Posted by pinkeye on May 12, 2005, at 14:53:48
In reply to Re: I think I have some serious issues **trigger** » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 12, 2005, at 14:31:29
Thanks Tamar
>What do *you* believe in? Do you agree with your father, or your husband, or neither? I don’t think you can really be happy unless you decide for yourself what you want in life. You just can’t ever live up to other people’s expectations.
I don't know what I believe in. That is the problem. I really don't have any idea what I want to do in life or what I think is right to do. I all the time just believed what my fahter said, and I lived according to that. But now I am realizing that it was not at all correct. And my husband says completely different things. And I am really really confused.>ANY physical violence is too much, in my opinion. You should not have to live in fear of being attacked by your husband. Have you told your T about this violence?
Men in India usually atleast slap their wife or some minimal physical violence is there in almost all the families that I know of. So that is why I try to think it is normal to get little bit violent when you get so angry.
I keep accepting to my hsuband that I would go back. But then I become so agitated the next day. I keep trying to make up my mind and think of all the good things that I will get by going back to India... but I just seem impossible to really makie up my mind to go back. I have been working on this issue for the past 4 years even with my ex T. But I am not able to make up my mind. Taht is the problem. I think even if my father was sick, I probably may not go back. I am not sure, why I feel so strongly.. It is almost like it is out of my hands. I am fine with giving in lot of stuff for my husband, but when it comes to this, I beocme so depressed, and mad and angry and upset. And it is very torturing for me. I think I have some sort of emotional issue there.. It is not a simple decision of going back to my home country. I think somehow it triggers soemthing else for me.
I don't know about leaving my husband. He is a nice person basically. I am very affectionate towards him and take care of him and cook for him etc. But I don't have too much of emotional bond with him. It is possible that my issue with my father was affecting my relationship with my husband.
You know the worst thing is, I can understand things very well with my brain.. but emotionally it is all too much for me.
I feel I am so immature - I should never have married. I am not capable of dealing with one more person in my life. And one more family. I feel I am not capable of being a wife.
poster:pinkeye
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/496937.html