people in my life.
It might be two dimensional but I believe it is the real truth. Sometimes much more real than what we allow ourselves to know outside of the consulting room. For me, psychology has been a way to learn about life. My own inner life. The idea that I have needs (gasp!) and that those needs are acceptable and not bad (gasp, gasp!)AND that someone else might be necessary to get those needs met (oxygen please!) --- these are things I've just started to learn.
Yes, and that you are worth it, and deserve to treat yourself and think about yourself. My T said he could put me first and I could but him first in life, but what good would that do. Only you know what you really need. You need to learn to put yourself first and that it is okay to be "selfish" and get the things you need out of life. The more of a whole person you are, the more you can offer others.
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> And all that said, I agree with you that it is not the final answer. It is the beginning question.
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> Thank you for making me think.I agree, it is the beginning and I am so happy therapy made me realize it. The world is there waiting for us to make it what we want, we just have to know WHAT it is we need.
poster:happyflower
thread:539646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/539723.html