Posted by Excellent camper on April 19, 2005, at 11:34:43
Six and a half years after having a breakdown and having to be hospitalized for suicidal depression, I still can't seem to forgive myself for what I did to precipitate the episode -- quit my job, in the manner of a reckless, callow youth. (I was 27 at the time.) I did not appreciate what I had. Although I was depressed, it was a mild to moderate depression that was held in check by the structure of my work. Without that, my depression took over and took me to the lowest depths I had ever experienced. I am unquestionably haunted by what happened and what could have been. I feel shame when I think of the people who knew or were affected by my breakdown. Since that time, my employment has been spotty. I do not have a full-time job at present (not by choice). I am in therapy with a very insightful therapist who has helped me to grow, but I find that a few days after seeing her, my mind returns to this rut -- what could have been, what was, how broken I am, etc.I'd really like to hear from someone who went through a full-scale breakdown of depression (not manic depression) and who feels they benefited in some way from the experience; from someone who moved on to experience a better and richer life. I'd like to know that it is possible to not spend the rest of my life feeling like I'm irrevocably cracked and damaged.
Will
poster:Excellent camper
thread:486415
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/486415.html