Posted by fallsfall on August 14, 2004, at 7:56:37
In reply to Re: Progress, posted by daisym on August 14, 2004, at 1:06:00
> I'm glad you found this distinction that makes things easier. I think the hardest part of parenting is not being your child's friend. They don't have to like what you do, or understand. But they do have to be respectful and follow the rules. I have a 16 yr old who says, "I don't understand!" I answer -- "no, you just don't agree."
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But then she says "No, you don't understand". She and I could both enter the Olympics for Stubbornness. I'm not quite sure who would get the gold. I need to then walk away (AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HER BEING UNHAPPY), rather than continuing to try to get her to "understand".> It is important to be understood, especially in your thought processes. Especially by your therapist. But not being understood doesn't make you evil or bad.
Still working on this... But, but, but, if I was good (right) then they WOULD understand...???
>It is highly frustrating though. Some people are more invested in their conclusions or answers, others in how the pieces come together to form the puzzle.
I think I'm highly invested in BOTH. My conclusions are vital, but if I can't convince someone of my conclusions, then at least I should be able to convince them that my thought process is valid.
>Those people usually will agree that another possible picture could have been put together from the same puzzle pieces. Folks who are only interested in the "correct" answer, can only see that someone is wrong and someone is right. This makes us try harder and harder to show how we reached the conclusion we have. Ultimately, it becomes vitally important because we don't want our thinking dismissed, even if our conclusion is.
Thank you, Daisy. This is exactly the problem I face.
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> I'm glad you are driving safely and carefully. Please continue to do so. Congrats to the new driver. There is relief in that. Often you will see improved mood now that this really important milestone is past. Like a child who is frustrated learning to walk, once they are mobile, you see such a change!Mair suggested the same thing above. I hadn't thought about it that way. That does make lots of sense.
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> Hang in there. You are a good mom and she is lucky to have you.She doesn't think so, and I don't think so. But since YOU think so I'll try to "consider the possibility" that I might be a good mom. Interestingly, in my days of lowest selfesteem I thought I was a "good friend" and an "acceptable mom" and everything else in me was worthless. My stock (The Fallsfall Esteem Average) is up since then, but my MOM stock is hitting rock bottom...
Thank you, Daisy.
poster:fallsfall
thread:377191
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377490.html