Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2005, at 21:29:47
In reply to Emotional Abuse » Dinah, posted by littleone on May 7, 2005, at 18:12:16
Daddy never was physically abusive to anyone. I imagine Mother hit my brother, but maybe not. They both expected more of me than him. I do remember her dragging him by the foot through the woods one time at a family reunion while he screamed and cried, and feeling sorry for him, and very embarassed.
To be absolutely fair, my brother did things that would make any parent very angry. I was the well behaved one who worked hard in school. But Daddy went way over the top. He was never as bad to my brother as he was to my mother. I don't ever think he said he hated him, or that he wished he was dead. And the more serious stuff he *did* say was reserved for when my brother had done something wrong. But he was pretty consistent in saying my brother would never amount to anything, was worthless, that sort of thing. I remember once, not too long ago, that Daddy made me cry with the way he talked to my brother, and I called my brother to express support. My brother was pretty calm about it. But while I like my brother well enough, I don't think I was close enough to him to really feel for him.
I know in a lot of families the kids sort of band together against the parents. But I was an only child too long for that I think. The emotional connections really seemed to run three ways, with my brother just occasionally getting a direct hit.
You know what my brother told me once though? He said that he didn't really mind Daddy yelling at him all the time, because it meant that Daddy expected better of him. Mother making excuses for him because he had "learning disabilities" hurt him a lot worse.
I suppose I ought to talk to my brother a bit more from time to time.
The book, which was recommended to me by another Babbler, was "Silently Seduced : When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest". I think I have another book lying somewhere around the house that I bought when I was newly married and my mother was at my house more often than my husband. "The Emotional Incest Syndrome : What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life". I don't really remember what it said.
poster:Dinah
thread:494198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/495019.html